Natsu21 Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 So this won't be a long thread, I'll keep it short since it's been a while. It's been a whole year since I last spoke to my ex. The break-up was extremely ugly...words were exchanged, and I wasn't too happy finding out she was cheating on me with her co-worker, going so far as to humiliate me in front of her parents(lied, cheated, tried to get me arrested, all of that) It's been a year. She's blocked me on Facebook and all forms of social media, I find out. Question...should I contact her after all this time? Honest responses. Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 You're still blocked meaning all communication from you is unwelcome. What are you hoping to achieve? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natsu21 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Share Posted July 20, 2014 I really wasn't sure. I'm seeing someone at the moment, but the thought crossed my head. It's weird though. See? She's the one that broke up with me. The one that was cheating on me for 2 months and lying about it while we made plans to live together. Got her family against me, and tried to put me in an insane asylum for acting "crazy" because I was growing suspicious of her activity and that my reactions were over the top(but all of my suspicions, every single one of them, were correct) Her friends were shallow and laughed in my face for being so foolish and told me she didn't care if her friend was a cheater...that I was a loser. And instead of confronting me, I was blocked and hit with what seemed like a restraining order. That's right, it got THAT crazy a whole year ago. I thought that things would have gotten better but checked it again, still blocked. It's weird, I feel like there's some unfinished business there. Anyway, just kinda miss her, I guess. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 I really wasn't sure. I'm seeing someone at the moment, but the thought crossed my head. It's weird though. See? She's the one that broke up with me. The one that was cheating on me for 2 months and lying about it while we made plans to live together. Got her family against me, and tried to put me in an insane asylum for acting "crazy" because I was growing suspicious of her activity and that my reactions were over the top(but all of my suspicions, every single one of them, were correct) Her friends were shallow and laughed in my face for being so foolish and told me she didn't care if her friend was a cheater...that I was a loser. And instead of confronting me, I was blocked and hit with what seemed like a restraining order. That's right, it got THAT crazy a whole year ago. I thought that things would have gotten better but checked it again, still blocked. It's weird, I feel like there's some unfinished business there. Anyway, just kinda miss her, I guess. What do you think? definitely not! she made it quite clear that she doesnt want to speak to you and any contact you make will push her further away, and given what you said about her, may lead her to tell people you are "stalking" her, which could make things bad..... my advice: write a letter to her, telling her EVERYTHING you want to say, all your feelings, where you stand, etc, and DON'T SEND IT TO HER. save it as a word document. and then if she ever contacts you for ANYTHING, however small, even as a breadcrumb, the door is effectively open and if you so like you can send her this letter, and she wont be able to say you are stalking her cos she is the one that initiated contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natsu21 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Share Posted July 20, 2014 Yeah, I think I should just count this as a loss. I miss her but I really do deserve better. Here's some flaws 1. Her parents were semi-rich upper middle class folks. Strong conversatives who weren't keen on interracial relationships. 2. No matter how kind I was to their daughter, they didn't like me cause I was poorer than she was. 3. Her friends were spoiled. I think the failure is the simple fact that our lifestyles just couldn't combine. Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 No, don't contact her. If she really wants to talk to you, she will. And you're right, you really do deserve better! Link to post Share on other sites
Shadowburn Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 So this won't be a long thread, I'll keep it short since it's been a while. It's been a whole year since I last spoke to my ex. The break-up was extremely ugly...words were exchanged, and I wasn't too happy finding out she was cheating on me with her co-worker, going so far as to humiliate me in front of her parents(lied, cheated, tried to get me arrested, all of that) It's been a year. She's blocked me on Facebook and all forms of social media, I find out. Question...should I contact her after all this time? Honest responses. So let's see. - extremely ugly break up - she cheated on you with her coworker - humiliated you in front of her parents - lied - tried to get you arrested. And after finally being free from this mess for a year, you are considering contacting her because you MISS any of this?? You wanted honest responses, man. Reread again your original post. My response is to count you blessings that you are rid of her and a nightmare of that "relationship". 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 What exactly do you hope to get out of any contact with her? She obviously treated you terribly. If seems that if anyone should be trying to make amends, it should be her. Hopefully, she will never contact you again because this sounds like it ended pretty volatile, so it's best to leave it be. In most breakups, you can't tie things up in a nice bow. The nature of a breakup is painful, so there are going to be hurt feelings on both sides, but that doesn't mean you need to contact her. Link to post Share on other sites
EmbeddedCortex Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 Even if she contacts you, you probably shouldn't really answer. My EX dumped me 1 month ago (she says 2 months ago, but we were trying to work on things), when I found out she's already sleeping with someone. Didn't talk to her until yesterday. She contacted me was very apologetic, etc, saying she missed me and loved me. But what did I get out of it? Nothing. She said she's seeing the guy from Tinder, he's awesome and loving, 25 years old and even has a kid. And here I was like an idiot thinking she wanted to come back. Link to post Share on other sites
