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Trying hard to accept the breakup and accept the fact that's he has changed [updates]


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 28th June 2014, 2:25 PM   #1
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Unhappy Trying hard to accept the breakup and accept the fact that's he has changed [updates]

I'm going to describe the entire situation as best as i can .. I met him a few years ago when I was in high school we briefly dated nothing serious at all it actually only lasted a couple of weeks at that time it was 2008. In about 2012 he found me again on the social network and wanted my number so I gave it to him and we spoke and he told me he wanted to take me out on a date but that never happened because he ended up going to jail because of a case he had (i wasn't aware of it at the time) so we stopped texting for about a week then I kept receiving these calls from a number I had never seen I finally answered one day and it was him calling from jail he told me his situation and that he would be there for 2 years.

He called me a lot and even started writing me letters and wanted me to take things serious with him while he was in jail it was weird and I knew he had plenty of women on the outside so I ignored and stop responding .. Months later the contact started up again this time I guess I was vulnerable and lonely cause I actually fell for him and got into a relationship with him while him being in jail at that point he had about 9 months left and i stuck around and was there for and gave him moral support and love. He came home about 6 months ago in the first couple months things went smooth we spent time, we spoke everyday and he seemed to really love me.

Then I started to notice little things like him flirting with girls on social networks, texting girls so I would complain about it a lot. Then in may I found out he had been cheating on me, he begged for me back and I took him back although I wasn't over the fact that I've been cheated on. After that things went downhill he started to change, called and texted me less. The last 3 times we spent time he barely showed affection and was careless. I questioned him about yet he insisted he loved me and wasn't going anywhere. Then one day he said it was over I accepted it for about a day before I came back begging and crying he Agreed we could try and fix things but he made no moves to see me or talk to me about how we were going to fix things. And then he stopped contacting me I would have to contact him first to hear from him.

I noticed this 360 change and started overly expressing my emotions and he didn't care he was actually annoyed and would block and unblock me everyday until one day I gave up .. I stopped chasing and was working on healing and moving on .. A few days after I went NO CONTACT he started calling and texting and asking me if i wanna make it work because he "loves me" I fell for it .. The very next day I noticed he put a pic up of a girl on his facebook I asked him about it in a emotional and angry way and he ignored completely ...

I don't understand him or what he is trying to do ... I just wanna move on with my life buts it's hard .. Seeing him seemingly happy and living life on his social networks is heartbreaking ... He also has belongings of mines that he won't let me come and get ..

He's now flaunting and wearing my watch with pics and videos on his social networks .... I'm just in a bad place mentally he is also a narcissist and even admitted it to me ..

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 29th June 2014 at 11:49 AM..
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Old 28th June 2014, 9:30 PM   #2
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Unhappy Terrible habit of social networking stalking my ex ..

I know this is probably one of the worst habits a person could have. I know it's a form of self-harm. Idk why I even have this habit. I look at his social networks KNOWING I'm going to see something that will hurt me and slow down my healing. I even find myself looking at the people who comments and likes his pictures pages. The most recent time I looked I seen a picture of a girl he posted what saddens me is we were close and together for a long time and he never posted my pictures
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Old 28th June 2014, 9:41 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by geebelle View Post
I know this is probably one of the worst habits a person could have. I know it's a form of self-harm. Idk why I even have this habit. I look at his social networks KNOWING I'm going to see something that will hurt me and slow down my healing. I even find myself looking at the people who comments and likes his pictures pages. The most recent time I looked I seen a picture of a girl he posted what saddens me is we were close and together for a long time and he never posted my pictures
I'm right there with you buddy. It's really hard to resist the temptation of looking...but we both have to understand that it's just not healthy. Nothing on those sites is true. Like several people have said: FB and other social media is a form of PR. Any sensible person who actually does feel great and is moving forward from something in a healthy way doesn't feel the need to announce it and show it off in front of all their friends in such a public way.

I think it's just a way for the dumper to to convince themselves that they're coping or moving on in a healthy way. If you ever need someone to talk to about this, let me know because I'm struggling badly with it myself.

If it makes you feel better...my ex still has photos of us together and some of our engagement photos on her FB...
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Old 28th June 2014, 9:46 PM   #4
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I'm glad I'm not the only one going through this!! The sad part about it is we will not gain anything from looking besides HURT!
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Old 28th June 2014, 11:53 PM   #5
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I'm guilty of this as well. It just hurts so much.
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Old 29th June 2014, 12:28 AM   #6
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this was driving me crazy at the beginning of the BU ..then we played the he blocked me from FB then unblocked me ..then i blocked him and his new person to stop my self from stalking.
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Old 29th June 2014, 1:58 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by theexfiance View Post
Any sensible person who actually does feel great and is moving forward from something in a healthy way doesn't feel the need to announce it and show it off in front of all their friends in such a public way.
I think this summarizes.
Amen.
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Old 29th June 2014, 2:03 AM   #8
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This was one of the hardest battles and I think most people on here can agree with that.

