Niko Posted July 26, 2014 Share Posted July 26, 2014 (edited) 5y relationship,really great one.We met at 15,16.We're now 20,21.We're both really intelligent people,which makes it even more confuse and painful to me.We went to study together to a different city and we chose to live together..yeah,too son.But we were doing really well.Same spirit,same games,same passion! We've always been a really funny couple since both of us have a great sense of humour.We have always been very aware of the things we appreciate and the things we condem During these 2 years we lived together,she had quite a few crysis,existencial crysis,she cried while listening to music,sometimes was anger,and she started to drink more often.Idk what was happening but i lived the crysis with her and i always turned things around and made her laugh again.We always found a way to things get better but somehow i knew she had troubles that she needed to fix.She had friends who invited her to go out at start,and she never did it,not because of me,i was always very liberate with her,because i trusted her,even tho she is really beautiful and guys always are attracted to her.She did this to herself i think COuple of months before she broke i found her very distant,sometimes we spent the weekends on our parents home and on those weekends she started to go out late with her "friend" who suddenly cared about her although that "friend" is on the sae city we are and live near and is the type of person that does everything on her interest and she's poisonous as hell! Easter hollydays came and she was very very distant now,went out every night with this sudden best friend,met other people that her friend brought with her to create this new group.She was never the type of going out late,at least not on daily basis!Bunch of plastic people,who are rich as fck and think they are great.Anyway,this lead to arguements,and was when she started saying things like "want me to stay at home closed?can't i be having fun with my friends?This relationship has to end,we're always fighting" etc etc, she can't even see the reason of the fights,but ok 2 days before we return to our university she text me saying "sorry the way ive been acting,im not thinking straight,im just confused about many things,i want to try again,i really want to be happy with you,bla bla bla". SHe arrives and shes other person again.Until she says like 4/5 sentences and she moves out "i dont love you,im not happy with you,i dont feel the same way,i feel suffocated,i want to live and do things" BAM! Saying this to me,ME,was really unfair,i never cut her wings or whatever she convinced herself to Basically a couple months before this she was always weird,she was awesome,she was depressive,she watched depressive movies and saying it was us,she always found ways to stress for nothing,to ruin nights that were going really well.She did this to herself,to get out,to explore! She moved to her new "best friend" house and jumped into a world that she always condemned,she hangs around with people that we always condemend.She's doing all the stuff she has been always against,and she does with a smile,i didnt even saw her a BIT sad or lost since the first day she left.And this "friend" is so dam poisonous,i know what she did, and it makes me sick that this "friend" has always been an idiot to my ex,and she knows it! and now they are best friends?! wtf?? She told her many,many lies,she created this scenario and made it real.Showed her another world,that she was wasting her best time of her life,that i was not right for her,etc etc,i know this,really do She started to be with a guy days after,which affected me,how can she jump so fast to this?And this guy is the type of guy that if it was 3months ago she would say never,even the people she hangs with She disconnected from all the people that always cared about her,wasn't just me,her real friends,she's very distant from her mother and they always had a great relationship,she can't look her in the eyes.During the time she was having a great time,i was close to insanity at home,sleepless,trying to see every possible perspective. 3months have passed and last couple night i think i totaly killed the image i created from her.She's lost(or not),but the people that are around her..pff.idk,i think they all use each other I sent a letter to her mother saying goodbye days ago and she read it,and she sent me a hate message,teling me that i will never have anything and to disappear from her life,cause she discovered ive been talking to her mother when i was feeling in the dark,cause her parents are in the dark too,they dont know whats happening to her daughter,she's just someone so different.And all the scenario that she and her "friend" created in her mind now became "real",she can't see i was just worried about her,i never stalked her or anything like her "friend" said to her.I know her mother will say this to her,she's very aware of the person i am.I dont care if she hates me or not,i hate her now and i also told her to disappear.I just dont care anymore.She sees only what she wants to see I will move on,but its really sad because,how can i grow up with someone,teach her so many things,learn so many thing and see this sudden transformation right in front of my eyes,becomming a complete opposite person?We were really really close,our relationship had no limits,we know each other like crazy,we had this great spirit through the 5years we were together,so many games,movies,great nights,great partys,so many laughs and jokes,so many scenarios we created,so many deep conversations about the world,universe,etc We are both really intelligent people which makes me even more sick that she is hanging around with people so plastic,so childish and dumb Who doesn't want what we had?!I really dont get it,some people are never happy with what they have. I dont think someone will connect to her like i did,dont think someone will create all the good spirit and the environment we