flight E Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 U contacting her after all you said she did only makes what she said true: that you are crazy. If that is what u need to hear to get that sick idea from you mind then I must say it cos I won't want you to do sometin that is clearly in your worst interest Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 Why would you want to contact someone. Who cheated on you and then blocked you? Please move on. One year is time enough and it's obvious she doesn't care at all about you, even after a year. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 um no you have no need to contact her. also it sounds like you shouldn't be dating someone else if you're still hung up on your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natsu21 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 Thank you guys for talking some sense into me. I really don't know what I was thinking. I just needed to hear that from other people. Thanks guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natsu21 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 She was my first girlfriend(and a lot of firsts) after all. She seemed so sweet. But my suspicions about her cheating happened in June of last year, when we met up and she asked to "take a break" Shortly after a couple of her co-workers dropped hints saying that she was going around saying she was single, her closest friend there even told me that it would be a HORRIBLE idea to buy her a ring. When I asked her "Why" she just shrugged and didn't say anything. My ex lied up and down that she was into me and that there wasn't anyone else. Wasn't till July of last year that I found out everything the day she broke up with me, because, according to her, I broke up her brother's relationship by confronting her parents(when her brother had nothing to do with this) Turns out that break-up excuse was a cover-up: she had fallen in love with her co-worker and wanted to pursue a relationship with him, and had done so before the break-up. So instead of confronting me, she decides to let her parents take it up from them, especially her racist mom, and completely humiliate me. When her friends caught wind of it, they just said that I should get a life and get over it. I've just been recently having these thoughts and weirdly enough, hearing it again from you guys makes me feel a hell of a lot better. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natsu21 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 So let's see. - extremely ugly break up - she cheated on you with her coworker - humiliated you in front of her parents - lied - tried to get you arrested. And after finally being free from this mess for a year, you are considering contacting her because you MISS any of this?? You wanted honest responses, man. Reread again your original post. My response is to count you blessings that you are rid of her and a nightmare of that "relationship". Haha. Well I don't miss THAT, I miss the good parts, obviously. Btw, if anyone wants to know. When we broke up, I was 22, she was 24. It was long distance(mostly for a year and a half) in a 3 year relationship... I was her first and she was mine(relationship, that is) I first started noticing a change in her when she made new friends at her new job. These were college freshmen who liked to shop and party all the time. Before I knew it, she dyed her hair, went out more, the whole nine yards when in reality, she was a lot more introverted when I knew her. The whole incident threw me for a loop. Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Give one good reason to contact her. What good can come out of this ? Will you be happy 4 ever with 2 or 3 kinds, wedding and a nice retirement? NO ! Period. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natsu21 Posted July 21, 2014 Author Share Posted July 21, 2014 Considering she left me for a guy who was a known player. Nope. No. No. Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Considering she left me for a guy who was a known player. Nope. No. No. Remember friend, never act like a doormat. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 She cheated on you. She humiliated you. She tried to get you arrested. She blocked you. You're asking if you should make contact? As a woman, and if I was your ex, I'd think of you as a doormat. I'd say to myself, "I did all that to him and he's still wanting to reach out?" Don't do that. Women find it highly unattractive when a man has no boundaries and self-respect for himself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 There are only two good reasons to break NC: 1) You have fallen out of love and are now indifferent, and you want to make damn sure it is true 2) You are still in denial and you need another dose of rejection or abuse, and you want to go back to step 1 Other than those two things, you really shouldn't do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Natsu21 Posted July 22, 2014 Author Share Posted July 22, 2014 There are only two good reasons to break NC: 1) You have fallen out of love and are now indifferent, and you want to make damn sure it is true 2) You are still in denial and you need another dose of rejection or abuse, and you want to go back to step 1 Other than those two things, you really shouldn't do it. Problem is, I really got nothing to gain from talking to her. Despite her "innocent demeanor" she actually treated me pretty sh***y, making me believe I was the only one and that I was the crazy one, when in fact all my suspicions were true. Link to post Share on other sites
OK_computer Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 (edited) ]You're still blocked meaning all communication from you is unwelcome. [/b] What are you hoping to achieve? That depends.. I was blocked, but I talked things out in person, and eventually got unblocked. Sometimes being blocked is in the heat of the moment, and that's that. Edited July 22, 2014 by OK_computer Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 That depends.. I was blocked, but I talked things out in person, and eventually got unblocked. Sometimes being blocked is in the heat of the moment, and that's that. If that discussion included you asking her why you were blocked, being unblocked is really her walking all over you. Furthermore, if that conversation didn't end in reconciliation, I can hardly see the point. Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Quick question - what will you talk to her about anyways? How are things going with the guy she cheated with you on? I think that by reaching out to her all it will do is validate that what she did was okay. She blocked you and cut off all communication because she knows she's guilty about what she did and had to make you out to be the bad guy. I strongly suggest you do not reach out to her at all - you need to be strong. Focus this time and energy on getting over her and meeting a girl who'll be worth your time. Link to post Share on other sites
shoegal4 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 If someone cheated on me and broke my heart, the last thing I'd want to do is waste precious moments of my time checking in to see how THEY'RE doing. If any correspondence is going to happen it's going to be because she is checking in on you. Then at that time you can decide whether or not you want her to know anything of what's going on in your life. She took that right away when she went behind your back. Isn't that enough for you to never want to speak to her again? Let her come to you. If she does, deal with it then. In the meantime, get the thought out of your head and focus on your current girl. Link to post Share on other sites
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