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The All-New 2014 No Contact Guide!


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 13th April 2014, 9:33 PM   #16
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It's a pitty no one takes notice of don't contact the ex, when it's their birthday etc. That gets asked so much.
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Old 14th April 2014, 12:52 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lifegoezon View Post
I love this guide. Today is a bad day for me though and I'm just wondering whether our NC somehow lets the dumpers of the hook a bit by letting them think we don't mind being dumped. So they feel no guilt. I'm not planning on giving up my dignity by breaking NC but i'd prefer if he felt some shame about what he did. Then again maybe nothing would make him ashamed anyway.
Remember, it's not about what it does to them; it's all about what it does FOR YOU.
They no longer figure; they don't matter.
Your response is by no means unusual though, and is a classic sign of someone who was in the habit of 'putting the other person first'.... in other words, your concern here, is about the effect on them, which is why it's important to shift your focus onto yourself, and do what matters most, for your healing. And that is, forget about what it's doing to them.

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Originally Posted by erklat View Post
What is new in this newest iteration of this guide?

I think I read it more than a few times yet I don't seem to notice anything different.
There are some minor new changes to do with birthday/special occasion contact.... and some minor tweaks and adjustments. but the 'birthday' advice is significant. A lot of people new to NC ask about that...

This is the 'problem' with the Guide; when you've known about it for a long time, it's old hat, and can seem tedious. But remember, so many 'newbies' are seeing it for the first time. So it's important to add 'new material' as it becomes relevant or pertinent.



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Originally Posted by Sugarkane View Post
This isn't much different from the old NC guide.
No, but it still helps.
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Old 14th April 2014, 3:06 PM   #18
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DISCLAIMER: I am only a first timer when it comes to breakups, so I don't actually have any experience with breadcrumbs.

Somethin I have observed, through scouring this forum is that answering breadcrumbs only seems to beget more breadcrumbs. Why? Because breadcrumbs are lazy communications that dumpers use out of curiosity in the dumpee's affairs, just to "check in". The dumper may do this out of a perceived obligation, ie, a birthday. But subconsciously they want to see if you're still around for them.

If you respond once, you send the signal that it is okay to send more breadcrumbs. Breadcrumbs cause anxiety for the dumpee because they don't know "what it means", and the dumpee will just try to analyze the hell out of it. The best thing you can do is just to ignore it.

If the breadcrumb is supposed to lead to something more, they will make it clear that you know what their intentions are.
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Old 15th April 2014, 10:53 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by DownNtOut View Post
You can read in my profile my back story if you like.

I am over 5 months into NC with my ex girlfriend.
Im keeping myself busy, I have a new job,
planning holidays and trips with my friends,
going out to concerts, buying new clothes
and i am exercising and eating well.

I am staying strong with the NC.

But i admit i still think about her, alot of things remind me of her.
I hear music or see a film that i know she would like.
I wonder what she is doing.

Im goin to keep no contact and hope that soon
i will loose the feelings i have for her.


Yes, I think the things that remind you of your lost love are the hardest things of all. You cant control the kind of cars like theirs that go by, songs on the radio, places you went together...or hearing some good news and not having someone to share it with...or a joke that only you two would get. No contact, working out like crazy and finding a new hobby has got to help.
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Old 18th April 2014, 8:58 AM   #20
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No Contact Guide Adenda:

This should be part of the Guide:

We get this a lot:

"Hey guys, I just thought I'd write my ex a letter/email, here it is - should I send it?
Our response:

"No.
Don't.

No matter what you say, justify, explain, contribute, respond to, the answer is, and always will be -

Don't send it."

Every time someone wants to send an ex a message, as a form of closure, or some way to communicate 'how they feel', this will be the constant and unchanging response.

Forget it. They don't want to know. All you will do is sound needy, creepy, desperate, and frankly, all you do is stroke their ego.


Next time I update the Guide - it's in!
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Old 26th April 2014, 8:08 PM   #21
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I would just like to extend my thanks for this guide, it has been a huge help to me. I just wish I had found it as soon as a split rather than two weeks later.

I've been putting it in practise and have to read it daily to remind myself
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Old 27th April 2014, 1:57 PM   #22
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I would like to propose an addendum to the NC Guide for next year:

I have a friend who keeps telling me about what the ex is up to!

Tell them to stop, right now. This secondhand information is all hearsay, gossip. It does nothing for you, because it will make you wonder, and that doesn't help you move on. The only information you can trust is the complete 180 apology. (Even then you should be skeptical.) You don't care what they are doing, who they are doing, or what they think about anything. They are your ex! They are not a part of your life anymore.

Likewise you should do two things: you should stop asking your friend about your ex, if you are doing so. And tell your friend to stop telling your ex anything about what you are up to. Do not make any relationship with any of your friends about your ex! Make your relationship with your friend about you and your friend!
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Old 27th April 2014, 3:41 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jiivy View Post
I can't tell you how powerful this guide has been to opening my eyes on the fact that...

NC is about me. I was convinced that NC could get her back in the long run - but here's the trick...you'll never get them back until you lose them. You have to become someone new and probably, so do they. Think about it, there are only 4 possible outcomes:

1. You don't move on, they realise their mistake in time and come back to you. But you never got over the hurt, and whatever it was that got them to leave you in the first place remains...so either you devolve in to jealousy or they leave you again!

2. You don't move on and they never come back...whatever life it is that you lead beyond that is sad and alone. You remain tortured forever.

3. You move on and they come back. You're in a neutral position to decide whether the new you and the new them can make it work...and whatever your choice, it doesn't matter - because you've moved on.

4. You move on and they don't come back....and yeah, you probably got it - it doesn't matter anymore. Because you've moved on.
This right here is awesome. I have it saved to my desktop on a note just to remind me. I know it will come in handy when I do have the urge to break NC. But I'm 100% committed to keeping NC and figuring me out.

Thanks again. This truly is fantastic
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