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two week after break-up, I like someone else


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hermitinator

I have posted here before on my two-year relationship. I have finally ended it officially. It has been two weeks. He is taking it a lot harder than I am. I am trying to be supportive as possible.

 

 

That's not the problem.

 

 

Since I moved to Seattle, I had this instant attraction for one of my roommates. I opened up about these to another roommate who apparently knows that this guy liked me and was mutually attracted to me as well.

 

 

To cut to the chase, this weekend, we got drunk two times which ended in us making out and having sex. He admitted that he is attracted to me and that he likes me too, but that we might be playing with fire.

 

 

I'm realizing that I like him and that I might have fallen out of love with my now ex-boyfriend because of how easy these feelings are for this one guy.

 

 

I don't know what to think of these feelings, why I have them. If I should accept them or harbor them.

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elseaacych

Lots of relationships begin in the wake of old ones, because people "confuse" their feelings of despondency over the loss of the relationship for feelings of love.

 

I am not saying that is what is happening to you here. If you identify it as a feeling of love and attraction, it may very well be that, but you have got to identify why you like this new guy. Be wary of "rebounding". If you do like him and want to act on it, go for it.

 

If you two want to be serious, I'd wait at least 3 months before going public though, out of respect of your transitioning between the two relationships.

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What happened to taking things slow and getting to know the other person before getting physical? My experience is that it's the ones that start all hot and heavy end in disaster. But hey, you're still young so have fun, I guess.

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My best guess is you were emotionally preparing for the end with your ex long before the end. I was with my ex. This made it a lot easier for me to move on.

 

You can overthink this, judge it, try to figure it out, I say roll with it but listen your real feelings, your gut; be introspective. This new guy may/may not be the one; let it happen organically. The roomate situation needs to be figured out too as you are really no longer roomates.

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I have posted here before on my two-year relationship. I have finally ended it officially. It has been two weeks. He is taking it a lot harder than I am. I am trying to be supportive as possible.

 

 

That's not the problem.

 

 

Since I moved to Seattle, I had this instant attraction for one of my roommates. I opened up about these to another roommate who apparently knows that this guy liked me and was mutually attracted to me as well.

 

 

To cut to the chase, this weekend, we got drunk two times which ended in us making out and having sex. He admitted that he is attracted to me and that he likes me too, but that we might be playing with fire.

 

 

I'm realizing that I like him and that I might have fallen out of love with my now ex-boyfriend because of how easy these feelings are for this one guy.

 

 

I don't know what to think of these feelings, why I have them. If I should accept them or harbor them.

 

I've seen this before...

 

First and foremost your ex boyfriend...I feel for the guy but you have ever right to move on and not be with him. If you want to help your ex boyfriends move on, I would be straight forward with him and tell him that you are done forever, that you want him to heal and get over you. Do not tell him you are with someone else now though...he'll just assume you cheated. You need to stop talking to him.

 

Now, for the new guy...I think you've moved extremely fast with him. Attraction with someone is built slowly. I would take a step back, spend some time with yourself and enjoy being single for a little bit. Think about it, if it really is something that is meant to be, taking it slow shouldn't affect things and you'll be able to learn more about each other.

 

Just please, being a dumpee who has had his ex girlfriend torture him, make it as easy for your ex boyfriend as possible. Being supportive won't help him if you are in the arms of another man - you need to let him go and be straight up with him.

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harrybrown

Watch out for rebound relationships.

 

He may seem like Mr. wonderful, but you are moving too fast.

 

You need to find out more about him. He could me great or he could be much less.

 

And do be kind to the ex, and go NC with him. Tell him to move on. With the speed, he will think you cheated.

 

Hope all goes well with the new guy. Maybe he is your KISA.

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Yeah, Hi Mr. Rebound! You're looking rather spiffy today!

 

Sorry, but it is what it is. You're attracted to the closeness and the feeling of being in a (or exploring the possibility of) relationship with a new person.

