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Cannot believe what I have done. Should of listened! [updates]


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I am now into the second week of NC with my ex Girlfriend. We split nearly a month and a half ago.

 

The only contact I have given her in the last two weeks was a text on Valentines to let her know I am thinking of her. I had no reply. I assume she was with this new guy she is seeing. I have since still had no reply.

 

This girl meant the world to me and my heart bleeds everyday I am not with her. I cannot sleep without thinking of her and what she is doing.

 

Since the break up I have tried everything as humanely possible to get her back. I have pleaded with her, sent her flowers (which she laughed at and gave away) , gave her little sentimental things (the first drink I bought her, favourite food with little notes and pictures, met up with her, poured my heart out. Non of this has had any impact at all, all she has done is tried to make the relationship look like a lot worse than it was. I think this is to make herself feel better. A couple of weeks after we split I was calling and texting her asking why? and if she cared. She was nasty all of the times we spoke and explained she dosent miss me, dosent care about me and dosent love/want to be with me anymore. some of the times we did meet up she explained she does care and that she would remain in contact and meet up from time to time, explaining she could help me. She never did that. Explained I wasn't getting it and we couldn't speak anymore because all I thought is that I could get her back.

 

I appreciate we are over and what can I do about that. The thing that is destroying me... is how little she cares? We spent so much time together and had some really special memories she even lived with me for half of the relationship. How can she care so little? I believe she may of emotionally detached herself a long time before we split but still, to be so close to someone and talk about marriage,children being the only one theyve ever truly loved, how can that change so soon.. Thats the bit that hurts me, knowing she has moved on so fast. She is even seeing another guy. We work for the same company and I had been informed she even booked valentines day off. Pretty obvious what that was for :(.

 

I need help because from time to time I am checking her friends Facebooks and seeing pictures of them out partying/chilling in bed. She looks beautiful albeit, but she seems like a totally different woman to what I fell in love with, and I know she is enjoying herself. She isnt ever coming back I know that. But to see her having such a good time without me kills me. I thought I was worth more than that to her I struggle to see how she can cut me off in an instant. Why isnt this getting easier!?!? I am trying to move on but it is all hollow and worthless.

 

I miss her greatly. And deep down I would kill to have her back with me. She knows how bad this has affected and messed me up but still she hasnt text to see how i am. Please any advice would be welcomed. Thank you for reading.

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She is in a different place in the relationship than you. She was done with it before you and is further along in the process.

 

From a woman's perspective; she probably thought she could still care about you as a friend and see you occasionally. You take that as an opportunity to win her back and that's not what she wants. She is done and has moved on, seeing you just makes life too complicated because you are trying to get her back in a relationship with you and that's not what she wants.

 

Let her go. Instead of worrying about why she's moved on and what she's doing try spending your time focusing on what you can do to learn and grow from this experience so you don't make the same mistakes in your next one.

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I have been broke up with my partner now for a month and a half.

 

The thing that is really starting to plague and annoy me is her lack of responsibility over the actions since the split. She has done nothing but explain how it was my fault everything finished and that it was me that messed up our relationship.

 

Since we split I have found out that she was using facebook for 4 months without me knowing, this is how she built the foundation between the guy she is now seeing and this is how there new relationship began, she was flirting messaging, adding him when we were together, she and he both explained that when they realised what they were doing it was wrong they blocked each other. The thing that annoys me is the fact she dosent accept responsibility for this and still persists on saying I was the one who ruined everything.

 

We are now into no contact and I really feel as though she has won as she has got everything she needs to now move on and continue with her life. She doesnt understand what she has done is wrong and i really feel the need to make her know.

 

She betrayed me yet she seems the one smelling of roses.. She needs to know what she has done is wrong. She was obviously planning the break up for a couple of months and the fact she used facebook to build her new platform when we split is just so god damn annoying.

 

Any suggestions on what to do here is greatly appreciated.

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That is called 'vine swinging.' Where one partner (her) wants to make sure she has a good grip on another vine (new guy) before she releases the current vine (you).

 

It is very common. She will never admit to it or acknowledge it was wrong. Stop trying to convince her to. It simply does not matter any more. You two are broken up. For your own sanity, you have to let it go. She is not worth the effort of you agonizing about this. Try to stay positive and look to the future.

 

I get that it is frustrating. We have all been there. But it does you no good to dwell on it.

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Thank you for your reply.

 

I am trying my hardest not to dwell on it. Its just the fact that she thinks im the one to blame for everything when what she has done is equally as bad if not worse. I have always accepted responsibility with her and I feel so angered at the fact she has got out of this happy and with her own way.

 

What she has done is wrong and I really hope she realises!

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I can relate. My ex refused to take responsibility for his role in the deterioration of the situation. I'm not saying I didn't make my mistakes too (my primary one staying with him as long as I did :o). But he did wrong as well.

