How I Got Breakup Closure

[JackieOver]

My ex dumped me five weeks ago after being in a solid relationship for over 9 years. She gave me every excuse in the book why she couldn't be with me anymore except the real truth (which she shared today). "She'd already been seeing and sleeping with another guy 7 to 8 months (if not longer) before she ended it with me."

 

The past five weeks she would call or text me ever other day or so 'just to see what I was up to'. Like an idiot I fell for her breadcrumbs.

 

Yesterday she calls me asking me if I would spend time with her son today. He was just 1.5 years old when we met and I raised him as my own. She said he really wants to see me. Reluctantly I agreed. When I hung up the phone I actually found myself being delighted that I was going to spend quality time with my 'son'.

 

Today she calls me saying "I am sorry but my son decided he wants to go swimming instead of hanging out with you."

 

I answered: "Not a problem! In fact, that's probably better for him as he get to hang out with his friends."

 

She responds: "He wants to know when you can hang out in the near future?".

 

I answered: "Never again! This is it!".

 

Silence comes over the phone.

 

Finally she responds: "Is that your decision?"

 

I answered: "I gave you and your son 9 years of my life unconditionally and with all the love I had to give, but you took it for granted and played me for a fool. This is your decision because you ended it with me and made it clear you do not want me in your life and in your son's life anymore!".

 

"I never played you," she says. I laugh "you having an affair with another guy behind my back while still pretending to be my girlfriend is not playing me?"

 

She says: "He makes me feel like a princess. He picks me up and drives me to work. He drives me home at night. He cooks my lunch."

 

I answered: "Well I truly hope he continues to treat you like a princess and I hope he has enough true love in his heart for your son. I hope you end up marrying him, have kids with him and everything else you always told me you wanted. All the best to you. Goodbye!"

 

I ended the call without giving her a chance to respond.

 

Suddenly I fell the past five weeks of hell being lifted off me as if someone removed a huge rock from my chest. I could feel the air filling my lungs again. I suddenly fell liberated and strong, ready to start a new life on my own.

 

The only question that kept racing through me head:

 

"Why hadn't I done this five weeks ago?"

[dumbass2]

Awesome!

 

now all you need to do is block her on phone and email and any other way you can so you do not have to hear from her again and you'll really be done.

 

good luck

[JustSomeGuyHere]

Kind of off topic but how come this guy she was cheating on you with was treating her great and she actually liked him?? Any guy I've heard of who treats his girl well by cooking her lunch, and giving her rides. Treating her like a princess...the girl ALWAYS loses attraction.

 

Now if YOU were doing all that and she cheated on you, THAT would make sense.

[JackieOver]

Hey JustSomeGuyHere;

 

I am not quite understanding your point of view. I use to pick her up from work every day. I use to treat her like a princess for nine years. I did all the things she now claims made her unhappy with me but happy with the new guy who is doing the same things I did... go figure ...

Edited July 25, 2014 by JackieOver

[thekid36]

My ex dumped me five weeks ago after being in a solid relationship for over 9 years. She gave me every excuse in the book why she couldn't be with me anymore except the real truth (which she shared today). "She'd already been seeing and sleeping with another guy 7 to 8 months (if not longer) before she ended it with me."

 

The past five weeks she would call or text me ever other day or so 'just to see what I was up to'. Like an idiot I fell for her breadcrumbs.

 

Yesterday she calls me asking me if I would spend time with her son today. He was just 1.5 years old when we met and I raised him as my own. She said he really wants to see me. Reluctantly I agreed. When I hung up the phone I actually found myself being delighted that I was going to spend quality time with my 'son'.

 

Today she calls me saying "I am sorry but my son decided he wants to go swimming instead of hanging out with you."

 

I answered: "Not a problem! In fact, that's probably better for him as he get to hang out with his friends."

 

She responds: "He wants to know when you can hang out in the near future?".

 

I answered: "Never again! This is it!".

 

Silence comes over the phone.

 

Finally she responds: "Is that your decision?"

 

I answered: "I gave you and your son 9 years of my life unconditionally and with all the love I had to give, but you took it for granted and played me for a fool. This is your decision because you ended it with me and made it clear you do not want me in your life and in your son's life anymore!".

 

"I never played you," she says. I laugh "you having an affair with another guy behind my back while still pretending to be my girlfriend is not playing me?"

 

She says: "He makes me feel like a princess. He picks me up and drives me to work. He drives me home at night. He cooks my lunch."

