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Boyfriend Dumped Me Out Of Nowhere. Just In Need of Some


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Hey everyone, I apologize in advance for the long story but I need help.

 

Just a quick back story: My boyfriend and I had dated for 3 and a half years, then another 8 months after a year and a half break. We had a long distance relationship while I was in school, and during that break he enlisted in the navy. A few months before he left for boot camp he begged me to visit, wanting to work things out and in August, a week before he left, I gave in and agreed to work things out, regardless of where he was stationed. It turns out he got medically discharged but our relationship was still strong and we saw each other every month, with me traveling down on 12 hour bus rides from school to see him.

 

Now, just over a month ago, he found out he caught chlamydia and he automatically blamed me, so I went and got tested. While we waited for my results he said he still loved me, it was just a lot to deal with and needed time to think. He would text me and joke around and said it was fine if I had given it to him because it could be cleared. Then his cousin came home from school for spring break, and he was out partying and stopped talking to me (which is normal on weekends because when he's drinking with friends he loses the ability to text message me apparently, but I trusted him so it was all okay.. or so I thought). My tests came back negative so I messaged him, and his mood changed. I would get one word answers, he was rude, and no more I love you's or even really any acknowledgment. I later found out he was going around telling everyone he didnt have a girlfriend because he didnt settle. It took me messaging his mom to see if she knew anything and subsequently her messaging him before I even got a lousy break up text.. with about a million excuses why he felt he couldnt be with me (ranging from he never got to see me.. even though 1. I was down every few weeks, 2. the navy's distance would have been much worse, and 3. I had 3 weeks of school left before we were set to live together... which I should mention was his idea, and he used the excuse that he just grew apart from me. Over the course of a weekend of partying).

 

Now I'm not stupid and know he obviously cheated, but I was willing to work and talk it out and figure out what happened (I was more relieved I didnt have anything than being mad about it).. but he made it clear I was nothing to him over night. What hurts was I had just been with him right before the STD break out and things were good. He even mentioned about me moving in, how school was almost done for me so we would be together soon (again, the moving in was all his idea to start with... I did not pressure him).

 

Im just confused how someone's mood could snap so quickly, and can't figure out what I did wrong. I was always there when he needed me, there through every major event in his life. He just dropped and forgot me. Now he;s stopped going to work, and spends every waking moment with friends, partying and drinking, and has taken up smoking whole packs of cigarettes at a time. As of a about a week ago he started hanging around a new girl that his cousin was friends with and has posted pictures of him waking up in her bed, sending flirty messages etc. (and yes I know I caused my own pain there by looking and it's not my business who he's sleeping with now)

 

I'm just hurt and confused at how quickly he erased me from his memory, after 5 years.. even during out break he would message me all the time begging me to come see him etc. and now I'm just nothing.. he's moved on to a girl he's hung out with for a week, all 3 weeks after breaking up with me. I should also note she just got out of a relationship and still has serious drama with her ex (something he always used to complain about was women and drama.. that's why he loved being with me)

 

I just don't know how I should feel, or what I did wrong. Could his friends have influenced him? Or did he really fall out of love over the course of a weekend? I really don't know why he waited a few weeks before I was set to be with him for him to realize the distance was too much (even though he was willing to do it for 4 years if he was stationed overseas in the navy...)

 

I havent contacted him, Ive given him the space he made it clear he wanted, and I'm trying to be strong. I also just recently found out he has brought this new girl home to meet him mom 2 nights ago.. all of this within a week of meeting her. He has also posted things like "I wouldn't trade you for the world <3".. All this after making it clear to all his friends (when he was still with me) that women aren't as important to him as beer and friends and cars etc. It just hurts that he could write that to her on a public site within a week, and I wasn't even worthy of an actual break up.

 

I just was hoping for some friendly advice about what all this means. I'm just confused and hurt and wondering if I really was that easy to replace.

 

Thanks!

 

On a side note: he usually confides in his mother about alot of things, and even she was confused about what went wrong. She messaged me the other day asking how I was, saying she wished I would hear from him and that he has a lot of growing up to do.. so this all was really so unlike him and out of the blue.

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Im just confused how someone's mood could snap so quickly, and can't figure out what I did wrong.

 

That's the thing though, his mood didn't snap quickly, he was cheating on you. Already he wasn't being faithful to you, meaning his feeling for you were not strong anymore, he was more concern with chasing tail. All those things he was telling you, were just things you wanted to hear.

