Passive/aggressive ex?

[Talulah]

Hello,

 

Just checking in after having been broken up with my ex for about four months now.

 

I've been going through highs and lows but I came upon this thread and it struck me that my ex had passive/aggressive disorder.

 

He was manipulative, as in using "forgetfullness", the obsessive sports and hobbies, spending time alone on purpose, the jabs, the sarcasm.

 

Here is the thread:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/387937-passive-aggressive-ex-boyfriend-he-made-me-question-my-sanity-entire-relationship

 

I knew that my ex is passive aggressive but what really struck me is the guilt that I felt/feel after the break-up even though he broke up with me. He became angry at me, when I tried to be the best girlfriend to him.

 

Gave him all of the attention that he wanted, yet he had trouble keeping up his word and would always 'forget' dates and other times.

 

He was conscious of the fact that he had problems, he told me that he wanted to change and that he wanted to become a better person and told me once that he maybe it was best if I didn't find out what he was really like because he wasn't a good guy.

 

He had A LOT of contained anger, which would come out rarely. He did always focus on my faults, or not always meanly made fun of some of my characteristics.

 

He told me that he didn't have narcissism but that he thought that he had something else.

 

 

I guess it has given me closure, but I still miss him so much even though we are thousands of miles apart now.

 

anyone had experience with this type of relationship before?

[Mz_sassy_77]

Hello,

 

Just checking in after having been broken up with my ex for about four months now.

 

I've been going through highs and lows but I came upon this thread and it struck me that my ex had passive/aggressive disorder.

 

He was manipulative, as in using "forgetfullness", the obsessive sports and hobbies, spending time alone on purpose, the jabs, the sarcasm.

 

Here is the thread:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/387937-passive-aggressive-ex-boyfriend-he-made-me-question-my-sanity-entire-relationship

 

I knew that my ex is passive aggressive but what really struck me is the guilt that I felt/feel after the break-up even though he broke up with me. He became angry at me, when I tried to be the best girlfriend to him.

 

Gave him all of the attention that he wanted, yet he had trouble keeping up his word and would always 'forget' dates and other times.

 

He was conscious of the fact that he had problems, he told me that he wanted to change and that he wanted to become a better person and told me once that he maybe it was best if I didn't find out what he was really like because he wasn't a good guy.

 

He had A LOT of contained anger, which would come out rarely. He did always focus on my faults, or not always meanly made fun of some of my characteristics.

 

He told me that he didn't have narcissism but that he thought that he had something else.

 

 

I guess it has given me closure, but I still miss him so much even though we are thousands of miles apart now.

 

anyone had experience with this type of relationship before?

 

Me too. I'm a few months out and I still think about him a lot and I hate it. I just want to forget about him and the last 3 years.

 

My ex was passive/aggressive too. He would say I should talk to him about things that were bothering me and then when I did he would end up telling me he wasn't a good boyfriend etc. So it was a case of don't talk about issues and I will get **** from him or talk about issues and I will get **** from him. Could not win.

 

He was also very critical of me but in a very subtle and manipulative way. He would make negative comments in passing, almost as a joke. After years of that my self esteem was at zero. nothing I ever did was good enough for him.

 

Throughout the entire relationship I would plan around him, his plans, his commitments. I didn't even realize i was doing it until i was out of it.

 

Logically I know BU was for the best for me. Everyone who knows us and the RS tells me how much better off I am. It still hurts though. I think it just takes a long time to fully recover. And i dont think its just the BU, i think its also me kicking myself for thinking he was a good guy and putting up with his **** for so long.

[Talulah]

I don't want to think that my ex is a bad person. At least I know that he knows that he has a problem, but he thinks that his issues will be solved by dating people. ?!!!!!

 

I was aware that I was always planning around him and I used to bring that up to him. I also used to tell him that he needed to think about us more, which he did for a while. He told me that he did not know that much about women, this and that, but I just don't know if it's true. I mean he grew up with an older sister, you must have learned something!

 

And he was ALWAYS focused on himself, what he needed out of the relationship, what he thought about this. And I would just fire back that he was self-centered.

 

I mean, why go through all of the trouble of being passive-aggressive and withholding feelings and play games with someone and just be honest with them!!!

[xUnknown]

Me too. I'm a few months out and I still think about him a lot and I hate it. I just want to forget about him and the last 3 years.

 

My ex was passive/aggressive too. He would say I should talk to him about things that were bothering me and then when I did he would end up telling me he wasn't a good boyfriend etc. So it was a case of don't talk about issues and I will get **** from him or talk about issues and I will get **** from him. Could not win.

 

He was also very critical of me but in a very subtle and manipulative way. He would make negative comments in passing, almost as a joke. After years of that my self esteem was at zero. nothing I ever did was good enough for him.

 

Throughout the entire relationship I would plan around him, his plans, his commitments. I didn't even realize i was doing it until i was out of it.

 

Logically I know BU was for the best for me. Everyone who knows us and the RS tells me how much better off I am. It still hurts though. I think it just takes a long time to fully recover. And i dont think its just the BU, i think its also me kicking myself for thinking he was a good guy and putting up with his **** for so long.

 

Wow, this is so much like my relationship. She would always do those jabs/sarcastic comments and act like they're jokes. I'd always plan around her, although, SHE was the one that had the self esteem issues. My self esteem issues started when the sex dropped off and I though it was me. I'd ask her what the deal was and she would always say it wasn't, that it was her...but nothing would ever change...smh.

[Talulah]

Wow, this is so much like my relationship. She would always do those jabs/sarcastic comments and act like they're jokes. I'd always plan around her, although, SHE was the one that had the self esteem issues. My self esteem issues started when the sex dropped off and I though it was me. I'd ask her what the deal was and she would always say it wasn't, that it was her...but nothing would ever change...smh.

 

 

My ex actually told me that he wanted me to ignore him and not give him so much attention. I guess in his mind, one person has to be ignored and the other has to be the one chasing them. I mean why would I want to ignore the person who i am dating!!! why?!

 

I feel stupid for still loving him. I know that his guilt was eating him up inside, and yet it was MY fault, let's make me the bad guy, let's take it out on me...ughhh

[Mz_sassy_77]

I am just kicking myself now about the whole thing. I mean he wasn't anything special, didn't really have any great qualities, and wasn't offering much to the RS. I don't know why I put up with his **** for so long. If i knew then what I know now I would of left him and a lot earlier. Lesson learned for next time though.