aaron11892 Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 My ex of 6 months finished with me 4 weeks ago, I've been in NC for 2 weeks. The relationship was perfect up until the last month when i noticed her drifting slightly, she even said that we was and for me to make more of an effort, which I was already doing, seeing her 3 times a week would be enough i assume. So the week before the break up i saw her 5 days that week, hoping this was what she wanted, obviously not. We had a few arguments towards the end but nothing that was not fixable. She dumped me out of the blue one morning and I'm still confused. I've gone through denial, rage, shock and now I'm gradually beginning to accept it and move on. However I wasn't sure she thought the break up through but I'm starting to think there may have been someone else so instantly dumping me for them, I don't know it might just my mind talking. Anyone back to the question, she loved me a lot but i noticed her interest declining gradually the last month and then boom she was gone. Is there any chance after a certain period of time she will begin to miss me and the times we had and eventually want me back? I know for a fact I was the best boyfriend she has ever had, her last bf cheated on her and beat her so I know I am the much better catch. Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Honestly? Don't ever sit there and hold on. The only way to be in the best position possible for reconciliation is when you've completely let go,moved on,and truly don't care from them. Continue your everyday like they're not returning. As I've said before, my ex came back the second I truly could care less That's when they usually come back. Barky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aaron11892 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 How do I stop having hope of her returning? I really wish I could stop hoping but it's hard not to think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 One day you'll wake up sick of the pain and hurt One day you'll wake up realizing she isn't coming back And one day it'll hit you like a ton of bricks knowing its over That's letting go You have to keep telling yourself that she's not coming back It won't happen over night but with help from no contact you WILL get there That I promise. Barky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aaron11892 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 I know, I can barely remember 4 weeks ago when she left me. I was in tears, felt lost and hopeless. Seems a world away now. Now I am feeling still a little sad it's over but there's no more tears and even though she's always on my mind, I'm just starting to look at all her flaws, it makes me feel better. I know eventually I will get back to how I was but i want it ASAP Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 How often do female dumpers come back? IME, and that includes LTR's and one M, never. By that I mean, once they make the decision to check out emotionally and leave the relationship, all possibility of or action on further interaction is/was forestalled. Everyone has differing experiences but those are mine. Granted, when broken up with, I did not chase them or think they 'didn't mean it'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aaron11892 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 I guess so, it makes sense. Sometimes we have to accept the truth no matter how hard it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 From my experience with family friends, and myself. I have never seen it. Women do not ever change their mind, never ever. It seems they are all one and done... Reading the post about people coming back on here I have no idea where and when that is happening... If it was even 50% of the time I would have seen it at least once in my lifetime. Sorry I sound bitter maybe I am Link to post Share on other sites
Stealth3 Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 My friend's ex came back begging and asking for him to forgive her...over a year after she dumped him. My other friend, also over a year, she would try to make contact and talk to him...he would never bother to pay any attention. Usually its after you are completely over them....... They always come back, whether its 1 month, 1 year, or 30 years.... or long after you die...they will come back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aaron11892 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 I actually can't wait for her to come back so i can shoot her down. I been talking to a friend she used to be friends with and she has been saying my ex just goes out clubbing and looks like she's putting weight on hahaha she even showed me the pics. Sounds like she had a case of GIGS and is just ruining herself in the process, this makes me feel a whole lot better! Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie007 Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Looking at this thread some say never, others say they always do. The true answer is there is no answer. It all depends on the girl. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dustinthewind Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Eddie007 is correct.. It depends on the girl and the reasons she decided to end it... This much I do know although it might not help you much. If you know deep in your heart that you treated her at ALL times with respect, you went out of your way to show her attn, you were good to her friends and , family and they all enjoyed being around you...Then you can bet your rear she will always compare you to the next guy and she might even date a few guys until it hits her they she gave up a really good guy who might not have been perfect, but treated her well and made her feel like a priority... If she starts feeling that..she will text or call because she will miss that feeling ! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
