Day 10 of no conatct

[Eddie007]

My ex broke up with me 10 days ago and we have been on NC ever since. We were together for over 4 years and lived together and engaged for more than 3. We had our ups and down like normal but very rarely had any big fights. She has depression and is not happy with her life. I always tended to be on the needy/clingy side. I had a previous relationship that ended in being cheated on and it really hit my confidence.

 

I believe my most recent ex was 100% faithful. I never saw any signs to the contrary. We were very much in love, but seemed to grow apart over the years, and she became very distant, burying herself in reading, almost like it was an addiction. Of course I felt unloved but the closer I tried to get the farther she would go. Finally 10 days ago she said she wasnt happy and asked me to leave. I almost knew it was coming but was still in shock. The split was pretty civil, I was a little angry but no real yelling or anything and she was crying as she helped pack my stuff. She said she loved me and kept saying she was sorry. I told her there was no way we could be friends and that I would not contact her in the future because nothing good would come from it. She said ok, thanked me and wished me nothing but the best.

 

That was 10 days ago and the last contact we have had. I seem to be getting better and moving on but sometimes its so dang hard.

Need some encouragement.

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

Good for you Eddie I know it hurts...just let it hurt and feel through it. This too shall pass.

[keepontruckin]

It's only been ten days, and you seem to be doing OK.

 

Some here are doing worse after YEARS of separation...

 

I think you're well on your way to moving on, and in a few months you'll be in a different place in your life.

[Eddie007]

Some days are ok and some aren't. Usually my days are mixed with both, ok then all of a sudden not ok, then ok again etc...... I still find myself hoping she will reach out but I know the chances are slim. She is a very stubborn and prideful girl so even if she wanted to contact me I dont think she would. I'm the same way. I want to contact her but i wont do it if for no other reason than me saying I wouldn't. I try to be a man of my word if at all possible. Ive been able to be friends with most of my past exes (even the one who cheated) but its was years later.

 

My biggest problem is trying look back and see what I could have done differently. Thinking if I only hadnt been so danm needy maybe I could have avoided this. I realized what I was doing about 3 months ago and made a conscience effort to not smother her, but by then it was probably too late. Add that to her depression and it was a struggle at best. We both have baggage and Im hoping this time apart will help us get things in order. I reached out to a counselor to try and work though my insecurity issues and have been eating better and going out and walking every evening. I know it will get better its just hard at the moment.

[keepontruckin]

Do you know who is looking in the mirror in my avatar, Eddie?

[Eddie007]

Cant say I do.

[keepontruckin]

Cant say I do.

It's Jimmy Hoffa. The dead one. Where they cannot find his body...

 

Look, Hoffa didn't care. He did what he had to do, and he built up an empire...

 

He only accomplished this because he had focus, but more importantly, he had balls...

[keepontruckin]

Don;t lose your balls, Eddie... Remain tough, strong... That's what men do...

[Soat]

My ex broke up with me 10 days ago and we have been on NC ever since. We were together for over 4 years and lived together and engaged for more than 3. We had our ups and down like normal but very rarely had any big fights. She has depression and is not happy with her life. I always tended to be on the needy/clingy side. I had a previous relationship that ended in being cheated on and it really hit my confidence.

 

I believe my most recent ex was 100% faithful. I never saw any signs to the contrary. We were very much in love, but seemed to grow apart over the years, and she became very distant, burying herself in reading, almost like it was an addiction. Of course I felt unloved but the closer I tried to get the farther she would go. Finally 10 days ago she said she wasnt happy and asked me to leave. I almost knew it was coming but was still in shock. The split was pretty civil, I was a little angry but no real yelling or anything and she was crying as she helped pack my stuff. She said she loved me and kept saying she was sorry. I told her there was no way we could be friends and that I would not contact her in the future because nothing good would come from it. She said ok, thanked me and wished me nothing but the best.

 

That was 10 days ago and the last contact we have had. I seem to be getting better and moving on but sometimes its so dang hard.

Need some encouragement.

 

This is very sad. And good for you for taking the high road and parting amicably. How come you stayed so long in the relationship if things were'nt working?

[Eddie007]

Maybe I should rephrase that. We grew apart over the last year or so. We were very happy the first 3 years. I guess when it's going on you really don't notice as much unless you step back and look at it. I think we just got comfortable and she stopped trying which made me try too much. Seems it all started when she started reading books. She did it almost constantly. If she wasn't working she was reading. I'm talking a book a day sometimes more. She read over 200 books the last 10 to 11 months. I don't know if I just couldn't live up to the romance novels, or she used them to escape her reality. It all started with that 50 shades or whatever book. All her coworkers said she must read it. It actually did spice up our sex life for a while. Prior to that she never read. I won't lie our life was kind of boring. We went and did things on weekends the first years but most work nights we stayed in, and that's the way she liked it or so she said.

