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Did I just send a b**chy passive-aggressive e-mail?


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Voodoowoman

I'm in my mid-20s, and I've been dating this guy for just over a month. No talk of starting a relationship, though we moved pretty quickly - kissed on the first date, then had a very long and romantic second date cuddling and drinking wine on a canoe and watching the sunset - I fell pretty hard for him there.

 

Now this is non-traditional, but I asked him out first, and I continued to be the one initiating plans - I've always been comfortable doing so, in fact I prefer this over being courted by a guy. Anyway, he always responded happily. We had a few more dates since then, and he'd always tell me he had a great time and wants to see me again. He even bought me flowers once.

 

But then things slowed down, especially in the last week. I asked him a few days ago if he was free to see me this weekend by text (our preferred way of communicating), no response. First time it's happened, but I still got very pissed.

 

This morning I hopped on the computer, saw he was on Facebook, and wrote a giant paragraph stating I got his message, that he's not interested, and told him that I would've appreciated a straight answer instead of this dodgy giving me the green light on our dates, telling me he wants to see me again, and then ignoring the next date request. I mean, grow a set of f***ing balls and don't make me sit here and wonder.

 

No response to that either. I'm pretty sure I read the situation right, but I'm still self-doubting a bit. Did I jump the gun and freak out after a single un-replied text? What if it actually didn't reach him for whatever reason and I ended things pre-maturely? I'd imagine if that were the case though, he'd have something to say to my angry e-mail...

 

And was this rant to him really necessary? I could've ranted to friends and just let him fade out. But I angry and just wanted to tell him off. Would you have done the same?

Edited by Voodoowoman
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templeofmax

You are sending a 'desperate' message! You did jump the gun!! You don't know why he did not respond. It may be he is an *******, or it may be a few more reasons. You could have waited at least a week, send one more message, and if nothing, then you can try those conclusions. Are you sure he is OK?

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Voodoowoman

Yea I'm sure, because he was posting photos and stuff on Facebook; definitely didn't get in a car accident or suffer some other trauma. So seeing that after waiting days for a response that never came, I just got furious.

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LostInTheWild

Ah, yes, I've done the same thing before. It wasn't after one text though. In retrospect, sitting here on this day typing this out, I can honestly say I would never do that again. I figure if a guy doesn't respond to my texts, my calls, me emails -- anything -- then he just isn't worth the time to type out an angry message. And if he did contact me again, I would ignore him. See, the message you have sent to him is that you are unstable, needy, and overly aggressive. I'm saying that out of care and because I've done it too. And no, you didn't end anything prematurely. I've seen this kind of thing happen more frequently than not.

 

It was only a month...At least it wasn't years of your life wasted. Just pretend it never happened and move on. There are many other great guys out there waiting -- who will respond.

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templeofmax

I just never get the 'ignoring part'. I mean, my ex is ignoring everything after 2 and a half years of ups and downs, but her goodbye was a 2 line email. Highly immature me thinks. I mean, at least send a longer e-mail explaining things, talk on the phone, anything. So if this from this relationship, then I guess people feel warranted to ignore messages after a few dates. That pisses me off too. Went on one date post BU just to clear my head. She agreed to meet again, sent her a text a few days after to say how the week was going, and she just ignored it. I don't care cause I am not over my ex, but it does anger me that people all around seem to do this. I mean, at least answer a text saying 'not interested' or anything. Ignoring someone is just one of the worst feelings in the world and the passive aggressive people that do this (that is actually passive aggressive) don't even realize that it hurts!! Egotistical pricks.

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Voodoowoman
I figure if a guy doesn't respond to my texts, my calls, me emails -- anything -- then he just isn't worth the time to type out an angry message.

Even if it feels good to call the guy a douche? I certainly felt better telling him off.

 

I guess passive-aggressive isn't the right term to use - what I sent was direct, not hiding behind fake kind words - how I always like to talk. If anything, he's passive aggressive by avoiding telling me he's not interested.

 

I think now I'm mostly wondering if I embarrassed myself or not and going around talking about "that needy b****" to our mutual friends. Nothing I can do this time, but if the consensus is that people who write an angry letter to their ex are fools even if they deserve it, then I'll try to bite my tongue in the future and just rant to friends.

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templeofmax

You only went on 3 dates! I know you felt something for him, but just look at it as a stepping stone to find someone who is into you as you are into them. Don't send anything else, cause if he hasn't responded then he is not interested and you maybe skipped a bullet. Imagine that happening after really falling for him. My insecure girlfriend broke up with me like 4 times already and this time she has gone stone cold silent. 2.5 years and all I get is a 2-line email and the silent treatment. So maybe my situation makes you feel better about yours. I know it hurts, but believe me, after a couple weeks you will feel much better if it was so short-lived. Has happened to me.

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Stargazer111

Heh, I pretty much did the same thing this morning to a girl I've been dating the past few weeks. We had some hot dates, but then it went cold. I asked her out again anyways; ignored. No "no, I'm not interested anymore" or anything, just no response.

 

I don't get it either. I can understand if both sides lose interest and just let things fizzle out, but if one side is still interested and the other tries to end things by avoiding contact instead of giving a straight answer? That's just f-ing rude.

 

I say if it really makes you feel better to call them out, go for it. Who cares if that kills this person's opinion of you even more; he's already rejected you.

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