had.I really dont,because i know myself and i know what i did for her,for us.I know that one day,when party,sex,flirts,are not enough,one day,she will miss the way we were and the things we had.Things we had doesn't grow up in trees.We were really special and she may not see it,but she knows that she wont find that easier someone like me.But ok,role the dice Edited July 29, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Replaced with simplified version Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Can you try really summarizing your story here without so many details and commentary? Just the main points, about a paragraph or two, and if someone needs more details, they can go back and read it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niko Posted July 28, 2014 Author Share Posted July 28, 2014 Can someone please tell me your thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 That's a sucky situation for sure. I can't really gather all the information I'd like to from your post, but it doesn't matter. You both are very young. People, especially at that age, need to see the world, drink, party, experience new things. Why? Because you don't want to be 35/40 years old with kids and try to experience those things now. It sounds like she's also being hurtful to you. It sounds like she's on a downward spiral. You can't save her. Don't try. Don't try to get her back. Let her do what she's going to do. If you contact her or her family in anyway right now, she will see you as a doormat and push you even further away. The best thing you can do is go no contact. No texting, calling, emailing, anything. Block or delete her from any form of social media. She actually did you a favor. You're 21 and single, man! Go out. Have fun. Let your heart start healing. Become a ghost to her and enjoy some of the funnest years of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niko Posted July 29, 2014 Author Share Posted July 29, 2014 Thanks for the opinion ---> I created another thread which is more summaryzed.. sick situation v2! I'm not trying to save her,not for a long time.This happened almost 3 months ago and during the last 2 months we barely spoke.Im on NC now.I've already did all those things It just makes me sick the person she became,the lies she made herself to believe,hers and her "friend's" . She pushed away all the people that cared for her and were really friends with her. Wasn't just me. Like i said, i grow up with her these last 5,5 years, we were really special and then she becames the complete opposite?? ANd starts doing what she always condemned?Hanging with such plastic people?? I just stopped caring, have been waiting for too long for good news, she will have to experience it by herself and her new group. She thinks she's flying now, like i was cutting her wings..pff,so many lies. Yes,im 21 and single,still.What we had was really special,it was. And she traded that for what? Garbage Link to post Share on other sites
Timpye Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Similar situation for me. Best not to wait at all though, she may come back but you can't afford to wait on it. Do you best to move on, and enjoy your freedom Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niko Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 I think im already on that path but tonight i dream again about her..PFF! Many times during day,she comes to my mind even tho i know i dont cross hers Makes me so sick,for real,she turned into the person that she always condemned,and hangs around with people so plastic..its just horror! She only focus on the bad things we had,i really think that one day she will miss "us" and the spirit we had. I know i made mistakes,but nothing to lead to this,no way.I dont know if this is Gigs or just a fcked up girl! I just know that she changed completly and she disconnected from her real friends,me,even family. To have this so called wonderful life,now she's "living", ok! Would appreciate more opinions please Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niko Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 Sigh... Is the text that long? I really need advice here guys.. Im sort of moving on,started doing some things for myself but i really want to hear what you have to say about my story..Please,i've posted here days ago:( Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 *Bump to see if someone else can help you out. I don't really know what to say other than it's out of your control, she's not the same person, and you need to do what's healthy for you. I know you want answers and reasons and other things, but I don't think anyone can give you those things. Also curious why you keep referring to people as "plastic" and keep putting her friend in quotes. Seems like you're fixated on those aspects. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niko Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 Also curious why you keep referring to people as "plastic" and keep putting her friend in quotes. Seems like you're fixated on those aspects. I say plastic because i know them,i studied with them on the same school for 4years so i know the type of person they are.And also,they never were on her friends group! As for the "friend", her new best friend was a girl that in 5 year we always said how childish she was,how needy and how she always has to be the center of atention. This "friend" lived near us on the city we are studying and she only invited her to go out on the first 2months,then, when she started to make her "friends" (which didn't last long) she stopped inviting her. She had dinners on her house where she invited everyone and didn't invite my ex. She's just trash who does everything without remorses just to get what she wants. I also remember conversations we had where my ex saying "i dont like to hang out with her because she only wants to drink and talk and meet everyone,im not like that,i dont identify myself with their