robbysurfs Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 I have a hard time with the hope because I feel like hell some days and I honestly think she does also. I swear I can feel her energy across town it is probably in my head. It has been over 5 months since I was with her and she isn't coming back I have to keep telling myself this. I know I was a nice guy and did what I could but sometimes love,being nice,money ect. isn't enough because people just flat out fall out of love with people. This is a good post it is helping me out your not alone there because I prayed for my ex to come back and she hasn't. The last thing for me and all of us to do is take a deep breath and JUST LET GOOOOO and realize it over... Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 They do come back sometimes, sometimes they don't. Usually way down the track, way after the dumpee has moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 (edited) The thing is.. to recover properly you need to decide that they are NEVER coming back. Hope can kill or severly prolong any recovery. Now once your recovered they might or might not come back. Mostly not in my experience. I could probably convice my most recent ex, who i am friendly with, to dump her current boyfriend to come back with me. I just sense it and she doesnt seem to happy with him. This however does not produce any ego boost for me nor would i do this. Im happy with my current situation. I would never consider getting back with her. we were together over 8 years and for me it ran its course and quite franky she did me a favor breaking up with me. I suffered for months and finally got over it 100 percent. She might view me as a option but she isnt for me. NC just burns that out of you. I guess the point is once your over it who cares if they come back. you wont want them anyway. The ONLY goal you should have is 100 percent complete indifference. And this does not involve thinking about if they will come back. Entertaining thoughts like this stifle your recovery. Edited October 10, 2013 by cavalier99 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ponchsox Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 They sometimes come back when they can't find better but don't give them the satisfaction. Dating is just the means to an end, the journey to find the person that never wants to leave you. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 I know for a fact I was the best boyfriend she has ever had, her last bf cheated on her and beat her so I know I am the much better catch. Tip: You'll never, ever know with any certainty what is in another's mind and, while you may certainly feel you were the best boyfriend she's ever had, that's in your mind and known only to you. Additionally, you can never know how she felt about the ex who she *said* cheated on her and beat her and, even with evidence of those acts, that doesn't preclude her being attracted to that person and being with them or someone of their ilk. As I tend to post from topics and not look at which forum they're in, I often post contradictory opinions in the breakup forum, where people are often hoping for reconciliation or someone 'coming to their senses'. While a noble ideal, a lot of life experience finds it, in general, to be relegated to excellent books and movies. As an example, of the hundreds of marriages and divorces I've been exposed to, there is not one single example of a re-marriage. Do they exist? Absolutely. Sometimes you'll read about one in the paper or, now, on the internet. The odds of that happening to the average divorced person? Essentially zero. As far shorter term, less serious relationships are generally less invested and more transitory, it follows that the exceptions to the rule, while extant, will be at least equally rare, especially in the realm of reconciliation lasting for a well-defined period of time. The most common situation I've observed is that of a couple, generally those who are combative and 'passionate', breaking up and making up numerous times before finally splitting up for good. Think Burton and Taylor (Dick and Liz) type stuff. Healthy? Opinion varies. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 You should try not to think that way or you will never move on. You need to accept it is over and try to get your head around that and accept it. Otherwise it will take you much longer to recover. Everyone's relationship is different. She might come back and she might not. But you dont want to hang around hoping she will change her mind. Maybe it will be 10 years before she does, if she does. Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Mine came back. However we didn't work on any of our problems and eventually the same issues presented themselves and we broke up again. My advice would be to move on. It will most likely take time to find someone new and I know that's a scary proposition for most, myself included, but being with someone who previously dumped you is a very tough task. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Never Again Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 being with someone who previously dumped you is a very tough task. Eh. It really depends. I know of several couples that broke it off, then reunited quite some time after and make it work all the way to the big marriage-thing. Sometimes breakups really are due to timing...one person just isn't mature enough or ready for what they're facing, and reconciliation can happen. There is one thing that's true about any reunited couple that's successful though: both parties moved on first. You're not ready to get back with an ex until you've moved past them, and until enough time has passed where you're both different people. Moving on without hope for recovery is your only choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aaron11892 Posted October 24, 2013 Author Share Posted October 24, 2013 One day you'll wake up sick of the pain and hurt One day you'll wake up realizing she isn't coming back And one day it'll hit you like a ton of bricks knowing its over That's letting go You have to keep telling yourself that she's not coming back It won't happen over night but with help from no contact you WILL get there That I promise. Barky Today was that day Cheers Barky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts