Partner denies affair - what next

[smallthings]

before I start - I have been reading the various entries in this forum, which has helped me beyond words - just to know there is someone out there going through the same thing, or can offer information or advice.

 

 

We have been married for 20 years having met as students on the same degree course. Both of us just divorced - her Ex a drug adict, my Ex adicted to violence (not S & M but the real thing) - she came with daughter (6 yrs old) I came with a large loan.

 

 

Lived together for a couple of years, got married - all V happy, used to argue a lot, but in a good way. Due to lack of work where I live I took a job working away during the week (Ah the 1980's) - still happy. With a good income decided to build a large house - still happy but hard work - V expensive, so she had to take a part time job

 

 

With 4 kids (all girls) now, four years ago she suddenly strted dissappearing off for hours on end comming back when she felt like it (currently denies that this ever happened), refused to sleep in the same bed, was antagonistic, very often abusive, screeming fits due to lack of money, says I hated her and never loved her.

 

Suddenly at home all the time, gave up her part time job - but we had stopped talking, ocasional sex, gradually drifted into no sex.

 

 

Moved house to build another. Hired contractors in - In Jan this year suddenly she has a favourite contractor (laborour) who used to live abroad. Suddenly wants to move abroad. - contractor wants to open a bar abroad - contractor is a drunk (alchoholic) reaks of booze drinks all day while he is working so we can only get 1 or 2 hours of work off him. She strts geing out in the evening and returning in the early hours of the morning drunk. Starts going to the gym early and her car is seen at his house all morning. (I let the tyres down one morning). In Feb overhear conversation on phone "I't will soon be over and we can go" - have word with contractor, that she is vunerable and if she goes there will be no money. - contractor appears to loose some interest. Says he sees her as a mother figure and there is nothing more to it. She says same.

 

 

March, my tape recorder has been used, so I turn back the tape to see what has been recorded - passionate sex between wife and contractor, so I wipe tape to ensure that no one else can hear it. (kids) Dont tell wife. (they must have sat on recorder or whatever)

 

 

March long conversation about her feelings for contractor, says she doesn't know what to feel, there is nothing going on between them. She says I have never loved her, I just used her, we never talk or have sex etc. I ask if she wants to move in with contractor, she says no.

 

 

Late march I walk into bathroom at lunchtime, he has back to me and starts taking off clothes and talking to me, he turns around and is slightly embarrased (to put it mildly). $500 missing from bank account without explanation.

 

 

Have long discussion with wife over possibility of affair with contractor, denies all in the most strange language, hey at least we are talking.

April - $200 a week taken from the bank account without explanation. Me and wife a talking again, and sleeping in the same bed again.

 

 

Start of may she starts talking about us at 2-00am - long conversation which believe it or not ends in sex (V good) - she says how much she missed it with me.

 

 

Middle of may additional $300 missing from bank account. Contractor says I should look at the messages he has on his mobile - all from women in the middle of marrage break ups, or marrages that are slightly in a mess all offering sex or money cause they feel sorry for him. (He was drunk as a ---)

 

 

Phone calls start - from strange people offering my wife sex at a discounted rate (did I mention that we were paying the contractor a day rate for work).

 

 

He takes two weeks off work and me and wife get together in all ways - having a great time.

 

 

He comes back at start of june and I am out of house working - I come back to the house to pick uip some info and books for work - they are standing in the living room she has hand down the front of his trousers?????.

 

 

That evening a friend rings - while contractor was on his 2 week bender he was showing off and said that he could make my wife do anything he wanted. (not knowing that friend was there)

 

 

I go out again, get drunk, return late - she says that am spying on them and therefore I should not be in the house while he is there - we agree to this much to my objection - on the grounds that she wants the work to the house finished.

 

 

Relationship with wife is V good (twice a day and V friendly) Last week $400 cash goes missing from house. Contractor is now living with a woman from a marrage just broken up (apparently he did the breaking). Me and wife getting on really well. She says what a scum bag he was. Yesterday I say he should come ever again to the house. - she says he must come back to repay the money he took and will carry out work to that value.

 

 

I have no idea where I going to or what is happening, Is it realistic that me and my wife can get everything together again.

 

 

Advice or comment desperately required before I go mad - excuse the garbled info its the best I can do at this stage.

[millievamillie]

Hi

Will be brief... like many men you think working all hours and providing is what your woman wants! Not so, what your woman wants is you!!

