Ended a toxic relationship but want her back

[misterhappyface]

Met a girl october 2012 on my new job. We quickly began to flirt. I noticed something very attracting about her so I put all my effort into getting to know her.

 

After we known eachother for about 1 month, at a party she makes out with another guy at the hotel we're staying (job related stay). I got crushed and that was the foundation for our relationship that soon began after I forgave her.

 

At new years eve I got drunk as hell and she tricked me into kissing her girlfriend on the neck, to test me and I failed. Can't all blame it on the alcohol, but I really didn't have any control.

 

Time passed and the fights continued. All because of that fragile foundation, her horrible past and my confused mind.

 

We moved in together 'bout 2.5 months after we first met, it was a unusual situation that led us to it, but we thought it should work great. We had really treasurous moments between the fighting and I loved her so much, but neither of us could trust one another.

 

During 2013 a lot of things happened. She hit me, I lied to her big time, she flirted with her exes and so forth. Now in october everything ended with a big showdown. I told her to move out and this time she did, reluctantly.

 

Now after a month away from eachother, still talking though, I miss her so much. I slept with another woman, but all I thought of was her. I cry every night and the only time I'm happy is when I'm talking to her.

 

I know most of our problems are trust issues, not giving 100 %, stress and not letting go of the past. But I feel, and she too, that those can be worked out and we can start to repair our friendship slowly. But then comes the question of telling her that I "tried" someone else. And I know that would once again break her.

 

But still I'm confused. I wan't it but at the same time I don't wanna rush into anything. Anyone got any advice to give? Could really use some. Thanks.

[mcfcjay]

My relationship with my ex of 3 years was toxic, i knew it wasnt good i had to end it she was walking all over me, bad thing is your so blinded by love you dont see that the relationship just isnt going to work, and as hard as it is you need to let go... Once love is out of the equation it strips situations down to what they truly are, and youll kick yourself for letting it happen.

 

You see people in a different light once the love goggles have been removed, i saw my ex for the snake she truly was, and splitting up with her was the decision of my life, hurt like hell for months as she was my first love, still think of her now but life is so much better and stress free.

[mea_M]

Hi. If it's starting off this toxic why would you even consider hanging around and drinking more poison? Seriously, you should close the book on this one and move on. Just my 2 cents.

 

Mea :-)

[misterhappyface]

Thank you Mcfcjay! It really sucks to be the one to end it as well, huh. When you know that you can change her mood in the matter of moments.

 

But I really do see it from your perspective, though I can't stop to wonder if we can fix it. I know these factors are things you have to work with. We've been abroad two times together allready and despite everything she's always been there for me.

 

Would it be best for us both to not keep in contact for the next month? What's your take on it?

[mcfcjay]

Me and my ex went away twice aswell, spain and egypt, it was shortly after the egypt holiday i ended it, regretted it like mad at first but later saw the light and saw her for who she truly was. Trust is seriously hard to get back youll ALWAYS have the little voice at the back of your head with doubts, i loved my ex like no other but deep down i just knew the relationship wasnt healthy, do you feel like its healthy?

 

Truth is youll always think you can fix it, thats always the way as i say love blinds you and makes big things seem small, things youve probably seen happen in friends relationships and said to your friend "how you gonna let her play you like that" will probably happen in your relationship, difference is when you see it happen to others theres no love involved so you can clearly see its just plain wrong.

 

It all depends on what YOU want, ive seen people on here throw out "go NC" left right and center, but that is for getting over someone and healing, do you have the feeling that the relationship isnt healthy... even though you think you could make it work? If its toxic and theres no trust and you feel its just not healthy then just cut your losses suck it up and walk away, time will take care of the rest, and youll find a new partner who you can trust completely.

 

Its all your choice though pal, i ended my toxic relationship as deep down as much as i told myself i could fix it and make it work, i just knew things were not right, and now the love has gone, i see it clearly, and it was the best decision i ever made. But doesnt mean all relationships cant be fixed, some can.

[misterhappyface]

Really? Sounds like a perfect copy of my relationship. Just after Turkey, actually during that trip I realised I was too bothered by small things about her and that I have had enough of fights allready. Just couldn't cope anymore and sadly I had to tell her in the middle of the sun and seawater...

 

You write everything with such depth that it soothes my feelings of loss and sadness. Really helps! And I will really try to see it from an objective point of view!

 

What did you do to get over her, or at least to suppress the worst surges of depression?

[mcfcjay]

Sorry i didnt get back to you pal im in Afghanistan at the moment and working alot, i just dealt with the feelings felt horrible for a few months but knew damn well id be a new man after it, i went gym all the time and worked out, kept busy at work go pub speak to new women have fun live your life now that im out of it my life seems awesome im going traveling the world buying a new car will soon have a house all of this is so much simpler alone, im not ready to settle yet!!

 

I write from experience, and from what i was told alot of it was wrong, sometimes i got really good advice but alot of the time it was bad advice, my ex is with someone else now and i still think about her but i just dont care to be honest! I know myself i treated her fantastic, she wont get anyone else like me, noone as well off, noone that will treat her as good and noone that will care for her as i did, just have some confidence in yourself and realise what your capable off.

 

Theres so much out there, to do to see to experience, get involved! Work out build up your appeal to women! learn the guitar! (i did) youll have a whole new view on life and appreciate freedom so much more!