velozdelnorte Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Ok so im now 33 days NC, i had been with my ex for 7 but known her for 11, she was 19 im now 36, she just turned 30 anyway 2 break ups and reconciles later we are here again!! the 2nd time we didn't speak for 2 years then contacted and she was with someone else, he was wanting to buy a house marry and have kids, she was 28 at this point. I was with someone else and we started chatting and seeing each other again, and in the end i left my gf and she left her bf, this also happened the 1st time two i said its me or him! she chose me. We were friends before a relationship began, so i miss the friendship now. So 33 days ago she get back from holiday with her parents and says that with my work and my going to see my family in argentina for 5 weeks, she said she cannot put her life on hold any more and that we drifted apart, my feeling is that she met someone else and felt i wasnt able to give her what she wanted any more, but we never really spoke about feelings as she hated too and when i tried but she wouldnt talk about it and say yeah we are fine!! All this time ive never admitted this but we were not having sex, i think it just ended up being a deep friendship and yet i was hoping she would finally change her mind!! I think that our "relationship" was broken from the 1st reconcile. Ok so now the twist from the 1st reconcile i then was seeing other people all the way through as my thinking was "no sex here" ill look else where and that if i was she probably was too!! messed up right !!! So the break up was done by text as all other times it was, and i agreed we had drifted apart, and that breaking up maybe was a good thing, but then it now feels like BS excuses on her part and that she just stopped loving me ? i asked her to delete my number and she said she wouldnt but i could if i wanted ? a horrible open ended statement, she said she will always love me, but again im sure we all have had that said to us at some point. So the questions i have should i go for closure and ask her for the real reason ? or is that never really going to happen ? her excuses were generic,right ? I know it was a horrible messed up relationship and i'm not so sure it was over the last 3 years we tried but i do miss her and still love and care for her but yet i was cheating all the way thru and yet so was she!!! the more i write the more i answer all the questions i have. Sorry its so disjointed but its the first time ive reached out for help ? Im on the post break up weight loss and its working Ive joined the gym and got a personal trainer Im learning spanish Im meeting new girls with my job i have too I need to walk away from this doint i and mark it as a closed chapter and keep up NC !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 I know it was a horrible messed up relationship i was cheating all the way thru and yet so was she!!! I need to walk away from this doint i and mark it as a closed chapter and keep up NC !!! Op: You answered your own question. Keep doing what you are doing and let this stuff clear from your mind. Seek peace. Work on yourself. Let go of the past. Grumps 1 Link to post Share on other sites
headinthecloud Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 You're already walking the path. Don't look back. Move forward each and every day. Eventually, the pain will go away. Forgive yourself and build the life you always wanted for yourself. The right girl will come along when you're ready. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Her reasons don't matter. This isn't about her. Look at this logically: this relationship didn't meet your needs. It didn't meet your emotional needs, your sexual needs, your need to feel loved and appreciated, and it never fulfilled you enough to be faithful to her (or vice versa). So you don't need closure from HER. You just need to accept that this breakup is for the best for YOU. Then the door will close and her reasons won't matter anyway. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author velozdelnorte Posted October 23, 2013 Author Share Posted October 23, 2013 Yeah i know your all totally right, and to be honest im not sure what im missing the most the friendship or idea of a relationship. But i know writing about it and asking for help from you all is helping, and i know all i have to do is walk away and never ever look back and the toxic and messed up relationship i did have. I guess as other have said you romanticise the relationship that you had and not remember the reality of what you actually had or didnt have! I know their is someone else out their for me and ive had to great loves in my life and i sadly had to let both go because of each other,m but i know im growing stronger and learning that, im able to cope and deal with this, i have wobbles but im walking away further each and everyday! it doesnt help my friends all keep saying you will be back with her again,lol. I know this time i have to stay strong and NC and reasoning is not what this is about its about rebuilding my relationship and trust in new loves and im sure i will lose or gain each time. Thank you all ill keep you updated........ 140 days and ill be in Argentina thats my goal for no coantact and i know by then ill be happier. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 It really doesn't matter what the reasons are. Ask yourself this and try to be honest with yourself - will you feel any better knowing the "real" reasons why? Would any reason really be good enough for you? Well I can answer this - no it wont. My ex BU with me and really just had vague reasons. I found out the real reasons (and not in a morally right way so i wont go into that). It did not make me feel any better. As a matter of fact I didn't think the reasons were actually important or valid enough to BU after a 3 year relationship. At the end of the day I think that some people's feelings just change and they don't feel the same way about the OP. There's nothing you can do about that. You have no control over it. You just need to accept it and work on letting it go and moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author velozdelnorte Posted October 24, 2013 Author Share Posted October 24, 2013 I totally agree with everything your saying, I know that the reasons are not Important at all, i think yes we did just drift apart and when she suggested the break up i couldnt disagree because i felt the same. Everytime we had date night i felt like "why i am doing all the work and when im not getting anything in return" (all ways i mean) and if im honest i was looking for ways out and kind of giving up on her. The reasons were vague but i know that its no longer important, im now 1 month NC and i feel ok, im meeting new girls everyday, as my job which i love forces me to,lol. I think that i knew it was over along time ago which has helped alot. Yes i still think and reason and second guess but each day i know im getting stronger and wiser. I did it the last time and hell i can do it again, but this time i have this forum and great advice to help me. I had a wobble last night while deleting pics from my phone and laptop, but then i thought of the negatives about her and started to peel away the "fantasy" and remember the reality. Having my trip to South America in 4 months is a great goal too aim at, and chance to hit refresh. I will also admit with my ex ex gf i did the same (found out the not so morally) way why and who and what the reasons were and it hurt but it killed any idea i had that she was the right one for me,lol. NC for means NC Link to post Share on other sites
Author velozdelnorte Posted October 24, 2013 Author Share Posted October 24, 2013 I have to say your message has become my mantra now I am looking forward and growing stronger each day...thanks for the truth it was good to hear Link to post Share on other sites
Author velozdelnorte Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 Having wobbles this week, keep playing it over and over, what could i have done differently!! but i know this is pointless and to try and reason it out in my head. When i get tired and hungry i seem to dwell on it more, my mind goes into overdrive what if i just break NC and send her a text ? but i know that she is not the right one for me. Its just hard letting go again ! we split the last time the same time of year and for the same reasons, didnt speak for 2 years then started texting again, she was with someone else then we tried again. I think this last part should of been a huge marker !! she was seeing him and then came back to me when he offered her house marrage and a future, now shes decided that "she carnt put her life on hold" but i think this was just an excuse. saying she will always love me and wont delete my number hasnt helped and kinda left things so open ?? like we are breaking up but ive got your number if i get bored with the next guy! but i know that i cannot wait around hoping this is what will happen. NC over 2 months ... its still hurting a bit but im not sure why as i have met 3 new girls at work who im flirting with and starting to get to know... tell me the truth !!!! again Link to post Share on other sites
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