Dumpers regret on LDR?

[Thei]

Hey, its been some messy weeks, and I was hoping for some good advices from you guys.

Its hard for me to move on if I don’t know if I made the right decision yet.

 

 

Over the last 1,5 years Ive been having daily communication with this girl who works as a 2 year contract house maid in my Country(Norway), who lives on the other side of the land. We got very close despite the physical distance, and had endless hours of skype,phone calls and texts together, and we became a big part of each others life.

We met October 2012 in Spain, and this September at my place. (Couldn’t arrange meetings more often because of her work, and my business trips, and because she didn’t really want me to visit her place, for some reason..)

 

 

When I was on a holiday in Philippines, in December, I had a short “holiday” affair with some local girl. I told my long distance date everything, and she accepted it because we weren’t very close at that time. Ive always brought here the truth, no matter what or how hard it is. Im not proud of what I did in Philippines at that time, and I have been apologizing for that.

 

 

In January we started off getting more close than ever, and we both felt committed, even if we didn’t use the exact ‘Exclusive’ term on it.

I asked her if im her only one, and she said yes, and vice versa. She told me she accepted my past, and she did not feel like meeting anyone else. That was enough for me to hear, and I could feel safe there, as she has been seeing like a very loyal person at that time.

 

She also made sure she did not have any guy involved at her place, even tho she only wanted to meet at my place(?).

 

And I did not feel like having other girls either. This was going so strong. We were planning to meet more frequently after she moved to Denmark this November, which is closer to my place.

 

 

We then made it exclusive in late July, this year.

 

 

Now, the problems appeared: In late august, a guy approached me on facebook, to tell me that she have been in multiple relationship since January, and that she has been full of lies to him, and to the other relationships she have been a part of. And she is a very flirty and easy going girl, and not trustworthy. She even had an extra facebook account that she tried to keep secret, and that had lots of male suscribers, that were not included in her main account.

 

 

I confronted her about this, and all she even cared about, was; ‘Who told you these things?’

I asked her to explain, and she said she have been in a 1 month relationship with a guy, which ended in middle of may.

 

 

I accepted that, but later, it turned out that she still met him till mid-july, and I kept wondering about all the other relationships she didn’t tell me about?And how much are they really communicating still?

 

 

She then visited me here in September, and I spent some short time to give her the chance to open up about everything, to make myself stop wondering, and to make us start from the scratch. But all I still got was different explanations than before, and some obvious lies that she just couldn’t admit, no matter how obvious they were. She actually told me that the previous guy she dated was a ‘Good man, and that he was the unreachable one, and he only wanted to keep the relationship with her unofficial, for fun only’

 

 

Now, this explains to me why she were unavailable every night after parties, and sometimes ignoring my calls for days, because she was busy with someone else. I know I had some small relationship in December, but its accepted,she said. Its hard to think back to all the times I felt good because of her promising words, and to know now that she was close to someone else also

 

 

 

 

After she left, I tried to focus on our meeting, and the good talks we had, and the intense love. But at the same time I was starting to feel controlling, suspicious, and feel like checking up on her, which is not a good feeling for both, obviously.

 

 

Then I called her up, told her that I am out, and that I have a hard time accepting all the things ive been told this recently. She cried, and beg me to try trust her, but I had to let go.

 

 

Its been 2,5 weeks of no contact from my part and she has been calling and texting me daily, telling me that she is still waiting, and that I should tell her if I want her to let go. Her relationship status on facebook is still ‘in a relationship’ and she is posting sad status updates about “being ignored, broken hearted, drinking 4 times a week, etc. And her text messages are really strong, she opens up a lot,and is obviously having hard time with her feelings. She has now been removing her extra facebook account, and trying to make me trust her more.

And yeah, I do feel lonely, and I miss her, but I know she cannot fill my hole alone, need to find happiness elsewhere.

3 days ago I blocked her from facebook, which was very hard, but I had to, to be able to move on and heal. When she texted me about that earlier, she said that I was playing with her, and she didn’t deserve this etc. She is extremely sweet and caring, which makes it even harder to move on.

 

 

 

 

 

What would YOU do in this situation?

 

 

All of this makes me wondering, should I try keep a long distance relationship with this girl?

 

 

Can I make sure that she will stop lie after we get EXCLUSIVE, and have more frequent meetings?

 

 

And if not, Should I break my no contact rule to tell her AGAIN to let go? Even if I told her that when I said goodbye?

 

 

I feel like a second option, because she is still saying good things about the guy she had a relationship to for only 2 months ago behind my back.

 

 

 

Is it abnormal of me to feel like that? (He trying to get involved, he is near, and Im far away)

 

 

Should I explain to her why I blocked her on facebook?

 

 

Can there be a chance she is having a double life when she is not sending those messages, and not calling?

 

 

And should I accept that she kept communicating with the previous lovers/exes after we got Exclusive?

 

 

 

And she have a son in her homecountry, which is why she is working here. Can she be desperate to find a European guy to have a more secured life in the future?

 

 

I understand that it would be easier to hold her back from other guys if we met monthly, but should I take that risk?

 

 

Can I trust a celf centered person?

 

 

To me she seem like having some sort of love addiction, and having a hard time telling the whole truth because she is afraid to lose the loved one. She is also a very sensitive, and a negative thinking, insecure person.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for reading this. Im ready to learn from my own mistakes as well. Feels better opening up

Edited September 27, 2013 by Thei

[lindsay1990]

Out of all your story all I can tell you is I think she is not trustworthy at this point. She is dripping you out the truth: she seems to be telling you what she has to according to what she knows you know, and what she can get away with.

 

I would steer clear from now. Does she have an agenda? Probably. At the very least, she is confused and you are not the person to help her. And her keeping touch with exes or potential mates or suitors is not really exclusive, it's more like keeping her options open.

[lindsay1990]

Also, you shouldn't feel that you have to hold her back by meeting with her more often. She should hold herself back if she cares about you and wants to be exclusive and invested emotionally with you.

[emi]

lol this is a mess.

U slept with some girls and she cheated on you.

Well i think your foundation in this relationship isnt solid. there is basically no foundation.

Who knows, maybe since you started ''the short holiday'' first then she think '' oh well, this guy doesnt want anything serious, so why should i?''

Maybe she not ready to commit, and its not your fault.

I think if u think its worth it, or you think you can fix it, you should try to talk with her.

If you think she isnt wife material, then you should just move on