shvrk Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 I feel like this is so ridiculous. I love him. He has just been treating me not so well lately (he has serious anger issues) and I want to help him through it. I promised him that I would. We have been together for nine months and when I broke up with him he was totally pissed and told me that I suck for it. I hate that I had to do it. I feel like I hate myself for hurting him, and I really don't want to leave him. But now I told him that and he's not wanting to take me back. I ****ed up so bad. I want him back but I want him to change. I need time to myself. I feel like I should have told him that but I don't know if it is too late. When we broke up he told me that he loves me. He stopped saying that months ago. I don't know if he said it out of anger or not. I called him this morning and he's still upset. I then told him that I wanted to get back with him, but in time. He said "No. You broke up with me." After a while of going back and forth and of me explaining why, he says to me, "I understand (that I love him) but I don't know if I want you." I don't want to feel like I've lost him completely but I want him to change. I want to be back with him, but I don't know how to. I want to help him with his anger, because that's what he wants. I don't know how to. I don't know what to do and I'm so devastated. Link to post Share on other sites
Misfortune Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 I feel like this is so ridiculous. I love him. He has just been treating me not so well lately (he has serious anger issues) and I want to help him through it. I promised him that I would. We have been together for nine months and when I broke up with him he was totally pissed and told me that I suck for it. I hate that I had to do it. I feel like I hate myself for hurting him, and I really don't want to leave him. But now I told him that and he's not wanting to take me back. I ****ed up so bad. I want him back but I want him to change. I need time to myself. I feel like I should have told him that but I don't know if it is too late. When we broke up he told me that he loves me. He stopped saying that months ago. I don't know if he said it out of anger or not. I called him this morning and he's still upset. I then told him that I wanted to get back with him, but in time. He said "No. You broke up with me." After a while of going back and forth and of me explaining why, he says to me, "I understand (that I love him) but I don't know if I want you." I don't want to feel like I've lost him completely but I want him to change. I want to be back with him, but I don't know how to. I want to help him with his anger, because that's what he wants. I don't know how to. I don't know what to do and I'm so devastated. Why'd you have to leave him to help him? That's the risk you take when you leave someone. I would be doubtful of getting back with someone that left me because, they could/probably will do it again. Just take time for yourself and leave him be for a while. Maybe this might cause him to be serious about managing his anger. Link to post Share on other sites
JustSomeoneHurt Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 (edited) I am wondering why you feel you need to help him through HIS anger issues? It doesn't seem like you're putting the responsibility where it belongs. If it is his issue then he needs to work on it, unless you also have some anger issue. The problem with people who have anger problems is that they force you to walk on eggshells because you don't know what will set them off. On that note I want to point out how helpless the situation really is, unless the person takes control of their own temperament and acknowledges their problem. So, I'm going to say you made the right decision. Unless you really think you are missing something by not having this ticking time bomb in your life to make you think you can't do anything right. Edited August 6, 2013 by JustSomeoneHurt 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Don't break up with someone to elicit a response. Breaking up with someone is not a game. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shvrk Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 Don't break up with someone to elicit a response. Breaking up with someone is not a game. I didn't want a response. I was serious. I just couldn't handle the way he treated me. And now I feel terrible without him and it's only been a night. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 (edited) I didn't want a response. I was serious. I just couldn't handle the way he treated me. And now I feel terrible without him and it's only been a night. Well, either a) you didn't think it through or b) you need to contemplate this for more than a day. Honestly, what would possibly change if he did take you back right now? Any leverage you might have had to work through whatever issues you had was blown by you caving on your decision so quickly. You made the decision to break up with him, so stick by it. If you want a change, caving in less than 24 hours isn't going to do crap. If you had real reason to break up with him, then stick to your guns. If not, be careful what you wish for: You just might get it. Edited August 6, 2013 by Simon Phoenix Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Okay sweetie, get this through your head, because much as it stinks, it's sadly true. You can't change him, whatever you do. you can't fix him, whatever you do. you can't convince him to change, whatever you do. you can't convince him he NEEDS to change, whatever you do. Everything that you believe needs changing, is up to him to change, but he has to believe he needs to change, he has to agree he needs to change, he has to WANT to change, and he has to do it BY himself, and FOR himself, and ONLY FOR himself. Not for you, not for anyone else. You ended it, because you feel he needs to change. he isn't going to be held to ransom, for anything, by anyone. Your option now, is simply to accept what you've done, shift up a gear and move on. You've done it now, and he's made it clear there's no going back. Suck it up, spit it out, and begin to heal. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 my impression is that angry people select their targets, bossy when they can get away with it, deferential to authority figures Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 You never NEVER date someone hoping they will change or that you can change them. And if he got that angry at you, and says that he doesnt know if he wants you back, its for a reason. He doesnt want to be around you for a reason. Take heed and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shvrk Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 You never NEVER date someone hoping they will change or that you can change them. And if he got that angry at you, and says that he doesnt know if he wants you back, its for a reason. He doesnt want to be around you for a reason. Take heed and move on. I know, and I need to realize it. I'm stuck trying to figures out what I did to make him act like that at the end our relationship and why he won't take another chance that I'm giving him. He later on told me that he just needs some time away from me and I'm going to try my best to respect it. I totally love him but I also need to to figure out if I want him too. Link to post Share on other sites
brandon26003 Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 Someone with anger issues almost always turns into physical violence. Be very careful. You can't help him unless he wants to help himself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts