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Struggling with NC


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 5th June 2014, 10:48 PM   #1
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Struggling with NC

Hi LS,

Thank you for helping me cope since my BU about 5-6 weeks ago. We were together for 5 years. I'm 30 and she's 27. She said she doesn't feel the same way anymore and that she "loves me but NOT in love with me". It was sudden, and although we're have not seen each other as much like we used to (she started work on weekends at bar and clubs in the last few months), it was still a shock. She said she loves me the day before the BU happened and we were talking about buying a house together a week prior.

I didn't fight her decision because of what she said, I knew she has made up her mind and probably has already 'checked out'. I accepted her decision and left. We cancelled out joint account, return personal belongings ect.

2 days after the BU, I was told that my job has been made redundant (she also works at my company part-time). Talk about hitting rock bottom?

About a week after the BU, I bought her flowers to apologies and begged for another chance in an effort to win her back. I know, stupid right? (this was before I found this forum) She said she can't try again. From that day, I went NC and said I would need time before we can be friends.

A couple of days later I found out she was out drinking with her ex on FB, this is the guy apparently she was repulse by every time she has to mention him.

2 weeks after the break, she contacted me on FB saying she feel we should have lunch together at our company one last time before I leave. I did not replied and delete her from FB.

So, it's been about a month of NC and I thought things were getting better until last night. I couldn't stop thinking about what happened! I stayed up all night thinking about all the signs that lead to the BU. I'm almost certain that I was cheated on and that she is currently with someone else (most likely the ex). I know none of what really happened matters anymore but I couldn't stop thinking about it. It feels like I'm back to the first week of the BU.

I wanted to call her in the middle of the night to unleash my anger, something I have not done since the BU. I didn't, so that's why I'm writing my story here instead. I'm sorry it is long.

Right now, I feel angry, very sad. I seem to constantly switch back and forth from denial to acceptance. She was an amazing girl, very beautiful and I loved her deeply. I'm sticking to NC and trying my best to keep busy so that I don't think about her.
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Old 5th June 2014, 11:31 PM   #2
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Hey dude,

I really feel your pain. Good for you for going NC for a month. Don't worry about the flower incident; it's okay that you gave it one last try, you're only human. And sorry to hear about the job loss.

I was also dumped after a 5 year relationship and it was the worst experience of my life.

Just wanted to say it's going to take time to get over. A month is NOTHING. Vent on this forum instead of contacting your ex. Hang in there.
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Old 5th June 2014, 11:34 PM   #3
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I think you were lucky to at least get solid proof that someone else was in the picture. That should be all you need to know to move on. Even if you did get back with her, she will do it to you again. She doesn't value you the way that you should be valued.
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Old 6th June 2014, 12:18 AM   #4
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considerthis & marcjb
Thank you for your replies. I know it will take some time to heal. Since the break, there has not been a single morning where I have not thought about her. I know I have 2 choices:

1. To continue feeling sad, depress and in denial and hope that she will come back to me eventually.
2. To accept, move on and be happy again just like how I was before I met her.

Seems like an easy choice right? My silly heart and mind does not agree...
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Old 6th June 2014, 4:07 AM   #5
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Listen, man i have been where you are now and you can contact her but it wont solve anything. Plus it may hurt you depending on your personality and expectations.

I needed about 6 months to heal considerably from my breakup and believe me if i tell you time does heal. After that time contact or no contact it didnt matter anymore that other person was not important anymore.
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Old 6th June 2014, 6:44 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomised View Post
considerthis & marcjb
Thank you for your replies. I know it will take some time to heal. Since the break, there has not been a single morning where I have not thought about her. I know I have 2 choices:

1. To continue feeling sad, depress and in denial and hope that she will come back to me eventually.
2. To accept, move on and be happy again just like how I was before I met her.

Seems like an easy choice right? My silly heart and mind does not agree...

Listen: choice 2 is the way to go!

She broke up with me after 7years to be with someone else. Till this day a year later I'm moping and missing her while on NC. I was depressed and didn't do anything except ignore her. I regret that. I'm finally seeing that she hasn't called or text or emailed after a year and it's really over. I still ask my friends is this real. They are tired of me asking. So yes. It is over and you must do everything in your power to better yourself so one day she will notice what she has lost. Maybe she won't. But you must make yourself happy now. I can't believe after so much time as she's so happy in his arms I'm dying for her to be in mine. Thats delusional, don't be like me, a year later still on someone who could care less.

Please make yourself happy and not look back. One day she may walk back in but trust me I don't think things will be the same. The whole i love you but not in love with you. Yea. She said the same thing, do it make them feel better? Yea. They are very happy to move on and then make someone else their world.

I don't know what you will do but don't waste your time. She might see you with someone else, happier and want to come back begging. You should aspire to improve yourself and post up the next hot girl up on social media. She might think twice, by then, maybe you'll forget her too.
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Old 10th June 2014, 7:51 PM   #7
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I did a bit of online stalking this morning.. Sry I couldn't help it...
Confirmed she's back with her ex... I feel absolutely worthless..
Back to day 1 of NC!
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