conversations,their actions, she smiles to everyone for no reason and i sometimes was mad at her cause she excluded me from the group" . Thats why i call "friends" and plastic.Because i just know the type of people she is with. BUt she is just so blind. I think they all use each other just to get what they want. Also,my ex has $$ so i know 100% that she has been using her in that way too,knew this from her mother that on the exams month,she spent alot of money saying that she lended "some" money to this friend.And yes,she also has car,which is great. Bunch of plastic people.The others dont need,they are already richboys who can spend 5years "studying" partying all the time. People who dont have to count coins! If they dont get a degree,its ok,theres always work on father's,cousins' uncle's business. It just sucks that she is with this type of people and she's super happy! Like i said,she disconnected from her real friends to hang out with these people and so the stuff she,and me, always condemned. I dont know,i think im getting better.But this will always be a scar in my heart. We were really special,she was the world to me,so kind,smart,beautiful,funny and truthful to herself.And see this sudden change and hate for me. Makes me sick. Maybe she has always been like this,but if she was,why the hell was she on a 5year relationship with so many people on the world?? Maybe,really deepdown she's there,the girl i know,or once knew.But i had to force myself to stop thinking like that,and that was the hardest part.Killing her inside me. I think its done.I almost hate her now,which is very sad.But it is what it is Link to post Share on other sites
hockeydan Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Hang in there buddy. I am seeing the same sort of issues with my ex starting 1.5 months ago. She has stated before she is not interested in partying, now she is. She has a new group of friends that she just recently met. She decided that a 3 year relationship was not worth saving and took off without communicating her issues with the relationship at all to me. Sometimes ex's just chase what is shiny, be it a new group of friends, a new person, or new lifestyle that they haven't experienced. In a way, they have to chase it find out if it was worth it or not. It's a gamble they take and they may regret it someday if you are unavailable in the future. All we can do is disconnect, go no contact, live our life how we want to and if they decide that the shiny thing they are chasing is not what it is cracked up to be, then they will come sniffing around. Whether or not we will take them back depends on where we are at in our lives at the time. I bet you anything we find something much more real than the shiny object they spent the last few months chasing. It's their loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niko Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 Yeah,its basically that! Like she wasn't living with me! pff How can she be with this girl that has always excluded her?! Makes me sick! Thats why i say they are all using each other to get what they want,party! Im not against party,not at all. But this... SHe left saying she doesnt love me anymore,she was too young to feel like this,she wanted to live and do stuff. Please.. Week earlier we were really fine,having our games,jokes,names we called each other,speaking our own language. This was the result of spending the month before the break up with this sudden new best friend who brought this whole new group.Because this "friend" was becomming alone too,and my ex just cant see that.She's a mean person,dangerous person. What made me sick was that days,a week after the break up she was already with another guy.A total douchbag,and this aren't even my words!But i know it! Thing is she was insecure about many things,her "friend" knew it and started to smoothly manipulate her and showed her this new admirable world! She started creating lies on her mind just to get out.Lies about our relationship! And the "friend" lied to her saying i was always asking things about her when she moved out,which is a low,disgusting lie,but my ex believes in this b1tch rather than me,ME. The most honest person she will ever met.Im sorry i dont wear any masks! She said that she felt followed,and that i sent her "friend" and a friend of mine to follow her...please..Wtf is this? Anyway,i haven't seen her for almost a month.We live in different towns. I have tried to not think of her,trying to be busy.But then i find myself looking at nowhere picturing scenarios.SIck Tonight happened again,its something that i think its becomming somewhat of insane. Feels like im sleeping,but it seems like im picturing scenarios in my mind.But im sleeping!But im thinking real straight,its hard to explain The thing is,she knows im the smartest person she has met,im the funniest guy she has met, i know alot of stuff from alot of subjects. And how can she forget the way i treated her through 5,5y relationship,even with all her crysis,etc during the whole time? Does she thinks she will find someone who will love her so intense during the same amount of time?That will be kind and make her laugh during this whole time? Will create all the games,the words,the scenarios i did? Wtf is wrong with her?! If it was just me.."ok" but no, she stopped talking to her friends and go out with them right after she moved out,just to be with this people Im moving on,somehow.I lost alot of weight,i was a dam good sportsman some years ago,and im getting ack in shape,im already feeling beach body type! Im re-learning guitar all over again.I'm playing football again,which is my goal when i go back to uni. I'm back to poker aswell,rebuilding my Bankroll from 0 when u go back to uni. I'm listening to different music(this was a hard thing to do). Im starting to wake up later(i was sleeping poorly,and always waking up really soon,even i went to bet late or soon) BUT! On many of my scenarios i picture her looking at me,and regreting it,and i don't know if that is healthy.I know im doing all of this for me,but..am i?! I just know that im feeling better,much better One day she will realize that people like me dont grow up in trees and she can become the people who she now loves! If the universe really works that good,we'll see! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niko Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 Any thoughts?? Wtf is happening to people?? Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Please resume. Text is too long. Link to post Share on other sites
