Nancy87 Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 If you are a dumper, how long can u go on without missing ur ex, the sweet cute dumpee you refuse to take care of anymore? Esp when she is very emotionally supportive and u couldn't go on for a single day without talking to her.. It's been 3 months post breakup, my mind is forcing me to think on these lines.. I know i should think about moving on and conc on myself only, but, just thought i'll make a post.. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Men compartmentalize It's entirely possible to 'let' someone love one without feeling anything substantive in return, or prior. This can be confusing, hence the dilemma. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Answer: 3 months and counting. I'm female but I do understand men, I understand them more than women. Do you see where the contradiction lies? "He couldn't go on for a single day without talking to me." --Funny. As its been three months. He's gone. It's over. You need to move on. If a guy doesn't try to come back within 60 days, more than likely its done for good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nancy87 Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 But i broke NC thrice in these three months. Once every month! I know i should move on.. just too difficult! sigh He held onto his last gf for a one and a half year.. n he was the one to breakup then too. But he couldn't move on.. He tells himself all the stupid reasons, convinces himself well n then stays rigid. LIKE A STONE! Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 Perfect, that is exactly what one should do, when they become convinced of the necessity of cutting someone off. He started to get curious because you may have flattered his ego, by searching him. Is he bad for you? Does he need to stay out of your life? Are you happier without him? Will you put yourself in danger if you go back to him? The answer to all those questions is yes. So focus on yourself, what's good for you, what you want, rather than at him and what he's doing. Don't look back, you're wasting your time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 But i broke NC thrice in these three months. Once every month! Are YOU initiating the contact or are you responding to his messages to talk?? He held onto his last gf for a one and a half year.. n he was the one to breakup then too. But he couldn't move on.. He tells himself all the stupid reasons, convinces himself well n then stays rigid. LIKE A STONE! It's a crutch, nothing more. For some guys going cold turkey on a girl they cared about is too difficult. Instead they take the selfish route and continue to reach out and give the dumpee false hope. What's really happening is that he's weaning himself off you ever so slowly. He doesn't have any intention of getting back with you and that's why you think he's being so "rigid" and "like a stone." He's just easing off you, and maybe it's once a month now, but soon it'll be even less, and he'll completely fall off the map once he meets someone else. He has you exactly where he wants you. The nice fall back cushion for when he's feeling lonely, or sad, or nostalgic. And you fall for it every single time. You make him feel better about himself and that's when he goes off the grid again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nancy87 Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 I am the one to contact him All the time!! I can only wish to get past this addiction soon But i am on STRICT NC NOW!! and he wont contact me, that m sure of. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 I am the one to contact him All the time!! Well in that case, yeah he's done. He's not coming back. He's not secretly missing you or hoping to get back together with you. Every time you reach out to him, he feels more and more sorry for you. It's just more confirmation you're still keeping him in your thoughts and still obsessing. Do you want to have him continue to pity you? Or see you as a strong woman? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nancy87 Posted September 21, 2013 Author Share Posted September 21, 2013 yeah... hmmmm m coping, like all of us! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nancy87 Posted September 22, 2013 Author Share Posted September 22, 2013 On many websites i read that if a boy is the dumper, he would be content with the breakup at first.. But all the feelings of guilt n remorse will return back to him after a couple of months.. My question to all the dumper men here. is it true? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie007 Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 I'd say most dumpers do have a sense of regret eventually if it was a good relationship and things just got stale. I don't think it's reserved for just males or females. However this does not always mean they will want to reconcile. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
clementyne Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 Good question... Link to post Share on other sites
travelonic Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 On many websites i read that if a boy is the dumper, he would be content with the breakup at first.. But all the feelings of guilt n remorse will return back to him after a couple of months.. IMO, breaking it down as "dumper vs non-dumper" alone is not good for analyzing things in cases where it may be warranted - in all breakups, good or bad, there is a dumper or dumpee. Now, if the case is that there was cheating involved, or an affair that got so out of control that the dumper left for that person, it can go both ways so far as whether or not there is guilt or not - there are variations on how long it could take, what needs to happen, if guilt is present, before it surfaces, there is the original relationship and the quality of it, as well as duration.... TONS of variables that really do factor into how things pan out over time. What's important for now is to focus on yourself - heal, try to stay away from it, don't jump into a new relationship right away [and don't listen to people who think the pain going away should be instantaneous - those IMO are some of the worst advice givers on this subject]. Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 I ended a relationship with a woman about a year ago. I hadn't been happy in the relationship and despite months of working on it, it wasn't improving. I hated hurting her feelings, but have never regretted breaking up with her as I knew it was the right thing to do. Why is it that you think that men will regret a breakup after a couple months, while by implication you suggest women don't? Link to post Share on other sites
