Unblocked on Facebook...

[shoegal4]

Hello all,

 

I'll keep my story short and simple. I started dating my ex-boyfriend when I was 14. Things were great until college and we became very back and forth. I am now 26 and he is 28. I love him, he loves me but we are not compatible. We both know this and admitted this to one another at the time of our breakup at the end of May. I was very sad for a while but NC has really helped me in this whole process.

 

We have been broken up for almost two months, which is the longest we've ever gone without speaking in 12 years. One of us would always cave and give in. However, this time around, I found I was blocked on the typical things; Facebook, Instagram, cell phone. So even if I wanted to reach out to him, I really had no way in doing so.

 

Instead of the usual back and forth we would go through, I decided to put my all into moving forward and forgetting about him. Went to the gym, lost a bunch of weight, was feeling good, starting seeing a therapist, spending more time outside of the house etc. and then BAM....he unblocked me on FB this weekend. It caught me off guard.

 

My question is not why he unblocked me - I'm sure it's a mixture of him 1. wanting to check on my life or 2. no longer caring -- but I want to know if it's a good idea to block him? Or should I just move on with my life like I don't care? Not sure what avenue to go down on this one and I need some help!!

[whichwayisup]

Block him and allow yourself to let go so you can move on. You two aren't compatible, you're not a couple anymore. He isn't in your life, he's not a friend so make a decision to just stop trying to search for him online and go complete no contact. That also includes detaching from him, not thinking about him, not wondering why he's unblocked you.

 

Do you think he's spending as much time thinking about you? My guess is probably not. Get mad, get fed up and focus on real friends in your life, not ex's who aren't in your life anymore.

[shoegal4]

Block him and allow yourself to let go so you can move on. You two aren't compatible, you're not a couple anymore. He isn't in your life, he's not a friend so make a decision to just stop trying to search for him online and go complete no contact. That also includes detaching from him, not thinking about him, not wondering why he's unblocked you.

 

Do you think he's spending as much time thinking about you? My guess is probably not. Get mad, get fed up and focus on real friends in your life, not ex's who aren't in your life anymore.

 

Hi whichwayisup, thank you for the reply. I understand all of that. And unfortunately, searching for him was not how I found this out; we were both invited to an event together and I saw him name. I think blocking him is a good idea but I didn't know if indifference towards the situation would work best.

[music_and_poetry]

So there can be one of three outcomes. I think in this situation I think you need to figure out which one suits your head and heart best.

 

1. No Contact - Continue on your journey of NC and block him. This is a very brave move and it is a very hard thing to do. However this is the clear option if you really believe moving on is the best possible outcome for you.

 

2. Reconciliation - This one is tricky. If it's in the cards you'll need to let him come to you but I do think you need more than 2 months of NC to both grow and become better people than you were in your relationship. If this is what you really want, leave him unblocked but don't play your cards too soon. Wait for him and respond when you're in the right place emotionally.

 

3. Friends. And just friends. This means you need to want him in your life but not as a romantic partner (no FWB!). This will also take tons of time and space. You need to be irrevocably moved on and ready for a true platonic friendship. I kept one of my ex's as a friend and it wound up being a great decision for that particular person however it was one that was made after years of distance and silence. This is also something both parties need to be sure about so there isn't any longing on either end. If there is, you need to go back to NC.

[lauri]

You said it yourself - you two aren't compatible. There is only one clear solution for you in my opinion, and that is NC.

 

It will take a lot of effort and time to truly get over someone you were with for 12 years. The first step for you is to block him and avoid any chance of being sucked back in. Blocking him is going to be the hardest thing you will ever do.

 

I think that there is no need for you to wonder "Why?" "How come?" etc. You need to keep NC until you get to the point where you think like this:

 

1) It's about me now - I'm doing what is best for myself and well being.

2) I don't want to waste my time anymore - we tried for 12 years and now it is time to move on, improve myself and find someone new.

3) I have a lot to offer and I will meet someone who will never hurt me, let me down and will always be by my side in the future.

