So I ended it with her...

[EvansR]

Well, I'd been seeing this girl for a few weeks and she kept making these crazy demands - the weirdest of which was forcing me to maintain a friendship with my ex. She kept playing mind games, and I had to say enough is enough. Everyone on here who said she wasn't looking for a real relationship, congratulations, you were spot on... again.

 

And then yesterday my ex started talking to me telling me my haircut makes me look cute (She Whatsapp messaged me incredibly quickly after me posting the picture to Facebook), and then we started talking about my breakup, and I don't know what it was, but everything she was saying rubbed me up the wrong way. She started telling me that she was seeing some guy, but the guy already has a girlfriend, and my ex is just his 'bit on the side' (she thinks they're just in a secret relationship, and when I told her he's using her, she accused me of being jealous) and they spend all their time talking. If it wasn't that my ex is in Spain, I would find that cheating SOB and perform some amateur dentistry on him. I don't know if it's because he's cheating on his gf or because he's treating my ex like crap, but I wanna kill this guy (figuratively).

 

And that got me thinking about my ex a lot, and I told her I care about her and I don't want her getting used. She told me she's open to sex with me too, and I told her that isn't the point! This girl annoys me to the very core of me, but even at her most annoying I think of her like family. Anyway, last night we got into this huge argument where I essentially shot down all of her dreams and aspirations as being unreasonable, called her a compulsive liar and told her she confuses sex for love. And I'm putting it incredibly lightly on here, in the messages, I tore her apart. It physically sickens me when I read over what I wrote. You shouldn't say stuff like that when you care about someone, even if it's true.

 

She's blocked me from everything, Whatsapp, Facebook, Twitter, even dumb stuff I never use like Snapchat. And I don't know what it is, but I need to make things right. I screwed up big time. And I know she's my ex, and I'm not wanting her back or anything, but the way I left things is not right. Once I told her that my new ex wanted me and her to be friends, she was really happy about it, and she used to talk to me all the time and she'd get annoyed when I wouldn't talk all day or for 2 or 3 days. I'd like to add though, I think it was pretty selfish of her, because when I went to talk to her, even if she was online for hours, she wouldn't talk to me unless she was also talking to one of the guys she likes... It was always her choice when we could be friends... That was one of the things she did that annoyed me the most. But when we talk, we have a blast. She even said I love you yesterday, in a friends kind of way, but still, it was nice to be having fun with her when previously she'd just been annoying.

 

I'm thinking I should just give her time so the whole situation cools down a little, but she's got mad at me for going silent on her before, so I'm thinking that might just exacerbate the situation and send her into full-on hatred of me. The only way of contacting her though which she hasn't blocked me by is calling on the phone (long distance though...) or text messages (again, international). The only other option I can think of off the top of my head is to call it quits and forget about her for good. For any other reason, I'd be quite willing to do that, but not for this - I'm going to make this right somehow. The only problem is, the more I think about her, the more I'm starting to think I still have feelings for her - and that's making me not want to message her because if I get back to 'that place' with her, I know what's on the other end - disappointment, because I know for sure she isn't interested. She probably doesn't want to hear from me again after last night.

 

I have made absolutely every wrong relationship choice a guy could make, and everything I've been told on Loveshack has turned out to be right. You guys know a lot that I don't. If there's any advice any of you can give me, it would be gratefully received.

 

Thanks

[Elle1975]

This relationship is tormenting you, even after the break up. I read your story and going NC is the best move you can make indeed.

 

Life shouldn't be hard; it sucks enough as it is.

 

If we have a say in it, we shouldn't put ourselves through misery purposefully. Some things we can't change. This, you can.

[EvansR]

This relationship is tormenting you, even after the break up. I read your story and going NC is the best move you can make indeed.

 

Life shouldn't be hard; it sucks enough as it is.

 

If we have a say in it, we shouldn't put ourselves through misery purposefully. Some things we can't change. This, you can.

 

It's not the relationship tormenting me, it's the fact that I caused emotional pain to her and I don't want to leave it like that.

 

I'd sucessfully gone NC with her in the past, and the only reason I stopped was because the girl who has recently been my girlfriend essentially forced me to break NC and become friends with my ex.

 

I want to apologise. If I have to never talk to her again afterwards, so be it. But I'm going to apologise one way or another

[Elle1975]

It's not the relationship tormenting me, it's the fact that I caused emotional pain to her and I don't want to leave it like that.

 

I'd sucessfully gone NC with her in the past, and the only reason I stopped was because the girl who has recently been my girlfriend essentially forced me to break NC and become friends with my ex.

 

I want to apologise. If I have to never talk to her again afterwards, so be it. But I'm going to apologise one way or another

 

Alright, let me rephrase.. the remnant of the relationship, your reaction, etc..

 

You can always email her.

[mammasita]

Send her and email, apologize and leave it alone. Be prepared that she might respond harshly but don't bite and respond. Doing that will just open a can of worms of going back and forth again. Email and be done.

 

Close that chapter in your life, learn from this experience and move forward.

[EvansR]

AndI don't have her email address. The only way I can contact her right now would be to call her. Alternatively I could be a creep and Whatsapp message her from a different phone number...

 

Maybe I should just wait for her to message me instead.

 

I'm thinking of calling her, but I want to call her when my mind is clear and I know that these feelings I'm having for her right now are just temporary.

 

I just don't want to mess this up. I care enough about her enough to let her go, after all, we both wanted different things, but I care too much to let her go without making sure she knows I didn't mean what I said.

[EvansR]

I still haven't heard from her.

I've never gone this long without hearing from her without me initiating the Non-Contact.

I've hurt her bad, and if we'd just grown apart naturally I could accept that, but this was my doing.

I really want to call her and try make things right, but there's never a good moment.

She's seeing this new guy who's already in a relationship, and she's always online talking to him, and I know that because before he came along it was only me that she used to talk to on Whatsapp so much, and now she's still online all the time, so it must be him.

I don't want to step on her trying to make things work with this new guy, I owe it to her to at least let her be happy, but I love her and I can't stop thinking about how I hurt her, it keeps replaying in my head.

It's like since I said those things to me, I'm nothing at all to her.

I don't want her back, I know she couldn't be happy with me - for a start she's in another country, and even though she says she loves me all the time (before this latest argument), and while I was dating my most recent ex she even told me she could see us being bf/gf again (I stupidly told her it wasn't going to happen), I know it wouldn't work between us.

I still love her as I always have, and I don't want to remove her from my life, but she always takes every little gesture to be me chasing her.

I keep thinking though, if I break the silence, I come off as weird, needy, and making a move on her. But if I don't break the silence, I come off as a jerk for not apologising.

 

I'm stuck trying to work out what to do, but I'm 99% sure I want to contact her. I just know that whatever I say, I'm going to end up saying the wrong thing and making it a thousand times worse. But then, can I really make it worse when she's currently not even speaking to me?