LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Breaks and Breaking Up

Does The Dumper Feel After Dumping You?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Like Tree20Likes
  • 15 Post By faithfully
  • 1 Post By Confusedguy81
  • 1 Post By Haydn
  • 1 Post By faithfully
  • 1 Post By stillafool
  • 1 Post By Wings Of Love
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11th November 2013, 4:03 PM   #1
Established Member
 
faithfully's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK-NORTH WEST
Posts: 254
Does The Dumper Feel After Dumping You?

So, we all wonder, what does he/she feel while I'm suffering?

If you are a lying cheating SOB, abusive, or selfish. What else could the dumper feel, but relieved. They're turning cart-wheels down the hallway, and deleting your mug from Facebook. They're going to go out with their friends and celebrate getting you out of their lives, and having the guts and determination to finally do it.

It wasn't easy. They had to plot a strategy. If you're an A-hole,

they had to have a Plan-A,B, and C.
They have the past experience of knowing how retaliatory you are. You'll probably smear their name, create public scenes, and want all your gifts back.
In a rage you'll tear the apartment apart, reclaiming all your sh?t; while including the stuff given to you as a couple.

Dividing your CD's and DVD's, taking all the best videos and music. You'll even steal all the good porn videos.
They'll invite you out for a "coffee;" with an offer to "have a talk." Oh-oh!!!

They're more nervous than usual. They didn't dress appropriate for the occasion, and the atmosphere is drab and dank. They lay it on you, then stare like a deer caught in headlights. They even picked a gray and rainy day. Just to add to the effect.
They're waiting for the nuclear explosion. It took a lot of nerve to come to this day. They loved you, but you were a dick/bitch; and your behavior was insufferable. You can't take criticism. You always had to win an argument. You are always right. Well, now you're right out the door.

How does a dumper feel under these circumstances...hurt; but ecstatic. They will have second thoughts. Guilt. Worry about you calling all the exes you secretly hooked up with, while they were on vacation.

They know you will make it a point to rub their nose in your new relationship with your next victim.

Yet, they grieve; because, they hoped you would have changed when they last tried to tell you how much it hurts.

If you are clingy, insecure, and whiny; how does the dumper feel?
Like they're struggling to get to the surface to gasp for air. They know there will be a dramatic scene at the breakup site.


They consider texting the breakup, maybe an e-mail, or Instagram. They could change their status on Facebook, and hope you get a clue. They could send word through a friend. Maybe, they could just move out while you're at work. Anything, but have to face a scene from "The Young and The Restless."

They feel torn. They feel exhausted from reassuring your insecurities. "No you don't look fat in that dress." "No I don't mind the few extra pounds." "No your penis is not too small."
"She is only a co-worker." "He was not looking down my blouse."


How do they feel to dump you? Relieved!!!
Like a weight was lifted off their shoulders. There was never anything they could ever say that would convince you that they loved you for who you are. They can now put their phone and notebook down, and know no one is going to go snooping through it. They can jerk off and not have to explain why they were in the bathroom so long. They don't have to hear you say "I'm not in the mood," for the um-teenth time. They can take a deep breath, and not smell you.

They notice they can move every limb, and stretch. No one holding them down when they stand up. That's how this kind of dumper feels after the breakup.

How does a narcissistic sociopath feel after dumping you?
They hope the breakup sinks in like slow poison. Like vampires, they're in a euphoric frenzy; after sucking the last bit of your life's blood. They hope they didn't forget to do everything they could to make your life hell. They can't wait until you start texting and calling; so they can ignore you. To drive you insane with their silence. They go about their lives feeling empowered by your pain and suffering. They're engorged like fat ticks, after drawing the very life out of you. Their pleasure is your pain.

You can't make them feel remorse with your tears and pleading. In fact, they get turned on by it. They aren't sorry for leaving you. It was all in the plan. Use you up, then toss you out. They know you'll keep calling. It strokes their ego every-time they see you light up on their caller ID. They know you can't sleep, or eat. They treasure the thought of your haggard and run-down appearance. No man or woman would want you now. They flaunt their indifference. They update their every move knowing you'll stalk them on Facebook. They hope you'll do something crazy; so they can play victim when they call the police. They tell everyone what a whacko you are.
What do they feel? Nothing. They can't feel.