 

if she feels neglected and unloved, despite your best objectives she will look elsewhere. the appeal of this guy was that he was "there".

 

iI have no doubt your lady loves you... this was a cry for help. learn from it, once you gave her the love/attention she needed he was history!

 

She is now regretting her actions... don't focus on this but put your energires into making her feel loved/desired again. Money may put food on the table but only love can feed the heart.

Good luck xxVilly

[ladyangel]

I don't know what to say to all of this except you'd be crazy to let her stay after everything she's done. Don't you have any pride?

[smallthings]

Thanks millievamillie and ladyangel - that is the dilema -

 

We were up until 4-00am this morning (GMT) discussing what was going on - apparently following a heated discussion in jan she was V upset, and he came onto her then - she says she does not want to loose touch with him incase we return to non communication etc.

 

She also says that she really get on well with him and they work well together (on the house) - I did point out that she might get on well with him, but he has a different agenda and its a bit one sided.

 

We are going for a 10 day break in europe to see if we get on again - but - am I being led up an ally, am I being stupid?????

[sportsloving]

We were up until 4-00am this morning (GMT) discussing what was going on - apparently following a heated discussion in jan she was V upset, and he came onto her then - she says she does not want to loose touch with him incase we return to non communication etc.

 

And you are ok with her staying in contact with him? Wows.

 

The only thing that is apparent is that if you two do try to work things out, you are going to have to get this guy out of your lives. If you allow him to be a part of your lives, then she will never really give her all to your relationship. I would suggest counseling.

 

Good luck to you

[She's Come Undone]

What is your question exactly, I mean Jesus, you let her sleep with other men IN YOUR OWN BED, you let her go out all night, you let her STEAL money from you...

 

I say you let her because:

 

1. You have proof she screwed this guy,

 

2. you have proof she was taking money,

 

and never once did I hear you do anything about it. So, let me ask again, why is it that you are asking us for advice now...BEFORE? you go mad????

 

 

My question to you is, WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T YOU ALREADY GONE MAD???

 

Either kick her *ss to the curb...or, continue to suffer? as you have been. I question suffer because you've obviously done NOTHING to show her how much pain she's causing you...oh, yeah, unless she feels punished by you still having sex with her!!!!!! JESUS, this post is rediculous!!!

 

I am not implying that you are rediculous, please know that.

[smallthings]

Thanks for replies

 

Am completely depressed, lost confidence, don't know what to do or where to do it - I will try the councelling -

 

I suppose I sort of understand where she is coming from - left alone all week for years, so that when I came home it was for R&R rather than be with her as a family - Then in order to build a house (now 2) it meant working 18hrs a day at two jobs, plus building the house - it doesn't leave much time.

 

It just looks like I did it to her, forced her down this path, (mind you she did reciprocate in kind by not discussing it, or even appear to care about it), and after all this time we are getting to the bottom of it. (Unless I am being conned)

[sportsloving]

Originally posted by smallthings

Thanks for replies

 

Am completely depressed, lost confidence, don't know what to do or where to do it - I will try the councelling -

 

Talk to your doctor also, he may be able to prescribe anti~depressants to help with the worst of it. But YOU do know what to do, and only you can change the way things are. If you are willing to feel like you do right now for the rest of your life, then do nothing.

 

I suppose I sort of understand where she is coming from - left alone all week for years, so that when I came home it was for R&R rather than be with her as a family - Then in order to build a house (now 2) it meant working 18hrs a day at two jobs, plus building the house - it doesn't leave much time.

 

Wow, you realize you have just given her an excuse for her behavior? Why would you ever consider that? I don't care if you worked 24 hours a day for the past 50 years, it can not excuse what she has done and is still doing to you. NOTHING can excuse it, especially not you.

 

She took her vows with you, if she was so unhappy she should have made sure you understood. If it became too much for her, she should have left the marriage. Sleeping with someone, keeping him around, taking your money ... those are not signs of someone who loves you.

 

It just looks like I did it to her, forced her down this path, (mind you she did reciprocate in kind by not discussing it, or even appear to care about it), and after all this time we are getting to the bottom of it. (Unless I am being conned)

 

You can not take the responsiblity for her actions, you can only take the responsibility for yours. By sticking with her and not asking that this situation changes, you will continue to allow her actions. I would suggest you seriously seek counseling and perhaps then you can find that what she does is on her, the way you react or (don't react) is up to you.

