why do people feel the need to jump into another relationship

[Bishop556]

I don't understand the need to jump into another relationship a month and a half after an intense year and a half relationship ends. Why would you not use the time to develop yourself, and learn who you are instead of banging the first person that shows affection towards you? Why would you not want to have introspection and better yourself?

[pickflicker]

I don't understand the need to jump into another relationship a month and a half after an intense year and a half relationship ends. Why would you not use the time to develop yourself, and learn who you are instead of banging the first person that shows affection towards you? Why would you not want to have introspection and better yourself?

 

What if you meet someone else that's better, and more suited to you? "Sorry, dude, I need to naval gaze for a while. Will you wait?"

 

Hell no. Take opportunity when it presents itself.

[justadudehere]

I don't understand the need to jump into another relationship a month and a half after an intense year and a half relationship ends. Why would you not use the time to develop yourself, and learn who you are instead of banging the first person that shows affection towards you? Why would you not want to have introspection and better yourself?

 

The same as people who leave 10 -20 year relationships and jump right into something new in weeks.

The one left with the heartache will always wonder all kinds of things, the whys and hows, but does it matter in the end ?

 

I have asked myself the same thing about my ex. It will just drive you mad to even wonder.

 

I wish I had the answers as today I am having a bad day, its my Birthday but I am thinking of her.

[carhill]

Why do people take another hit on the bong or grab another beer after the buzz starts to wear off?

 

Brain chemistry. Relationship 'hits' are little different. In fact, they may be more powerful as they come from the body itself, not some foreign substance put into it. Pure.

[LornaFE]

Because it gildes the pain. Ending an relationship is so painful, so why not let someone comfort you. Developing yourself is work.

I can understand people who instantly move to the next. For girls it is so easy to find someone, because once all the guys know you just got dumped they all hit on you, because a bird with a broken wing is easier to catch.

I am a huge fan of self developing, but it is hard shortly after a breakup.

[Bishop556]

thanks for your input everyone. I just feel that, at least in my case, that I have no intention of dating anytime soon. I can't even fathom being with someone else. How could I have an emotional connection with someone when I am still getting over my ex?

[pickflicker]

thanks for your input everyone. I just feel that, at least in my case, that I have no intention of dating anytime soon. I can't even fathom being with someone else. How could I have an emotional connection with someone when I am still getting over my ex?

 

And that's fine. But some people deal with pain differently, and that's fine too.

[fixing]

Im with you OP. Ive had two long term relationships, im 28. Both of those girls i would have married. Ive dated and courted countless woman throughout but never committed to a girl i didnt have feelings for.

 

ALOT of people seem to just latch onto the nearest person that suits their needs and they are happy with that until it ends, instead of mourning the BU they go straight out and fish for their next human fix.

Personally, i think those types of people cant bare to be alone, they are not IN LOVE per say, but, they are happy and content until the next best thing presents itself to them. I think they are users of people.

 

That all applies to people i know, male and female, and i know alot of them. But there is just no way on earth i believe they experience real love in their 4th/5th/6th/7th/8/th/9th partner, maybe the first one or two, but after that its just what suits them, they need the sex, the nurturing, the reliability and whatever shoe fits best they go for it.

 

Constantly rebounding their entire lives. I personally could not do it, like there is this lovely lovely woman near me, she recently told me she loves me, i could easily jump into a relationship with her, but i wont? Because i dont love her and it wouldnt be fair on her.

 

Thats why alot of people on here our heartbroken when their partners suddenly leaves because of 'GIGs' or whatever and they cant comprehend how they moved on so quick? because they are experts in relationships, they have masses of experiences in it, water off a ducks back to them.

 

At least thats how i feel, just my OPINION, either that, or im lacking something myself and not able to commit to the nearest most convenient fit...

Edited January 6, 2014 by fixing

[carhill]

thanks for your input everyone. I just feel that, at least in my case, that I have no intention of dating anytime soon. I can't even fathom being with someone else. How could I have an emotional connection with someone when I am still getting over my ex?

OP, respecting that, examine your other behavior patterns. How do they match up? Can you identify any addictive behavior patterns? If not, then you may not have the brain chemistry to be a jumper. I've found, in life, there are patterns in brain chemistry which manifest themselves in different, yet similar at their core, behaviors, with addictive behaviors being amongst them. If someone is prone to addictive behaviors in general, it follows that their relationship behaviors will mimic the general pattern.

 

When people break up, an emotional bond, if there was one, is broken. Emptiness replaces the volume of love and attention one has received. There is a vacuum. The more prone to addiction one is, chemically, to that love and attention and the brain chemicals it induces/facilitates, the more powerful the impulse to 'take another hit'. Of course, as humans we have complete control of our choices and behaviors but some people do, as my exW put such a fine point on it, 'go crazy'; not clinically crazy but rather having a 'crazy' response to the lack of what was taken away by their breakup.

 

They want it again and want can be a powerful motivator. Ask any alcoholic or drug addict. It's a tough master. Good luck.

[FortunateSon]

I have thought about this a lot recently, I think as others have said it is down to how people individually cope and, as Carhill stated, how they deal with other things in life.

 

I have never been able to jump into another relationship after a long term break up, but I do enjoy dating and meeting new people casually soon afterwards. I suppose I am "emotionally unavailable" to someone new until I healed and moved on. I found my ex is a jumper, both times we have split up she has been in some kind of relationship in 3-4 months. She is somehow unable to be alone and is willing to in my opinion, degrade herself, with first available guy that comes along. It is not an easy thing to except, but I feel like taking my time will help me in the long run.

[bubbaganoosh]

I've known people that were in the relationship from hell and they would rather stay in a dead, lifeless relationship then be in none at all. I know it sounds crazy but I think it's a sign of insecurity in a big time way.

 

Me, on the other hand, like to have a breather between relationships so I can gather up the ashes and dispose it properly. After My head is clear then I move on.

[mantlefan]

thanks for your input everyone. I just feel that, at least in my case, that I have no intention of dating anytime soon. I can't even fathom being with someone else. How could I have an emotional connection with someone when I am still getting over my ex?

 

It's good you recognize that you feel that way. I think I am the point where I want to move on, want to find someone else, want to risk again. But I don't really think I am ready yet. That's a far cry from where I was 5 months ago when I got dumped by the girl I was going to ask to marry me.