Ex Girlfriend pregnant by another guy 6 weeks after a 7 year relationship

[srobson321]

ok so here goes...

 

I love this girl more than anything in the whole world...

basically we split up in mid October but continued to carry on as a couple going for meals etc but not sleeping in the same house..

 

then i get told in January she is going on a date with a guy she met in uni I didnt like that...

Then 5 days later she told me she is 6 weeks pregnant... to a guy 5 years younger who doesnt want it, so Im told.. me and Jo were together 7 years and it was all I ever wanted a baby and a family with her...

 

Now I am left destroyed... I have lost my best friend my fiance my dreams and my house (oh she is giving him the benefit of the doubt and moving him into our house)

 

I am grateful for things I do have.. my job where I earn really good money, my own house my health friends and family, but now this all feels like nothing without her... she was my purpose for 7 years and now I have to think about myself.. I dont know how to or do I want to.. my dreams have been built on her and now Im completley heartbroken and humiliated by it all.. Im confused, angry, sad, frustrated, and keep having breakdown after breakdown... I miss her so much it kills me and I have every reason to hate her I cant I worry about her still and love her...Its been 6 weeks and things are not getting easier they are the same..

 

I have started the NC now but Im finding it hard... she tortured me for 2 weeks saying she was undecided what she was going to do keep it or have an abortion, even phoning me 7am in the morning saying she was going the clinic and that it shouldnt be like this.. then I didnt hear off her for 5 days only to learn through someone else she was having a baby and had a new boyfriend... I dont know how to get over this I cant see a way out I just want her

[Chi townD]

Dude, she made that bed. Now, she has to lay in it. She made mistakes, but those are mistakes she's going to have to live with, because you don't have to.

 

 

If you haven't seen it by now, let me open your eyes a little bit. She was cake eating you. What I mean by that, is after you broke up, she was still using you for dates and dinners and general conversations and flirting. But, she told you she was going on a date but 5 days after the date she informed you that she was already six weeks pregnant?!?! So, what the hell was she doing with you? CAKE EATING!!!!

 

 

You stated that this kid is a few years younger than her and probably very immature. Therefore, she had you for all of her emotional needs with mature conversations and this douche rocket to meet all of her physical needs! She had the best of both worlds until she got burned.

 

 

Sorry dude, but you got played.

 

 

She screwed up her life, not you. You're free and clear and she will always be tied down to this douche rocket kid that got her pregnant. Times are going to be hard for her. But, that's her problem not yours. You got the world at your fingertips. You can do what you want and when you want to. Nothing is tying you down! You want to spend a week in the Bahama's. GO! You can do that! She can't! You want to hang out in Los Angeles for a few days? GO!! Have a Blast! She can't! She could have, but she made a choice and it burned her.

 

 

Oh, and I hope that you got your name off the mortgage or off the rental agreement! You shouldn't be paying for her to be playing house with her and this kid she moved in there. Time for junior to belly up to the bar and take care of his responsibilities!

 

 

Dude, I strongly recommend that you seek individual counseling. You got dealt a low blow and it might be wise to talk to a professional about it.

 

 

Keep your head up! And know that NONE OF THIS WAS YOUR FAULT!!!!

[Pastel]

Wow. This is tough. Don't break NC. Don't ever talk to her again. That's the only way you can heal. She has her own issues she has to work out. She may come running back to you because the other guy probably won't man up. Don't give in. If you did you'd probably be miserable knowing the baby isn't yours. At least if you carried on with your life without her you'd have a chance of being happy again.

[srobson321]

I am trying my best to function but its in my head morning, noon and night.. Im thinking about it 24/7 I am sleeping but its what I am dreaming about and waking up very low..

Im 29 now so is sh, this guy has just turned 25, his ex girlfriend finished with him because she wanted kids and he wanted to go uni.. how ironic..

What sickens me last July I took her Rome for her birthday.. we stood at Trevi fountain I threw a coin in the water and wished for Jo to be pregnant next year with her arms around my waist...

I got no control in this yet I feel I should have as for 7 years I have been the guy to solve all her problems.. I dont want to go back to being 18 partying etc my life has moved on from that I was ready to settle I was supposed to be getting married this year..

 

To top it off my two best mates, both had much worse relationship difficulties than me and Jo, have both got there happy ending.. both just had babies and the other getting married next month (Im best man) yet I get the nightmare ending... she is with someone else and having his baby soething I longed for for 7 years she is giving to a guy she has known 3 months.. I didnt cheat I wasnt a b*stard I didnt beat her yet I get the nightmare.. Im not potraying I was perfect but I did my best but Im the one left in pieces by it all

[JohnMcClaine]

Granted, what she did was really messed up, but come on man. You really need to get satisfied with yourself first before you invest so much in someone else. You have not lost your dreams. Your dreams are yours and no one else's, period. I realize you are hurting and this is going to take a while to get over, but you will.

