dasani08810 Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 Here's something I'm contmeplating sending her. Mind you the break-up was not bad. We both just got exhausted. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey, I’m writing this “novel” for no other reason than to let you know where I am. I’ve decided I’m going to go ahead and move on. Admittedly I’m no where near being over you; and I know me and I know I’ll be keeping the door open for reconciliation for a while. How long only fate can dictate. You are in a place that I can really understand. It hurt me, yes; but, I’m a big boy. :-) But you have to do what’s good for you and I can’t blame you for that. As for me, I’m back at the relationship books and saw my therapist yesterday and have 6 more sessions before I move. Between the two, I’ve found out what went wrong and why. Now I’m going to do my best to fix my catastrophic issues. I’m quite tired of being hurt and will not get involved that deep with anyone again till I fix my things. This “shotgun approach” to dating and relationships doesn’t work for me. It’s too painful. Too many failures. Just when I think things are going to be cool, BOOM. It’s like I expect a relationship to work just because I love someone. It takes a lot more than love to make something work. Up till now, I’ve depended on emotions and blind luck. I can’t do that to myself anymore. The later in life I get, the less likely I’m going to find someone that has minimal issues. So the only solution is to enjoy the good, understand my person’s past, and appreciate the differences. If the differences get to the point of frustration, get outside assistance. If I’ve already invested my heart in someone, it must be worth a few sessions to resolve the other issues that come up. Do you think it would be a bad thing to take someone to a marriage counselor on the first date? LOL So you know, the proposition I was going to make was to take you to a weekend marriage retreat in September. I thought that would get us on our way to communicating effectively and really learning each others communication styles, emotional needs, and desires. I really did want to “learn all of you”. The miles that separated us prevented that. I thought that me taking the lead in that direction would show you my intent to develop the perfect marriage. At least that part of your life would be a stress reliever. The seminar usually sells out so that’s why I was going to ask you Saturday. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not down in the dumps or sulking at all. Hurt? Yea. But I know I’ll be just fine, so I’m not letting it get to me. Yesterday, I went to get XXXXX school records and his counselor (who has known me for years and all I went through for my kids) said to me. “XXXXX, you’ve been through so much and every time I see you, you seem so much happier.” Well, I guess I am these days. That made me feel good and that I’m still on track to where I’m going to be. I don’t have any anger toward you nor do I wish you any harm. I hope you find what you need in whoever you find it with. I’ve cleaned up my computer and everything you have ever written is gone. All the pictures I have taken of us, my kids, your kids, our vacation and day trips, etc are on a CD. I can burn you a copy if you want and mail it along with the key to your apartment. Your privacy will be respected; and, even though I live on the hill, rest assured, I won’t be just stopping by unless invited. In closing, just know that my door is always open and my phone is always on; but for some reason, I haven’t been getting some text messages and it’s already gotten me into trouble. So, if you do want to start talking in the future, use something other than text messaging, K? Good luck to you in your future relationships and know that I wish you nothing but the peace that you seek. Me Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 No! You sound desparate and disolute and downtrodden even though you profess otherwise. Without knowing about the breakup, it seems like you pushed WAY too far--a marraige retreat weekend before you were married? Seeking a woman without issues when you have kids and she has kids? You have broken up. Now it is time to move on. Take your CD and toss it in a strong box in the closet and just keep it there--do not pine over it, but don't toss it away, this is a part of your past and it is memories of your past and your personal history. But also, don't be re-living that past when you DO find your next relationship! But, no, do not send the email. Send her key back with a not "Sorry, I forgot to return this to you before! Wishing you all the best---XXXX" You can keep your doors open (for reconcilliation) all you want, but she will be the one that needs to knock on them on her terms--dont beg her for it. OK, my phone works, and I am not moving, but my text messaging does not work, but my email is ok, so if you ..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dasani08810 Posted June 15, 2004 Author Share Posted June 15, 2004 Yea, I came to that conclusion after leaving it for a bit. I won't send it. However, I did send an e-mail and she seems to be softening a bit. I'm supposed to move over to her area at the end of the month. We live 80 miles apart. She and her kids were going to move in with me and my kids in September. I'm at crunch time and needed to make a decision. I work out of my house so I can live anywhere within a 2 hour radius of NYC. So, my e-mail was along the lines of "If you are truly done with this relationship, then I would need to know sometime in the next day or so. If you are, I see no point in moving over there. It would be hard to get over you while we live in the same neighborhood; so I would just as soon you be straight with me." The reason I did this was just as it says. There wasn't any coersion intended, it was just how things are. She knows if I stay put, I'd be here another year. If she thought she may change her mind, she wouldn't want that. So, I didn't get back a "Oh please, move here". But she did say ".....maybe in time I'll be thinking I'd like to spend some time on us......." And, of course, closes with "I really don't see this coming to a point where it can work". So I think that's a definite "maybe". LOL Link to post Share on other sites
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