 

Good luck~

[WomenAreNuts]

Originally posted by ladyangel

I don't know what to say to all of this except you'd be crazy to let her stay after everything she's done. Don't you have any pride?

 

exactly!...dude, your wife is a whore...DON"T LOVE THAT BITCH! I know what you're thinking..you're X old and you have X kids...but man, she is a horrible person for doing that to you. How can you even think of her in a good light after hearing a tape of her and a drunk ass having sex? Also, if you DO work things out who's she going to have sex with next??? the pool boy? I mean honestly man, if she was so willing to hook up with a drunk contractor then she WILL SURELY hook up with the next semi decent looking man that comes around....RUN>>>>>RUN LIKE HELL AWAY FROM THIS WOMAN!

[smallthings]

Thanks for your replies - a lot to think about.

 

I would like to think that I can get the relationship going again, but realistically you are quite right - next the pool boy, - I can just see it happening.

 

If you can go for a drunk, ratherer objectional extreemly manipulative, crooked character and want to hold on to him then there is little left to say. i think it reflects on her more than me, and makes her into the type of person I would not want to know under any circumstances.

 

Laterst thing is that she spent $100 on phone calls to him last month (hey - a lot of phone calls), she is doing all the running at the moment.

 

He did a days work, (sorry - couple of hours) last week, she was in a mood with me, found her knickers in the bed, so I put them on the pillow and went for a coffee. when I returned to the bedroom she was trying to hide them ??????. - Tried to discuss her relationship with him, she wasn't going to talk and went off in a huff accusing me of hating her.

 

She was much better the following day when he wasn't due at the house, and V friendly - much sex.

 

On sunday am said I didn't want him at the house again ever - she said that I was trying to stop her meeting people - she is very definate that she wants to continue with him comming to the house.

 

Anyway - off to Europe this week, and see how it goes for a few days -

[smallthings]

Just to update

 

Back from europe - had a great time - she realised she had been manipulated by him (no imput from me on this point) - now sees what everyone else recognised originally - he was a drunken, psychopathic manipulator, taking advantage of her at a time when she was unable to stand up for herself. All he really wanted was enough money for a big drinking session plus whatever else he could get at the time even if he had to destroy everything else around him. He didn't give a s*** about her or any problems he would create by his behaviour, and had absolutely no concience about anything.

 

He had been stealing money from her and me, drinking it away, convincing her that he would pay it back (no chance) and then returning to the house to get more etc etc, without even blinking an eye. and expecting that nothing would change, that he could just continue doing it as long as he liked. His favourite phrase was, "everythings all right between us isn't it" (to me and her) - !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Are there more of these characters out there????

 

She now dislikes him big time.

 

It's early days for us, like starting out again - but interesting having to get to know each other all over again.

 

I don't know what the future will bring, but we will wait and see

[NatoPMT]

Hi Smallthings

 

So this guy was a drunken manipulator. What if he wasnt? or the next man she feels attraction for doesnt steal from his employers and lover?

 

Its circumstance thats keeping her faithful currently.

 

Aside from that, she knew this man was no good, she knew he was having other affairs with other married women, yet she still chose to betray you with a total idiot. she put her feelings for a drunken builder over you and your children.

 

its a matter of time before she does it again unless you deal with this, and unless she is actually willing to deal with this. hes not the problem, hes a symptom of the problem, you need to deal with the cause of her actions, and the reason she feels its a better option to do this to you instead of communicating

 

BB

[smallthings]

Thanks Bigbelm

 

I know what you mean - and I have taken the time to go through this with her

 

Its to do with

a) getting older, and feeling jealous of younger women - needs to feel attractive

 

b) Me putting work first - and generally ignoring her because of work - note to me: - work to live, not live to work

 

c) Kids treat her like an alien - she was expecting to be treated like an earth mother instead of a handy slave - hey, but all kids are like that - she comes from a fairly large but insular family - I come from a huge extended family covering several countries (including USA) and we all get along together and talk regularly (and like each other), and I have a more realistic view of what families are like (knowing more families) - her experience of 'family life' is TV, or the mistaken view that other families are getting along better than they really are (what goes on behind closed doors) - The kids treat me like a cash machine (which doesn't give out much cash)

 

d) Slightly overweight - instead of being an annorexic model - (but like I said to her - at our age we are built for comfort rather than speed) - a rolls royce coup instead of a VW Golf.

