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I know NC is best, but it is hard.


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I don’t what I want from this, I guess I am just venting.

 

 

Long story, but I dated a girl for 3 years and she broke up with me because I didn’t give her the attention she deserved. When we were around I would be distracted by video games and when she was away, I never initiated texting or calling her. I was addicted to video games and I needed to hit rock bottom (her breaking up with me) to realize that. She always thought she love me more than I loved her, but she didn’t realize how much she meant to me. After she broke up with me I showed her how much I cared and she liked a lot of my gestures to prove so. She mentioned that she really loved who I was at the start of our relationship and I tried to show her that I can be that person again. However we went a couple of months no contact.

 

 

 

About a month ago we started “dating” again, by my initiation. No kissing, but going on romantic dates. However a week ago she sent me this email mentioning these things.

- She was afraid that we would get married and that she was just settling already

- She was bothered that I said that I thought she still didn’t care about me

- She feels terrible how she has treated me after the breakup to even now and that I have shown her nothing but kindness.

- She is afraid that someday she will want to get back together and I won’t want to because of how she is treating me

- She had second thoughts after breaking up with me.

- She really thought we would get back together in a few weeks after breaking up.

- She doesn’t know what she wants in life, but what if she figures it out and I am gone?

- She is afraid of committing and getting married young (we are 20 and 21).

- The future scares her

- She said she would send me another one if she had more to say.

 

 

So I responded basically saying that she has seen that I have changed my behavior and that we didn’t have to get married anytime soon. I suggested we could even date for 10 years before even considering that. I also said that I cannot wait forever because it would be really painful if it would be for nothing. I asked where she wanted to go from here and she said that she thinks she needed some more space. I said I will respect that and to keep bettering myself.

 

 

She then sends another one saying

- She is confused, stressed and too busy in life and she is thinking about us.

- She feels selfish and guilty for the reasons she broke up with me

- She thinks it’s great that I have changed but wondered why I was so willing to change for her, but supposed it could have been for myself too

- She said she is afraid that I would revert back to my old negative ways and that it would be awkward between us and our friends.

 

 

I responded saying that I would not want to revert back to my old ways because I know how she felt as I feel that right now and I wouldn’t want to put her through that or go through my current pain again. I told her that things wouldn’t be awkward if we were honest like we are now and talked things out. Finally I said that I will respect her space and undeniably give it to her.

 

 

So I guess we are in no contact and it is hard as balls. I love her so much and do not want to move on and it seems like I have a chance. She loved me so much during our 3 years and I treated her like **** then and took her for granted. I feel as though this is classic G.I.G.S. and even though no contact is what is probably best, it just seems that she really wants to try again, but she is afraid that if we do try again are going to have to get married and then she will be stuck with a video game addict that won’t give her attention. I wish there was a way to prove her wrong.

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This is a stage skit with Madea (Tyler Perry.)

 

There's a bit of comedy in it, but has some pretty powerful messages about failed relationships. It definitely helped me. Give it a go.

 

Relationship Advice on Vimeo

 

Run with this. My ex fiancée left me for another man after 7 years because she felt she didn't have enough experience in life and relationships...

 

So maybe you neglected your partner and it caused a problem. What did she do?

- She walked out on you

 

So you felt that you didn't want to lose her and gave it your effort to repair the damage. What did she do?

- She walked out on you

 

You were the right guy for the job. When there was a problem with the relationship you stepped up. I believe that you are a guy willing to make things right, one who understands the value of working at a committed relationship. What did she do?

- She walked out on you

 

 

I swore up and down that my ex was never the kind of person to just blow in the wind like this...but I guess as hard as it is to believe, her actions proved me wrong. I miss her every day and God I bet you miss yours too...

 

We're going to stick together and work through this. The love that you deserve will come to you and to me in time. One day when we're not even looking for it.

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I understand what you are saying. It is just really hard because I understand where why she feels the way she does. Being with someone for the rest of their life is a big commitment and for some reason she feels like that is the only thing she can have with me anymore. I think she wants to date other guys for a bit just to see what is out there, not sleep with other guys as she isn't like that. If she doesn't she might look back and wonder what if for the rest of her life.

 

I am just concerned that she will remember me as the bad boyfriend and not the good.

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I am just concerned that she will remember me as the bad boyfriend and not the good.

 

Who cares what she's views you as? Come on man, get yourself together.

 

The point is the left you. Your concern for how she sees you should be the least of your worries.

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