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How to cope with such anger from the one i loved most


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I broke up with the man I truly loved with all my heart and soul. I could of bet a million dollars that I was going to marry him.

 

we've dated for almost 3 years. We were friends with benefits and then became a couple.

I found out he was cheating on me for almost 2 years. How? he would find girls on craglist and ask for oral from them.

( I knew that he did this before we became official because he gave me his old ipod and I saw all that dirty crap but since that ipod hasn't been uploaded or connected to wiifii, the last thing I saw was he did that in 2009/2010. still...I was grossed out) I confronted him about that in 2011 before we were official and he said that was his past. and if I could accept it, then I shouldn't be with him. and for weeks even months it bothered me but I wanted to be with him and it was his past.

Well the summer of this year we broke up in June. I later met a new guy and dated him. and that ipod was on, and somehow the wiifii connected and upgraded and his msgs were still there and it had sync. and I was curious and I went through it to later find out he was cheating on me. throughout our whole relationship.

Eventually I broke up with the guy I got with over the summer. then my ex of almost 3 years and I started talking again. I didn't want anything from him. but he did. I told him that I knew he cheated on me. and he broke down and admitted he begged for another chance. he wanted so bad to convince me that he was a new man, that he wasn't like that. that isn't who is and never will. (his father was cheater and left his mom to be with another family he had in secret; he grew up around uncles who are cheaters both on mom and dad side and not to mention he has daddy issues as well) I felt bad for him in the beginning of our relationship, I wanted to show him a differ kind of love. like Christ created us to love one another.

 

 

so, sadly everybody...I tried giving him another chance but couldn't. anger took its toll. I later realized I want to forgive him rather give him another chance. my trust for him wouldn't come back. I didn't even want to try cause I gave him so many chances...

 

 

Now the problem now, is that I old onto the anger. Im assuming cause I haven't forgiven him completely? How can I move pass this?

I made the decision to leave him completely. I don't want him. i just cant believe he didn't appreciate me like i did with him.

 

 

He would go out to bars and pick up women..... people who does that do not love me!!! that's not love.

 

 

He realized what he lost. and expected another shot??? that pisses me off..everything about him pissed me off. he made me suffer so much. and even put his hands on me one time!!!!

 

 

im going to lose it. im a ticking bomb.

 

 

anyone has been in this situation with anger and their exs?

 

 

What do i have to do?

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SincereOnlineGuy

(just traced my way here)

 

 

Y'know what I'd do... I'd walk into your bathroom, and look in the mirror... at the woman in there...

 

 

and I'd recognize and praise the part of her which instinctively and effectively invested herself IN somebody else... and do everything on earth to separate that perfectly wonderful and sensible investment you made IN him from the individual that IS 'him'.

 

For HE has little or nothing to do with your internal ability and will to invest your emotions in SOMEone.

 

HE was simply (the lucky guy) at one point.

 

Once you identify and separate those two unique elements, you will have paved the path toward your healing.

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