 

He treated me terribly, had zero respect for me, my feelings and my dignity. And while he may admit it, he justifies it by making everything my fault; as though my taking responsibility for my shortcomings automatically absolved him of his.

 

I finally just had to accept that it would never happen. That he would never apologize - - for any of it. Once I did that, I was free to move on from him. And now - - three years on, I can take comfort in the fact that I have the self-awareness that he lacks.

 

I ran into him a year ago and had admitted how stressful his life has been: a gf, a new baby, two bickering teenage stepchildren, custody battles with his ex wife.

 

While I have none of that, because - -unlike him - - I was able to learn from my mistakes; while he clearly hasn't.

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Been split with my ex now for nearly 2 months. I'm getting at the stage after the brake up where I am so so angry. I really feel like I need to come onto here to vent else I could end up losing my cool and doing something I regret.

 

My ex initiated the break up with me saying that we weren't happy anymore and I didn't appreciate her as a person, I didn't make her feel wanted and as though I wanted to spend my time with her. She broke up with me and came round the day after saying she weren't sure she made the right choice. She loves me but dosent feel we can be together anymore, she ended up staying the night and sleeping with me. The day after that she explained she cant get back with me and that she is so sorry but dosent go back on her word and that she needs to make that choice.

 

Since the split I have found out she was on Facebook for 4 months without me knowing, changing her profile picture every now and again (bare in mind neither of us had social networking anymore) I confronted her about this and she stated that it was used for browsing purposes only and she would only go on it when she was at her friends. Unbelievable how I didn't even know she was using it when she wasn't with me. The break up dwindled out and I tried my hardest to get her back all the usual gestures conversations etc. She was horrible and nasty to me numerous times saying she didn't miss me or care about me etc.

 

After a few weeks after the break up, she finally admitted she was seeing someone else. She wouldn't tell me who it was because in her words "it isn't fair on him, he goes to your gym" I was heartbroken. "we,ve been speaking about it and he was going to come and tell you the other day" I felt physically sick the fact that she can discuss me to him like I'm just some sort of anybody!! I went to see this guy and he confessed that they had indeed been talking for a while. He apparently approached her in the club (he is a bouncer at the club) and asked for her number "she declined and said she had a bf" Supposedly. He then left it.. she added him on Facebook the day after and started talking to him telling him she couldn't believe he even laid eyes on her because hes so good looking, giving him petty chat and flirting. He again asked her do you have a boyfriend. She said yes and he then blocked and deleted her. He was very genuine when I went to see him and I get the impression he knew he had messed up he was very apologetic and explained he should of spoke to me (This is his words).. This is something she deny's and she stated the worst thing she did was accept him on Facebook. Not sure who to believe but I know i will never get the full story.

 

As soon as we split she went back to the club and made a point of looking for him, she explained she was now single and gave him her number. They have since been out and is now officially seeing him. All of the gestures I sent since we split (flowers, pictures etc) she has informed him of (another thing he admitted) and I just feel she is discussing me to him like i was nobody!! He obviously knows how much I care about this girl and still they are doing what they are doing.

 

How can somebody deceive me like this. I really want to just blow up and give the guy an issue, which is the reason I have come on here to vent. I'm really on edge as to what to do next!! It makes me feel sick to think about it. They have took the P*** and she has got what she wants out of this!! NC and me out of her life. I am so so angry right now!!

 

Please help!

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Hold on to the anger phase as long as you can, after this it will get much easier.

 

How can somebody deceive me like this? She obviously found him very attractive and she decided to give it a go with him because her feelings for you were already not that strong.

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I get that. However she always had me to believe I was the love of her life. Even since the split shes stated "I never wanted to split with you, I never wanted to leave our home!!"

 

She said she has never loved like me before and that I meant everything to her. We even envisioned children and marriage. I feel so angry over this. I will never know the full story. She has got the no contact she wanted and has me out of her life.. I feel like im the one thats left looking like the bad guy and she and him can walk off into the sunset! I want to give him a piece of my mind.!

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People fall out of love at some point, she did loved you when she sayd it but not anymore. Move on ... I guess that you stil have feelings for her, so let her be happy. It just wasnt meant to be for you two.

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She is in a different place in the relationship than you. She was done with it before you and is further along in the process.

 

From a woman's perspective; she probably thought she could still care about you as a friend and see you occasionally. You take that as an opportunity to win her back and that's not what she wants. She is done and has moved on, seeing you just makes life too complicated because you are trying to get her back in a relationship with you and that's not what she wants.

 

Let her go. Instead of worrying about why she's moved on and what she's doing try spending your time focusing on what you can do to learn and grow from this experience so you don't make the same mistakes in your next one.

