confusedmanhere Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 my girlfriend on 2 years dumped me.....she brought up commitment issues she has and said she wants to be able to do whatever she wants with no repercussions. so basically she wants to sleep around. thsi all happened two weeks ago and in that time she has slept with 3 guys. i feel like ****. i know i should go no contact and i have tried i just cant help it. i feel so hurt and betrayed. we were in the process of getting ready to move to a new city to start our life together and this happened. i almost cant help but contact her. i have asked what did i do and she has said its nothing. i didnt do anything. she just wants to be a free spirit. i seriously thought she was the one. im just to the point where i dont even know what to do anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 What you do is hold on to your dignity and self-respect and let her go. You have to go NC. Contact isn't going to change your situation. There is no alternative. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Dude, why would you want to stay in contact with a girl that has slept with 3 different guys in less than two weeks. That's just nasty. I mean, have some self respect!!! Everytime you think you want to contact her, just think about that. Think about, at that very minute, there's probably a guy in her place as she's speaking to you. You're sad and upset right now. But, the next stage is anger. And it can't come soon enough for you. Start NC. Heal and move on, dude. You deserve better than this. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Jiivy Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 You'll probably come across a whole whost of explanation or reasons WHY or IF or WHEN they'll "turn it around" and see the light or what you need to do. First I'd recommend Tara's NC guide. Secondly I'd have you read the below. I think that this idea of freedom that your ex is looking, this desire to get out really stems from the inability to handle the below: I believe that happy and healthy relationships are those where we *choose* to maintain them. Love (and “in love”), in some respects, is a choice. Anyone who claims that they “can’t change how they feel”, or “cannot act against their feelings” is absolutely full of it. Now, they may have good reason to choose to leave the relationship. Errors, incompatibilities and hurt can erode at the source of love. But just because the “feeling” isn’t there? That is selfishness. That is expecting someone to put the butterflies in your tummy and excite you forever, and if they don’t, you abandon them. That is expecting to feel “in love” all the time with someone, and if it drops before a certain baseline, you bounce. Expecting to always feel “in love” is expecting my partner to excite me and make me happy, always. Expecting to “just feel it” all the time is, in essence, expecting your partner to do all the work for you. That kind of expectation is cancer to a relationship. That’s an addiction to the feeling of love. That is a lack of effort and a willingness to quit. If a relationship is unsatisfying, toxic or hollow – if there truly are no redeeming qualities – I support leaving beyond a shadow of a doubt. But I *do* get irritated when I see both dumpers and dumpees alike feel torn and heartbroken because they weren’t “feeling it” and just assumed the relationship was dead before even taking its pulse. I believe that a happy and healthy relationship is full of love, support, and acceptance. It’s bonding. I do not need to feel attraction towards my partner all the time. I need a *best friend* (who, yes, I will be attracted to more often than not…sex *is* an important part of it…just not the most important part). I need a literal partner. Someone who will back me up. I accept that sometimes I will feel more “in love”, sometimes I will feel less, and sometimes I won’t feel it at all. I accept that my partner will annoy me, bore me, inadvertently hurt me and occasionally ignore me. I accept this because I know that I am responsible for my own happiness, love and excitement. If I start to get bored with me relationship, then it becomes my responsibility to do something fun. If I don’t feel the connection, it’s my responsibility to communicate. If I don’t feel the attraction, it’s my responsibility to be romantic and seduce her. It’s not just being happy on your own that brings a long, happy relationship – it’s being responsible for yourself. Being independent even when together. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
notserene Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Consider yourself lucky that she was honest with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Pine Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 thsi all happened two weeks ago and in that time she has slept with 3 guys. i feel like ****. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this sentence. I'm not flummoxed that she banged a trifecta of randoms, I am attempting to come to grips of how you KNOW this. Did she tell you? Did the randoms tell you? Are they in fact randoms, or does she know these guys? Regardless of the answers you may or may not have, be glad all of this went down BEFORE you moved and signed a lease together. First, get checked. I am sure she banged more than 3 guys and probably did so while you were together. Second, forget the skank and go NC. Third, get checked a second time. That beeyotch is filthy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Well I have slept with three guys too. Only it took me 6 years to get to that number lol Seriously.. I'm sorry. Just go no contact. To say "I can't help it" is not true. You can. No one likes a doormat, it's not attractive. And beside, do you really want to date someone who jumped from a bed to another in a matter of two weeks? I'm just trying to make you feel better, not hurt your feelings. Go NC. You will feel MUCH better. And since the heart wants what the heart wants.. if you want her back, NC is the key. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Look! There is nothing wrong with what she did. She was honest with you and honesty is hard to find. But you can use it to improve youself. It's hard to belive that she woke up one morning and dumped you to sleep around. It was surely a process and probably with signs you didnt notice. So try to analyze what happened and figure why it all happened by such a surprise for you. Improve your defence, so you wont lose the next match. Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Look! There is nothing wrong with what she did. She was honest with you and honesty is hard to find. But you can use it to improve youself. It's hard to belive that she woke up one morning and dumped you to sleep around. It was surely a process and probably with signs you didnt notice. So try to analyze what happened and figure why it all happened by such a surprise for you. Improve your defence, so you wont lose the next match. Uh, maybe I'm crazy but there certainly is something wrong with what she did. She didn't suddenly have these feelings and could've ended this long ago instead she dragged it out and led him to believe they would be starting a life together. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Uh, maybe I'm crazy but there certainly is something wrong with what she did. She didn't suddenly have these feelings and could've ended this long ago instead she dragged it out and led him to believe they would be starting a life together. No, she didnt suddenly have these feelings, but she loved him and tried to fight those feelings, until she felt it's too much. until she felt she lying to her self. People are not computers, sometimes it takes time to figure out their feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Crash3211 Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Like everyone has said, NC is the best route. Clearly, you deserve a lot more. I feel for you man and wish things hadn't turned out like this, but actions speak louder than words. It's harsh and sudden, but you've got to let go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 I read some stuff here but can't say I read something like this she has no shame or heart add to it alley cat morals and what else is left. I'll suggest as others did get checked go NC and if anyone ask YOU DO NOT EVEN KNOW THE WH....RE Never did had anything with her it might cause few jaws to hit the floor but who cares its no less then she deserves. Someone like that does not even deserve your name to be associated with her much less yourself .... Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Be thankful because that's just gross. At least she was BRUTALLY honest with you, but that is just giving brownie points to someone for doing what they should in the first place. Do you really want to be with this girl? Especially after hearing that? I think I'd be sick to my stomach and disgusted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 I'll give her credit for being up front with you. Maybe you don't like the reason she gave you but with her telling you about her commitment issues and how she doesn't want any repercussions is a whole lot better than coming home and finding her in bed with another guy or you finding out her cheating on the street. My advice. Move on and be grateful you dodged a bullet later on. Link to post Share on other sites
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