I've realized that perhaps I don't miss her but miss the fantasy

[JDPT]

I was asked earlier this week if I miss her or if I miss the memories. When I was first asked this question, my intuition wanted to morph my feelings into a physical form by way of my ex.

Now, I've had my share of relationships, I've dumped and been on the receiving end but this is perhaps one of the most difficult thing I had/have to deal with in my life time.

Being with her for 4.5 yrs I was undoubtedly convinced that with her I would grow old and we would perhaps die together holding hands like a scene of a corny movie I was once forced to watch.

Now addressing the question of whether I missed her or the fantasy, I think I'm just scratching the surface and coming to terms with the fact that I do miss the fantasy and force myself to believe how my life would be nothing less than "perfection" if I could relive those moments again. What was once magical has now turned into persistent excruciating agony.

I blame "her" for all I'm currently dealing with. I at times cursed the day she was born and the time she and I crossed paths. Fortunately, I also realize that this mentality leaves me running nj place going nowhere fast.

All in all, I feel ok to know that I'm diminishing her to a mere fantasy, and question myself "what am I truly missing here?" It's certainly food for thought, at least for me. Just wanted to share that with you guys.

[Thedafox]

I feel you completely, I was with my ex for almost 3 years and I find myself just missing the memories of her and I.

 

It gets a hell of a lot easier. The memories I have now just make me happy, we spent 1/10th of our life together and I know I won't be forgotten and neither will she be.

 

However; our relationship became toxic very quickly when she decided she wanted to go to the club 2 nights a week with some of her coworkers; I didn't catch onto it quick enough but that signified the end of us, especially when she started to realize she was young and attractive.

 

You will find someone who loves you for who you really are, it's just going to take a bit of time. During that, better yourself. I volunteer more, I give more to charity, I work out in my spare time ( I would be doing it today but there's 3 inches of ice outside and I can't run without me slipping and dying ). I, along with everyone here, will always be there for you when you're feeling up or when you feel like everything is about to collapse.

 

Feel free to message me on Skype anytime you'd like. Skype name : Thedafox44

[JDPT]

Absolutely- we often neglect all those red flags as we are so blinded by love. Reality is that they made the decision and there is not turning back. Time to expand our horizons and page a better future for ourselves, thanks for the support.

[Augustus64]

Spent 5 years with mine off and on through those golden college years, where theres less pressure and more fun. had some great memories. i smile back at those when they pop in my head from time to time. just like you i thought she was the one. well she wasn't and thats just how its suppose to be and thats what has to be understood. Just how i met her i'll meet the real one whenever thats suppose to happen. In the meantime im focused on making all my dreams come true and living in the present.

 

EX means: Thanks for the EXperience. Our time has EXpired. Now EXit my life.

[BC1980]

I've realized that you also have to grieve the hopes and dreams you had. You don't just loose the present happiness; you loose the potential. My ex and I had so many plans, and I've had to slowly let those go as well.

[Qactus]

i am going through the same waves of emotion. Her memories are haunting me the reason for this is because i was really the one who cared for her.

 

I use to ask her about everything. Her problems, her happiness.

 

 

Anyway its all gone now. Life is moving forward. And yeah her memories are really hard to forget.

 

Just like you, i'm trying my best. Just hope we both get out of this as soon as possible.

[JDPT]

I've realized that you also have to grieve the hopes and dreams you had. You don't just loose the present happiness; you loose the potential. My ex and I had so many plans, and I've had to slowly let those go as well.

 

 

 

Very interesting you mention this. For the past 2 weeks or so I've inadvertently experienced feelings of "hope" once again, and this is 7 months post BU. When my phone would ding the thought of her crossed my mind, this has not occurred in months. I'm at the point where I'm analyzing where I went wrong. I've neglected myself and attempted to numb my feelings that where I went wrong. I need to deal with myself again and focus on my recovery.

[JDPT]

Qac-it's amazing how people engrave themselves in our lives so deeply. We need to continue on desensitizing ourselves from the past and focus on the future. There was life before them and there for sure is life and a better one after them as well.

[Qactus]

Qac-it's amazing how people engrave themselves in our lives so deeply. We need to continue on desensitizing ourselves from the past and focus on the future. There was life before them and there for sure is life and a better one after them as well.