 

At some point in the future, you're going to look back and realize that she did you a favor.

[Chi townD]

I am trying my best to function but its in my head morning, noon and night.. Im thinking about it 24/7 I am sleeping but its what I am dreaming about and waking up very low..

Im 29 now so is sh, this guy has just turned 25, his ex girlfriend finished with him because she wanted kids and he wanted to go uni.. how ironic..

What sickens me last July I took her Rome for her birthday.. we stood at Trevi fountain I threw a coin in the water and wished for Jo to be pregnant next year with her arms around my waist...

I got no control in this yet I feel I should have as for 7 years I have been the guy to solve all her problems.. I dont want to go back to being 18 partying etc my life has moved on from that I was ready to settle I was supposed to be getting married this year..

 

To top it off my two best mates, both had much worse relationship difficulties than me and Jo, have both got there happy ending.. both just had babies and the other getting married next month (Im best man) yet I get the nightmare ending... she is with someone else and having his baby soething I longed for for 7 years she is giving to a guy she has known 3 months.. I didnt cheat I wasnt a b*stard I didnt beat her yet I get the nightmare.. Im not potraying I was perfect but I did my best but Im the one left in pieces by it all

 

 

The way you write about her is like you've put her on a pedestal. And that was probably the worst thing you could have done. Most girls don't want to be on a pedestal, they want to be by your side. Hand in hand and walking through life together. You keep them on that pedestal too long, then they start to realize that they're looking down on you. That's when you get walked all over.

 

 

Dude, you're only 29. You got your life ahead of you. Yeah, you don't want to be 18 trying to find a girl by partying and going to the clubs. I get that.

 

 

What I would suggest is traveling around. Seeing new things and meeting new people. You never know who you're going to meet along the way. I was traveling around and that's how I met my wife. She was traveling around too!

 

 

So, lets take stock of what I know about you. You're 29 and ready to settle down. Ready to love a girl and start a family. Ready to sweep a girl off her feet and take her to Rome or Paris or London for her birthday....Yeah, I speculate you won't be single for long. Don't worry about it.

[Pastel]

I know this is fresh and it's going to take some time, but eventually you're going to have to pick yourself back up and take control of your life. Instead of being a victim you're going to have to be strong for yourself.

 

She screwed up her life, not you. You still have time to find someone new and have the life you've always wanted.

[srobson321]

I understand the comments, I suppose I feel a massive sense of responsibilty to Jo and protection, I protected her for 7 years, given something that happened in her past childhood, she has only ever told me about it. Now I cant protect her and it feels weird and frustrating. I really dont care about me, when I should because I am and been having a complete breakdown, but I worry about her and the car crash tht may or may not happen, yet how can I be there for her now after all this?

[Mariposa10]

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you. This is the time for you to cry and get it all out of your system. Do not try to snap out of it. After all, you two were together for 7 years. However, you do need to protect yourself. There's a big chance that she'll reach out to you when things go south with the new guy. The possibility of those two having a lasting relationship is almost impossible.

 

Try to see the big picture, you're still young, take care of yourself. You'll be fine, but you have to be patient and work on getting better.

 

You can always come here and vent. We're here for you!!

[Chi townD]

I understand the comments, I suppose I feel a massive sense of responsibilty to Jo and protection, I protected her for 7 years, given something that happened in her past childhood, she has only ever told me about it. Now I cant protect her and it feels weird and frustrating. I really dont care about me, when I should because I am and been having a complete breakdown, but I worry about her and the car crash tht may or may not happen, yet how can I be there for her now after all this?

 

 

 

You don't.

 

 

She made a choice and, unfortunately, it wasn't you. She decided to jump into bed with another guy. That was her choice, not you. She decided not to use protection, nothing to do with you.

 

 

You wrote that the break up happened in October. She told you she was six weeks pregnant in January. Subtract six weeks and that wipes out the month of December and puts conception in November. Basically, she was sleeping around with this other dude one month or LESS after breaking up with you. Where's mourning the loss of you or the relationship? Jumping into bed with someone else just after 7 years with you? Where exactly did you stand with her? Did you mean so little to her that she could disguard of you so quickly for a roll in the sack?

 

 

I'm not trying to tell you this to make you feel worse than what you already do. I'm trying to get you to open your eyes to the kind of person she is now! She's not the same person you remember.

 

 

It's time you start seeing that. It will help you move on quicker. You need to go full NC on her. NO CONTACT!!! Change your phone number. And most importantly, BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK!!!! Sooner or later if she gives birth and she's going to be posting pics all over the place. You don't need to see that.

 

 

Time to heal and move on dude.