 

I'm not saying your ex is a bad person or has ill intentions, but sometimes people do not understand the effect that they can have on you by being around. My ex was selfish and wanted me in her life, even if it caused me pain, agony and suffering. She didn't realize how much it hurt me, so I had to make a decision myself to move on and protect myself. By him unblocking you, it is unfair if he has no intentions of not being with you. It'll only spark your curiosity and make you think about him.

 

I'm not saying that one day you two could not reconcile and become either friends or lovers again, but you need to be able to stand on your own two feet and make a SOUND and LOGICAL decision when/if that opportunity arises. NC was key for me in making the right decision to when that opportunity came to me - and surprisingly I decided to never message my ex back again after she contacted me. I would have never made that decision had I decided to not go NC.

[somedude81]

Does unblocking on Facebook have any actual significance?

 

I just checked, and my ex still has me blocked. Though if I had been unblocked, then what? I'm definitely not going to message her, because I've tried repeatedly in the past to contact her through other mediums.

 

If my ex wanted to talk to me, she'd do more than just unblock me.

 

So shoegal4, I don't think that you're ex unblocking you actually means anything. Unless he actually contacts you, I think you should just pretend that you're still blocked.

[shoegal4]

Music & Lauri - thank you for taking the time out for your replies. I appreciate it so much. Facebook is so silly but in times like this, it's just the worst.

 

Music - In the back of my head I hope for a reconciliation but that's only because I love him and he's all I've ever known. I know that moving on with my life and falling in love with someone new is the best path for me to go but I had no idea how hard this would be...

 

& Lauri - I think you are correct. NC is the way to go. God forbid he message me or reach out, I don't think I would be able or know how to handle it and I'd be right back to where I started. I don't think he has ill intentions. This is the first time in 12 years that either one of us has not reached out. I'm sure he's wondering what I'm up to. I always thought blocking was silly and immature but it's there for a reason.

 

I have a date coming up with a really nice guy. I think this just screwed me up a bit.

[shoegal4]

Does unblocking on Facebook have any actual significance?

 

 

somedude - thank you. This should actually more or less have been the thread I started. I, like so many others take this as a sign of something else. He misses me, he wants to know what i'm doing, he still cares. But in reality, it most likely just means nothing. I didn't expect anything to come from it and I think blocking him is the way I need to go.

[FortunateSon]

Block him for yourself and healing. You don't want to stumble onto something while recovering that will set you back to day one. What's going to happen when his profile pic appears with a new GF, even if you weren't seeking it out? Trust me, you will not want to see that and it will set you back, I know this from experience. Blocking him gives YOU the control over your life and prevents you from seeing something you don't want to see.

[umirano]

Super-fast instantaneous master block everywhere, you're just at the beginning of your healing. And a 12-year RS of some sort? That's going to be hard with him popping back into your life whenever you made a step towards healing.

[Justaguy30]

It is really hard when you are still in love with someone who has moved on and is seeing other people. Unfortunately where I am living there are tons of single guys and very few single women. She will never have a night where she doesn't have someone to hangout with. There are thousands of men in this town looking for a girl like her. I mean she is very attractive and easy to get with. As a single guy what more could you ask for. Blocking is the right thing to do here btw. Sorry for the rant just having one of those days.

[elseaacych]

Rule #2 of breakups: It is impossible to determine your ex's state of mind, so it is useless to try and decode ambiguous messages.

 

Solution: Block him, yourself, until YOU know how you want to handle your ex.

[elseaacych]

It is really hard when you are still in love with someone who has moved on and is seeing other people. Unfortunately where I am living there are tons of single guys and very few single women. She will never have a night where she doesn't have someone to hangout with. There are thousands of men in this town looking for a girl like her. I mean she is very attractive and easy to get with. As a single guy what more could you ask for. Blocking is the right thing to do here btw. Sorry for the rant just having one of those days.

 

I'm guessing this is either Western Kansas or Manhattan? (K-State, one of the few colleges left in the country where guys outnumber girls, God bless.)

 

Sorry for the thread jacking, but I'm thinking I need to go to where ever you are. (Unless it does happen to be Western Kansas, where there are more cows than men or women, combined. In which case no thank you... )