Lovely Difficulties Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 My ex of 6-months ago now, is demanding to see me and is planning to show up at my place. I don't wish to see him, but when I talk to him I get bullied into feeling like I should. We were together off/on for 3-years, and he was not good to me at all. He would get emotionally violent, controlling, and I caught him messaging women on Match and was just not faithful nor respectful. We were living together and he ended up kicking me out of his place, and I was heartbroken at the time, but I ended up getting my stuff together and moving forward with my life. This was over 6-months ago now. Now all of a sudden he wants to meet up and see me. He says he loves me, and he would love to get back together. He says he's planning to show up in the town that I'm in and wants to take me to a nice meal. I am really reluctant and he just puts me down and tries to bully me into meeting up. He says if I don't meet up with him there will be consequences, and I'll be forced to be on bad terms with him. Whenever I talk to him I feel really upset and he really brings so much anxiety to me. The other part that really bothers me is that he has said all of his friends hate me. They all think I have deep rooted psychological issues and think I was terrible for him because I broke his heart. He has turned multiple people against me, he said. It's upsetting because I did like some of his friends, and he says he's forbidded them to ever speak to me again, and they hate me. He also says they are not my friends, they are his friends and would rather support him then have anything to do with him, and it's narcissistic of me to think they would want anything to do with me. I don't necessarily see a reason to have anything to do with them, but I don't want them to despise me either. Advice on what to do?? Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Why are you even speaking to him. You should have blocked him and cut him off completely, then you wouldn't be in this situation. Stand up for yourself, say no and be done. If he insists on showing up call the police, I would do it without a second thought. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Why are you concerned about HIS friends? Move on, block him, and make yourself *VERY* unavailable when/if he is in town. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 First of all, you need to grow some balls. You cannot cower and hide and allow a bully to control you. After all that he has done to you, I'm finding it hard to understand why you're afraid to cut contact. People control and bully because YOU allow them to. You are allowing him to control and manipulate you. Cut contact. If the consequence is that he is never in your life again, then he's doing you a huge favor. If anyone is narcissistic, it's this prick. Stand up for yourself and stop allowing people to push you around. And F*** all those people that he's turned against you. They aren't your friends. PS: WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO HIM? I'm baffled. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Trapp-er Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Do not see him. He sucks. Get your b@lls out of your purse and shut it all down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovely Difficulties Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 The other thing is we had a car together, and I have now taken over the payments but he is requesting money for everything that he paid for when we were together. I don't wish to see him and want to be done with him, but he is also demanding that money as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 The other thing is we had a car together, and I have now taken over the payments but he is requesting money for everything that he paid for when we were together. I don't wish to see him and want to be done with him, but he is also demanding that money as well. Block him. Let him take you to court and watch the judge laughing at his demands. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 The other thing is we had a car together, and I have now taken over the payments but he is requesting money for everything that he paid for when we were together. I don't wish to see him and want to be done with him, but he is also demanding that money as well. I would: 1) block him from all forms of communication. 2) go to the nearest police station and put in a report that he is harrasing you, wanting to come to your home and has made a threat to you and you want it on record. And seeing that he knows where you live, it's imperative. And when he shows up, call the police. Bullies need to know that there are repercussions and when they know, they back off. They don't back off when they know you will sit and tolerate. 3) do not engage in anything about the car -- tough shytt he can take you to court and let them handle it if he's entitled to any sort of reimbursement (he's using the car issue to manipulate you into submitting to him) 4) repeat #1. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 The other thing is we had a car together, and I have now taken over the payments but he is requesting money for everything that he paid for when we were together. I don't wish to see him and want to be done with him, but he is also demanding that money as well. That's ridiculous, he has no right to ask for that money. He's just being spiteful. Please block him everywhere and make sure he can't find you when he's here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 So, he says you either see him or there will be consequences. Yeah, that's love right there. Strong arm someone into seeing them. That's a threat. Screw this guy. And as far as the car is concerned, have him take you to court. He'll have a hard time proving that he didn't abandon the car and you can prove that you've taken over the payments. Even if he does win, the money you would have to pay should about cover his lawyer fee's and court costs so, he would walk away with pretty much nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Strong "DO NOT CONTACT ME" letter. Save a copy and record when you mailed it. Block him on all communication channels. Start documenting attempts at contact in a log: date, time, details, exact words or gestures used, witnesses if any. Save emails and texts (if they get through). Get advice from a domestic violence prevention resource. If he persists in bothering you, then apply for a restraining order. It's quite likely to be granted in this case. Live your life free of his abusive, twisted demands. Stay safe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovely Difficulties Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 Whenever I talk to him I just feel so stressed out and anxious. I havdng been talking to him but all of a sudden he had been calling me and calling me after months of not communicating. When we first broke up I was clinging onto him but finally cut him off a few months ago. I don't want to see him but he makes me feel guilty for not. The thing that really gets to me is now he has all of these people hating me. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Whenever I talk to him I just feel so stressed out and anxious. I havdng been talking to him but all of a sudden he had been calling me and calling me after months of not communicating. When we first broke up I was clinging onto him but finally cut him off a few months ago. I don't want to see him but he makes me feel guilty for not. The thing that really gets to me is now he has all of these people hating me. I don't understand people who say, "I just feel so stressed out and anxious when he talks to me." But then chooses to talk to the person that stresses them out and makes them anxious. That's like saying, "It hurts when you stab me with that knife, but go on and keep stabbing me." Why does someone like that make you feel guilty? Unless you still have feelings for him and you want to appease him. That's the only reason I can think of why you keep letting him walk all over you. Who cares about all these other people? Your don't live for them. They don't pay your bills. They don't feed you. They don't take care of you. Go out and make friends with people that have no ties to him. These people are not your friends anyway. Block his number. Why haven't you done that? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I don't understand people who say, "I just feel so stressed out and anxious when he talks to me." But then chooses to talk to the person that stresses them out and makes them anxious. That's like saying, "It hurts when you stab me with that knife, but go on and keep stabbing me." Why does someone like that make you feel guilty? Unless you still have feelings for him and you want to appease him. That's the only reason I can think of why you keep letting him walk all over you. Who cares about all these other people? Your don't live for them. They don't pay your bills. They don't feed you. They don't take care of you. Go out and make friends with people that have no ties to him. These people are not your friends anyway. Block his number. Why haven't you done that? This. Can't feel sorry for you when you are clearly doing this to yourself by continuing to talk to him. Grow some lady balls and block the bastard..what are you doing? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 (edited) Whenever I talk to him I just feel so stressed out and anxious. I havdng been talking to him but all of a sudden he had been calling me and calling me after months of not communicating. When we first broke up I was clinging onto him but finally cut him off a few months ago. I don't want to see him but he makes me feel guilty for not. The thing that really gets to me is now he has all of these people hating me. Get your phone number changed today. It only takes 2 minutes to get it done. Call them now. If he shows up at your house call the police. So what if his friends hate you, you aren't going to see them anymore so who cares. Cut him and them loose. Edited April 23, 2014 by stillafool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 You deal with psychopath! Be ware! This is definitely harassment and it could get much worse, even violence. Next time he calls, tell him you feel harassed and to never ever contact you again in his life and finish the call quickly. If you hear from him again I would go to the police and tell them you feel threatened. The police will contact him and that's should calm him down. I hope. Link to post Share on other sites
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