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3 year relationship ended left for another guy. Sad and insecure.


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Me and my girlfriend were serious for 3 years. a couple of months ago I felt like she kept picking fights with me and was acting strange. She had gained a new group of friends which I was cool with because one of here insecurities was that she never felt like she had friends. A couple were guys but I'm not the jealous type I promised her it was ok. Eventually she broke up with me... Through text message. The next day she was in New York with one of these guys. A month ago I got a long text message begging for me back. I said I don't believe that door is closed forever but right now I think we both need time and the break up happened for a reason. She hasn't always been emotionally stable and I think she needs to make herself happy being able to be in a healthy relationship. We scheduled a lunch last week to talk. She cancelled saying she was too heartbroken to see me. Today I found out that she put on facebook she is in a relationship with that guy. I haven't said anything to her and I am trying to handle this with class and dignity. But I'm just so hurt and angry. When will I stop feeling so angry and sad?

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My ex of 5 years dumped me 5 months ago. 2 weeks ago I found out it was to get with my friend. Both of them deceived me about it for months. The "friend" even listened to me reflect on all the ways I realized I could have been better to her. Strangely, he never thanked me for any of my tips that I didn't realize I was giving.

 

 

It seems like we are both pretty fresh in learning about our exes' serious feelings for other dudes.

 

 

At first I was just shocked. Now I'm angry. I used to think she was one of the nicest people I ever met. Turns out her big fear is that people won't think she is a nice person. So she claims she hid it from me to avoid causing me more pain. We work together. We have dozens of mutual friends and acquaintances. It sucks to find out that she chose her own self-image over helping me, when she claimed she still cared about me.

 

 

It also sucks that I want to still help her. I want her to realize how much her fear is going to hurt those around her, it will keep doing so. Other times I want to convince her that she is a bad person, just because I am so angry at her.

 

 

I can't tell you when the hurt and anger and sadness are going to end, friend. Just know that I am right there with you. And anytime you feel like contacting her, come on here and talk to this community.

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WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE!!! :sick:

 

Why can't they shove all that confusion up their asses!!

 

I'm really sorry to hear you have to go through this crap. She'll come back, start blocking her, please. Do not jump into a new relationship.

 

I know this is gonna sound stupid but: do not take it personal. Something like this happened to me. It's not like we were not good enough. It's not our problem, it's their problem.

 

Start re-connecting with friends, family, get new hobbies. You'll be fine.

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Me and my girlfriend were serious for 3 years. a couple of months ago I felt like she kept picking fights with me and was acting strange. She had gained a new group of friends which I was cool with because one of here insecurities was that she never felt like she had friends. A couple were guys but I'm not the jealous type I promised her it was ok. Eventually she broke up with me... Through text message. The next day she was in New York with one of these guys. A month ago I got a long text message begging for me back. I said I don't believe that door is closed forever but right now I think we both need time and the break up happened for a reason. She hasn't always been emotionally stable and I think she needs to make herself happy being able to be in a healthy relationship. We scheduled a lunch last week to talk. She cancelled saying she was too heartbroken to see me. Today I found out that she put on facebook she is in a relationship with that guy. I haven't said anything to her and I am trying to handle this with class and dignity. But I'm just so hurt and angry. When will I stop feeling so angry and sad?

 

Hello Sir

 

I know what it's like to be left for someone else.

 

So far, you are handling this the correct way, 1) Because you refused to take her back when she begged 2) Not saying anything to her when you heard about the facebook status.

 

I am going to tell you something, people who need to put it out on facebook that they are in a relationship........let's put it this way, comes across as a bit immature.....if you are in a relationship, does the whole world need to know about it?? Really.......Anyways

 

You did good son, real good, this girl seems like the classic emotionally unstable - needs male attention to feel validated - says one thing one day/does another.

 

She was seeing another guy the whole time, got cold feet, tried running back to you, you closed the door, she ran back to him, now she's settled. Textbook behavior for the cheater, no thought for your feelings....it's all about making sure the transition from old man to new man is a smooth one.

 

Even if she had "come back" to you.....she'd still be shagging the other guy anyways.

 

Say NOTHING, not a word, as soon as new guy realizes what he is dealing with she will come running back again, think about it, he's probably walking arm in arm with this girl like he's won a gold medal, and not long ago she was begging you back......poor guy, he's thinking with his penis for now but it won't last.

 

Good job, keep moving forward, don't look back, trust me.

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But I hope it does. I honestly don't know if its the best thing, but I've personally gone no contact - well, after I sent a well thought out letter explaining exactly why I thought she'd been unfaithful and why I didn't want to work towards friendship with someone that would do that to me (or anyone). Its only been 10 days since I sent that letter. I hope she read it, because she needs a conscience check and its obvious no one else was going to give it to her.

 

The letter really helped somewhat with the feelings that she was 'getting away with it' and so on. Now I know she knows exactly how I feel, and why I don't want to be friends. If you think you need closure, maybe a letter would help you as well before NC. Its really up to you though.

 

Whether it was emotional or physical cheating, I don't think it matters. Its so goddamn hard, and none of us know when it will get better. It hasn't for me yet. When I found out I spent a week on the couch watching through 5 seasons of Modern Family (got through the whole thing three times in a week...). I'm back at work now, and seeing my councillor tomorrow. Hopefully she has some good tips. She really helped through the initial breakup, but now everything has changed I don't know what she'll say.

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When you stop being the nice guy and start to realize that she lied to you and as seeing this OM on the side. Her fling didn't work out and now she's knocking on your door to forgive her. To make matters worse, she can't tell you face to face that she wants to break up but sends a text which tells you something right there.

 

Delete her from your phone, face book and any other communication. The longer you dwell on her the longer it will take to get over her.

 

You might not know this but your a prime candidate for being plan B with her. Don't you think you deserve better?

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