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Couple weeks after break up


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Hey guys im just looking for some help this is my situation

 

my ex girlfriend broke up with me after 4 years(we are both 26) because she said i was too negative and it was bringing her down and that she hasnt been happy with me for a while, and that she needed space.

 

This was during a rough time in my life, no job, had some issues i needed to deal with, along with studying for my LSAT(which has gone downhill after the breakup).

 

Anyways after she told me that we would still go out on dates and do "coupley" things which eventually lead to us officially breaking up.

Than I vanished from her life, went full no contact because i needed to work on myself and try to move on.

 

She asked me to have lunch last week and starts telling me she misses me a lot surprisingly and thinks that we will get back together, I kept saying well see what happens there are things that need to be fixed and changed. After lunch she gave me a kiss and I disappeared from her life again.

 

She just called me and asked why i havent called or texted her and why I have distanced myself, and that if I cared about her than I wouldnt be so distant. I explained that this is what she wanted, and it wouldnt make sense for me to call because we need to figure this thing out(if we truly want each other in our lives). Than she asks me to go to a concert with her next week, and I said Ill see.

 

Im not sure what to do, I find myself hating this girl at times but loving her at other times. The reasons for a break up are things that are fixable but she should have been willing to fix them not break up if she truly cared. I really dont know what I am asking of you guys I guess i just needed to get it out of my system.

 

Just a confused guy at the moment

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Philosoraptor

If you can forgive her for ending things, the two of you fix the issues, and you both want to make it work... there's no reason it can't.

 

A lot of if's there. But as long as there are no hidden reasons for the breakup, it can work in the future. If she was in as much pain as she said she was it is reasonable that she could have just snapped one day as all the emotion builds up over time.

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unexpectedlyhere

We're the same age as you and we'd been together 6 years. If my ex came back and told me he wanted another chance I would say that I was interested, but that I thought it was too early (I got that right and it's only been a couple of weeks, right? For us it's been less than a week, but I wouldn't consider it for a few months at least)

 

How do you feel about yourself? Do you feel better? Make a list of what you think needs fixing in your attitudes and in hers (obviously she was unable to support you through a tough time and left instead, what happens next time a tough time comes along?).

 

I would then tell her that you're interested but think you should work these things out separately, and maybe plan what your relationship is in the meantime - like, whether you can still be in touch or not, etc.

 

Based on her reaction to this you can also tell how committed she is to actually coming back.

 

That's how I would do it. (And I do currently envy you for having the chance :p)

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I feel pretty good about things(i have good days and bad), but now I just feel like shes stringing me along telling me that she misses me, and I dont want to end up being just friends with her and she knows this.

 

She wants to have some contact so that she can see how much we have actually changed, again im just really confused and I guess until that confusion dies I wont be able to make a choice, and neither can she

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Hey guys,

 

so i just finished talking to her and it seems like now she doesnt want to work on things.

 

Basically, i ended the conversation saying that if she does not want to talk about us, than i dont want to hear from her ever again. Is this the right move to make? Just looking for any insight.

 

She said she was mad at me and hurt for how I acted before, I tried to salvage the relationship but she did not want a relationship with me, just wanted to be friends and thats not something I can do with her unfortunately.

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Philosoraptor

You did what you felt was necessary. Now if you don't want to hear from her, then block all ways for her to contact you. Right now just focus on yourself and find happiness in your own life.

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fujidabruin

ya, went through same talk last night bro.....

 

she only wants friendship and was upset to hear I was going no contact.

I know its the right thing for me though. Probably for you too dude. Especially if you feel you gotta work on yourself.

 

Make sure you like the place you are in before you get yourself back in the game. Good Luck!

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Hey Guys,

 

I feel terrible today, i havent been sleeping much the past couple of days

I have that empty nervous feeling today also I havent felt that for a few weeks. Just feeling sluggish today, I know its something I need/have to go through but this just sucks

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unexpectedlyhere

Keep it up! I had a really down day yesterday, and I'm fine today. It could be the same for you! :bunny:

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