stormer1092 Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 I think the only time they will regret anything is if it was good and they messed up. But the whole male vs female this is dumb. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrfr Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 On many websites i read that if a boy is the dumper, he would be content with the breakup at first.. But all the feelings of guilt n remorse will return back to him after a couple of months.. My question to all the dumper men here. is it true? No and I've been the dumper a few times. Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 In my personal opinion, no, not all men have feelings of guilt and remorse and return back after a couple of months. There had to have been a reason to break up in the first place. Waiting a couple month may not automatically resolve that issue; so getting back together would not make sense from a rational stand point as you would deal with the same problems/issues from the first relationship. I think you are really trying to find hope that the person will come back into your life and things will be once again good as new. He may or he may not, but rarely does it ever work out to be "good as new, like nothing happened". Just focus on yourself to heal, it's hard to move forward if you keep looking back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 Sometimes the regret is in not ending it much sooner. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
travelonic Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 There had to have been a reason to break up in the first place. Everything happens for a reason - whether it was a good reason or not is, IMO, is the key difference. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Misfortune Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 How does everything turn into a MvsF thing? I'm pretty sure all that matters are your emotions and experiences during the relationship. Men are cold/nice and females are cold/nice. It doesn't seem genital dependent to me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ireallydontknow Posted September 22, 2013 Share Posted September 22, 2013 I have a feeling that this is a "false hope" question. Please, it doesn't matter if they regret it or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nancy87 Posted September 22, 2013 Author Share Posted September 22, 2013 Thank you all for feedback! It might not be genital dependent at all, but since the article i read was on men, therefore narrowed it down to them.. I am not trying to find any hope, i know it's long gone and over (sad), just trying to understand how long it takes for some people to touch their nerve of conscience again.. Thank you for replying everyone! I appreciate a lot! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nancy87 Posted September 22, 2013 Author Share Posted September 22, 2013 (edited) I know life has to move on.. n eventually i'll fall in love again with some one, who m sure would be more mature, independent and better than him. Delivering me what he promises. It has always been better the next time, i never missed any of my ex.. (but the breakups were always DEVASTATING for me to handle) I shared a portion of my life with him, n i thought i knew him, the kind of human he is... The way he cut me off has been impossible to survive, i still have my days but i feel i have sobered a lot.. I don't cry anymore! The way he behaved with me, i just Never thought he could do that, to ANY BODY! but what an amusing fact it seems, it was nobody, but ME he kissed death to...! Edited September 22, 2013 by Nancy87 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 On many websites i read that if a boy is the dumper, he would be content with the breakup at first.. But all the feelings of guilt n remorse will return back to him after a couple of months.. My question to all the dumper men here. is it true? This is pretty much only true if the breakup was a spur of the moment impulse decision. At first the guy is glad and relieved that whatever problems were going on are now over, but once he has time to cool down and experience life without the person he loved, he will start to experience feelings of regret, etc at about the 60 day point. If on the other hand the relationship always had issues, there was a lot of fighting and the relationship deteriorated over a period of time, then no. This is not true. Once a guy gets to the point where the con's outweigh the pro's of being in the relationship, he will end it and not feel any guilt or remorse. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nancy87 Posted September 23, 2013 Author Share Posted September 23, 2013 This is pretty much only true if the breakup was a spur of the moment impulse decision. At first the guy is glad and relieved that whatever problems were going on are now over, but once he has time to cool down and experience life without the person he loved, he will start to experience feelings of regret, etc at about the 60 day point. If on the other hand the relationship always had issues, there was a lot of fighting and the relationship deteriorated over a period of time, then no. This is not true. Once a guy gets to the point where the con's outweigh the pro's of being in the relationship, he will end it and not feel any guilt or remorse. IS 60 day point any set rule? Link to post Share on other sites
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