 

But, here's the thing. You already said that your Ex boyfriend is taking being dumped by you very hard. Therefore, he's not ready to move on yet. And if and when he discovers you've been sleeping with your roommate or even entered into a relationship sooooo soon after the break up, he's going to automatically assume that you were cheating on him and left him for someone else. Hell, I would too! Screwing some guy within weeks of dumping me? No mourning the loss of me or our relationship? Did he really mean anything to you that you could do this without any thought to him or his feelings that you never even gave him the time to heal from this, and he's finding all of this out now? This is exactly what he's going to think. And it is going to gut him. Gut him to the core.

 

Now, you don't have to give a damn because it's none of his business what you do or who you do it with because you're not together anymore. But, I will tell you, he's going to hurt badly if he finds out. He's going to end up hating you. And if that's what he needs to do to get over you, then so be it. You be the bad guy so he can move on with his life.

 

But, do him a massive favor, don't contact him. You made the choice to have him out of your life. That was your choice. So, let him go. If he calls, let it go to voicemail. If he texts, ignore it. Block him off of your facebook. And unfollow him from all of your social media.

 

Let him move on and heal from this and pray that he doesn't find out about your roommate.

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Yeah, Hi Mr. Rebound! You're looking rather spiffy today!

 

Sorry, but it is what it is. You're attracted to the closeness and the feeling of being in a (or exploring the possibility of) relationship with a new person.

 

But, here's the thing. You already said that your Ex boyfriend is taking being dumped by you very hard. Therefore, he's not ready to move on yet. And if and when he discovers you've been sleeping with your roommate or even entered into a relationship sooooo soon after the break up, he's going to automatically assume that you were cheating on him and left him for someone else. Hell, I would too! Screwing some guy within weeks of dumping me? No mourning the loss of me or our relationship? Did he really mean anything to you that you could do this without any thought to him or his feelings that you never even gave him the time to heal from this, and he's finding all of this out now? This is exactly what he's going to think. And it is going to gut him. Gut him to the core.

 

Now, you don't have to give a damn because it's none of his business what you do or who you do it with because you're not together anymore. But, I will tell you, he's going to hurt badly if he finds out. He's going to end up hating you. And if that's what he needs to do to get over you, then so be it. You be the bad guy so he can move on with his life.

 

But, do him a massive favor, don't contact him. You made the choice to have him out of your life. That was your choice. So, let him go. If he calls, let it go to voicemail. If he texts, ignore it. Block him off of your facebook. And unfollow him from all of your social media.

 

Let him move on and heal from this and pray that he doesn't find out about your roommate.

Interesting reaction to her post, and I get your message, but why does she have to worry about how her ex feels about this, or will feel if he find sout? Yeah, that would be nice of her, but she is moving on. We all heal at different rates. For all I know my ex gf had sex with a man the night we broke up. That would be her choice as, well, we broke up. Would it hurt or bother me? Maybe, for a second, but emotionally I disconnected long before the actual breakup.

 

Your comment suggest the OP should think about her ex before she lives her life. Not sure I agree with that.

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Interesting reaction to her post, and I get your message, but why does she have to worry about how her ex feels about this, or will feel if he find sout? Yeah, that would be nice of her, but she is moving on. We all heal at different rates. For all I know my ex gf had sex with a man the night we broke up. That would be her choice as, well, we broke up. Would it hurt or bother me? Maybe, for a second, but emotionally I disconnected long before the actual breakup.

 

Your comment suggest the OP should think about her ex before she lives her life. Not sure I agree with that.

 

 

Because she said that she's trying to be supportive while he's having a tough time with the break up. That tells me that she still communicates with him. And we all know what happens next, he's going to start to fill himself up with false hope. Then, what happens when he discovers this other dude?

 

You said that when you had your break up, you stated that you had already emotionally disconnected with the relationship, she's written that he hasn't. He's still busted up over things. It's going to end up bad.

Edited by Chi townD
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Interesting reaction to her post, and I get your message, but why does she have to worry about how her ex feels about this, or will feel if he find sout? Yeah, that would be nice of her, but she is moving on. We all heal at different rates. For all I know my ex gf had sex with a man the night we broke up. That would be her choice as, well, we broke up. Would it hurt or bother me? Maybe, for a second, but emotionally I disconnected long before the actual breakup.

 

Your comment suggest the OP should think about her ex before she lives her life. Not sure I agree with that.

 

That's the thing, just because the person breaking up "emotionally checked out" long ago, doesn't mean that they should disregard their exes feelings. What's the hurt in waiting a few months before telling the world that you're already with/dating someone else?