[KaliLove]

I understand the comments, I suppose I feel a massive sense of responsibilty to Jo and protection, I protected her for 7 years, given something that happened in her past childhood, she has only ever told me about it. Now I cant protect her and it feels weird and frustrating. I really dont care about me, when I should because I am and been having a complete breakdown, but I worry about her and the car crash tht may or may not happen, yet how can I be there for her now after all this?

 

She lost the priviledge of having you protect her when she dumped you and had unprotected sex with another man.

 

You can't be there for her. She chose to leave you, she chose to keep the baby, she chose to let this other guy move in with her. Accept that. Cut her out of your life for good..she will never, ever be yours.

[bluegreen]

O boy did you dodge a bullet there.

 

She did not finish school she did not protect herself she got knocked up and and she got knocked up by someone who does not want a baby.

She got knocked up by someone she had to move in now so called her place and not other way around.

 

That girl is sliding down faster then you can blink how sad for her.

 

 

 

 

ps: Make sure to stay miles far away cause this thing with him will not last.

You can never trust her again and there is baby involved to "forever"

As much as it hurts as much as you love her you got nothing to in this car heading to downhill nothing you hear me ?

[srobson321]

Im trying so hard but it isnt getting any easier....

I feel like I have had to protect her from her own family who have never been supportive... basically a year into our relationship she broke down to me in bed and told me that when she was a child she was abused by her mothers uncle, (he went prison for it and other offenses), nobody knows but me and her mother... Que her semi alcoholic bitter mother phoning her everytime she is pissed saying to her I dont think you can have kids after that, thats why you never had a scare etc etc... her family are users and takers... they dont even get the girl a birthday card yet she ran around after them..

 

That is why it is confusing, because for the best part of 6 years I felt I have hd to protect her and give her a good life.. and protect her from her own family... and now I can't protect her... she has chosen to be left to the sharks...

 

I have blocked her on everything now after I got my stuff from the house.. I cant take it mentally anymore.. its not made me any better yet its still the only way I can see myself having any chance of getting over this .....

[KaliLove]

Im trying so hard but it isnt getting any easier....

I feel like I have had to protect her from her own family who have never been supportive... basically a year into our relationship she broke down to me in bed and told me that when she was a child she was abused by her mothers uncle, (he went prison for it and other offenses), nobody knows but me and her mother... Que her semi alcoholic bitter mother phoning her everytime she is pissed saying to her I dont think you can have kids after that, thats why you never had a scare etc etc... her family are users and takers... they dont even get the girl a birthday card yet she ran around after them..

 

That is why it is confusing, because for the best part of 6 years I felt I have hd to protect her and give her a good life.. and protect her from her own family... and now I can't protect her... she has chosen to be left to the sharks...

 

I have blocked her on everything now after I got my stuff from the house.. I cant take it mentally anymore.. its not made me any better yet its still the only way I can see myself having any chance of getting over this .....

 

She doesn't want you to protect her. You said it yourself..she chose this. She could have had an abortion and chosen to come back to you and she didn't. Maybe she wants to stand on her own two feet and start protecting herself instead of hiding behind you. Maybe she's just making a whole bunch of mistakes. Either way, it's not your concern anymore.

 

I'm glad you blocked her. It will take time but it will help. A lot. You will get over this.

[SoleMate]

Very painful and sad. I think you and Jo were in a Knight in Shining Armor vs. Damsel in Distress relationship. Unfortunately, best case, all the KISA gets is a distressed damsel.

 

BTW, your buddies with the f*'d up r/s and babies on the way have NOT gotten the grand prize. Just being together shouldn't be the end goal....it should be to be happily and sustainably together in a home that is a safe place for a child.

 

Nothing to do now but grieve your loss. I'd take all the time you need and maybe make a bit of a ceremony of it. Like a funeral. It will help you understand that this is over. And frankly, based on what has happened, it ultimately is a good thing it's over.

 

[[[[[[i hesitate to add the following because it will seem off topic for where you are now. However, it is in fact germane. Your claimed qualities as a b/f:

I didnt cheat I wasnt a b*stard I didnt beat her

are just the bare minimum. You can't claim any special credit for "not beating" her. No one should beat anyone. But this type of thing can be addressed later when you are not in such pain.]]]]]]]]]]]]]

[srobson321]

I didn't mean that merited me to be a good boyfriend that came across wrong... I just meant I could understand the way I been treated if I was like some guys who do treat women like that!

 

I don't get she has 'chosen' all this yet she still tries to contact me with the meaningless things ( it's usually when he is in work stacking shelves... Sorry little dig there) she rang and text me about an hour ago on my work number which I didn't realise she had, just saying she has closed the joint account in the text, an account we both have not used for years with nothing in it? I didn't reply but it is on my mind now agggghh

 

It is horrible seeing my mum and dad upset and hurt aswell, they treated Jo as one of their own, my mum has confided in her a lot over the years and feels betrayed by her and hurt! That kid (and her ) have broken me and my family, I really want to punch holes in him, I feel less of a man for not doing it especially when I drove past and seen his car on my drive in my house, the house I gave up 18 months of my life to work in Saudi (2nd to prison) to pay for! I just can't lose my job because of this then I really will have lost everything aghh again back to angry confused sad etc etc

[KaliLove]

Has she said she wants you back? Has she said she wants you to be a father to her child? Has she asked you to rescue her?

