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Should you ever take back someone who left you for someone else?


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Should you ever take back someone who left an LTR for someone else for no good reason except to seek the thrill of honeymoon stage of love?

 

Okay may be they were just young and immature, it was probably gigs, they needed to see the world without you,, blah blah, aren't all they are just ****ty excuses for what they did? Should you even consider taking them back? Or it should be seen case by case basis? But isn't mind always believes what it wants to and tries to justify it!!

 

At the very least don't they deserve to feel the pain they put you through before you take them back?? Getting you back should not be this easy for them..

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It all depends relationship to relationship. What it sounds like is that person has a lot of growing up to do and needs to get their priorities straight before they have any kind of relationship.

 

Personally, I'd think that if you had a long term relationship before, you'd need to verify that the reason(s) that they broke up with you in the first place were no longer issues, and you would need a commitment of marriage. As in, get engaged, and wait at least a year before tying the knot. I mean... you dated long enough, and you know each other well enough, (People may change, but they are fundamentally set in their ways by the mid twenties, values wise) and to keep either of you from bailing. (Of course, if you were engaged before, or they got engaged in another relationship, you should definitely let it go.)

 

There, of course, are many drawbacks to this, like trust issues. However, I think it's a good way to evaluate where you both stand in making the relationship work.

 

But in reality, they are exes for a reason. Best probably to just let it go and try and find a better match.

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realfriends

Each case is different.

 

The easy thing to do is to say of course not. You would just be a doormat. And although I do believe strongly in this, I try to see it from both perspectives.

 

I think the harder thing to do is to try again with someone like that. It takes A LOT of strength and commitment from both partners after such a huge disaster like that had occurred.

 

They do say that the final form of love is forgiveness. (doesn't mean you have to get back with them, typically quite the contrary)

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I could possibly forgive a guy for cheating on me, but to be left for someone else, probably I would not take him back. It does though depend on the circumstances, but it would be hard to have it always in the back of my mind that he had left me for someone else.

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todreaminblue

just broke up with a guy who said he would stay until the honey moon period was over and then planned to be single...which was news to me he had shared my dreams of missionary work, travelling making plans for easter with my girls...... and xmas this year he wanted to spend ti with me, asked me to move over to his island we were going to be self sufficient...have a huge garden me writing a book on a pristien beach...sounds lovely doesnt it...smilin.....ahh but the dreams just dreams though with the wrong guy.....mean while he was staying with me setting up a few options for when he was ready to leave me which by the way he had organised to go straight into the day he left after i said nah you are single now buddy no honeymoon period crap( i have censored swear words mainly ......f....u...c...kk....youuuuuu...see you later not)......while he ate hungry jacks that i purchased for him, drove my daughters car around and pushed me beyond my limits to forgive.........so in my experience to give you an answer or advise you on your question........ummmm

 

 

 

that would be no.......to going back......

 

what i do have to say is i have this uncanny ability for people to say the absolute truth and sometimes it is really ugly....staying while the honeymoon period is present........and then seeking it to happen again......is not about making you, me or soemone else happy at all is it? so therefore not caring for someone elses thoughts or feelings is not love......

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Damn right, I wouldn't...

 

I am not a toy women can play with the days they feel like doing so...

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pickflicker

It depends. My Dad was engaged to another woman when he met my Mum. He left my Mum to go back and honour his commitment. It went sour, 6 weeks later he raced back to my Mum - together ever since.

 

So I feel I can't say "no", otherwise I wouldn't be here!

 

It all depends on the relationship. Everyone deserves a second chance. It's 3rd/4th/5th etc chances that are the real problem.

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It depends. My Dad was engaged to another woman when he met my Mum. He left my Mum to go back and honour his commitment. It went sour, 6 weeks later he raced back to my Mum - together ever since.

 

So I feel I can't say "no", otherwise I wouldn't be here!

 

It all depends on the relationship. Everyone deserves a second chance. It's 3rd/4th/5th etc chances that are the real problem.

 

Don't take it personally, but that doesn't seem the best example to lean towards accepting back a dumper...

 

I mean, he fell in love with another woman. The right thing to do, IMO, was to break the engagement, not to hop from one to another...

 

None of my business anyway...

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redbaron005
At the very least don't they deserve to feel the pain they put you through before you take them back??

 

No, they do not.

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pickflicker
Don't take it personally, but that doesn't seem the best example to lean towards accepting back a dumper...

 

I mean, he fell in love with another woman. The right thing to do, IMO, was to break the engagement, not to hop from one to another...

 

None of my business anyway...

 

And yet...

 

Look, the OP asked for advice, I provided a real-world example. I believe a person deserves a second chance. I don't believe a person deserves to 'suffer', if you accept them back, you accept them with no punishment or retribution. And if they hurt you again, then you piss them off for good.

Edited by pickflicker
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Fair enough...

 

I however think that when someone dumps you for someone else, there was cheating involved before the break up...

 

And in my book, cheaters don't deserve even the time of the day...

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No. And it is the hard truth. I have a girl 7 chances. Each time she went back to her ex. We finally dated for two years only for her to leave again for another guy. If the girl is young, they do not know what they want. And that isn't your fault, but you shouldn't be punished for it. Save yourself the heartbreak and move on. Unless they come back years later, I wouldn't give it a second chance. Months of growth is not enough for them to change their ways.

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pickflicker
No. And it is the hard truth. I have a girl 7 chances. Each time she went back to her ex. We finally dated for two years only for her to leave again for another guy. If the girl is young, they do not know what they want. And that isn't your fault, but you shouldn't be punished for it. Save yourself the heartbreak and move on. Unless they come back years later, I wouldn't give it a second chance. Months of growth is not enough for them to change their ways.

 

7 chances??

 

One is enough...

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hoping2heal

No you shouldn't

 

Why? Because the problem still remains, only a symptom managed. If they are the type of person who opens themselves up emotionally to others while in a RS then that isn't going away just because they will come back.

 

Ticking time bomb those people, not to mention I'd have no respect for someone that selfish.

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HeartinPain

Someone who leaves you for someone else has itchy feet. How can you trust them enough to not do it again?

 

I was in a 15 year relationship and after our first year (age 18), he wanted to party and broke up with me to be with someone else for 2 weeks. I forgave him and eventually moved on from it. I harbored resentment over it for a very long time, but I let it go. 14 years after the incident, he left me for his coworker.

 

The lesson is that someone who leaves you for someone else once is already waving a giant red flag with bells on it.

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pickflicker
Fair enough...

 

I however think that when someone dumps you for someone else, there was cheating involved before the break up...

 

And in my book, cheaters don't deserve even the time of the day...

 

Awww...

 

If only life was so simple. :laugh:

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bubbaganoosh

IMO, once the trust is gone, then I will not live a life always having to keep on eye on her at all times.

 

To me that isn't a way for anyone to live so I would not take them back.

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I don't think I'd go back, no.

 

Someone already said it, if someone leaves a LTR to be with someone else, there was obviously, at the very least, emotional cheating going on.

 

If a guy did that to me and came back I'd only think one thing:

 

- The new relationship didn't work out and he wants to fall back on to what was comfortable, and I am the back up plan.

 

Regardless if this was reality or not, I would never be able to shake that feeling. Not a good one to have.

 

If a guy emotionally/physically cheated once and left for something "better" then there are obvious fundamental issues within the relationship and unhappiness somewhere, and it would only be a matter of time before someone else piqued his interest and caused him to leave again.

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