 

I just think out of respect for what you once shared (assuming it's a LTR) that holding off for a little bit makes a worlds difference.

 

Not every thinks like I do though apparently. At the end of the day it's all self motivated agendas. Makes you wonder what relationships are really about.

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For the OP.

 

If you want to date that's fine, but I have a feeling this is rebounding, especially since it's only been 2 weeks.

 

I would just really think about all parties involved.

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This is gonna **** your ex's head right up!

 

I'd feel suicidal hearing that someone I love is banging someone only 2 weeks later. Be totally and utterly destroyed.

 

Tread carefully. You've got him by the balls ?

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I feel like I should put in my two cents on this subject...

 

I was in a 2+ year relationship with SO. Everything was great and we were looking for a house and a ring. She had cold feet weeks before the breakup and started to emotionally "check out" from the relationship.

 

When she dumped me I took it hard and like I imagine your ex is taking it now. She wanted to stay close and be friends and all this other BS to cope with her feelings towards me. Let me be the first to say, SCREW that. Don't try to be friends with your ex, you are leading him on and you can be as clear as day and he will twist your words into emotions that he needs to stop fighting for.

 

In respect to your rebound...

 

My ex started sleeping with her new guy 3-4 days after the BU. I go to school with both of them so not knowing she is making out with someone outside a class I have to enter is impossible. Anyway...

 

When he finds out, he will assume you are cheating and this guy has been around while you were still together. He will hate you for an indefinite amount of time. You will take his life and flip it upside down, crush it, and spit on the ashes... I understand that you, like him, want to have someone in your life to comfort and be with since you both have a lot of time and feelings that need to be put somewhere.

 

Put them on yourself though. Make yourself a better person. No one is perfect and although you broke up with him there are things you do that need to change. Figure those out and work on them.

 

This could be suppressed rage toward my ex, and I'm sorry if it comes across that way, but post-BU is such an amazing time to really love yourself and figure out who you truly are. Take the time and figure it out instead of jumping into another relationship.

 

TL;DR

Be the bigger person and maintain NC, Don't jump into a new relationship, rediscover love for yourself, He is going to resent you and assume things...

 

That being said, it is your life and you will learn from your mistakes so live it to the fullest!!!

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That's the thing, just because the person breaking up "emotionally checked out" long ago, doesn't mean that they should disregard their exes feelings. What's the hurt in waiting a few months before telling the world that you're already with/dating someone else?

 

I just think out of respect for what you once shared (assuming it's a LTR) that holding off for a little bit makes a worlds difference.

 

Not every thinks like I do though apparently. At the end of the day it's all self motivated agendas. Makes you wonder what relationships are really about.

This and Chi towns reply make sense to me.

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Strength in Healing

Lol, branch swinging.

 

Enjoy swimming in the fire. You'll understand soon.

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Just to give you an example of the impact this probably will have on your ex, let me give you a snippet of my story. My ex started having sex with a guy she developed feelings for six months prior to the break up. I was very suspicious of her for the first few months when she told me she had feelings for him, but I learned to trust her again through the experience as I truly loved her and knew the circumstances, we were going through a rough patch in our LDR, and forgave her. I even liked the guy she developed feelings for, I thought the past was behind us. Once I found out she was having sex with him and thinking of dating him three days after leaving me, I felt as if a knife was extending from my gut. My world was shattered, my self worth was nothing. It took four months for me to get over that.

 

You might not have cheated on him, but he will perceive it that way. He will experience pain and rejection, and you will be perceived badly in his eyes. Do what you want as you deserve happiness, but one person's happiness can and usually is someone else's misfortune. He will feel like dirt if he finds out. I personally would wait and focus on self improvement for the next few months, but everyone has different methods of recovering through heartbreak.

Edited by Bishop556
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hermitinator

I am not in a relationship with this new guy. I said I was attracted to him. Big difference. I have already specified and he acknowledged and understands that I just got out of a relationship so the prospect of all this is complicated. I told him that I am looking for something casual, I just want to see what is out there. Honestly, that is a healthy process after a relationship; you just have to communicate your intentions and other people have to at least know the situation you are in so that they are not pulled by a string. I stated my intentions. In no way, do I see a relationship developing from this kind of situation. For this situation to lead to a relationship, there would have to be dates involved.