I knew her password and could log on when I wanted to. I never once in my life checked her twitter until after we broke up. Then I was on it 5 times a day. Anything she posted, I tried to discover the underlying meaning.

This was when I was at the lowest days after the breakup. It made my heart race every time I checked something.

I made my friends block sh*t, but I knew how to unblock it, just like her phone number.

Eventually, I got sick of it. I got sick and tired of feeling like sh*t. I forced myself to stop. It became a sick addiction. And it was hard. Boy was it ever.

But its what you have to do. Force yourself. Because eventually, its what helps you get over it. And you can't start getting over it if you are stalking her. Theres no better day than today to stop. Do it for yourself. You will thank yourself later down the road.
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Old 29th June 2014, 2:18 AM   #9
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I quit fb 2 months ago, after a week I wasnt tempted to go on anymore. I had a breakup but it wasnt the reason I quit. I didnt like the person I had become. Since getting a smart phone I had somehow signed up to 8 social networks! My phone would buzz constantly, and id find myself checking each one methodologically trying to find what notification I had received.

I also also trying to get away from the whole external validation thing, had found myself posting updates in order to get attention etc etc. And also was over a lot of people doing the same thing - what should have been a great communication aid had become something else, like a parralel reality.

Im going slightly off subject here, but seriously quitting several social networks has been the best thing Ive done. Its freed up more time to spend with friends in real life. I find myself calling instead of texting, visiting people more, studying more, training more. Plus I spoke with my ex recently first time in two months and she said deactivating had helped her heal too and now we are starting to become friends because of this time out.
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Old 29th June 2014, 2:27 AM   #10
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I'm very guilty of this as well. I've been particularly bummed over my ex recently & I couldn't figure out why. Then I realized I've been looking at his FB & his wife's FB (the woman he left me for) a lot lately. It's tough, but just keep retraining yourself not to, as much as it takes. This is really one of the exceptions where it's better to be left in the dark.
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Old 29th June 2014, 3:04 AM   #11
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Trust me, it'll get better with time. It's a very self-destructive habit but it'll go away if you want it to. I--like many others--used to have this problem. In fact, I checked their profile almost 3-4 times everyday to the point where I practically became obsessed with it. It's kind of ridiculous now that I think of it. Anyways, I haven't done it in months and I don't plan to anymore. The urge is even completely gone at this point, there's literally no incentive for me to check.

Just stick with the whole NC, block them, and find the strength to keep them blocked.
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Old 29th June 2014, 4:48 AM   #12
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Please block him. I was also in the same situation where I would always check my ex's FB profile.. I have not stalk since the block.. sometimes I still get the urge to do it.. But when I realised I have to unblock.. I remembered why I blocked her in the first place and find something else to occupy myself..

The only way to really move forward is to let the past stay exactly where it is.. In the past!

Last edited by Duude; 29th June 2014 at 4:50 AM..
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Old 29th June 2014, 5:59 AM   #13
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Why I don't check up on my ex
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Old 29th June 2014, 6:20 AM   #14
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Should've ignored him from the start, but since you didn't...

1. Delete his number from your phone
2. Delete him from your social networks
3. Never contact or have anything to do with him again so that your heart can begin deleting him

Sidenote: Next time break up your post into smaller chunks. You might've gotten more responses that way.
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Old 29th June 2014, 6:29 AM   #15
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I completely understand your pain - try not to be too hard on yourself about it. In this age of social media it becomes that much more difficult to sit with the grieving process and cut all ties. I too struggle with the same thing, I went from blocking to unblocking my ex's page several times.

I think what it really comes down to, is that the healing process, and the grieving process over the death of a relationship just takes time. It is so difficult to sit with these feelings of discomfort - I am wide awake at 5:00AM EST writing to you because I woke up in the middle of the night with a deep sense of heartache and pain, and couldn't fall back to sleep - it sucks, there is no way around it!! What you have to remember is that the urge to check on fb is either a) some sort of bandaid you are trying to slap onto your aching heart to feel connected to your ex and find immediate relief from the pain and/or b) a way to be punishing or hurting yourself by obsessing about your ex. But the time you are spending thinking of them, you are NOT spending thinking about what you need to do to take care of YOURSELF.

Have compassion for yourself, be patient and loving and kind with your tender heart, know that you are not alone and that by focusing your energy on YOURSELF and your own healing, your path to recovery will be so much faster. Social media stalking is not going to bring them back to you or turn the hand of fate - it will, however, prolong your healing. Good luck to you, and when you feel the urge, come reach out to people on the pages here!!
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