My Story [update]

[nightbird101]

BACKGROUND

Hey I'm 24 and my Fiance just recently ended our 7 year relationship 2 weeks ago. We have been talking from time to time since then but yesterday we caught up for some tea in the city. My goal was to simply be casual, myself and not to mention the break up.

 

WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING SINCE THEN

Aside from breaking down at random times I've been doing some major changes to my life style to fix problems I had before the relationship ended (I was blind and didn't notice things till it was to late). I made mistakes that I regret (no I didn't cheat and never would). I've done some huge changes to my life so I don't make that mistake ever again.

 

MEET UP

So once I met up with her, we sat down and had a chat for a bit. Obviously I made her laugh and she did the same to me. She was really quiet and I could tell something was on her mind. One thing she kept doing, was this look at me...that at times I had to break her out of it. It wasn't creepy or anything and trust me I would stair back. She would look right into my eyes with a smile and did this over and over. I could tell she would go into deep thought every time she did this.

 

Before we went our separate ways the conversation changed. Something I was expecting her to do since she would go quiet and shady at times.

 

her - "I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you, I hope I made the right choice (for breaking up with me)"

me - "Don't be sorry, I've made some great changes to my life that was needed years ago."

her - "I can't do this any more"

me - "talking to me?"

her - *nods*

me - "I understand, after today I will no longer try to make any contact with you."

her - "I don't want to give you false hope"

me - "false hope?"

her - "about us getting back together. There's so much I wish I said, so much I wish I did"

me - ...

her - "I know you want us to work things out but right now I just don't know anymore".

me - "as I said, after today, I will no longer contact you, I've said more than what I needed to say. From here on out, if or when your ready. Give me a text or a call. I'll no longer be online (my way of saying unfriending from FB, skype and steam)".

both - ...

me - "will I ever see you again?"

her *teary nod*

 

from there we wished good luck to each other and she parts off. I then took the longest ride home holding in my emotions before bursting out in a screaming breakdown once I got home.

 

WHAT DO I HOPE

She texts me in a few weeks wanting to meet up and we sort this thing out. We start our relationship again slowly but this time we live a better and happier life together.

 

But....I know I have to accept the fact that she's gone. Something I'm having a horrible time trying to accept.

Edited April 20, 2014 by nightbird101

[sooshi]

This made me cry.

 

I don't know what to say right now, other than that I feel for you. I'm sure that others here won't feel as emotional as I do reading this and will be able to offer a more productive response.

[iDrumKing]

I feel sorry for you man. 7 years is not to be looked down upon. That's a lot of time and sacrifice. I can relate with the random break downs. I'd be at home watching TV, out with friends, etc. Suddenly I gush out tears. You can't stop it and you just have to let it happen.

 

You're young, like me, and we still have a lot of life to live. I'm still on the road to recovery but days get easier and happiness returns. You will experience the exact same thing. Give it time and come here when you feel down.

[nightbird101]

Its only been 2 days since I last posted this. Despite me removing her from everything of mine. I can't stop thinking about her. Have I done the wrong thing by giving her closure on the break up. Or is there a chance she'll send the text?

 

I'm already having dreams about her. Nightmares during the day. sadness knowing that I wont be the father of her children.

[Jiivy]

the posters up on this thread (including me) have each individually lost people from very long term relationships. Both Sooshi and I at least were also engaged to our ex's before being left after many years together.

 

I've been in NC for almost 2 months and I'm sorry but it doesn't get easier - not yet. Like me, you're morning the loss of being a father to her children. I had a recurring dream in the later years of our relationship where I walked in to a room of our home, our daughter sat on her lap playing the piano as a family.

 

These dreams are going to haunt you for some time and it's going to REALLY hurt. Just know that you're not alone on these forums. We are suffering with you and I encourage you to keep contact with us & keep the support. There's some amazing advice and some really strong people who visit these forums with the wisdom of their experience. Tara & iDrum are absolute vets, I can't tell you how great they've been in the few months of my joining LS.

