Cheating, crazy, or both.....

[fred6]

I'm a wreck, but here goes. I've known my girlfriend/ex(?)since the 4th-9th grade and lost contact for the last 20 years. Known her 30 year in total. Anyhow, we started talking again on facebook and we started dating in Aug 2011. In February 2012 I moved in with her since I was spending all of my time at her place and didn't see a point paying rent on my apartment if I wasn't spending any time there. We agreed that I would move in. I told her to be sure that I am what she wanted because I would have to get rid much of my furniture and possessions that we had no room for. She told me that as long as I didn't cheat on her, abuse her or hurt her kids that I had nothing to worry about. After I move in she tell me about her "happy pills"(zoloft) that she needs or she gets depressed and spontaneously cries.(more on this later)

 

Fast forward Jan-Mar. 2014 - The relationship seems to be going ok. It had it's ups and downs like any relationship. The sex and intimacy seemed to get less and less as time went on. Her reason is that she has issues with sex and intimacy from a prior relationship where she was beaten and sexually abused. Which kind of conflicts with her telling me that her daughter was conceived with a married man that she had only a sexual relationship with. She also told me that she had a younger guy that she would hook up with every Wednesday for her "booty call". So she wants to be in a relationship with me but I get no sex or intimacy and very little physical contact. However, random "guys" prior to me got the sex even though she didn't want a relationship with them.

 

Fast forward April-June 2014 - She up and quits her job of 7 years and stops taking her zoloft cold turkey. All of her friends from her ex-job are now b1tches. These are people that we hung out with, now they are gone. Her 17 old son went to live with his father because she told him to leave over some minor stuff. He left and rarely ever comes by to see her. That situation weighs heavily on her.

 

Fast Forward July 2014 - Her daughter goes to visit family for a week. Perfect time to spend some time together. Not. She avoids me at all costs. Goes to drop off raffle tickets at the school one night from 5-8 pm and goes to church the next night from 5-10pm. Spent 30 minutes putting on make up both times. Sits on the couch when she gets home playing on her iPhone and doesn't come to bed until 11-12. I got turned down for sex rather rudely one of those nights. The next night I heard her say another mans name in her sleep. At this point I said the hell with it and snooped at her facebook page. There were messages from the guy whos name she said in her sleep. The messages were sporadic through out that week. Dude would say "Hey good looking", "What you doing?". She replied, "thinking about you".

 

So a couple days later I told her that I felt like she was losing interest in our relationship, I didn't let on that I knew about the other guy yet. Then she started saying how it wasn't going to work out and all the stuff that I was doing wrong. I offered to go to counseling and she said that we would go see the guy at her church that councils her about her past issues. Well she bailed on that idea 2 weeks in a row. Then I talked to her again and she said that I "wasn't getting it" and that it wasn't going to work out between us. Last conversation it was all the stuff I was doing wrong, but now, "it's not you , it's me and my past. I have to work on me and can't be in a relationship right now, maybe never. For the past week she has acted like she never really loved me. Very mean, cold, and bitter. She has always told me that I'm very good to her, I take care of her, and that no one has ever treated her this good. And she says that's still true.

 

Now my post may make it seem worse than it actually is. I have been pretty happy with the relationship and she never ever communicated that there have been any major problems. However, I now see that since she quit her job and quit taking her meds she is on a downward spiral and there is nothing I can do. I feel like I could vomit daily from this stress.

 

The worst part about it is that she's been unemployed for almost 4 months and I've been paying most of the bills and don't have the resources right now to move out. When she broke it off I told her that given the circumstances that it would take some time to move out, she said that's fine. I know this sounds crazy, but I really do love and care about her and don't want to end things. But I don't know what to do. One part of me says that I can't help her and to just move out as soon as I can. Another part of me says that I should try and be there for her and try to work things out, it's not her fault that she has a mental issue. So is she crazy/depressed, cheating, or both? What to do? How should I act around her while living with her? This is getting too much for me....

 

All advice is welcome and appreciated. Questions?

[ThorntonMelon]

Sorry to be a little crude here.

 

Find a buddy with a couch. She's doing you a tremendous favor. Get your ass out of there before she changes her mind. This type of personality disorder will ruin your life.

[irresolute]

You want honest advice? Go find your own place to live and forget about her. She is bad news. Stop acting like a beta and take control of your own life.

Please, read what youve written. It's all crazy stuff!

[smuggy95]

You are ok with her flirting with other men while turning you down for sex (rudely even)? while you are supporting her?

She has no real friends and even her children avoid her.

 

 

This is a person who burns bridges and is supremely selfish. Remember how she rudely turned you down for sex...she has no respect for you.

She's daydreaming about new guy...she's emotionally cheating...

and you're still around.

 

 

She knows you're going to stick around. That's why she treats you like ****. and it doesn't get better. This is what goes in her mind

Her: X is so weak, he'll never leave me

(you choose to be loyal, thinking it's the brave courageous, hard thing to do. Be the one there for her when she has no one else)

Her: I knew he was weak. What a poor dog. he'll do whatever I say. As long as I keep lying he'll keep looking the other direction and I can do whatever I want.

 

 

 

 

If you have some self-respect, you're going to piss her off. it might trigger her to shape up, or it might trigger her to leave you. Either way, it's her choice. You just be true to yourself. being self-sacrificial to her will go unappreciated.

 

 

And yes, she is cheating on you.

[fred6]

She has already said that it's over and she's not the type to change her mind or ever admit that she's wrong. So the plan is for me to leave anyhow. It's just going to take 1-3 months to get my finances in order before I can leave. I did give her the option of changing her mind before I leave if she will go to counseling or therapy with me. However, I would estimate that there is a less than 10% chance of that happening, given the fact that she never rarely changes her mind or never admits she is wrong.

 

Now, since I'm going to be here for a little while before I can leave, my biggest problem is how to act around her. She is mean, cold, and bitter towards me. I can't even hug her, kiss her on the cheek, tell her that I love her, or tell her that everything is going to be OK without her getting a disgusted look on her face. The whole situation makes me sad and depressed, but I know that I can't act that way. Should I just act like nothing happened and everything is fine and then one day when she comes home I'm just gone? Should I act indifferent, cordial, or ignore her as much as possible given the situation? This whole situation really sucks.

[redbaron005]

One part of me says that I can't help her and to just move out as soon as I can.

 

Listen to this part of you.

[irresolute]

She has already said that it's over and she's not the type to change her mind or ever admit that she's wrong. So the plan is for me to leave anyhow. It's just going to take 1-3 months to get my finances in order before I can leave. I did give her the option of changing her mind before I leave if she will go to counseling or therapy with me. However, I would estimate that there is a less than 10% chance of that happening, given the fact that she never rarely changes her mind or never admits she is wrong.

 

Now, since I'm going to be here for a little while before I can leave, my biggest problem is how to act around her. She is mean, cold, and bitter towards me. I can't even hug her, kiss her on the cheek, tell her that I love her, or tell her that everything is going to be OK without her getting a disgusted look on her face. The whole situation makes me sad and depressed, but I know that I can't act that way. Should I just act like nothing happened and everything is fine and then one day when she comes home I'm just gone? Should I act indifferent, cordial, or ignore her as much as possible given the situation? This whole situation really sucks.

 

Yes. She is mean cold and bitter because she just can't stand being around you. My lord! Please find a friend and move quick! It's her home and you're obviously not welcome there.