 

I answered: "Well I truly hope he continues to treat you like a princess and I hope he has enough true love in his heart for your son. I hope you end up marrying him, have kids with him and everything else you always told me you wanted. All the best to you. Goodbye!"

 

I ended the call without giving her a chance to respond.

 

Suddenly I fell the past five weeks of hell being lifted off me as if someone removed a huge rock from my chest. I could feel the air filling my lungs again. I suddenly fell liberated and strong, ready to start a new life on my own.

 

The only question that kept racing through me head:

 

"Why hadn't I done this five weeks ago?"

 

Just realize that the child is in no way responsible for the actions of his mother. Sort of sad that your relationship with him has to suddenly end as well. Though, I also do understand where you are coming from.

 

 

I only say this because of being willing to give anything just to hear from my daughter. She is living with her mom and I have not had any contact in years. I tried to treat her like my own while being married. Even though another man was her actual father. Family is not always about blood.

 

 

Even though I want to talk with her, there also is the realization that life is not only about me. Her mom does not want me to be in contact and thus, I am not. Children are so precious and vulnerable. They feel things more deeply then we realize and have the tendency to get sort of attached.

 

 

Take advantage of the opportunity she is still giving you to interact with her child. Some do not even have this at all. Perhaps when you are able to reflect, you may find some sort of desire in relation to continuing some sort of contact with the son. Even if it only is minimal.

Edited July 25, 2014 by thekid36

[JackieOver]

you know, you are right, it's my relationship I had with her son that is hurting me way more than anything else and having to do what I did today, to cut off all ties with him, hurts me much deeper than she breaking up with me. Particularly, he and I were very close, which over the past nine years let to several jealous bouts between her and I, where she accused me of paying more attention to her son than to her.

 

Unfortunately, if I don't cut ties with him I will never be able to completely move on. She will always somehow be connected to me through her son. And as manipulative and selfish a person as she is I am afraid she will continue to try to use me.

 

I already know she's going to paint me in a bad light with her son when she gets home from work tonight. She has to so that she won't look as the evil villain.

 

So even after I have some time to reflect I don't think I'll be able to pick up with the boy again. The damage done today just is no longer salvageable.

 

And as much as I know the boy will be hurt by this, the fact is that in the end it was all her doing, consciously and willingly.

[NoLeafClover]

My ex dumped me five weeks ago after being in a solid relationship for over 9 years. She gave me every excuse in the book why she couldn't be with me anymore except the real truth (which she shared today). "She'd already been seeing and sleeping with another guy 7 to 8 months (if not longer) before she ended it with me."

 

The past five weeks she would call or text me ever other day or so 'just to see what I was up to'. Like an idiot I fell for her breadcrumbs.

 

Yesterday she calls me asking me if I would spend time with her son today. He was just 1.5 years old when we met and I raised him as my own. She said he really wants to see me. Reluctantly I agreed. When I hung up the phone I actually found myself being delighted that I was going to spend quality time with my 'son'.

 

Today she calls me saying "I am sorry but my son decided he wants to go swimming instead of hanging out with you."

 

I answered: "Not a problem! In fact, that's probably better for him as he get to hang out with his friends."

 

She responds: "He wants to know when you can hang out in the near future?".

 

I answered: "Never again! This is it!".

 

Silence comes over the phone.

 

Finally she responds: "Is that your decision?"

 

I answered: "I gave you and your son 9 years of my life unconditionally and with all the love I had to give, but you took it for granted and played me for a fool. This is your decision because you ended it with me and made it clear you do not want me in your life and in your son's life anymore!".

 

"I never played you," she says. I laugh "you having an affair with another guy behind my back while still pretending to be my girlfriend is not playing me?"

 

She says: "He makes me feel like a princess. He picks me up and drives me to work. He drives me home at night. He cooks my lunch."

 

I answered: "Well I truly hope he continues to treat you like a princess and I hope he has enough true love in his heart for your son. I hope you end up marrying him, have kids with him and everything else you always told me you wanted. All the best to you. Goodbye!"

 

I ended the call without giving her a chance to respond.

 

Suddenly I fell the past five weeks of hell being lifted off me as if someone removed a huge rock from my chest. I could feel the air filling my lungs again. I suddenly fell liberated and strong, ready to start a new life on my own.

 

The only question that kept racing through me head:

 

"Why hadn't I done this five weeks ago?"

I can't even tell you what you could have done better...you have followed the manual and responded word by word by word.