[SammySammy]

You've mentioned twice that this other guy is staying in your house.

 

Why is another man staying in your house with her? What's going on there?

[srobson321]

Basically the house we have is hers and her brothers who walked away from the property years ago, I have a restriction on the property as we could not get a mortgage on the property whilst I was in Saudi, I bought my own place with the money I saved from Saudi when I came home as an investment, sorry I do appreciate the comments and advice on here it is helping me to get my head around it, even if I am just venting and sounding off

[bluegreen]

We understand sweetie we do really.

 

HUGS

[Chi townD]

Dude, vent away! It's therapeutic and we don't mind.

 

 

Dude, you're going to feel bad and for quite a while. I ain't gonna lie to ya! You invested 7 years into her and you can't shut off those feelings like a light switch.

 

 

Even though you feel like hell right now. Believe it or not, you're doing great. Continue with NC. And good for you ignoring the breadcrumb she sent with that joint bank account crap. Hell, you already knew that account was empty, so you know it was just a breadcrumb.

 

 

And the bad part is, she isn't done. You're going to hear from her again for a number of reasons. 1.) she's pregnant and very hormonal, she's going to flake out and look for you for support. 2.) You said that she was raised in a house of user's and taker's. So, that's learned behavior. Remember when I said that she was using you for emotional needs and got her physical needs met by this kid. See where she was using you and taking from you? 3.) Sooner or later, the relationship she has with this kid is going to go south. He might be in his early to mid twenties, but he wants to be young and single. HE'S the one that wants to be running around and going to the clubs. So, she might be in for some lonely nights and she might want to get some emotional support back (.i.e. you!) So, expect some breadcrumb phonecalls.

 

 

Hang in there dude!

[bluegreen]

Dude, vent away! It's therapeutic and we don't mind.

 

 

Dude, you're going to feel bad and for quite a while. I ain't gonna lie to ya! You invested 7 years into her and you can't shut off those feelings like a light switch.

 

 

Even though you feel like hell right now. Believe it or not, you're doing great. Continue with NC. And good for you ignoring the breadcrumb she sent with that joint bank account crap. Hell, you already knew that account was empty, so you know it was just a breadcrumb.

 

 

And the bad part is, she isn't done. You're going to hear from her again for a number of reasons. 1.) she's pregnant and very hormonal, she's going to flake out and look for you for support. 2.) You said that she was raised in a house of user's and taker's. So, that's learned behavior. Remember when I said that she was using you for emotional needs and got her physical needs met by this kid. See where she was using you and taking from you? 3.) Sooner or later, the relationship she has with this kid is going to go south. He might be in his early to mid twenties, but he wants to be young and single. HE'S the one that wants to be running around and going to the clubs. So, she might be in for some lonely nights and she might want to get some emotional support back (.i.e. you!) So, expect some breadcrumb phonecalls.

 

 

Hang in there dude!

 

 

 

Amen to that

[srobson321]

Well last night was one of those bad nights, I bumped into a friend who asked how I was, he said he had seen the picture of the 'scan' on Facebook, just after she had made contact...

 

Saturday night I went and stayed at my Mum and Dads for company, I went to bed at 8pm I felt drained, and then came a few tear and such a low horrible feeling...

 

I then dreamt that I was in our house and I was going to the shop in the morning for Jo to get a mums day card and it was me putting pics of our baby on Facebook.. I woke up and felt the worst I have in 6 weeks...

 

This morning I was sat having a cup f tea with my Mum and just broke down in tears...uncontrollable! I dont know how much more I can take..?

Im mentally drained but I cant escape thinking about it all the time...

 

It helps writing on here about this, I hate being the way I am in front of friends and family but I cant help it, I have never been so low in my life and I cant see no light at the end of the tunnel...

[Chi townD]

Your mom broke down because she can see that you're hurt. You are her boy afterall and she doesn't want to see you in pain.

 

 

So, you need to put up the best game in front of your mom. If she see's that you're going to be okay, then she can deal with it better. Yeah, she's probably broken up about what your Ex did to you, but I'll bet the farm that she's more concerned about you.

 

 

So, put up a good front.

[SoleMate]

I don't get she has 'chosen' all this yet she still tries to contact me with the meaningless things....

That's distressed damsels for you. She most likely realizes she made a mistake and misses you. However, that doesn't provide any real hope for you, unfortunately.