[JDPT]

My last days with my ex were somewhat similar to yours. From the book to doing absolutely nothing and staying in. I recall the first year we went out it felt as if we traveled around the world twice, we did everything and anything it was amazing. Then, it was back to reality, back to responsibilities and commitments and didn't have much time for each other. I can easily ruminate over what I could have, should have or would have but it's all in the past now where it belongs and should remain for good. You need to understand that you will have many ups and downs down the road. You will feel as if you are in an emotional rollercoaster with no way of getting off. However, but hard work and commitment you will eventually put an end to that excruciating ride and will embark on recovery. Pace yourself, you are in it for he long run.

[Eddie007]

I know it will get better. Ive basically just disappeared from her life. I deleted her number and everything that reminds me of her and disconnected my facebook account so Im invisible to her as far as I know, beside pictures she still has and such. I might have been a little petty but I refused to take any gifts she bought me over the course of our relationship. I didnt want to have to look at them but also couldnt toss them so I just left them there. I met with her mother the monday after the BU to return something of hers and her mom said my ex boxed up all the gifts up and was keeping it for me if I ever changed my mind and wanted it in the future. I said thanks but i dont see my mind changing.

Edited August 27, 2013 by Eddie007

[Eddie007]

This site has helped me a lot this past 10 days. Whenever I'm down I always come on here and read others stories (not to mention the list I made of her bad qualities). It's comforting to know I'm not alone. Doesnt make the problems go away but does seem to ease them for a while.

[Chi townD]

Okay, now that you're in NC, what positive changes have you made in your life?

 

You need to start, dude!

[Eddie007]

I just got a new and better apartment. Of course this was kinda mandatory since we lived together at her place. Ive started walking on my lunch break everyday and in the evenings when I get home. Ive cut out junk food and started to eat a better diet. I've reached out to a counselor to start therapy sessions to try and overcome my insecurity and boost my self esteem.

 

I know I have lots of things to work on personally. I have serious issues about being alone. My first instinct was to jump to another relotionship but Ive thought better of it. I need to improve and love myself first. I accept full responsiblity for my part in the failure of our relationship. I was too insecure when she gave me no reason to be.

[Chi townD]

Okay, now try this. Go buy some new clothes. Something stylish and hip. If some friends of yours have girlfriends that have some fashion sense, ask to borrow them to help you shop. Tell the girls you're looking to do a man makeover. I'm sure they'll love to help you out with that. Also, they may want to try and hook you up with some of there single friends so they can show off the transformation they performed on you.

 

Then, get a haircut and a new style. Something that people will notice and like. This is going to help with your self esteem.

 

Then, get with some friends and plan a getaway weekend. Do something fun! Give yourself something to look forward to. It could be a few months from now, that's fine. But, get out of your current surroundings. Go on a deep sea fishing trip, or white water rafting. Have an adventure.

[Eddie007]

Today is day 11 for me. It gets easier little by little. I do have I feeling I will hear from her again someday, but I try to tell myself everyday that I will not. I've been lucky enough to aviod the mistakes many who post on here have made (Ive also made them in the past). I feel proud that when she finally dropped the hammer I did not beg or plead or really show any emotion what so ever. I was angry and hurt but did my best to mask it. That was 11 days ago and since the minute I walked out of that apartment (I packed and moved all my stuff within a few hours) I have not seen or talked to her. To me its the only way. I was afraid id be tempted to look her up online, but I know its just going to hurt that much more. Ive dropped off the earth only a few short hours after she ended it and trust me it helps a lot.

 

Stay strong!

[llleonidus]

Mate i feel for you, our situations are almost identical except i was with my girl much much less than yours, however i have been hurt but this break up a million more times than the girl i was with for 7 years, funny huh.

 

I basically am to in day 10 of no contact, when we ended it was over a argument caused to my insecurities but what im confused about was that ery night she told me she loved me for the first time, the next day i was dumped, i promised her i would change and i also reached out to a councellor, i gave her 1 week to decide if she wanted to be with me and when i couldn't take any more of the indecisiveness i made up her mind for her and told her i couldnt take the yo yoing and went nc, that was 10 days ago although she did make a brief appearance in the local on sat night i tried to be civil she just had a go at me about how much she loved me and left havent heard anything since which has confused me more, but like you i am feeling better with each passing day but i still have the ups and downs a million times a day.

 

Stay in no contact dont break it, she must be wondering why your not calling for sure! you will go back to day 1 if you initiate first. stay strong mate

[Eddie007]

I know it hurts like hell man. Today seems to be more anger than anything. I'm pissed she dangled me along for that last year. I knew there were issues and tried to work through them but she just lost interest. We even tried to discuss it a few months prior and I told her I would leave if she didnt want me there. She assured me she did want me there and said we just need to work on it. However she never worked on it. She even admitted as much on the day of BU. I just dont understan women and what they are thinknig.