 

e) its V hard work and stressful building a house for all concerned (and the kids) especially when you want somewhere to sit that it not covered in rubble or dust (but the house in nearly finished now).

 

There is an f), g), and h) which roughly say the same thing - we had got into a deep rut (with allegators in it) - and I can say that at times I felt no differently from the way she was feeling - just didn't do anything about it (due to a sense of responsibility or guilt) - but I am realistic in thinking that if some femail equivalent had come along, leant me a sholder to cry on, had said I will help you get over this just come over here and s*** me while I brain wash you into thinking the wife and kids are all a load of trash who don't give a toss about you, then I might have done the same thing.

 

a good example is - at one stage she was saying how bad our lifes together had always been - a week later we were moving old stuff from room to room to do some work and we found packets of old photographs (not that old) - showing us having a good time together, and with the kids, and she started remembering how good things were not so long ago (thanks kodak and fuji) - he had worked on her really hard to make her think this way - day after day after day.

 

I think that what even makes its worse is - that he came to the house with the full intention of doing this - we checked through his work things before going away - no tools - one tool box with 18 x 6 inch nails, one tool box with 20 short pieces of copper pipe - but no tools

 

but like I said - its early days yet - and this relationship has the same risks that any other relationship has, when you start to get to know each other

[NatoPMT]

ok, i understand what you are saying, and its natural to want to take a broom to all this and sweep it under the carpet, pat it down neatly and walk away whistling. But i dont think there are any excuses for infidelity, i think its a cop out to give any of those excuses.

 

if you are having problems, an indiscretion may be forgiveable under circumstances, but this ones an absolute belter. it was sustained, it was disrespectful, it was with someone who I would be embarrassed to be seen out with (and i'm from blackpool) and the evidence was there for all to see.

 

if you are to stay with her, and i personally wouldnt in a million years, you need to get to the bottom of this or the reasons she did it will still be there. the reasons you list are valid for someone being unhappy in a relationship, but why did she actually cheat? why didnt she try to talk to you? try to deal with it? why didnt she have another reaction other than cheating with someone with an exposed backside cleavage? she could have done a million things? become preoccupied with work/the house/the children/her friends/family, become depressed, withdrawn - none of these things are good except the talking/dealing with it, theres a reason she actually did the cheating.

 

thats what you should get to the bottom of.

 

& how do you feel about the possibility of leaving her?

[smallthings]

Thanks Bigbelm

 

I have sat and thought about this for the last two days - I suppose deep down there is no future for us - and you are right.

 

If she can go off with somthing that resembles the creature from the black lagoon except more slimey then I am just holding my breath and hoping it will all go away.

 

She said while we were away - that I am too serious, and need to be more laid back like the slime ball. - but that is not me, I am not one to go out and get drunk, not give a dam, not have any responsibilities and not give a s***.

 

She appears to want to chnge me into him, and I most definately do not want to be like him in any part, I want to remain part of the human race.

 

part of the thoughts are sepparation and divorce - and I have concluded that at the end of the day this is going to be the case, and I really need to talk to her to start this off.

 

What I havn't mentioned is the threatening phone calls from his latest conquest, together with the obscene text messages. (when you lie down with pigs)

 

When I rang him about sorting this out (since one of the kids answered the phone one time) he decided that he wasn't going to repay any of the money he stole. When I said he wasn't going to return to the house or contact any members of the family. he said "for the moment" - he and my wife still had things to do, which they had agreed, and he would turn up whenever he felt like it.

 

Following the conversation I think he has concluded that he will not turn up at the house - but what has my wife agreed with him???????

 

Yep - I think its all over between us apart from the shouting - and whats next

[kirkyswife]

Oh dear this is really terrible what you are subjecting yourself to. I'm WOW I just WOW - okay basically your wife is a lying, cheating, manipulative, head case. You sound like a very nice naive man and she knows she can take advantage of that and you'll take her back. 20 years is a long time to be with someone but it's not long enough to subject yourself to the level of disrespect she showed you.

 

For the sake of your 4 daughters, who's lives have been affected (in ways you probably don't even know) by her erratic, irresponsible, disgusting behavior, They are also subconsciously noting male/female interactions and will be affected by your passive nature.

 

Be careful how much more you subject YOURSELF and YOUR DAUGHTERS to - okay?!!!

[smallthings]

Not that nieve - Child protection orders are sorted, as are the separation papers - brother is a lawyer -

 

I think that they are waiting for the new house we have built to be sold before suddenly deciding that she would like a divorce, and they both wander off to spain where he will take all her money and p*** it up the wall.