 

There's a chance for anything in the future. The more I read over the past months, the greater the variety of responses I've seen. I can't tell you how many reconciliation stories I've read and how many others that have gone in the opposite direction...believe me when I tell you that in time, you'll begin to realise that there's no answer.

 

Your future is just undeterminable.

[dwerli]

Thanks for sharing your story. That is a rough one, but at least you have kept some dignity in the process. NC should help with that.

[FortunateSon]

I can definitely relate Nightbird, I am almost 11 months post BU, 4 months NC from a 6 year relationship/engagement. I can tell you in my experience it does get better, but it for me has been a long process. I am not where I want to be yet, and often question if I am going to ever be at peace with everything and reach the much sought after indifference stage. I still fear the future at times and wonder if I will find someone I love and connect with on that level. It does get better though, stay NC...

[nightbird101]

Okay so this is my 3rd post here about my break up but now...Now I'm completely lost.

 

To run you up to speed here is whats happened thus far

1. 7 year relationship
   
2. Fiance brakes off relationship
   
3. I spend the next week begging for her return
   
4. we start talking again for another week
   
5. we meet up for tea
   
6. she says she doesn't want to see me anymore
   
7. I agree and tell her I wont contact her anymore
   

 

Okay so here's the part I don't understand. Since the break up I've made some serious changes to my life style to ensure that IF we get back together it'll be a better and stronger relationship. I do want her back but I want us to get back together the right way. I know where my mistakes are (and theres a lot....and no I never cheated).

 

When she broke it off I was starting to think "okay I have to accept she's not coming back". That is until a gay friend of mine who she talks to contacts me. He says that she's miserably in love with me and wants to get back with me.

She just needs to get some things in her life sorted.

He said that once I get a job (sadly I'm unemployed) she'll start the relationship back up again. He even said that someone asked if she was single and she simply said "no".

 

So...is this a game she's playing? Should I take the bait? or should I remain in NC and try and forget?

 

again. I do want our relationship to be salvaged, but for the better. I don't want to return to the life we had (it was great but it had problems...fixable problems. Like me not being on the computer as much. That was my job at the time but income dropped over time).

Edited April 22, 2014 by nightbird101

[cdt76]

Well, first things first. You can not live for someone else. Meaning you can't start putting your life together and fixing youy issues hoping she will come back. Do those things because you want a better life, to be a better person to invite reason and stability into your life. Don't do those things for anyone else. This is your life, fix it. Second, it sounds like she has reached a limit on what she will settle for. If you change, there might be a chance she comes back but you can't live hoping she does. She isn't playing a game, she is telling you to fix your $hit and she isn't going to help you do it anymore. The cold reality is that she may never come back. But you have to get yourself fixed before she or anyone else can really love you.

Edited April 22, 2014 by cdt76

[hurts2death]

after n7 you have great odds to win her if you lay low work on you and ignore 100%

[Chi townD]

When she broke it off I was starting to think "okay I have to accept she's not coming back". That is until a gay friend of mine who she talks to contacts me. He says that she's miserably in love with me and wants to get back with me.

She just needs to get some things in her life sorted.

He said that once I get a job (sadly I'm unemployed) she'll start the relationship back up again. He even said that someone asked if she was single and she simply said "no".

So...is this a game she's playing? Should I take the bait? or should I remain in NC and try and forget?

 

 

 

He says that she's miserably in love with me and wants to get back with me.

 

Well, she was with you for 7 years. It's hard to shut off feelings for someone after so long. But, she determined to try or else she would have come back when she had the chance.

 

 

He even said that someone asked if she was single and she simply said "no".

 

This is simple, she's not ready to date. SO, it's easier to tell someone that she currently seeing someone instead of coming up with an excuse to shoot this guy down. Or, this guy wasn't her type.