BroknHrt Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 Backstory of my relationship: We are both turning 21 this month. We were each other's high school sweethearts and first loves. We each lost our virginity to each other. We talked about marriage and kids often. I was very romantic and treated her great. Breakup: She dumped me in December because I was smoking weed and lying to her about it. She used to smoke with me, but she had told me we would break up if I smoked again. I also got black out drunk the night before she dumped me. Aftermath breakup: She texted me a week after break up saying she missed me. We had sporadic contact and a month after breakup she promised we were getting back together. We saw each other 5 times after break up and on three of those times we had sex. The last being 2 months ago. Before the last hookup she had been ignoring me for 3weeks. When she came back into my life she told me she forgave me and she knew she wanted to marry me and she said she loved me. There were tears the last time we saw each other but after sex we said we loved each other. 2 days later she calls to tell me she wants to move on. She changed phone number. Blocked me on fb. Deleted all of our fb pics and I found our she had been dating somebody for over a month and they had posted fb pics with each other kissing on spring break 2 days b4 we had sex. Now: I still feel used and betrayed and I have not heard from her in two months. I still check her Instagram daily and I know that's a problem. I did a lot of stalkerish and climgy/needy things after the break up and that pushed her away. She almost filed harassment charges on me a month and a half ago. I love this girl and I know she loves me, but everything went downhill quickly and her parents and her friends do not like me. My parents and friends think she is a bit** as well. There is definitely more detail to the story but I'm wondering if she will ever talk to me again and if this guy she is with is a rebound. She cheated on him with me and he knows about that but is still with her. She seems like she is so happy and is moved on so quickly and I don't understand how. I need advice Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 The advice is simple, because you don't have any choices. You can't win her back, you have to get strong and stop looking at her instagram. You have to go full no contact, and accept it is over. Don't fight the pain or the thoughts when they come, accept them and allow them to pass in your head. You cannot undo what is done. It is of little consolation but the odds of ANY relationship that started out so young working out is horrendously low. It was never going to happen my friend. Keep moving forward, stay NC. You have to work towards accepting what has happened. She moved onto him. To everyone else, let this be another lesson as to why having sex with an ex is a bad idea... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BroknHrt Posted May 11, 2014 Author Share Posted May 11, 2014 She told me the entire time that I houldht worry about her dating someone else and that she wanted to be independent n single for awhile. Obviously she is with another dude but how has she moved on so quickly when she kept telling me we were going to get back together. Will she ever contact me again? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tressugar Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 It's time to move on dude! Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 She'll contact you once things start going bad with this new guy. And if you're okay being used like that, she'll be happy to use you until the next new guy comes along. This girl isn't who you had hoped or thought she was. She's bad news. You have to move along to someone who really is who you THOUGHT this one was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BroknHrt Posted May 11, 2014 Author Share Posted May 11, 2014 What sucks the most is I got absolutely no closure. Link to post Share on other sites
Always Pondering Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 The advice is simple, because you don't have any choices. You can't win her back, you have to get strong and stop looking at her instagram. You have to go full no contact, and accept it is over. This is straightforward. To OP, I checked my ex's instagram/Facebook quite a lot a long time ago and it does not do squat for you. All it does is hurt you in the end so this is really something you should stop doing. It's one of the things you have to do in the process of NC and even though it may be hard for you, it just has to be done. My opinion is I do not think she'll contact you (if so) for reconciliation so you should just move on as painful as that is to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
ahthepain Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I feel for you buddy. My ex of 3 years broke up with me so suddenly. Kissed me goodnight said she loves me with all her heart and the next morning ended it forever. Her reason was she wanted to be single for a long time and not have the hassle of a relationship ... she got in a full blown relationship with a guy she met 3 days prior on a mobile dating app ... I wouldn't worry about closure too much. The weeks after our breakup my ex saw me a number of times and talked to me for hours giving me all the answers I wanted, however they clearly weren't all true. So it has made me just as angry I guess. So try not to worry about closure too much it can be a double edged sword. I know her new guy is a rebound and it won't last but I keep telling myself 6 weeks post BU I have to move on. I figure it this way - It's not possible to wait for her and stay sane and if she did she come back in the future I should be in the frame of mind where I no longer need her at all and I'm happy and confident in myself. You are still young, go get out there and try to enjoy things. The guys and girls on this forum are such a great help so keep posting and best of luck dude. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Marco Valerio Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 She'll contact you once things start going bad with this new guy. And if you're okay being used like that, she'll be happy to use you until the next new guy comes along. This girl isn't who you had hoped or thought she was. She's bad news. You have to move along to someone who really is who you THOUGHT this one was. Totally agree with it. You don't have any other option, move on, she's not the type of gf you want in your life. I'm sorry for all the pain you have to go trough. Cheer up friend!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BroknHrt Posted May 11, 2014 Author Share Posted May 11, 2014 I am moving on and I feel better everyday. I still haven't let go of the fact that it is over forever. It also is painful to see that she has moved on so quickly and is happily in a new relationship. At times I miss what she used to be, but overall I am pissed and angry how things ended. Thanks for the advice guys. Hopefully I get to the point where I have let go and don't care soon. It's hard to do that when you truly love someone though. Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 ...she has moved on so quickly and is happily in a new relationship. This is a common misconception held by people in these contexts. Even if she is happy, her happiness is really drug-like and very temporary. She is running from her problems, but the funny thing about problems, is we get tired after running so long, but the problems don't -- they'll catch up. Her happiness, if it even exists right now, is temporary. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BroknHrt Posted May 11, 2014 Author Share Posted May 11, 2014 I keep thinking she is in a rebound and will only be temporarily happy as she is avoiding problems, but then I sometimes believe she will continue to be happy and is going to be with this new guy for awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