How does the nice guy/girl feel after they dump you?
They tell you how it's them, not you. They know how to make you feel the breakup hurts them more then it hurts you. Not really,

they're just being nice. They practiced breaking up with you over and over. They had a friend come over and sought suggestions on how to still come out of it with clean hands.

They were more concerned about their nice-guy/girl image. They don't want you spreading it around that s/he just dumped you like a sack of potatoes. Everyone thinks he/she is soooo nice.

They don't want your mom and dad to hate them. They're terrified that you'll get angry. They hate when you're angry. That means they have to show their real ugly side. They just want you to take it well, and promise to be friends. They really want you to go away. They don't want to be friends.

You make their sides hurt. You take up too much closet space. They always have something good to say about everything and everyone. Accept you.

They feel guilty; because they don't want you to hate them. They want you to leave with a smile and to forgive them. They want it clean and organized. They truly regret that it didn't work out. They will truly miss you. They don't want you back. Just for you to be happy with someone else. They don't want their gifts back.


That's an insult. In fact, they let you decide what you don't want to keep. They're very sentimental and sensitive people.

You get dumped by someone for no apparent reason, you never fight, you have a lot of fun. You talked about the future, and even made plans for next vacation. What do they think after they dump you?

They had your expiration-date marked on their calendar. They date for fun and excitement. They usually like kinky sex or spending cash. They like living life to the fullest; so you were just their chosen accomplice for the time-being. Do they feel remorse or guilt after dumping you so unexpectedly? They always said they loved you. They sent you sentimental gifts, and they were so romantic. What the hell happened?


They were getting over you months in advance. They were making connections and making plans for your replacement. They took lots of pictures, and kept lots of mementos of your extended

fake relationship. "Long-term" is not in their vocabulary.


They enjoyed your care-giving personality. You were putty in their hands. They can do no wrong in your eyes.

They loved the way you go out of your way to make them feel special. They're going to miss that. When you said you loved them; that was just your echo on the phone.They didn't say it.

They are well-practiced at being the perfect bf or gf. They have an endless bag of tricks. They feel awful; because you're a great person, so they have to figure out a reason to separate; but make it seem it's your fault.

They will miss you, but they have to get their grief out of the way in advance; so they get a head start. They know how to convince themselves not to attach to you. They don't want to settle down; but they have to have romance and the comfort of a regular bf or gf. They like having sex on demand.


They need to feel desirable and worshiped. They are too generous, they pay for everything. It eases their guilt, and raises yours for accepting.

They find it easy to ignore your calls. They don't respond to your text messages, waiting for you to give up in shear emotional exhaustion. They're all done. You're used up and out of style, like last year's swimsuit. You are no longer relevant.


He/she has already told all his/her friends you're a wacko. You're needy, and how you smothered them, and they just needed their space. You are left wondering what you did, or said.


You feel you are unworthy; because they dumped you.

It had to have been something you did. Your mind races and you feel upside-down. They feel relieved to be able to get out in time for the summer. They plan breakups during winter and early spring. That way, they're less likely to see you. They reroute all their trips to avoid seeing you. They pretend to care about how you're doing. They can't wait to get on with their lives.

How do they feel after dumping you? Finished.

Aside from losing a loved one to death, a breakup will take a tremendous emotional toll on you. Before you start thinking about ways to woo them back, maintain friendship, or allow them friendship with benefits; consider what they're thinking while you're feeling like crap. Even if you plan to get back together someday, heal yourself first. No contact, so you know whether you're getting back together out of love; or addiction, and co-dependence. You can't stand to be rejected; or the thought of them with someone else kills you. You are destined to breakup again, if there is no change. You can't pickup where you left off. The old relationship died when you broke up.

They must ask for permission to come back. Otherwise; their first decision stands. Have dignity. You got dumped and flushed.

First, take care of you. Let yourself believe they'll never take you back. Prepare yourself to be a better person, for you and no one else. Let the past be the past, prepare for the future.

Grieve and get over them. Get a grip. Be strong, or be a wimp.

They don't get to decide whether you will find love again; that is entirely in your hands. You have your freedom now. That means you reclaimed your power. You can do whatever you want, with whomever you want. They really don't matter anymore.

Avoid rebound relationships; or you will be one of the dumpers listed above when you realize you weren't ready for another relationship. Don't hurt anyone else. You know better.