 

 

Why is everyone always against rebounds? Human beings are sexual beings. Accept it and move on. Your ex nor are you a horrible person because you had a rebound(s). I understand that one has to approach them cautiously though.

 

 

Lastly, I will take your advice on not leading on my ex-boyfriend. That is my intention.

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FredJones80

Why is everyone always against rebounds? Human beings are sexual beings. Accept it and move on. Your ex nor are you a horrible person because you had a rebound(s). I understand that one has to approach them cautiously though.

 

Rebound sex is different to a rebound relationship.

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johnpatric

In short you feel that you like him and whatever you did, it all okay and you don't have any problem with him then its okay nothing wrong with that.. because this is the fastest way to get over from the break up so be positive and just follow your heart..

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I am not in a relationship with this new guy. I said I was attracted to him. Big difference. I have already specified and he acknowledged and understands that I just got out of a relationship so the prospect of all this is complicated. I told him that I am looking for something casual, I just want to see what is out there. Honestly, that is a healthy process after a relationship; you just have to communicate your intentions and other people have to at least know the situation you are in so that they are not pulled by a string. I stated my intentions. In no way, do I see a relationship developing from this kind of situation. For this situation to lead to a relationship, there would have to be dates involved.

 

 

Why is everyone always against rebounds? Human beings are sexual beings. Accept it and move on. Your ex nor are you a horrible person because you had a rebound(s). I understand that one has to approach them cautiously though.

 

 

Lastly, I will take your advice on not leading on my ex-boyfriend. That is my intention.

Well said, and good for you. The key here is communication and setting expectatqions and boundaries.

 

I too question why everyone is so negative about a rebound. Somebody has to be your first after a relationship ends, right? I waited 4 months post seperation from my marriage before I started dating someone. She knew exactly where I was, how I felt, and I communicated to her all the time. She use to tell me "you can talk to me about your seperation, your upcoming divorce, her, how you feel, etc." I chose not to and told her this. Those were things I needed to navigate thru on my own, not with her.

 

After 4 months of dating I ended the relationship. I felt horrible for her, but at the same time I was very open and honest with her the entire time.

 

OP, I say enjoy yourself, and continue to be introspective and communicate with this man you are sleeping with. Pay attention to your feelings and listen to his. If one of you starts to want more, end it or revisit your initial agreement/talk.

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Why is everyone always against rebounds? Human beings are sexual beings. Accept it and move on. Your ex nor are you a horrible person because you had a rebound(s). I understand that one has to approach them cautiously though.

 

 

Because with rebounds, someone usually ends up getting hurt. Either your Ex or the person you're rebounding with.

 

You can read thread after thread on here about someone that ended up being someone's rebound. They get emotionally invested in this person and then get dumped out of the blue because either, they person healed enough to move on, or they never really got over their Ex's (some even end up going back to their Ex's).

 

But, here's the rub. You came on here because something was bugging you. Bugging you enough to start a thread of your own. Your thread title is that you broke up two weeks ago and now you like someone else. That tells me that you are looking to invest yourself more into this person. Yet, your last post, you play it off as the two of you are well aware that you are nothing more than friends with benefits.

 

So, now I'm confused. What exactly is bugging you? What exactly are you looking for here?

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I have posted here before on my two-year relationship. I have finally ended it officially. It has been two weeks. He is taking it a lot harder than I am. I am trying to be supportive as possible.

 

 

That's not the problem.

 

 

Since I moved to Seattle, I had this instant attraction for one of my roommates. I opened up about these to another roommate who apparently knows that this guy liked me and was mutually attracted to me as well.

 

 

To cut to the chase, this weekend, we got drunk two times which ended in us making out and having sex. He admitted that he is attracted to me and that he likes me too, but that we might be playing with fire.

 

 

I'm realizing that I like him and that I might have fallen out of love with my now ex-boyfriend because of how easy these feelings are for this one guy.

 

 

I don't know what to think of these feelings, why I have them. If I should accept them or harbor them.

 

Here's my 3 cents.

 

I don't believe in any of what you are saying.