 

 

This spoke volumes to me. My exbf broke up with me mid October. We had some contact and it made me think we were going to reconcile. He just wanted to be friends. Trying this no contact thing.... 21 days today. Its very hard and I miss him a lot.

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My advice, and it worked for me, when you think of counting nc days; think of something else. When you think about how she said she loved you etc; think of something else. And so on..

 

The less you entertain thoughts relating to her the less emotionally involved you will be. I was with my ex for 8 years, we got together when I was 17.

6 months later and I can't remember how long nc has been, I can't remember what month we broke up, it all seems like an old book I must have read.

 

At around 2 months after the breakup every time I thought of something related to my ex I would quickly turn my attention elsewhere- the emotion died down rather than remained fueled. It is so easy for me to think about it now because I can be objective and there is no emotion with it, I am glad I didn't spend those early months trying to work it all out- that would have been emotional torture.

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I am going to try that, That sounds like a good method. Anything to give a whirl I suppose.

 

Never felt so hurt in all my life. She is so happy and I know its selfish to say but its horrible!

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The problem you have is you wont let go and because of that, your not seeing what you really need to see.

 

You gave her flowers and what did she do. She laughed at it and gave them away.

 

She was talking to the other guy on face book. She was nasty to you when you called or text her.

 

She admitted that she was seeing someone else and he goes to the same gym with you.

 

Then she blames you for the mess.

 

So far she's shown that she's a liar and a cheat not to mention that she doesn't mind one bit raking you through the coals so you have to ask yourself if you still want her and the real girl that you want is all in the above or the fictitious one you have in your mind.

 

IMO if you keep torturing yourself by not seeing the facts right in front of you and your the one who said them, I just pointed them out, then you asking for more agony.

 

Move on. get rid of the memories in your mind and in your home, that way you can heal and after you can find a better quality girl.

 

She showed you what she's made out of. You just have to ask yourself if you deserve better.

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You never get a true picture of how your ex is feeling. People deal with things in different ways. Truth is all your begging and pleading just helped her get over it quicker. It's not very attractive and cemented her decision to end things.

 

Now is a really good time to rebuild your confidence and get your own shiz in order. Go be brilliant. You'll get to the point of knowing your happiness isn't reliant on anyone else and you'll feel ace.

 

Good luck dude.

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Im in the same exact situation. My ex gf blamed everything on me and quickly found someone else despite how perfect we were together. I made the same mistake that you did and most people do after breakup... The constant pleading and always checking their social media.

 

You have to cut everything right now like i did. Your giving her too much of an ego boost when you constantly remind her that she has you on her string. Show her that you are strong and can handle this. I was angry too that my ex gf could blame everything on me when she was clearly talking to another guy... Trying to convince her wont do anything i learned that the hard way.

 

There are going to be alot of sleepless nights but you have to cut your self completely. Ignorance is bliss, focus on the now instead of constantly wondering what shes doing at this moment. The first few weeks of nc are hell but trust yourself that time will heal this. No more torturing yourself by checking her social media or trying to fix things.. Thats like tearing off a bandaid. Were all on the same boat. Put all her stuff in a box, cry the anger out if you have to and be oblivious of her. If she did this to you and put you through hell then shes not worth the pain.

 

Cut it all off with her, ignorance is bliss. Im hurting and your hurting we can get through this.

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@bubbaganoosh @sw2020 @LostAlways

 

thank you for the replies. I assure you they are alll taken on board.

 

what ever happened to the girl I fell in love with? I guess I will never know.

 

I hope one day she realises just how much I loved her. Thank you all.

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favoritepills
I hope one day she realises just how much I loved her. Thank you all.

If you maintain NC and focus on healing yourself, one day you'll realize that what she thinks doesn't matter at all.

 

Trust me, if your ex is as awful as she sounds, she will be her own undoing, from one sunk relationship to the next. And that's karma enough.

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That is called 'vine swinging.' Where one partner (her) wants to make sure she has a good grip on another vine (new guy) before she releases the current vine (you).

 

It is very common. She will never admit to it or acknowledge it was wrong. Stop trying to convince her to. It simply does not matter any more. You two are broken up. For your own sanity, you have to let it go. She is not worth the effort of you agonizing about this. Try to stay positive and look to the future.

 

I get that it is frustrating. We have all been there. But it does you no good to dwell on it.

 

I wish I had read this 7 months ago after I got dumped. But even now it helps. Thank you for posting.

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I have now been in NO contact with my ex for nearly 3 weeks. Broke up for nearly 2 months.

 

We both work for the same company but in different offices. I feel better but I have not stopped missing her since the day she left. I still love her more than anything and it absolutely kills me not being with her. I seriously feel as though my heart is hurting. She means the world to me and although I have been raked through the coals since the break up I still really find it so difficult.