Be selfish, it's all about you now. Stay healthy, get your head fixed, reach out to your family and friends for love to fill the void. Pray, meditate, and do good for others. Love didn't end when you broke up. Only your relationship with that person.
__________________
Everything happens for a reason
faithfully is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th November 2013, 5:29 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 4,198
Yeah I can never understand how they can end things on bad terms/ very bad terms and never regret it. But of coarse they're always the victim!
Sugarkane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th November 2013, 6:23 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 201
Dumpers usually just lie about the reasons they are dumping you; it's a bunch of horse manure spewing from their mouths.
Confusedguy81 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th November 2013, 7:58 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 4,198
Waiting for all the "youre so bitter posts" despite this being the truth.
Sugarkane is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th November 2013, 11:42 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 361
What a fantastic read!!!

So much truth...

Thanks for posting.
LadyM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th November 2013, 11:44 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 122
Great post, thanks for sharing!
StyleOnEm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2013, 2:29 AM   #7
Established Member
 
Haydn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Battersea. London
Posts: 2,713
Great post. Thanks. This was my ex down to a T.





How does a narcissistic sociopath feel after dumping you?
They hope the breakup sinks in like slow poison. Like vampires, they're in a euphoric frenzy; after sucking the last bit of your life's blood. They hope they didn't forget to do everything they could to make your life hell. They can't wait until you start texting and calling; so they can ignore you. To drive you insane with their silence. They go about their lives feeling empowered by your pain and suffering. They're engorged like fat ticks, after drawing the very life out of you. Their pleasure is your pain.

You can't make them feel remorse with your tears and pleading. In fact, they get turned on by it. They aren't sorry for leaving you. It was all in the plan. Use you up, then toss you out. They know you'll keep calling. It strokes their ego every-time they see you light up on their caller ID. They know you can't sleep, or eat. They treasure the thought of your haggard and run-down appearance. No man or woman would want you now. They flaunt their indifference. They update their every move knowing you'll stalk them on Facebook. They hope you'll do something crazy; so they can play victim when they call the police. They tell everyone what a whacko you are.
What do they feel? Nothing. They can't feel.
__________________
Our kind is hard to find
And if it will be
It will be with you
Haydn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2013, 4:05 AM   #8
Established Member
 
faithfully's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK-NORTH WEST
Posts: 254
This post is not to be bitter but to help all those who r hurting or looking for "closure"

Hope anybody reading will be able to move on coz the main important person right now is yourself.
faithfully is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2013, 4:36 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 174
Did you write this yourself or take from somewhere? Nice post,no idea why but some parts gave me a laugh,or was it meant so.
Riou is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2013, 9:23 AM   #10
Established Member
 
hurts2death's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Greece
Posts: 640
f ucking disorderous woman....i messed with exactly what you describe man.

great post.
__________________
if i get through this..i will be able to get through anything.
-john
hurts2death is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2013, 9:33 AM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 8,174
To be honest as a dumper I never felt anything but relief and hope that good things would happen for the dumpee. Most dumpers have already left the relationship weeks, sometimes months before they actually break up with you. I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about what they feel or think after they have broken up with you. It's best to start working and thinking about your new life without them. If someone doesn't want me I'll be damn if I waste my brain space on them. Good luck.
stillafool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2013, 11:03 AM   #12
Established Member
 
faithfully's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK-NORTH WEST
Posts: 254
I didnt write it myself, not that experienced in them kind of break up i posted, seen it and thought it would help you guys try move on. We all been in the same boat

You will be alright guys dont worry. Read the other post i put in the coping section
faithfully is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2013, 11:23 AM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 183
I think its a good post, but doesnt always apply- it depends WHY

I was the dumper in my case, it was NOT acrimonious, we sat together, i ended it, we assured each other we loved each other.

I ended it because we had been struggling for a year and knew she was unhappy

She handled it all better than me, and is nattering quite happily on fb


Ive initiated NC and unfriended on fb now

but in this case how does the dumper feel?

Fear at the thought of her with someone else
Pain, from missing her
Hurt that she seems to be over me instantly
And ironically a desire for her to be happy
Anguish at never seeing her again, touching her again
sun1972 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2013, 4:26 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 159
Quote:
Originally Posted by faithfully View Post
How does the nice guy/girl feel after they dump you?
They tell you how it's them, not you. They know how to make you feel the breakup hurts them more then it hurts you. Not really,

they're just being nice. They practiced breaking up with you over and over. They had a friend come over and sought suggestions on how to still come out of it with clean hands.