 

The reason he broke up with you is because he got caught, and didn't want to deal with it, he basically ran like a little coward. You did nothing wrong, so don't blame yourself on this, it was all him. Just thank your lucky stars you didn't get an STD from him, and that you are done with him, which I know will be tough given how long you have been together. Just stick around here some and you'll get some support from the members.

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It means he's stupid, immature jerk who's going around spreading his disease probably to girls who have no idea he has it, and avoiding you because by getting the all-clear, he could no longer blame you for HIS infidelity.

 

He's a useless piece or garbage and frankly, to say you dodged a bullet is the biggest understatement of the year.

 

Don't waste another single nano-second worrying about your role in this.

 

You are blameless.

he's acting the way he's acting, because of his own decisions.

It has nothing whatsoever to do with you.

He's a total loser and a nasty piece of devious work.

 

Move on, cut contact with his Mom (she's a love, but she's not helping, and contact with her just keeps you connected to him) and leave this mess behind.

Eliminate all avenues for contact, either from your end or his, and quit checking on him.

Leave him be, delete, deny, erase and walk away.

 

Hard I'm sure, but please trust me on this: he's a toxic and brainless individual, and you really don't need this.

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hoping2heal

So, in other words he cheated on you.

 

He was all "super fine" when waiting for the test because he knew where he got chlamydia from, that it wasn't you straying and it would be in his best interest to play it off.

 

But, tests came back negative aka he cheated and he decides to turn it around on you.

 

Real piece of work that guy is. Sorry to hear and I'm glad you didn't catch his stds.

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Thank you both so much! It's just really really hard to seemingly be "replaced" so quickly. This new girl has gotten so much praise within one week.. that he already has introduced her to family and wouldn't trade her for the world just makes me feel lower than dirt.

 

I know I didn't do anything wrong it's just really hard to think about how quickly he got over me and how quickly things have progressed in this new relationship. It's hard not to feel like there was something wrong with me.

 

Thanks again for the support and the advice, I really appreciate it and talking it out is something I desperately needed.

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hoping2heal

Don't be down on yourself. You were embarking on 12 hour bus rides and the skeez not only gets an std, but he projects his infidelity onto you?!

 

I feel sorry for the new girl because while everyone makes mistakes; that kind of behavior isn't an oopsie. You don't need to waste any more time on someone like that because it is simply a road to pain and hurt.

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Thank you for your reply!

 

Right now I think what's going through my head the most is whether or not this is a rebound relationship. I mean he started seeing her 3 weeks after dumping me.. if you can even really call it that, and now 1 week in he's already acting like he's in love with her.

 

I know it doesn't matter if it is a rebound or not. 1. It's no longer my business and 2. The way he reacted and treated me I shouldn't even care about what does. I just can't get over how he told her he wouldn't trade her for the world, but so easily threw me away. It just hurts to think I was so easily forgotten and replaced.

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You'll probably find a bunch of different "explanations" for all of it. Some might call GIGS, others will call it growing apart...someone will call it something else.

 

I feel your pain here. My ex wasn't exactly AS destructive, but she threw away a 7 year relationship for some new guy because I quote "I realise that I have no experience in life or relationships - so I want to try something new."

The one thing that everyone here has echoed is the word below:

 

IMMATURITY

 

And I think that covers any kind of base you're going to look at. I have no idea what the future holds for you or him...but you can only move forward and find comfort in the fact that you're not alone in your abandonment.

Edited by Jiivy
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Newtothis2014

Don't let your fear or losing someone, or being alone justify being cheated on. You are in a very unusual headspace right now and you NEED absolute NO CONTACT to get your head clear.

 

You are worth more than this immature man. It'll take you a while to accept that internally, but when you do, you will feel amazing.

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Thank you both for your replies!

 

He is very immature. His own mother has mentioned that he has a lot of growing up to do. I haven't made any contact thus far, and I don't plan on making contact any time soon. I've also not only blocked him on any social media, but I've deleted mine as well just so there's no temptation.

 

As much as I wish the best for him, it just hurts to see him so happy so soon after everything. Especially when the break up was so out of left field and unexpected and didn't seem planned out too well.

 

I definitely have a lot of healing to do, but the support on here is definitely a huge help, so I appreciate all of the advice!

Edited by Pancakes17
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