Don't think this no contact will work.

[thirdxeyexblind]

Hi guys, I feel I really had to let this all out as I've had no one to talk to about it.

About 16 days ago or something my amazing boyfriend (now ex) invited me round his to make me a meal. We'd been dating 4 months and things were amazing, we were still in the honey moon period as it hadn't been that long.

We met on a dating site & he was the only person I bothered replying to messages on the site, he was in the same town & we had the highest match score possible. I know that means little, but in some twisted way it did to me.

We got on like a house on fire & would talk all day everyday!

I was the happiest ever, I'd been going through severe hypochondria for the year due to a parent passing.

 

Anyways that night was going really well, he was stone cold sober & I was downing vodkas & lemonades (ive had a problem with alcohol but have not drank since and dont intend to)

Anyways things started to get intimitate. Then disaster struck, I ended up saying my guy best friends, who he was already paranoid about name 3 times (their names are similar) he wasnt buying this or having any of it , so I got defensive and drunk out of my head didn't know what I was saying/doing and started saying aload of weird stuff, and how id be treat better..

Lol

 

3am I was chucked out basically , went home sent another angry text.. thought it would be one of those things I could worm

myself out of , as I usually could.

Not a word from him.... I text the next day explaining how I was sorry & didnt mean it & only care for him. He responded pretty much implying its over & nothing will change his mind.

A few days passed. I ended up emailing ( I deleted all his texts and number) saying I was really struggling without him. I was & am, my hypochondria was coming back in full swing, the symptoms always lessened with him.

 

He said sorry but his mind has been made and that he doesn't want to be with someone as weird as me & his mind is made.. again a few days go by, at a loss.

I end up downloading whatsapp and finding his number. Ended up getting 2 friends to prank him (I know I'm a stupid kid) eventually he clocked on & rang me up raging saying hes lost all respect.

That was 10 days ago, no contact since.

 

He finds it ridiculously easy to move on & never speak again, I highly doubt he will ever be in contact. I checked the dating site where we met and he has activated his profile stating he's looking for a relationship!

There's no way for us to randomly bump into eachother even tho we live in the same town. I have no friends here, therefore only go to the local supermarket outside of work.

I think it is sad the last time we seen eachother was that unfortunate incident. I feel so stupid & know its my fault, but I can't let it go, I will never find someone as perfect for me as him. This would be easier if he was awful but to me, but he wasn't. He was like perfect boyfriend material, but I ruined it as I always do.

 

Ive been googling & find that ''no contact rule'' as a last resort. I doubt it will work, but its day 9 since that prank call & I sit pining over him every single day & feel awful that he's just prob

moving on .

I activated my dating profile as a sad attempt to prove I'm back out there, but I found out hes hidden seeing me so I deleted the profile. Thats how unstable I am!!!

 

I have no idea what to do. Clinging on hope is the only thing I have left. Cant get over it. The situation makes it so worse and that he can just disappear for good.

[Elle1975]

I hate to say it but you pretty much screwed yourself out of a reconciliation..

 

Personally I would suggest to work on your issues before trying a new relationship. With him or anybody else. If things don't change, you're going to find yourself in a pattern.

[thirdxeyexblind]

You really think I've ruined it for good?

I still can't imagine him not being in my life, I've gone days so far and its not nice, there really is no one else like him out there.

Ive been clinging hope by trying this no contact rule and seeing if he ever gets in touch, I know I shouldn't get in touch. but if it'd fix things I would.

I know he really cared & was obsessed over me, but dunno whats going on now.

He thinks I'm too weird he said last time.

Time really cant fix this? Dunno what to do now

[thirdxeyexblind]

I've spent the past 9 days studying, going to the gym, going on 'exciting' days out. Going away to New York tomorrow.

But everything still feels so bleak. Id rather be in his flat watching Netflix with him and having takeout.

I have stopped drinking completely since. I know the damage it can really do now.

[BC1980]

You pretty much ruined all chances, and I don't blame him honestly. Just move on from it, and try to control yourself better with alcohol. The prank calling is ridiculous too.

[mammasita]

You need to take a deep breath and understand that no contact is not meant to get him back.

 

Your actions were unfortunately very juvenile and a bit crazy. You have to realize that there's not much you can do to change his mind. You've already shown him your "true colors".