 

Sorry, but if you really cared for your ex the way you did, you wouldn't have screwed this guy so fast.

 

Just sounds like you want to get rid of some guilt. And the reason you're posting this has got to be this.

 

In my years of being on this planet, it's a very rare case that a woman sleeps with a man for the first times and doesn't want to pursue a relationship.

 

I don't know, but I don't think your words match what you really desire. In fact, it sounds like this guy isn't committing but you want to.

 

You're tellling these people that this "just happened" I'll tell you from my personal experience, from seeing it happen WITH ME, and to me: Women don't just "fall for a guy" within a few days. It usually festers up weeks and weeks unless he's incredibly physically attractive, and even with that, most women don't jump straight out of a relationship into another one unless there was something there a LONG time after it happened.

 

Sounds like you're on here to try to feel better about what you did, but I'll be honest: chances are this wasn't just some "random occurrence" that happened.

 

I remember my ex said that she knew this guy for months that she worked with, and that only recently it just "Happened" when we broke up. Unfortunately, her co-workers showed me hard evidence: she was outright flirting with him when we were together, she had jumped at the chance to take car rides with him when he wrecked his car driving drunk, and that she was badmouthing me at work. She had planned a LONG TIME to get with the dude, but first, had to try to sabotage me as to not feel guilty.

 

You said you just ended it, right? Guessing this was recent, huh? By chance, did you end it BEFORE or after you screwed the dude's brains out?

 

Although I could be wrong, my gut tells me that there was something WAY before you dumped your boyfriend, and this guy was enough motivation to end it. Spin it anyway you want, but that's textbook cheating right there.

 

Do yourself a favor, and him as well, even if he hates you, HE NEEDS TO. You already screwed up any chance of a friendship with him by being involved so quickly with another man. Even if you told him the truth, he is not going to believe you. Heck, I don't believe you.

 

I was on the end of what you did, and even if you are telling the truth, he is not going to believe you. Cause you are going to destroy his self-worth by not being honest when you should have. And it'll be much worse when he knows another man is on the scene.

 

He's going to probably turn bitter and dislike you harshly for an indefinite amount of time. The good news is that you don't seem to purposely want to harm him.

 

Judging by your picture, you sound like you're in your 20s, so this is actually kinda normal, so here's what you need to do.

 

If you want to talk to your ex, tell him that you want to move on and that from now on, we don't speak. Do not even invite him to a future meetup. Close the door. If you want to talk to him, you'll find him.

 

Then, block him, do whatever it takes to give him the message:

 

He deserves someone that wants him

 

And you deserve to be happy in a relationship

 

Just don't give this guy hope.

 

Sincerely, a guy that's been there.

Edited by Natsume21
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I am not in a relationship with this new guy. I said I was attracted to him. Big difference. I have already specified and he acknowledged and understands that I just got out of a relationship so the prospect of all this is complicated. I told him that I am looking for something casual, I just want to see what is out there. Honestly, that is a healthy process after a relationship; you just have to communicate your intentions and other people have to at least know the situation you are in so that they are not pulled by a string. I stated my intentions. In no way, do I see a relationship developing from this kind of situation. For this situation to lead to a relationship, there would have to be dates involved.

 

 

Why is everyone always against rebounds? Human beings are sexual beings. Accept it and move on. Your ex nor are you a horrible person because you had a rebound(s). I understand that one has to approach them cautiously though.

 

 

Lastly, I will take your advice on not leading on my ex-boyfriend. That is my intention.

 

I'm not really against rebounds, but I am against how they are gotten most of the time: through deception and unjust justifying.

 

It's true that as animals we are not all built for monogamy, but studies have proven that even certain gorilla species are naturally monogamous. Relationships are just as part of human nature as having multiple sex partners.

 

Beside that, the problem with rebounds, and this situation is that you seem to know what to do but you don't want to do it.

 

You say that this is a casual relationship, but it seems your actions betray that. Sounds like you're wanting a relationship with this guy but you're afraid of taking the chance...or you are ready but he isn't.

 

Also, a desire for a relationship happens if one or more parties is not okay with the other dating someone.

 

The fact that you dumped your ex and was so quick to get drunk and sleep with this guy, and want to repeatedly may suggest that this is fun.