Natsume21 Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I keep thinking she is in a rebound and will only be temporarily happy as she is avoiding problems, but then I sometimes believe she will continue to be happy and is going to be with this new guy for awhile. This thinking is beyond damaging. Rebound, it may be, but the chances of her rebounding you are low. She'll probably find someone else to jump onto. Aside from that, do you actually think it's a rebound or a rebound from you? Do you think/feel that she belongs to you? Sorry to say, but she doesn't. The less you treat this as YOUR girlfriend, the less you'll worried. She wants to explore. What's worse. She lied and cheated on you. What's not to say she won't do it again? You want to be proud for dating/being married to a liar and a cheater? Are you that desperate? I don't think you are. Forget about rebounds and all of it, she left you to be with someone else. Shut down your ego(easier said than done) say "I am a catch for someone" and go out and prove it. That's why No Contact is essential to healing. This is a goodbye. It was young, it was bound to happen. She may come back, she may not, but till then, accept the worst case(or in your case, the best) that she isn't coming back and find someone with a little more concern for their fellow man. --Natsume21 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BroknHrt Posted May 12, 2014 Author Share Posted May 12, 2014 Also, her mom pressured her to dump me and forced her to change her phone number and not talk to me. How does that change things? Link to post Share on other sites
Natsume21 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Also, her mom pressured her to dump me and forced her to change her phone number and not talk to me. How does that change things? Got the SAME excuse from my ex. It was a lie there are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many ways out there for girls to talk to guys thanks to social media...e-mail, facebook, snapchat, you name it. I've seen girls sneak out of their parents house and make alternate accounts and numbers just to talk to someone they like. That is no excuse. She doesn't want to be with you anymore. Don't blame yourself. It's hard to swallow the truth It really is. Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Closure is a cliche an over-rated fantasy What sucks the most is I got absolutely no closure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ahthepain Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Closure is a cliche an over-rated fantasy Completely agree. Infact it can make things alot worse and leave you with even more hurt feelings and anger. I was able to see my ex over three times post BU and each time for hours ask all the questions I wanted to. What she said either hurt me more or as I have found out now just wasn't true. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BroknHrt Posted May 12, 2014 Author Share Posted May 12, 2014 Got the SAME excuse from my ex. It was a lie there are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many ways out there for girls to talk to guys thanks to social media...e-mail, facebook, snapchat, you name it. I've seen girls sneak out of their parents house and make alternate accounts and numbers just to talk to someone they like. That is no excuse. She doesn't want to be with you anymore. Don't blame yourself. It's hard to swallow the truth It really is. It's very hard to swallow the truth. The truth that she doesn't want me anymore and believes she can find better. I want her to live a happy life, but I hope she regrets this decision and feels guilty late on for the way she treated me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BroknHrt Posted May 12, 2014 Author Share Posted May 12, 2014 On a second note, her bday is in 12 days and while I don't expect a reply I still believe it would be nice of me to say Happy B-Day. I don't have intentions on getting her back. My only intention is to show I hold no grudges and to wish her the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Lifegoezon Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Errrr. No. Birthdays are not a reason to break no contact, they are an excuse used by dumpees who are refusing to let go. She cheated on you. Why would you care what kind of birthday she has? You don't owe her any proof that you hold no grudges. Don't do it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BroknHrt Posted May 12, 2014 Author Share Posted May 12, 2014 She didn't technically cheat cuz we were broken up. I only found out she was with the dude 2 days after we had sex by seeing her kissing pictures with him on Facebook. That happened only 3 months post BU and 2 months ago. I won't say happy b-day. We were each other's first for everything and I still don't understand how she could become so close to him so soon. Link to post Share on other sites
7yearsbroken Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 This is a common misconception held by people in these contexts. Even if she is happy, her happiness is really drug-like and very temporary. She is running from her problems, but the funny thing about problems, is we get tired after running so long, but the problems don't -- they'll catch up. Her happiness, if it even exists right now, is temporary. Is this really so? I would like to believe so as I continue NC, but there's no sure way I'll know unless she begs to come back. My question is, is there any way to really know is she's really happy. She would fake it and who knows if this new guy is "the one" for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BroknHrt Posted May 14, 2014 Author Share Posted May 14, 2014 I've realized that if she loved me like she said she did then this relationship will falter with the new man and if not then she didn't love me like I thought and in that case I don't want her anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Yup at the end of the day, the sad reality still exists : You didn't work; what you once had is now dead and gone. They made a choice, and that choice was NOT you. Completely agree. Infact it can make things alot worse and leave you with even more hurt feelings and anger. I was able to see my ex over three times post BU and each time for hours ask all the questions I wanted to. What she said either hurt me more or as I have found out now just wasn't true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BroknHrt Posted May 16, 2014 Author Share Posted May 16, 2014 I'm not suffering a setback today, but I am confused...My ex created a new instagram a few weeks ago..I figured out her old instagram password and hacked into it and found out information on her about 2 months ago. The problem is...the new instagram account has the SAME password that she used on her old instagram...I just checked to make sure, although I did not look and snoop through any pictures. I immediately logged out. My question: Did she purposefully create a new account with the same password as before? (She knows that I know this password) I guess it doesn't matter, but either she is really stupid (possibly) or she wants to play games with me even though we haven't talked in over two months. I dont want to hear the it doesn't matter move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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