They were more concerned about their nice-guy/girl image. They don't want you spreading it around that s/he just dumped you like a sack of potatoes. Everyone thinks he/she is soooo nice.

They don't want your mom and dad to hate them. They're terrified that you'll get angry. They hate when you're angry. That means they have to show their real ugly side. They just want you to take it well, and promise to be friends. They really want you to go away. They don't want to be friends.

You make their sides hurt. You take up too much closet space. They always have something good to say about everything and everyone. Accept you.

They feel guilty; because they don't want you to hate them. They want you to leave with a smile and to forgive them. They want it clean and organized. They truly regret that it didn't work out. They will truly miss you. They don't want you back. Just for you to be happy with someone else. They don't want their gifts back.


That's an insult. In fact, they let you decide what you don't want to keep. They're very sentimental and sensitive people.

You get dumped by someone for no apparent reason, you never fight, you have a lot of fun. You talked about the future, and even made plans for next vacation. What do they think after they dump you?

They had your expiration-date marked on their calendar. They date for fun and excitement. They usually like kinky sex or spending cash. They like living life to the fullest; so you were just their chosen accomplice for the time-being. Do they feel remorse or guilt after dumping you so unexpectedly? They always said they loved you. They sent you sentimental gifts, and they were so romantic. What the hell happened?


They were getting over you months in advance. They were making connections and making plans for your replacement. They took lots of pictures, and kept lots of mementos of your extended

fake relationship. "Long-term" is not in their vocabulary.


They enjoyed your care-giving personality. You were putty in their hands. They can do no wrong in your eyes.

They loved the way you go out of your way to make them feel special. They're going to miss that. When you said you loved them; that was just your echo on the phone.They didn't say it.

They are well-practiced at being the perfect bf or gf. They have an endless bag of tricks. They feel awful; because you're a great person, so they have to figure out a reason to separate; but make it seem it's your fault.

They will miss you, but they have to get their grief out of the way in advance; so they get a head start. They know how to convince themselves not to attach to you. They don't want to settle down; but they have to have romance and the comfort of a regular bf or gf. They like having sex on demand.


They need to feel desirable and worshiped. They are too generous, they pay for everything. It eases their guilt, and raises yours for accepting.

They find it easy to ignore your calls. They don't respond to your text messages, waiting for you to give up in shear emotional exhaustion. They're all done. You're used up and out of style, like last year's swimsuit. You are no longer relevant.


He/she has already told all his/her friends you're a wacko. You're needy, and how you smothered them, and they just needed their space. You are left wondering what you did, or said.


You feel you are unworthy; because they dumped you.

It had to have been something you did. Your mind races and you feel upside-down. They feel relieved to be able to get out in time for the summer. They plan breakups during winter and early spring. That way, they're less likely to see you. They reroute all their trips to avoid seeing you. They pretend to care about how you're doing. They can't wait to get on with their lives.

How do they feel after dumping you? Finished.
You basically just described the way my ex left me, right down to the very last detail. Wow. And I've spent the last 4 months thinking I was unworthy.
Wings Of Love is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th November 2013, 10:04 PM   #15
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedguy81 View Post
Dumpers usually just lie about the reasons they are dumping you; it's a bunch of horse manure spewing from their mouths.
When given REASON to dump someone, no lies need to be involved. I recently dumped someone. It hurt A LOT and I cried every day for a month because he said we could not have a serious relationship, so I dumped him.

In the past, a relationship that I was in for 7 years, I TRIED to make that work, he was a childhood friend and I loved him very, very much. However, that his family was abusive and controlling and this was spilling over into my life, I begged him for us to leave and start over with them out of the way, he was not strong enough to love himself and leave them. I dumped him. I didn't date or want to look at another man for the longest time.

Dumpers, in some cases, are forced to walk away. It always takes TWO.
SherryEast is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I somehow feel like the dumper? Lizrd3000 Coping 4 6th November 2013 2:57 PM
First time dumping someone, at 26 in a 2 month relationship. Feel guilty. TheOneWhoKnocks Breaks and Breaking Up 3 16th March 2012 3:33 AM
I am the Dumper. Why Do I Feel This Way? Blueberry7691 Coping 29 6th January 2010 4:05 AM
Do they feel anything at all after dumping you? Sazzy Breaks and Breaking Up 6 11th March 2009 10:48 PM
i am a dumper/ why do i feel like this?? route1 Breaks and Breaking Up 7 29th February 2008 10:24 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:29 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.