 

I was at work today. I havent heard from her in 3 weeks as previously stated. The phone goes and the receptionist said "ohh I have **** on the line from accounts for your colleague" I can take a message though... I said "No No its fine pop her through", I said hello, bright and confident... She didn't say anything for a couple of seconds and said hello, it sounded so good to hear her voice again. We spoke and she sounded ok passed the message on and left, maintaining proffesionalism. The conversation sounded weird and I could tell there was like a tenseness on the phone. And I really think it was difficult for her to hear my voice :( I could tell how she was speaking.

 

I love her to bits, I have never missed anything so much. Ive tried everything to get her back since and had no luck. And since hearing her I want to do nothing but text her and say "it was so nice to hear you, how are you" I feel as though this might be a bad idea. But i want to see/hear her so badly!!

 

Someone please help me through this point....What should I do?

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I have now been in NO contact with my ex for nearly 3 weeks. Broke up for nearly 2 months.

 

We both work for the same company but in different offices. I feel better but I have not stopped missing her since the day she left. I still love her more than anything and it absolutely kills me not being with her. I seriously feel as though my heart is hurting. She means the world to me and although I have been raked through the coals since the break up I still really find it so difficult.

 

I was at work today. I havent heard from her in 3 weeks as previously stated. The phone goes and the receptionist said "ohh I have **** on the line from accounts for your colleague" I can take a message though... I said "No No its fine pop her through", I said hello, bright and confident... She didn't say anything for a couple of seconds and said hello, it sounded so good to hear her voice again. We spoke and she sounded ok passed the message on and left, maintaining proffesionalism. The conversation sounded weird and I could tell there was like a tenseness on the phone. And I really think it was difficult for her to hear my voice :( I could tell how she was speaking.

 

I love her to bits, I have never missed anything so much. Ive tried everything to get her back since and had no luck. And since hearing her I want to do nothing but text her and say "it was so nice to hear you, how are you" I feel as though this might be a bad idea. But i want to see/hear her so badly!!

 

Someone please help me through this point....What should I do?

 

Who broke up with who? If she broke up with you, then let it at that, do nothing. If you broke up with her and want to get her back, send her that text. But if she was the one that ended it, she has to make the effort to get you back.

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I agree that it is based of who broke up with who. You don't want to get your heart broken anymore than it already is. I know it is tough, but try and be strong. I have to keep telling myself this every second of every damn day now.

 

I'm so sorry for your pain buddy. Im right there with you.

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Stop. You said in your last threads that she is seeing someone else and you last texted her on Valentine's day and she didn't even respond.

 

She was probably feeling awkward talking to you.

 

You're sabotaging your own healing. You didn't have to take the call. NC means NC.

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ithappenedagain

Hey man.. Look. I feel your pain. I really do. But DUDE..... Listen up.

 

YOU ARE THE REASON FOR THIS PAIN...NOT HER.

 

You keep doing this to yourself. You say you have been NC for 3 weeks but you havent. You snoop Facebook, You texted her on VDAY. You talked to your co-workers about her and found out her work schedule on Vday, you willingly took her call when you KNEW it was her on the line... Do you see where I am going with this?

 

I also lived with my ex. We spent every single breathing moment together. We were best friends. We did everything together. Took vacations, loved each others family, etc etc... But she dumped me. My heart got broken. This was a little over a month ago.

 

If I truly wanted to know what she has been up to I could find out in 5 minutes. But I DONT WANT TO because I know it will hurt me more. I believe indirect contact is WORSE than direct contact. You have to shut her out of you life. I know that hurts, but it doesnt hurt as much as what you are doing now. Just let her go. I know you dont want to hear that, but the only way you are going to start healing is if you start detaching.

 

Don't analyze that 30 second phone conversation you had with her.

 

a.) she wasnt even calling for you

b.) it meant nothing. It was work related.

 

If you keep analyzing all of the minute sh*t you are just going to continue to dig yourself a deeper hole of depression.

 

 

Hang in there man. Post on this forum. It helps.

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@ithappenedagain

 

Man you have no idea. I feel like such an idiot!! You are completely right but im just literally clutching at straws here honestly. I knew she was on the line and your right I took the call. I feel so stupid. I dont know what I was expecting to happen to be honest. I just miss her so much, I thought that maybe if i spoke to her and showed her I can be professional and still speak she may think okay then fair enough...

 

Your right I am over analysing it. I am thinking too deep into it. that's all I have done since the day we broke up. I don't know how to get out of this state. The only reason I speak to colleagues is because it makes me feel better. I am struggling here and I miss her so god dam much.

 

I wish she cared and thought about me. its killing me! I just thought maybe if I answered the call she might think "wow its him" and you know. I feel so desperate

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