Should I just dump him?

[julia1897]

I've been dating this guy from work about 5 months now. Everything was going absolutely great and he was super sweet, he always said how much he loved and appreciated me all the time and seemed to show it. He's given me keys to his apt and wanted to make plans to move in together. He's told all his family about me, including his mom, and wants me to meet his brother and sister in law here in Canada. (he's Russian so the rest of his family is back there).

 

A few weeks ago trouble started when I found out that he met up with one of his Russian female friends for a beer late at night and didn't tell me, and lied to me about it when I asked him. I was moreso mad at the fact that he lied,its not like he's not allowed to have female friends, why be so sketchy with me about it? I don't know her, she's a friend of his family. I got super upset at him about his lying. I was still feeling a little upset and disturbed afterwards about everything, and he knew because I was being a little cold with him.

 

In our fight I briefly mentioned that I didn't like that his Facebook status, and also his russian fb, was still set to "single" after over 4 mths of dating. I'm actually not super into FB and don't usually put much into it, but at least have the courtesy to at least take single off and leave it as blank.It was just a minor thing but when I was upset about his lying it just came out.

 

Anyways, I see one day early in the morning that he changed everything to "in a relationship" with me. That actually did make me feel a lot better, that he was making such a public declaration I had nothing to worry about. But then I saw that shortly after he set all his privacy settings so that he hid it so only he could see our relationship settings on his profile. I asked him why his profile status was suddenly hidden, and he lied to me again saying he didn't know why- it was bothering me tho and later it took me like 2 hrs to get him to finally admit the truth. I had to pry it out he just kept denying. Now I was feeling really hurt and upset, as everyone knew we were dating why would he want to hide it? He said something about being scared or comments from co- workers at work that day, I dunno. I was especially upset that he deceived me again, after I was just so upset the first time he did it.

 

There's some other little things, but the icing on the cake was that he lent me his old computer- whose history is connected to his home computer- while mine was getting fixed. I was feeling really upset and mistrusting at this point so I searched the history. I found out that since we've been dating, he's logged on to two Russian live web cam sex sites. I dont care at all about porn, heck i warch porn, but its def something different on an interactive website with real women. It was still logged on to all his accounts, so of course I looked (and instant translated). The purpose of these sites seem pretty clear. I confronted him about it, and he said that he didn't do anything sexual on it at all since he 's been with me. (he was logged on two nights on a row, once for almost an hour). He admitted that yes.. He talked for a bit with a girl that he met on there before, but they were just platonic friends and just talked. Has he never heard of skype then? Why a sex themed website? Hmmmm....

I also saw that he accepted a friend request on his account.

 

Either way, in the best case scenario I'm really hurt by this. He admitted that he used those sites a lot before we met, but obviously he had some sort of past connection/history with her, and seeked her out late at night instead of talking (or doing other stuff) with me. There's never a good reason to log into any kind of site like that when you're in a committed relationship, I don't care what you say. These girls are over in Russia somewhere and I know he would never cheat on me physically. But I have to say this kind of feels like cheating, in whatever way, even if it was just life chatting. He says he loves me more than hes ever loved anyone before, and he'll do anything to earn my trust back. He seems so genuine in how much he cares about me, and I can see this is eating him up as well. I don't know if this can even be fixed though, or else is it just time to fully throw in the towel and be free from this drama.

Edited April 24, 2014 by julia1897