wayji Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 I dated a co worker in my first semester sophomore year of college and all these months later, its true that I do fave feelings for him after a lot of bad things he said and did to me. We were texting, because even though he ignored me a lot, I kept texting him to try to be friends. That part I admit, is my fault. But I had suspected he had used me, but he had never truly admitted it. Now he says that he was "Drunk" when he said he loved me, which I know was not true. He also said he was just "Being a guy" when I told him he wasn't drunk all the times we had hooked up. He keeps saying that he does not want a relationship, but that he is talking to another girl. He used me because he pretended to love and care about me and didn't tell me didn't, just so that we could keep doing what we were doing. Even though we did not sleep together, I did let him get close to me. Which I never would have done if he had told me he did not feel that way. We were friends for five months before we started dating. I don't feel anger towards him like I should. I don't know why that is? Instead, I just miss him, who he was. I hate that I care about someone who keeps being this. Link to post Share on other sites
Jiivy Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 It sounds like a very typical college situation. Even through sophomore year, I honestly believe that college students by and large are still high-school kids in a bigger playground. Not all of them - and forgive me if that places you in that category too! The point is that he sounds like he's got: a) no idea what he wants b) no deeper understanding of what love is c) no inclination for commitment You sound like someone who's looking for a caring relationship. You aren't getting it from him...there are lots of stickies on these sub-forums (Break ups/coping etc) on loveshack. I'd give them a read - you can apply the same thing to them too. Give the guy distance and work on building your own self-esteem over the issue before you walk out and try something again. I'm so sorry that he hurt you. Link to post Share on other sites
johnson_j Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 That's a real bummer sweetie, you can be thankful you didn't sleep with him. Sounds like a guy not deserving of your companionship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wayji Posted April 18, 2014 Author Share Posted April 18, 2014 For a long time, I suspected he had used me, but I wasn't positive. He never actually admitted it, so I kept missing him, thinking of the great person he was. One time, he even compared me to his ex, saying that I acted like her. That same day, I relapsed with my eating disorder that I had years before. I told him about this months later and he didn't care. I told him about a seizure i had. And how I would have needed him at a time like that, and he didn't care. He told me those aren't real problems. I admit that I didn't want him to rescue him. But the fact that he doesn't care about me at all keeps showing me he used me for a few quick hookups, saying that he loved me. I can't understand this. We are also co workers. So when I see him at work, I remember he used me and don't act normal. I do my job well, but we are a group and i do not act the way i used to. Link to post Share on other sites
mantlefan Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I don't feel anger towards him like I should. I don't know why that is? Instead, I just miss him, who he was. I hate that I care about someone who keeps being this. I was just like this a couple months ago. My ex dumped me after 5 years, lied to me about the reason why, and pretended to want to be my friend so I would invite her over. Turns out the real reason she came over was because my friend was also there. She dumped me to go after him, and used me to spend more time with him, allthewhile telling me we might get back together. Turns out she was spending a night or two at his house and getting massages while she and I were still together. Now, I am not sure if I care about her anymore. It still hurts, at least a little, every day. But what I know is there is anger. I was in shock for a long time. No anger. Genuinely wished them the best, at least at the time. Then, I started remembering all the conversations. All the times both of them lied to my face. The anger resulting that gave me the resolve to be able to start ignoring her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wayji Posted April 20, 2014 Author Share Posted April 20, 2014 I really just keep missing him so much, even though I know I shouldn't. I kept telling him how much I cared about him, while the people he makes time for talk bad about him and just use him for stuff. I keep waiting for the day he regrets what he did and I know its pointless to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wayji Posted April 20, 2014 Author Share Posted April 20, 2014 Honestly, it was my fault. because I kept trying to contact him. I know I shouldn't have, but I kept telling him we had to talk things out before we could become friends. I know Is screwed up on my part, but he also played with my feelings. I hate that I keep caring about someone who did all this to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wayji Posted April 20, 2014 Author Share Posted April 20, 2014 My original post is here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/472813-getting-over-someone-who-used-you. But I am wondering why I feel so much anger and anxiety when people in my life tell me to "move on". I get really upset at it for some reason. Even my own ex has told me this, but in his case, it seems he had very little to move on from. Which makes me feel even more like I wasn't worth it. I start to feel impatient. I am working towards grad school, I am a four in a row deans list student. I have a resume that could beat any senior or college graduate. I just recently passed my road test. But for some reason I feel impatient and cannot just be happy, and it may have something to do with the fact that people keep throwing this word at me. I wanted to fix what I could, and failed miserably. I'm moving forward with many things, but in the back of my mind, I want something back I'll never have. I wish I could fast forward to years ahead, when hopefully I can go days without thinking about him. But I know that's stupid, because I'm not enjoying the present. Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.' -Muhammad Ali 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wayji Posted April 20, 2014 Author Share Posted April 20, 2014 Thanks, that actually made me smile. It's not that I'm being selfish. It's more like I'm impatient due to so many things. And it doesn't help that I think about what happened, and feel anxiety. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 My original post is here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/472813-getting-over-someone-who-used-you. But I am wondering why I feel so much anger and anxiety when people in my life tell me to "move on". I get really upset at it for some reason. Even my own ex has told me this, but in his case, it seems he had very little to move on from. Which makes me feel even more like I wasn't worth it. I start to feel impatient. I am working towards grad school, I am a four in a row deans list student. I have a resume that could beat any senior or college graduate. I just recently passed my road test. But for some reason I feel impatient and cannot just be happy, and it may have something to do with the fact that people keep throwing this word at me. I wanted to fix what I could, and failed miserably. I'm moving forward with many things, but in the back of my mind, I want something back I'll never have. I wish I could fast forward to years ahead, when hopefully I can go days without thinking about him. But I know that's stupid, because I'm not enjoying the present. Because you want us to say "Hel'll come back to you. Just keep contacting him and he'll want to be with you." People dont like the truth. It hurts. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
arghzme Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 I can understand your pain. I feel the same uneasiness and anxiety. And I think that is majorly because we still live with the hope that they will come back. But the truth is they won't. So it is best that we divert all this 'hope' to us being better people and us moving on and finding someone better. PS: I made the mistake of calling my ex last night and I'm paying for it now. If you ever feel like contacting her, DONT Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 PS: I made the mistake of calling my ex last night and I'm paying for it now. If you ever feel like contacting her,HIM, DONT edited that for you........... Link to post Share on other sites
jackny123 Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Your mind doesn't dictate your emotions, unfortunately. You care a lot about a man that hurt you because your emotions linger but your mind tells you not to. Initiate NC and save yourself for someone who deserves you. They are out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wayji Posted April 21, 2014 Author Share Posted April 21, 2014 It's not that easy for me because he is a co worker. Even though he used me, I still feel like I would give him a second chance if he asked, even years later. I don't know if its because I'm delusional or if I truly really just care about him that much. Link to post Share on other sites
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