 

I am trying to protect the kids more than anything else - otherwise I have worked all these years to give a pair of scum bags all of it.

 

She wants to move to spain - (strangely she never even thought of it before she met him) - somewhere she has never been in her life, but is desperate to do so - he wants to open a bar in spain (a bar without customers no doubt).

 

She wants to take the youngest child (12 yrs) - did I say previously that he hates children, but it quite prepared to manipulate even the youngest one to get his money. - he convinced his latest to dump her children on her husband, and is living off her settlement.

 

They originally gave me a price to get rid of both of them, then he later came back with an offer just to get rid of him.

 

Problem is I just don't know the degree of collusion - can anyone who has read all of this give me an idea, being in the middle of it I cant see the wood for the trees.

[kirkyswife]

Consult with an attorney!

[smallthings]

If I just called them a pair of scum bags - I must have come to a conclusion of sorts.

 

I suppose I will miss her - but if her view of her future is this, I really don't want anything to do with her. Unfortunately I can see her in a year all alone, money gon, him off with someone else with money which he can liberate for his use, and so on - I suppose it is her choice, brainwashed or not -

 

It's such a shame. I don't want it to happen to her.

 

If she goes to spain there will be no maintenance settlement for her, UK law does not apply.

 

If she goes to spain she has made it clear that she does not want to see any of the other children again. I really don't understand how you could wish not to see your children again.

[NatoPMT]

Oh. My. God.

 

Smallthings, this is just appalling. I cant even say anything about your wife - i think you have said it all. You must leave her. categorically.

 

I have to be quick as i am in an internet cafe, just time to say that you have admirable intentions in not wanting her to be with the contractor, but you must, must, must save all your well guided intentions for yourself and your children. Its your responsibility to make sure that you get through this as a family, and the likes of the builder being in their life is wholly inappropriate, just as he is inappropriately in your life. Bought there by your wife.

 

You must protect those who cant fully protect themselves, and they need protecting from this couple who are draining your life, energy and finances.

 

Your serenity makes me feel that you are resigned to this - maintain this presence of mind and you will come out of the other side in the manner which you deserve, stronger and happier.

 

Will keep checking back to see how you are doing

 

Best of British - BB

[neptoon]

smallthings,

Your wife is absolutely insane. Even though she's hurt you so bad, you still think about her welfare and how she will feel when she's all alone. You actually feel empathy for what will become of her. Your posts alone say so much without you having said that you love her. Actions speak louder than words.

 

With that said, her actions have spoken louder than her words.

 

If you do not decide to go through with the divorce at the end, you ought to have the man arrested for stealing or fraud. There sounds like something illegal to what he's doing.

 

This guy seems to be walking all over you and just taunting you by being in your house. I mean, I can't picture anyone with the gall to walk back into someone's house especially after they've already been caught with the man's wife's hands down his pants! Jesus christ! You should have punched him square in the face right there and then.

 

Your wife has already proven her lack of trustworthiness. I suggest you not take out any life insurance in the meantime. If there are any existing policies, make certain that she is no longer the beneficiary on ANY policies. Be sure she is aware that you have done this. I worry for your personal safety. The woman sounds wicked. Both her and the contractor seem to be exploiting you for money. The contractor sounds like a very evil man.

 

If you have any life insurance policies and want to name your children as beneficiaries, be sure there are trust funds set up and that your wife does not have anything to do with the money...have a lawyer execute the estate if anything happens to you. Be sure that she knows with certainty that she has no financial gain from anything happening to you. Do not tell her ahead of time that you will do any of this. Just have it all done all at once.

 

I don't see the house as the only motive that she's stringing you along, if you know what I mean. I can also see the contractor manipulating her into something that may be very bad for you. Your children are going to need you.

 

You should also maybe spend the money and hire a private investigator to see if there is any history of fraud or shady business with this guy and how far it goes. I'll bet that you will still find things that will surprise you.

 

Please be careful. This sounds like a really bad situation.

[smallthings]

Serenity has gone

 

I have been going over the telephone conversation I had with him - he felt he had an absolute right to come to my house at any time he felt like it, and it was nothing to do with me whether he was there or not, and I had no say it whatsoever. his comment when I said he wasn't to come to the house anymore was "Oh yes, we'll see about that, whats it got to do with you"?