 

No one person is your "magic pill" for your ailment. You have to figure out how to be ok on your own. When you place that burden on another person, I garuntee they will run FAR AWAY every single time.

 

As hard as it might be for you, and I know it's easier said than done......you need to let this one go. Live and learn.

[thirdxeyexblind]

I was stupid, but I've always been faithful & loyal at least. I wouldn't say what I did was crime of the century.

You're right, I've ruined my chances but I'll be forever kicking myself over it, I don't even know how I pushed someone away so bad.

I was trying to be really careful to keep on to the one good thing in my life.. oh well

I cant breathe

[thirdxeyexblind]

I agree. but I feel I'm not getting closure as I hate the fact the last time I saw him in real life were under those circumstances.

He meant a lot.

[mammasita]

Read the no contact guide (link in my sig)

 

Closure comes from within, not him.

[Charmander]

It sounds like you need to mature a little more before going after your "ideal" partner. Sorry that sounds a little rough but if I was on a break with someone and then they gave my number to their friends to prank call me I would lose any remaining feelings I had for them... This is just my opinion but I am pretty positive you lost this one, but that's totally okay you got two things out of this relationship. One being that you realize that their are really great guys out there who have a lot in common with you. The other one which I think is the biggest is that you realize you need to work on you before getting back on the saddle trying to find a romantic relationship. Try not to get too hung up on this guy, if he would throw you out just for saying your best friends name while you were not in a stable mind he probably has some insecurity issues that he needs to deal with himself.

Best of luck!

[thirdxeyexblind]

Ok I guess I will stop counting no contact days and stop clinging on to hope?

If it was meant to be it'd come back regardless of the awful stuff ive done right? :|

I dunno why im acting crazy

[thirdxeyexblind]

Yes I think he does have insecurity issues he needs to work on too.

[acheybreakey]

It sucks when you only have yourself to blame for your actions, but try not to berate yourself too much. I think it's best to, when you feel calm rather than really sad or frustrated with the way things are, to take a moment and think through everything that you did during the end and afterwards. Try to understand why you did it, what made you think you should do it, think about what the consequences were of these actions, etc. I think that in reflecting on what youve done and what were your motivations, rather than just beating yourself up, you can at least understand them better so that you see why you should not do them again in the future.

With this guy, I would not contact him again. He has his reasons to want his space. It's unfortunate that you didn't handle things ideally, but hey, we all make mistakes. Try to not focus on him, focus instead on improving yourself. Maybe in a year or six months or so, when you feel like you have changed, you can see if he is willing to talk again, but definitely don't push him. If someone's going to make a move, it should be him not you.

I'm sorry that you had to go through this but hopefully if you learn from your actions you won't make the same mistake twice.

[thirdxeyexblind]

AcheyBreakey. I appreciate that message A LOT! Although there is only myself to blame, given the circumstances i've done & doing the best I could. I can leave it in his hands now.

The thing will help the most is that I know that love is forgiving no matter what, so he never comes back to me I know it's a worthless relationship anyway.

Love works on fixing things no matter what (dont care what anyone else says)

Instead of throwing them away.

I can't turn back time. But I certaintly won't be 'reaching out' I've done enough of embarrassing myself.

[BC1980]

The only thing you can do is learn from your mistakes. We've all been there, but it's just a part of learning about life and relationships. This one isn't salvageable, so I would move on from it.

[thirdxeyexblind]

I guess you're right. It's only my second relationship. Believe it or not I'm actually 22, but still mentally 15. & apparently acting that way too.

I stayed out of relationships because I'm not right in the head, I guess I just thought I'd try go on one date, and this whole thing progressed from there.

I was never expecting anything out of this date, it was all a pleasant surprise. Never thought I'd ever meet anyone cus I have quite a few social probs.

 

Right now I feel something in future with anyone else doesn't appeal to me, I lost the greatest thing I could get I feel. & it happened so fast. One minute things were perfect, the next I'd ruined the whole thing beyond repair.

 

I did think I could perhaps get another chance, or him getting in contact somehwhere down the line but after peoples responses here, I now know that's not happening. So will just have to carry on with life as before, he deserves better anyway. I am a child.

I'll just carry on with life as i always have done, alone.

[KaliLove]

Sweetheart you are 22 years old. You're far too young to give up on love. You have plenty of time to meet someone.

