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Cannot stop thinking about my ex


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Hi this is my first post and I have recently been dumped by my girlfriend of 3 years. It was exactly a week ago from this day. We were in a long term relationship for most of the relationship (she had to transfer colleges, which I found out about even before we started dating). I was not sure about a being in a LDR in college, but there was something about this girl that I couldn't give up on.

 

The distance was very hard but we were always able to make it work. I felt as if we had the perfect relationship, no fighting, no hatred towards each other, we had loyalty and trust, and we opened up to each other about everything. She told me after about two years that she could see herself spending the rest of her life with me.

 

So, when I think everything is going perfect, were both about to graduate from our colleges, I was looking forward to finally living with her and possibly spending my life with her, she one day dumps me out of the blue. She tells me that if I love her, I have to let her go. She said she needs space and time to figure out what she wants to do with her career after she graduates. She told me I did nothing wrong and that she still loves me and wants to be with me but she can't.

 

This devastated me, I thought everything was perfect, I thought I had the perfect girl. This past week has been very rough on me. I never felt so hurt and so depressed in my life. She texted me a few times and every time I text her back she doesn't respond. Im still deeply in love with her. How do I gain the strength to not text her?

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You just don't. It is as easy as that. Every time you feel the "need" to text her, go over to our coping forum, and pour your heart out into the "Post Here Instead of Texting Your Ex" thread.

 

I guarantee you, someone there will read it and acknowledge it, and give you a better, more thoughtful reply than your ex ever would. (Your ex will ignore you at best, continue to say and do things to hurt you at worst. You DO NOT WANT THAT.)

 

You also need to read this thread, right now. Learn it. Live it. Be it.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide

 

Bottom line is, you need to establish some distance between yourself, the woman who hurt you. The ONLY way you can do that is cutting off ALL contact with her. You cannot win anyone's heart, especially if they left you willingly. The only person you can win back here is YOURSELF. Take some time for yourself, reflect, grieve, and move on. It will take a little more time than you think. Remember: IT'S ALL GOING TO BE OKAY ONCE YOU PUT YOURSELF FIRST AND LET GO OF THE RELATIONSHIP. <3

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I am sorry man, welcome to the club of the "LDR-dumped-without-apparent-reason-yet-still-in-love" fellows. It hurts badly, I know, and it will last for a long time. But hey, you are not alone. You will find it relieving to share your thoughts with the community.

 

As for now, listen to what elseaacych said. Any text you would send to her in this moment would just push her further away, so don't.

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Yeah, stop responding to her texts. She knows she hurt you out of the blue and she feels guilty about it. But, once you respond to her texts, then she knows you're fine and she goes about her own life with her guilt put at ease a little.

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Thanks for the advice, I am just still shocked how a couple can be together and in love for so long and then just one day it ends out of the blue, especially when she claims I did nothing wrong. I want to improve myself, but how can I improve myself if I don't know what to improve?

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You make positive changes in your life. Some changes are really simple and can be done in a day and some are a little time consuming.

 

 

First thing you need to do is get a new hairstyle. Something people will notice and like. Then, you buy a new wardrobe. If you're a jeans and t-shirt with gym shoes kind of guy, then change it to designer jeans with a button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to mid arm, a skinny hipster tie. A vest, belt and leather shoes. Dress to impress. GQ 24/7. You want people to say, "DAMN DUDE!!! Looking sharp!" That's going to help your self esteem.

 

 

Then, get to the gym. Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. This will help you burn off the stress and frustrations you're having right now. PLUS!!!! If you eat right and get plenty of sleep, you're going to be working on that rock hard and ripped bod that girls are DEFINETLY going to notice! There are top three things girls love to touch. 1. Kittens 2. Puppies 3. six pack abs.

 

 

Then, make the best of your college degree. Get a job, BUT! focus on getting your Masters. The higher the education, the more financial opportunities are going to open up for you. Then, you'll be able to afford that nice little townehouse in an awesome neighborhood in the burbs and you'll be able to afford that car you've always wanted.

 

 

Then, get yourself a new hobby. Something that you'll think you'll enjoy. If you find a hobby, odds are there's going to be a club in your area with people that have a shared interest. Join them! Get out there and meet new people! So, join a running club, or cycling club, or Mens soccer league, or co-ed sports, or dive lessons, or a cooking class or photography class....skies the limit dude! Just put yourself out there! Stay busy and get involved!

 

 

Then, travel! There's a big world outside your door that needs to be explored! Do simple things at first and drag some friends with you. Deep sea fishing in the Florida Keys, or cattle driving in Arizona, or fantasy baseball camp, or dog sledding in Minnesota or white water rafting in West Virginia. Then, when your financial situation improves, travel outside the country! England, France, Spain, Japan, Thailand, The Bahamas!

 

 

That's how you make improvements to your life.

 

 

The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life.

Edited by Chi townD
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