JellyBean123 Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. We have not had the smoothest relationship. I have transformed myself into the perfect girlfriend and wife. Clean everything, cook everything and 100% take care of my kids. I get no respect, no attention and it seems like he "does not give one s***" (is what I like to say. Im very comfortable where I am, the bills are paid and the house is clean.. but my horrible relationship comes rushing back whenever we go to something public (weddings, banquets, parties, buck-n-does). I always leave alone. Right when we get somewhere he is off.. and running, and chatting it up with EVERYONE but me, all night I find myself asking.. I wonder where my boyfriend is! Then at 2am, Im already to leave and he's not and I always go home alone. He says he loves me to the moon and back and I believe him, but I always ask "But WHY!? because I don't see it and he doesn't show me and when we're out he pays 0 attention to me....... Well Im done with it. I deserve to have some sort of attention. Not to mention... I am very beautiful, smart, and one hell of a achiever. When he leaves me I have a dozen guys chasing me, dreaming of me being with them (great guys) and I just brush it off and say "I have to find my boyfriend!" Its getting annoying.. my boyfriend should be with me! Anyways, question time! I don't have any family support (financially), and I have no money saved (I think there might be a drug problem brewing). I'm just wondering how someone is able to leave with kids and get financial support right away? Looking for single mother, or fathers advice on my first steps. I know what's mine and his. I know the kids are coming with me, I can find a place.. but I don't know how the separation with kids works? Who should I talk to? and how do I get money out of him right away? I would really appreciate all advance Thanks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
jimloveslips Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 Serial cheater. He's never going to change. Some women can live with it (I've never understood why) - sounds like you can't. You can either shut up and put up, or have some self respect and enjoy your life. Link to post Share on other sites
30andsad Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 (edited) I'm not seeing this as him cheating unless I'm missing something in her post. To me, this seems like he takes her for granted, but does indeed very much love her. From someone who just had the woman I wanted to marry leave them 5 weeks ago (we were together 4 years, lived together for 3), please communicate with him before doing anything drastic. If he's cheating as the above poster says, that's one thing, but if he's just gotten comfortable and doesn't really how unhappy you are, that's another. My whole world was turned upside down by the decision my girlfriend made. I knew there were things she wanted me to change, but she always encouraged me we would work things out and she wouldn't leave me. In the interim, she began distancing herself, made up her mind and left (basically, classic Walk Away Wife Syndrome, just not married). When she was done, she was done -- too little too late, all the usual. I was shocked and the last 5 weeks have been hell. We took a break two weeks before and were originally planning on working things out. Men respond to action more than words, once she made it clear she would leave if I didn't change some things, I was 100% in. I still am and we aren't together anymore, but now I am making some changes and learning for myself. Anyway, point of the matter is, she mattered enough to me that I was going to change. I asked to just give to the end of the year for me to show her it wasn't some small change or temporary crap, but real change. I was in counseling (still am and will be for awhile), I'd read the 5 Love Languages and wept throughout it, I'm reading Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning", I've read every relationship book you can get your hands on, I see errors in both her and me in our relationship and I would give anything to have her back be able to proactively work on and through this stuff together. Unfortunately, all I am left with is realizing issues that need to be corrected for myself and my future relationships. Short of the matter, if he's not cheating on you, if he is a good person and someone you love and the relationship is just hitting a bump, I implore you to be very open and communicative with him that you will leave if there aren't some changes, but please give him the chance to understand wholly and make the positive change you'd like to see before literally destroying his world. Edited November 18, 2013 by 30andsad 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jimloveslips Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 I'm not seeing this as him cheating... I took the "always leaving alone" as subtext… He's a serial something! Link to post Share on other sites
Never Again Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. We have not had the smoothest relationship. I have transformed myself into the perfect girlfriend and wife. Clean everything, cook everything and 100% take care of my kids. I get no respect, no attention and it seems like he "does not give one s***" (is what I like to say. Im very comfortable where I am, the bills are paid and the house is clean.. but my horrible relationship comes rushing back whenever we go to something public (weddings, banquets, parties, buck-n-does). I always leave alone. Right when we get somewhere he is off.. and running, and chatting it up with EVERYONE but me, all night I find myself asking.. I wonder where my boyfriend is! Then at 2am, Im already to leave and he's not and I always go home alone. He says he loves me to the moon and back and I believe him, but I always ask "But WHY!? because I don't see it and he doesn't show me and when we're out he pays 0 attention to me....... Well Im done with it. I deserve to have some sort of attention. Not to mention... I am very beautiful, smart, and one hell of a achiever. When he leaves me I have a dozen guys chasing me, dreaming of me being with them (great guys) and I just brush it off and say "I have to find my boyfriend!" Its getting annoying.. my boyfriend should be with me! Anyways, question time! I don't have any family support (financially), and I have no money saved (I think there might be a drug problem brewing). I'm just wondering how someone is able to leave with kids and get financial support right away? Looking for single mother, or fathers advice on my first steps. I know what's mine and his. I know the kids are coming with me, I can find a place.. but I don't know how the separation with kids works? Who should I talk to? and how do I get money out of him right away? I would really appreciate all advance Thanks in advance. I believe that you put in a lot of effort, and it sounds like your boyfriend isn't giving you the attention you deserve. However, you have a very high opinion of yourself for someone who seems to be acting like a doormat. It's great that you're taking care of everything, but if you haven't stood up to your boyfriend...then it's your fault that he's walking all over him. You're letting him treat you like crap. On the whole, people lose respect for people who don't stand up for themselves. Even nice people do this. It will be the same story with ANY guy you end up with if you don't learn to communicate. A "perfect girlfriend", if one were to ever exist, would have no problem being assertive and making sure her boyfriend knew when things bothered her instead of silently sulking. If you've communicated and he's acting like a negligent jerk anyways, then ditch him. If you're just pouting, then learn to DO something about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Never Again Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 I took the "always leaving alone" as subtext… He's a serial something! She said he's not ready to leave when she is, so she leaves by herself. It's a lack of consideration, not an issue of infidelity, from the look of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JellyBean123 Posted November 18, 2013 Author Share Posted November 18, 2013 Ok, forgot to say... I've talked his ear off our entire relationship that I need to be appreciated and I don't feel it. He's a great friend, great father, great son but for some reason the crappiest boyfriend he could possibly be. I believe that there is no relationship if you don't talk about your feelings and that is very involved in our relationship. But nothing ever changes. When I'm upset he takes me out for dinner, says he cant live without me and then that's it.. it will go for 3 months with absolutely nothing. And yes, his "not leaving and me going home alone" is solely a lack of consideration.. he stays and hangs out with all the guys. I can promise he has never cheated. It seems to me that he just likes me going to these events as his eye candy and as soon as we're there he's off and socializing. Link to post Share on other sites
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