 

Are you in therapy for your social problems? What are they?

[thirdxeyexblind]

I have lots of exciting things to do that will keep my mind off it(doubt it will)

right now I'm just going to get junk food and kick myself over the mistakes.

I have always had quite a lot of guys interested too, but Idon;t feel the same. very rare I am interested in people

[thirdxeyexblind]

well I just don't like going out with people much.

And from what Ive seen, love is a mystical thing that is questionable on whether it really exists.

I don't want to get back into anything again that will end up hurting and disapointing like this

[Simon Phoenix]

Sucks, but I have to agree with everyone -- I think your dishes are completely done. Showing the crazy so early in a relationship is a huge red flag. The drunken rant was bad enough (and I know, a drunken rant basically brought about the break that brought me to this site initially), but when you doubled down with the prank calls (reading that made me cringe) you pretty much nuked any chance of him reconsidering.

 

But now that that's established, use this incident as motivation to get your head straight. Go out and fix whatever social problems you have, address your drinking, just become a better you. No matter what, do not contact him, do not text him, do not check up with him online, just treat that relationship as if it is dead, because it is. You have a great chance to move forward and make yourself a better you. It sucks that you went through this, but it can be a great learning experience and growing point for you if you allow it to be.

[thirdxeyexblind]

Ok, I guess this is a huge reality check. And very sad.

I've deleted the number & texts. The emails, the only thing is I can't stop checking the dating site... maybe in time.

It's been 9 days since that prank now (it was more my friends idea but I went along with it because I just wanted to hear his voice) & I although I really like him I'm not tempted to get in touch anymore. Altho it was only 2 weeks ago since the break up, it feels like so much longer than that. :S

[Simon Phoenix]

Ok, I guess this is a huge reality check. And very sad.

I've deleted the number & texts. The emails, the only thing is I can't stop checking the dating site... maybe in time.

It's been 9 days since that prank now (it was more my friends idea but I went along with it because I just wanted to hear his voice) & I although I really like him I'm not tempted to get in touch anymore. Altho it was only 2 weeks ago since the break up, it feels like so much longer than that. :S

 

First of all, stop trying to shift blame. I don't care if your friend suggested it, your friend was in a relationship with your ex. So stop trying to scapegoat the blame. It's yours and yours alone, own it. And stop checking the dating site ASAP -- it will just keep you down.

[thirdxeyexblind]

I take responsibility for everything! When this all first happened, I was blind to it all & thought he was the one being harsh to me :S because of how bad I felt.

But lately I've came out of denial and see that it was all me, that is obvious.

 

Are you really sure there is no hope for him to forgive me after a long time??

People have got back together after worse stuff, right? :S

Isn't love about overcoming horrendous mistakes.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I take responsibility for everything! When this all first happened, I was blind to it all & thought he was the one being harsh to me :S because of how bad I felt.

But lately I've came out of denial and see that it was all me, that is obvious.

 

Are you really sure there is no hope for him to forgive me after a long time??

People have got back together after worse stuff, right? :S

Isn't love about overcoming horrendous mistakes.

 

Since the relationship was only 4 months and you unleashed a large amount of crazy in such a short period of time, I'd say the goose is cooked. Either way, dont live life holding on to something that will probably never happen. Relationship ends, people do crazy things....just learn from it. My definition of love is defiantly not about "overcoming horrendous mistakes." I would think a horrendous mistake COULD possibly be overlooked or solved after years of dating and marriage with communication and both parties wanting to make it work. For a relationship THAT early and still being young, again, it sounds like its done. You are 22 for christ sakes. You'll find it again...just make sure your emotions are in line this time

Edited April 20, 2014 by ConfusedHumanBeing

[bluegreen]

U f... up royally unless he is in love with you for real but just to pissed off to respond its Over for good.

So drop of the face of earth give him some time to cool off and of course NC is must see what happens from there.

 

If nothing happens as everybody said learn from it do not repeat U look like cute girl and I like fact that you accepted your mistake and blame to many people don't.

 

So there is potential in you go from there that good point and for crying out loud u are just 22 year old quit that outrageous drinking !!!!

No matter the excuse its ALWAYS road to downfall ALWAYS

 

 

Didn't you realize that by your own experience ?