 

But the fact that these feelings bother you means that these are "feelings" the kind of feelings a woman gets when she wants a man to be hers and hers only.

 

Suffice it to say, you're falling for this guy.

 

This was never really a casual thing for you. But it sure it for him.

 

What should you do with your ex?

 

Do what you should have done in the first place....cut off communication. When he finds out, he's going to hate you.

 

And honestly, I can't blame him.

 

Time for everyone to move on.--Natsume21

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hermitinator

You are correct. Something was bugging me, but not what you all have been justifying.

 

 

I had been falling out of love with my ex a year into the two-year relationship. I knew things were spiraling downhill, but I thought that we could "fix" the relationship, that he could grow up.

 

 

Honestly, this has nothing to do with my ex-boyfriend. My actions portray me, not him. I am not obligated to think about him when I make a choice. As in, I am not a possession of his.

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hermitinator
Here's my 3 cents.

 

I don't believe in any of what you are saying.

 

Sorry, but if you really cared for your ex the way you did, you wouldn't have screwed this guy so fast.

 

Just sounds like you want to get rid of some guilt. And the reason you're posting this has got to be this.

 

In my years of being on this planet, it's a very rare case that a woman sleeps with a man for the first times and doesn't want to pursue a relationship.

 

I don't know, but I don't think your words match what you really desire. In fact, it sounds like this guy isn't committing but you want to.

 

You're tellling these people that this "just happened" I'll tell you from my personal experience, from seeing it happen WITH ME, and to me: Women don't just "fall for a guy" within a few days. It usually festers up weeks and weeks unless he's incredibly physically attractive, and even with that, most women don't jump straight out of a relationship into another one unless there was something there a LONG time after it happened.

 

Sounds like you're on here to try to feel better about what you did, but I'll be honest: chances are this wasn't just some "random occurrence" that happened.

 

I remember my ex said that she knew this guy for months that she worked with, and that only recently it just "Happened" when we broke up. Unfortunately, her co-workers showed me hard evidence: she was outright flirting with him when we were together, she had jumped at the chance to take car rides with him when he wrecked his car driving drunk, and that she was badmouthing me at work. She had planned a LONG TIME to get with the dude, but first, had to try to sabotage me as to not feel guilty.

 

You said you just ended it, right? Guessing this was recent, huh? By chance, did you end it BEFORE or after you screwed the dude's brains out?

 

Although I could be wrong, my gut tells me that there was something WAY before you dumped your boyfriend, and this guy was enough motivation to end it. Spin it anyway you want, but that's textbook cheating right there.

 

Do yourself a favor, and him as well, even if he hates you, HE NEEDS TO. You already screwed up any chance of a friendship with him by being involved so quickly with another man. Even if you told him the truth, he is not going to believe you. Heck, I don't believe you.

 

I was on the end of what you did, and even if you are telling the truth, he is not going to believe you. Cause you are going to destroy his self-worth by not being honest when you should have. And it'll be much worse when he knows another man is on the scene.

 

He's going to probably turn bitter and dislike you harshly for an indefinite amount of time. The good news is that you don't seem to purposely want to harm him.

 

Judging by your picture, you sound like you're in your 20s, so this is actually kinda normal, so here's what you need to do.

 

If you want to talk to your ex, tell him that you want to move on and that from now on, we don't speak. Do not even invite him to a future meetup. Close the door. If you want to talk to him, you'll find him.

 

Then, block him, do whatever it takes to give him the message:

 

He deserves someone that wants him

 

And you deserve to be happy in a relationship

 

Just don't give this guy hope.

 

Sincerely, a guy that's been there.

 

 

Do not portray your own insecure experiences on me! You had an experience in which your ex-girlfriend was unfaithful. Don't assume that every woman that leaves her man is unfaithful. I made the decision to break up with my now-ex-boyfriend separate from my feelings for another man. Honestly, there is so much more to a relationship declining than a possibility of another man. If you think that a woman leaves you for another man, you should look at the whole pictures of the relationship. There were a million flags that I decided to 'pass go'. I have been doubting this relationship at the second year mark and I was finally honest with myself and realized he is not right for me, that he is not what I want or need in my life right now.

 

A man like you, though, will always interpret anything a woman says as: "another man is involved".

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