 

Also - anytime he was in the house when I wasn't there he used to leave an indication that he was there, a receipt with his name on it, a card of some sort - lying where it could be seen as soon as I entered the kitchen. On the friday before I went away I asked my wife if he had been there or not, she said no, and there was one of these petrol loyalty cards on the table with his name on it. Then it turns out (told yesterday) that he took a load of building equipment away from the house (my equipment) on the friday. - value - about $1,000. - she gave it to him on loan.(??????) (fat chance of getting it back).

 

I feel like I have been treated like a piece of s***. by both of them, betrayal doen't even come into it. I have been almost reduced to his level. My wife is at his level now, and I would have thought that she will be unable to crawl out of the gutter to any extent.

 

In terms of a police record- (as far as I understand, and the info is from him when he was p*****) - agrivated assault against members of his family, and served time, (who don't want anything to do with him), arrested and served time in another european country (I know what for - but this is not the place to discuss it), god knows what else. He is wanted by other people for taking money and had to leave one place due to the type of people he had taken it from. His friends (?????) or rather the people he knows are are all similar. You are talking about the gutter (or under it).

 

He has absolutely no concience of any description - he sees the taking of money, goods, assault, his being in my house as an absolute right that no no-one should question, and is really supprised when you do.

 

And as for my wife - constant lies, manipulation, ("Oh of course there is nothing going on - we are just really good friends, and he is so marvelous, you should be more like him") and ("look how wonderful he is, so laid back all the time - he's had such a hard life") and (sniggers to him, whist cuddling up against him, "Stop spying on us, you mustn't come in the house if he is here") - crying when I told her he was unable to some work (he just couldn't do the work - too p******)

[NatoPMT]

Consult with an attorney!

 

kirkyswife has already said the only response i can give to that.

 

your story is heart-breaking. get rid of them both. today.

[smallthings]

Interesting weekend if emotionally draining -

 

He has gone - (if I said the way of all flesh it would be wishful thinking)

Much tears from wife and apologies etc etc - much guilt there

 

She is booking in for an AIDS test in the next couple of days, and me later in the week - how do people get into so much s***?????

 

She still blames me for getting into the affair in the first place - I have put the comments made on this forum to her (in my own words) - that I didn't have an affair with anybody even though things were just as bad for me, and that her decision to have an affair was her decision.

 

Her reply was, she just wanted someone to make her feel better, have a good time with, we hadn't been anywhere for ages and she wanted an escape for just a moment - I was stupid to not have had an affair, and that was my problem.

 

When asked about a sense of responsibility, she just shrugged.

 

She then said - if I hadn't wanted him in the house I should have thrown him out. When asked about the tears, tantrums, etc, when I wanted him out, and the sneaking around - she just reitterated that I should have thrown him out, much in the same way that he has gone now.

 

I am extreemly angry and depressed (but gradually lifting this morning with the sushine), and definately need to go to a councellor to my my thoughts straight. - and I still don't know what to do

 

Divorce - she becomes abusive and then bursts into tears when discussed.

[smallthings]

further to last entry

 

Now he has dissappeared from the scene - she says that they had an 'Affair' that lasted about two weeks. she doesn't want to go for a HIV test, too embarrasing. If she was found positive she would kill herself (could be a sudden realisation that she was a total idiot - bareback riding with alchoholic womanising, abusive ex (????) drug adict

 

I know that they had a sexual relationship that lasted much longer than the two weeks (I had a tape recording), but the consideration is between the lines of much discussion, that this may have been due to blackmail and coersion rather than a continuation of an affair - certainly the look on her face when with him at one time was not that of a lover, but rather of somthing else, more of a question, where he was obviously the dominating party. - This question to be answered.

 

In the mean time an exhausting weekend of constant discussion, tantrums, tears, depression, appologies, pleadings. But at the same time, much joy and laughs - (after such a long absence).

 

As for love or companionship - early days yet - much to go through

 

Took one of the older children out for an evening of drinking and talks (including the above - which they aware of) - made me feel so much better, like I had joined the human race again, had great fun just sitting in a bar in a small village gossiping - making plans. So good we will do it again next week.

 

Interestingly - said somthing about strange relationship between mother and BF when they were at the house much discussion behind doors, and not a happy looking mother, used them as a chance to escape from him several times.

 

Eventually (?????) may ask wife to join us.

 

I will add to this periodically - just cos it helps to get it off my chest (as they say) and any contributions from readers are V welcome.