Broke NC and things went badly (surprise, surprise)

[KelC411]

Hi everyone,

 

Havent been logging in as much because Ive been feeling so much better (still sad, but like I was moving forward). Then yesterday I had to break NC about a practical issue (getting off his phone plan). I knew he would want to talk about the RS because he was mad I thought he emotional cheated with the girl he started daing right after but I planene to keep it all business. That worked until he started hinting that I was going to eff him over by sticking him with the phone charges. He actually said "Ill hold onto these texts in case you dont pay." Now, I know ou all dont really know me, but let me assure you, even if I HATED someone, I would never stick them with a hundred dollar bill I owed. So, I made the mistake of rising to the bait. He also started saying i never gave him a chance to defend himself (even though when I tried to defend MYSELF he told me I ant his effing problem anymore). So things escalated from there until he was insulting me and telling me how terrible Iwas and how he should have ended it sooner. He threw really vulnerable issues at me like ammunition (like stuff about my emotionall abusive ex before him, and my struggles with anxiety and depression, and my less than awesome mom). I was ANGRY at that point and defended myself. I didnt get nasty about him like he did me but I did engage in the argument which I know was wrong (trust me, you dont need to tell me i messed up here).

 

I wouldnt say I was set all the way back, but he confirmed some of my worst fears about myself which led me back to thinking 1)I am all to blame and no ne will ever love me when they know who I really am and 2)feeling a litle jaded, lik I should never give anyone that much trust, and thus, ammunition against me again.

 

No point to this post really, just venting, and hoping for some encouragment. I am back to NC for good. I told him, Ill pay for the phone and then lets not speak again.

[sw2020]

Ah don't be too hard on yourself. Just now focus on getting back to your best and learn from the mistake. It's near impossible to keep it all business when so many feeling are still involved.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Emotions are obviously still running high... back to NC for u.... let it all die down x

[ponchsox]

Sometimes it takes breaking NC to learn how important NC is. Stay strong.

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

Hurt people hurt other people. Clearly he is a hurt, defective person...and he needed to bring to down.

 

Just cus he says **** doesnt mean its true. Dont attach yourself to his emotional hurricane. Learn from this and see him for the broken person he is. Detach...and know who YOU are no who HE says you are.

 

xo

[devastated777]

sorry girl. I've broken it twice now and it does make realize the importance of keeping it up. Time. hard for us impatient people though.

[iouaname]

oh well! It happens. Don't get yourself worked up about it. He engaged in the arguing just as much as you did, which means he's just as responsible. I've found that time is a great healer. Leave the situation alone, return to NC, and things will work themselves out.

 

My ex and I had vicious fights after we broke up. I would never have expected to speak to him again after some of those fights - and yet, he has been trying to reach out plenty the past four months. Don't let it get to you!

[Chi townD]

If this is the last interaction that you have to have with him, then rip the bandaid off quickly and move on. Collect up the money that would be owed to him and get it in the form of a money order. If he wants to keep the texts, then fine! But, a money order will give you a receipt of the payment to him just in case he wants to start playing games. You'll have proof of payment. Then, back to NC and a brighter future.

[KelC411]

Ah don't be too hard on yourself. Just now focus on getting back to your best and learn from the mistake. It's near impossible to keep it all business when so many feeling are still involved.

 

Thanks, sw! Its is tough. Cant wait until the day when I am indifferent.

[KelC411]

Hurt people hurt other people. Clearly he is a hurt, defective person...and he needed to bring to down.

 

Just cus he says **** doesnt mean its true. Dont attach yourself to his emotional hurricane. Learn from this and see him for the broken person he is. Detach...and know who YOU are no who HE says you are.

 

xo

 

Thanks, this was really comforting and a good point. I am not sure why I am taking everything he says as truth, when clearly he has his own agenda. I guess just because I have loved him for so long, I am used to trusting his opinion. But obviously I really shouldnt be doing that anymore.

[KelC411]

oh well! It happens. Don't get yourself worked up about it. He engaged in the arguing just as much as you did, which means he's just as responsible. I've found that time is a great healer. Leave the situation alone, return to NC, and things will work themselves out.

 

My ex and I had vicious fights after we broke up. I would never have expected to speak to him again after some of those fights - and yet, he has been trying to reach out plenty the past four months. Don't let it get to you!

 

Thanks, glad to know that. Its not even that I want him back at this point. But I do feel bad that it ended on these terms. We had a pretty great RS up until he end, so it sucks to think our last time speaking ever would be this terrible fight. But I guess that is out of my control now.