 

Just got to keep your head down, pick yourself up and push forward.

[Eddie007]

It's day 12. Going full no contact really is the way to go. It's so hard to let go but it's really the only way. I'm amazed at how much better I feel after only 12 days. No question I still love and miss her. 7 days ago I would have liked nothing more than for her to text me. Now I find myself kinda hoping she doesn't because I know it will start the pain all over again. I do hope to speak to her again one day, but not right now. It's still way too early.

 

Just keep plugging away guys. They can't hurt you anymore unless you allow it.

[llleonidus]

Tell me about it, i felt pretty good yesterday until i got home and just dwelled on it sitting in my house alone thinking then felt awful, i went for a walk and felt much better, and feel even better again today.

 

At first it was just all hurt then after about a week i started getting some 'up' moments, now its about 50/50 but i know im moving in the right direction.

 

I still kind of hope she will contact me because of how we left things, she didnt tell me she didnt love me or anything like that infact she was saying how much she did love me, just wasn't sure if we were compatible, but she was mad v mad at the time, she should be cooling off about now, but i also find myself hoping she doesnt contact me because im finally starting to heal.

 

Keep us posted if you hear any thing new

[Eddie007]

I feel your pain. I've gotten rid of everything that reminds me of her but things still pop up. I got an automated email from LinkedIn were my sister updated her profile. At the bottom is lists "people you may know" and guess who was on the list. My ex, just seeing her name sucks. I try to avoid going anywhere near her neighborhood or where she works for fear of seeing her pass by, or just getting memories of us driving those same streets when things were good. The bad part is my doctors are over there so ill have yo go eventually. I start my therapy sessions tomorrow. I'm both excited and scared. Never done therapy before but I know I need it in order to help me better myself.

 

Stay strong and NC!!!!!!!

[llleonidus]

I had my first session last friday and having my second tomorrow, i need therapy for some issue in my past i never resolved and if im being honest i kind of done it as a ploy to bring her back but after that 1 session i knew i was going to stick to it with or without her, in fact i cant wait to talk her head off tomorrow. i never talked about things like this before and even surprised im here writing this but by god it helps.

 

Gets to a point where your friends have had enough of listening to it, but in a weird kind of way it helps knowing your going through the same stuff because sometimes i think 'no one has ever gone through it as bad as this before' but you know what someone in work has just been dumped whilst he and his gf of 8 years were trying for a baby then he finds out his mother has terminal cancer.

 

So my situation is no where near what he's going through, it doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt like hell though but you just got to weigh things up i guess, we still have our health and family.

 

What also helps me is the fact that i was going through a break up 3 years ago and i went nc and she came running back eventually but because she went off with a friend i told her f off, hurt like hell at the time and i would of taken her back but after about 6 weeks i was totally fine, strange thing is she sent me a message on facebook earlier asking if i wanted to hook up and i totally blanked it without a second thought then it occurred to me that in a 3 years time i could very well be telling my current ex to piss off.

 

point is they come they go and as said a thousand times on here if they want to come back they will, you chase something and it will run.

 

Good luck for the session tomorrow and make sure you go you will feel a hundred times better. trust me on this one good luck

[Eddie007]

Past experiences have helped me as well. my wife of 7 years left me for another man about 5 years ago. I begged and pleaded for her to stay but to no avail. After her I got in a short term rebound of about 4 months with this girl I fell hard for. I ended that because I felt we weren't seeing each other enough. After loneliness set in I again begged and pleaded for weeks for her to give me another chance, but that too was to no avail. My ex wife is still with the man she left me for and the rebound girl is now married and just gad a baby. They both are still in contact with me but it took many years.

 

This time I learned from my prior mistakes and have not once called, texted or begged her to come back. Total NC from day one. I'll admit I used it to try and get her to miss me, but after how much it's helped I've been using it for me to heal. It gets a little better everyday. This forum has been a blessing.

Edited August 29, 2013 by Eddie007

[Eddie007]

Day 13 of NC. I had a dream of her last night. In the dream we were at the hospital for one of her family members who was in surgery or something. Not sure who it was (I was real close with her family). We were sitting in the waiting room. The situation hadn't changed, we were still apart, but for some reason I was there. We never spoke, I just sat there missing her.

 

Today has been tough so far. I don't have the urge to contact her as I know it will just set me back, but I do miss her more today and wonder if she misses me. I wonder what she's doing and how things are going.

 

I have my first therapy session this afternoon. Not sure what to expect as this is my first time. I want to talk about us, but also about my insecurity issues and past relationship failures. Even though I've let those past ones go, maybe I can figure out a common theme as to if I'm pushing them away. My relationships always seem to start out well but eventually their feelings seem to change to more of a friendship type thing. My most recent ex didn't say this but sometimes I get the feeling this has happened.