MissMurder Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 we've been together for 8 months and we both like long term relationships so this "break" was a huge surprise to me. he's very loyal but for the past 2 weeks he's been acting strange, as in hanging out with friends more often and reconnecting with old ones. he tells me it's because he's been feeling stressed and pressured by his family about his future to be a cop and he wants to have fun before he "signs his life away." While he's been busy having fun, he still texted me a lot and gave me a lot of attention (we're apart during the week because i go to college). so when i confronted him he said he wants to be selfish right now and have fun without me being worried about what he's doing. originally he wanted to break up with me but we talked it out and decided on a break instead. this is the weird part because we talked about what he was planning to do because suddenly he tells me he just wants to be alone. he told me not to worry about him seeing, talking, or even touching or hugging any other girl because he wants to be alone even from friends. basically he wants to be in a cave and find out why he's been acting so weird and to fix things about himself like his jealousy and trust issues. we are both very in love with each other... before we went our separate ways he told me not to worry about moving on and how much he loves me but needs to be alone and we had a long intimate kiss and hug before he left. it's only been 2 days since this happened and we havent talked since but i am already so confused and not sure what to think about this. we both agreed to cut contact for a while and we even exchanged our things so we wouldn't be reminded of each other. i told him to contact me whenever he's ready or if he likes being alone to never contact me again. what should i do? i also thought it was very sweet that he was crying the whole time this was happening... Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 Translation: how long should you wait? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 There is no such thing as a 'break'. Take a look at what he said to you: we've been together for 8 months and we both like long term relationships so this "break" was a huge surprise to me. he's very loyal but for the past 2 weeks he's been acting strange, as in hanging out with friends more often and reconnecting with old ones. he tells me it's because he's been feeling stressed and pressured by his family about his future to be a cop and he wants to have fun before he "signs his life away." (That's Bullschytt by the way.... if this was truly the case, more police officers would be single.....) While he's been busy having fun, he still texted me a lot and gave me a lot of attention (we're apart during the week because i go to college). Classic guilt.... so when i confronted him he said he wants to be selfish right now and have fun without me being worried about what he's doing. originally he wanted to break up with me but we talked it out and decided on a break instead. Coward's way out of trying to 'let you down gently'. He wanted to break up, but couldn't handle the reproach or guilt... so he's breaking up with you "by the back door" so to speak. this is the weird part because we talked about what he was planning to do because suddenly he tells me he just wants to be alone. he told me not to worry about him seeing, talking, or even touching or hugging any other girl because he wants to be alone even from friends. basically he wants to be in a cave and find out why he's been acting so weird and to fix things about himself like his jealousy and trust issues. This is projection. What he means is that he doesn't want YOU to see, talk or even touch another guy because of his jealousy and trust issues. He wants to move on, but wants you to stay single, so he can bounce back for friend-sex now and then. He wants to be alone, but cannot bear the thought of you moving on. That would hurt his ego, somewhat.... You think I'm being pessimistic or kidding? Trust me, hun - I'm not..... we are both very in love with each other... No, you're not. Aty least, he isn't as in love with you as you are with him. If he really loved you, a "break" wouldn't even figure in his thoughts, let alone vocabulary. He isn't IN love with you. before we went our separate ways he told me not to worry about moving on and how much he loves me but needs to be alone and we had a long intimate kiss and hug before he left. Talk about mixed messages... he told you to not worry about moving on, yet you say he has trust and jealousy issues? How sincere do you honestly believe he is being? If you told him in a week you had a casual date with someone else, wouldn't he go ballistic? How long does he expect this break to last? Indefinitely? Unsure? A week? A month? 6 months? A year?? And he expects you to remain loyal, faithful celibate and waiting in the wings for all that time, does he? it's only been 2 days since this happened and we havent talked since but i am already so confused and not sure what to think about this. we both agreed to cut contact for a while and we even exchanged our things so we wouldn't be reminded of each other. Was that at his suggestion? Yup. he's broken up with you. i told him to contact me whenever he's ready or if he likes being alone to never contact me again. what should i do? i also thought it was very sweet that he was crying the whole time this was happening... Well, basically, you've left the ball in his court. The only time he will contact you will be to ensure you're still thinking of him, and he will play you like a yo-yo. Sweet? No darling. That's guilt, because he knows he's being a schytt. He's crying because he knows it's done and dusted.... Read the No Contact Link in my signature. The first post is the NC Guide itself. The remainder of the thread is a bunch of posts basically warning against the dangers of being Friend-Zoned, or being given false hope. Expect both, in spades. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GuyIncognito Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 You're going to hear a lot of responses from very bitter people who find it easier to demonize other people than to understand where they are coming from, but take that with a grain of salt. I won't pretend to know (as others do) what is really going on in your ex's mind, but it doesn't seem that crazy to me. If someone doesn't feel like their life is fulfilling them or if they are headed in the right direction, sometimes the only way to discover that is to be alone and get in touch with yourself. It is a lot harder to do that around other people, who are pushing and pulling you in different directions (even if unintentionally) or who already have expectations and assumptions about you. I'm in a similar situation where I have a strong desire to focus on myself for a while and to continue to grow as a person, see what I'm capable of and where I want to go with my life. Is that selfish? Perhaps. But that feeling isn't going to just go away if ignored, it will only grow and grow until it explodes. My advice is to let him go. Whether or not he is able to fix himself is up to him. Maybe he will come back as a more complete person or maybe it is over for good. Either way, you should also focus on yourself and make sure that you are where you want to be in life or at least headed in the right direction. Maybe your paths will cross again or maybe you'll find someone even more attuned to what you want/need in life. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 The best thing you can do right now is just try to keep yourself busy with other things. He is the one who wanted time away from you, so it is up to him as to when to reconcile. You'll drive yourself crazy if you keep waiting around for him. Do your best to stay occupied with friends, hobbies, and school. Give him some time to miss you, and see if he decides to come back or not. If you don't hear back from him in a few weeks, then you'll know it's time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 He's probably dating someone else, so brace yourself. He probably wasn't with friends, he's with his new girlfriend quite possibly (ex used the same line on me). Most of the time dumpers have someone else lined up. I know this hurts, but you need to be ready and face reality. He was acting strange because he was planning to dump you. to worry about him seeing, talking, or even touching or hugging any other girl because he wants to be alone even from friend Did he blurt that out randomly? If he did, he's probably lying and has a guilty conscience. Stay in no contact. If he wants a break from you, give it to him. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 A person who REALLY, REALLY loves you will stop at nothing to BE with you. A break means he wants to do things you aren't supposed to see. His break means he's not that into you - for now. I'd get busy finding a guy who doesn't need "a break". Link to post Share on other sites
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