jb82 Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I was probably similar to this girl when younger and I know it's difficult to understand. There are those of us that live life in somewhat of a repressed way, maybe out of ignorance but mostly out of fear. For me it was low self-esteem and for years and years I acted like I didn't like the social aspects of life. I hid from the situations and would hide myself away from life. I even became judgmental on those that did live those free over the top lives. At some point I had a taste of it and I loved it. It felt like love and freedom and living in the center of the universe. It was the first time that I wasn't dependent on a guy (or anyone) and it was the first time I probably ever felt really beautiful and interesting. I still love going out but it wanes over time and becomes less exciting to an extent. But I don't know that once you realize you love it that it will ever really stop being a part of you. I will say this. You are both young and I know it feels like this is something she is doing against you, or to you, but it's not. It's something she needs to do for herself, to experience life and to grow into an adult. I would try not to take it personally and realize that at this point there is nothing you can do to change it. I also would say that from my experience it is never the "friend's" fault. The friend may be a catalyst but the friend could be anyone, I know it's easier to blame a bad influence but it is unlikely she is brainwashed and is just truly enjoying the freedom. I don't think that's unreasonable. You should try it too, if you feel comfortable. Things may look different from the other side. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Niko Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 Hey,thanks for your answer Many things you said i've already realized I really dont think it was because of low self esteem,she is really beautiful and she always had every guy looking at her Hide from life..i dont know, since she didnt went out with her friends because she didn't want to,i never said to her to dont go out,i sometimes was mad at her because she didnt go out! I truely believe that's what happened, she had a taste of it and loved it.I know that.I just dont know why she suddenly disconnected from her friends and started hanging with this "friend" and i repeat "friend" and her group I have to disagree,i never said this was something against me,even tho i think she blames me for her "not being part of society", when she never wanted to go out. But she went out on weekends because we spent some weekends on our own towns Yeah...thats the hardest part..because i know that..i know that she has to experience it by herself..she wouldn't do it and learn the things she is going to learn with me..some people just need to explore..i think it was just life..or not.i dont know.I just know that she is hanging around with people we always condemned,specially her "friend" She used to go out ofc and drink,but not like she is doing now.. What we had was really special,we were just together at the wrong time? I know i can't change anything,i stopped trying to "save her" a long time ago,i was only pushing her further away. On this case it is,a big bit! A "friends" fault,i know what im saying, she said mean things about me and told her she was missing the best times of her life when she never really cared about her,or anyone,she's just a selfish needy girl who does whatever it takes to get what she wants. I know this "friend" i was even on the same class with her back in college,i know what she is! Thing is,i think my ex "knows" aswell,but she was too brainwashed by this girl,she's manipulative. IM not blaming,not 100% ofc,i blame my ex first,everytime,because she is so intelligent and she is hanging around with people so dumb,so plastic,its sick! Try what?Going out?I went to study far from home at 15. I went out alot of times, every weekend that i go to my town to spend the weekend i go out with my friends,like she used to do. Im saying that she changed completly her friends group,people she know since she was a kid,etc And her real friends, they all hate her "friend", even her mother and brother hates her,so im not making excuses here. She is surrounded by mean,shallow,self-interested people who are going to take advantage of the way she is now.And I had to stop caring the day she is going to hit her head and see how far she went. SHe will see that all the people that always cared for her are gone,or at least really far away.SHe will have to have the courage to admit what she did,and talk to the people she simply discarded like it was nothing. Im not even talking about me,she can hate me forever,and she will hate me even more because i warned her everytime about this when she was already experiencing it. Just sucks to see my "princess" on this path,surrounded by this people,leading her to nowhere.I really hope she will be happy.Thats the only thing i can wish for her,even tho she hurt me like no one did and not sure if someone going to hurt like she did. I just want that someday she open her eyes,and if she still doesn't have the courage to change,well,she's lost forever on her perfect plastic world,with her perfect plastic friends in her perfect plastic life.Its her choice Link to post Share on other sites
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