 

yeah you are right. Its is indeed amazing how people mean soo much to us when we love them deeply.

 

Yeah there was a life before they came into our life but seriously for me.. i really dont remember.. My mind is soo stuck up with her thoughts and her memories. I' trying my best.

 

We can give each other the shoulder we want but there's no getting away from the fact that we were truly broken and kicked my our EX.

 

Thats the true and we have to live with this now.

[JDPT]

We are all at different phases in our recovery journey. I'm at 7 months post break up and just a few days ago I was dealing with issues that I thought I hashed out. I've learned to treat this like an illness, it needs constant vigilance, I can't neglect it or give up on it. I needed to take a step back as analyze what lead me to feeling horrible all over again. In other words we need to proactively continue to nurture our recovery. I don't want to be in pain any longer, I chose not to be in pain. I need to focus in what truly matters in my life and no one else's. The journey continues.

[BC1980]

I was in denial for so long that I experienced my worst depression 6 months post breakup. I thought I had it all figured out, but I was hit with a wave of anxiety and hopelessness that lasted a few weeks. It scared me quite honestly. I'm hoping the worst is over.

[JDPT]

I was in denial for so long that I experienced my worst depression 6 months post breakup. I thought I had it all figured out, but I was hit with a wave of anxiety and hopelessness that lasted a few weeks. It scared me quite honestly. I'm hoping the worst is over.

 

You nailed it, that's exactly what I experienced in the same particular order but at 7 months. Sometimes I wonder if I subliminally was hanging onto hope and was diluting myself by telling me I was past it? I was on a destructive path a few weeks ago, I went back to my old habits and utterly neglected my recovery. Now I know what I did wrong and what I must do to redeem myself and continue to work towards progress.

[MoveAlong]

I have a constant struggle with hope. I feel like I should have given up by now. How long does it really take for someone to realize that you have been gone...i'm thinking 6 weeks passing is evidence that I need to put away the past. It's not coming back...but I have yet to defeat this sense of hope.

[Thedafox]

I have a constant struggle with hope. I feel like I should have given up by now. How long does it really take for someone to realize that you have been gone...i'm thinking 6 weeks passing is evidence that I need to put away the past. It's not coming back...but I have yet to defeat this sense of hope.

 

 

It's the worlds worst rollercoaster, some days you'll feel on top of the world, other days you'll feel like there's no point in trying to move on if it's just gonna hurt.

 

 

It will hurt and it will hurt bad, but you WILL become a better person at the end of it.

[crazybestie101]

I was asked earlier this week if I miss her or if I miss the memories. When I was first asked this question, my intuition wanted to morph my feelings into a physical form by way of my ex.

Now, I've had my share of relationships, I've dumped and been on the receiving end but this is perhaps one of the most difficult thing I had/have to deal with in my life time.

Being with her for 4.5 yrs I was undoubtedly convinced that with her I would grow old and we would perhaps die together holding hands like a scene of a corny movie I was once forced to watch.

Now addressing the question of whether I missed her or the fantasy, I think I'm just scratching the surface and coming to terms with the fact that I do miss the fantasy and force myself to believe how my life would be nothing less than "perfection" if I could relive those moments again. What was once magical has now turned into persistent excruciating agony.

I blame "her" for all I'm currently dealing with. I at times cursed the day she was born and the time she and I crossed paths. Fortunately, I also realize that this mentality leaves me running nj place going nowhere fast.

All in all, I feel ok to know that I'm diminishing her to a mere fantasy, and question myself "what am I truly missing here?" It's certainly food for thought, at least for me. Just wanted to share that with you guys.

 

I don't know when this ordeal of pain will end. Every day , i feel good , sure days are just getting better but there isn't moment in day when i don't cry. When i wake up , feels like new day, don't think about him . As mid day approches , i cherish good moments with smile. As night approches i remember how ahole he is , how he treated me lately, no compassion. I feel like to go punch him so hard and hit his feet with my freaking heels so he better remember before he try to **** with girls. I so hate him at this time like so much, really wish karma gets him really bad. Damn i used to love this guy , was thinking he is the best man i ever met. Well , **** you now!