I think ppl on here should read and learn from this situation alone. I'd shake you hand for standing up to her playing you for a fool and showed her no feelings by putting her on her spot. You are feeling relieved cause you were true to your feelings and are a realistic person. You are seeing her for who she is now or who she can become.

 

 

You will be over her sooner than you might think that's for sure.

[Elle1975]

Does this guy work? That's a lot of time spent driving and cooking.

 

Cutting all ties is best, and I'm thinking she probably wanted you to play sitter while she would have been hanging out with the new dude.

 

I could never date someone who already is in a serious relationship. This guy will have issues with that too.

 

Anyway.. Now that you got closure and have the upper hand, it is time to block her from contacting you.. Text, phone number, fb, email.. I'd even change phone number for good.

[JackieOver]

Don't know if he works, probably not. It would certainly explain why she was 'suddenly' always flat broke the past 7/8 months and constantly asked me for money. Either way I don't care anymore. That's her problem now.

 

As for this new guy in her life. I am convinced he is being two-timed by her already, having no clue that she was with me while she started dating him.

 

As for the 'sitting' part; I actually wouldn't have minded only for the boy's sake regardless of what she was doing with another guy. (he and I truly developed a special and intimate father/son bond over the past nine years and it really hurts to have to break that so suddenly).

 

However, she ruined any chance of this ever happening all by herself by two-timing me, manipulating me, deceiving me and being utterly selfish. All she had to do was to be honest with me and she would have actually been able to 'have her cake and eat it too'. That ship has sailed ... for good!

 

I already blocked her everywhere possible.

Edited July 26, 2014 by JackieOver

[thekid36]

you know, you are right, it's my relationship I had with her son that is hurting me way more than anything else and having to do what I did today, to cut off all ties with him, hurts me much deeper than she breaking up with me. Particularly, he and I were very close, which over the past nine years let to several jealous bouts between her and I, where she accused me of paying more attention to her son than to her.

 

Unfortunately, if I don't cut ties with him I will never be able to completely move on. She will always somehow be connected to me through her son. And as manipulative and selfish a person as she is I am afraid she will continue to try to use me.

 

I already know she's going to paint me in a bad light with her son when she gets home from work tonight. She has to so that she won't look as the evil villain.

 

So even after I have some time to reflect I don't think I'll be able to pick up with the boy again. The damage done today just is no longer salvageable.

 

And as much as I know the boy will be hurt by this, the fact is that in the end it was all her doing, consciously and willingly.

 

That is truly sad then. Her son who had nothing at all to do with any of this mess. You seem to have formed a relationship with this child. I hope that he comes out okay in the end. Such a shame how life works out sometimes.

 

 

Sad that her selfishness has affected so many lives. We tend to not always think about those around us at all times. Yet, I do respect your decision to break all contact based on the information you have given.

 

 

I do know what you mean about the probability of her portraying you in a bad light. My ex did the exact same in relation to her daughter. The one I tried to treat like my own. It is partly what puts me behind the eight-ball with any possible relationship going forward. She and I equally should share the responsibility of what happened.

 

 

It may seem like you are letting her control you by not having contact with him. Yet, this break is most likely the way for you to take control back of your own life. It may be the best solution possible at this point.

[JackieOver]

I am sorry to hear about your 'daughter' and your situation with your ex. As evident by my own story, I truly understand what you are going through as well.

 

Life isn't fair and sadly enough it is always the innocent who get hurt the most, particularly during breakups and divorces that do not end well.

 

In my case, having to let go of that boy, cutting him out of my life completely, breaking his heart, is without a doubt one of the most difficult things I ever had to do. But as painful as it is for both him and I, this is what I must do if I want any chance of moving on with my own life.

 

My decision to break contact with the child was not based on selfish reason but on his mother's actions and attitude towards me that left me with no other choice but to do what I did.

 

For a mother to be jealous of her own son because he found a male role model in his life who he truly connects with and looks up to, is a scary experience that leaves you flabbergasted.

 

For a mother to say that the pain her son is feeling from our breakup is nothing because there are children who experience far worse pain, far worse trauma, is the most disturbing declaration of mother/child love I ever heard in my entire life.

 

I know I deeply hurt the boy by breaking all contact with him and pulling out of his life so abruptly. He truly does deserve much better. I can only hope and pray that he will be alright eventually.

 

However, his mother forced me to make that decision because she refused till the bitter end to take responsibility for what she has done.

Edited July 26, 2014 by JackieOver