Depression ruined my relationship

[ddspike21]

So i started seeing this girl last year, we have known each other for years, but only started getting seriously involved last September. Of course we had the usual "honeymoon phase" where everything was perfect and passionate and we were pretty much inseparable for months. Until around April when i started to have off and on bouts of depression, something ive been battling for years. I dont take any anti-depressants nor do i see a therapist or anything.

 

That said, i do take alot of Vitamins such as D and have tried things like St. Johns wort to combat depression. Anyway, in the following months my depression seemingly got worse and i did my best to explain to her that my lack of emotions, and distance coupled with fatigue, brain fog and loss of libido was my depression and had nothing to do with her and she shouldn't take it personally. Because she obviously felt that all those symptoms was me just not actually caring or not wanting sex.

 

I struggled to explain it too her but it only seemed to drive us further apart until last month when she got into a minor car accident where she was totally uninjured but nonetheless needed emotional support. on this day i was 3 days into a horrible flu where i could barely eat or walk on top of having the depression symptoms. So when she told me about the accident via text i told her that i would come over to cheer her up, so i put the phone down and went to go shower and get ready to go over. Well she got mad because i stopped texting her for like an hour and thought that i just didn't care about her current emotional state. 10 minutes later she called and said she couldn't take my lack of caring or emotion anymore and was breaking up with me, as usual, my depression gave me brain fog and an inability to process quick replys or to really speak at all so i barely said much and again she took it as me not caring for her.

 

A few days after in a futile attempt to show i do care i bought her favorite flowers, took a pic of them and sent them along with a massive text but obviously it was batted down and the damage was already done. Now, a month later, my depression obviously increased two fold and im hating myself because i drove her away because of my problem, its eating away at me because had i not been suffering from this we would still be a happy couple but now im alone.

 

at the moment, i told her that i wont be contacting her for awhile so i could sort myself out and get a perspective on this and she said she understands and that she needs time to do the same. Right now my focus is obviously getting rid of this depression anyway i can because it kills me inside that i hurt and pushed the person i love away because of it.

Edited July 8, 2013 by ddspike21

[Nicoleiia]

As far as depression goes, try Flax Oil for the omega 3's and extra magnesium (magnesium glycinate). It worked wonders for me and my crippling anxiety I have sometimes. Also, please eliminate gluten, sugar, and caffeine from your diet. That should help tremendously.

[ddspike21]

As far as depression goes, try Flax Oil for the omega 3's and extra magnesium (magnesium glycinate). It worked wonders for me and my crippling anxiety I have sometimes. Also, please eliminate gluten, sugar, and caffeine from your diet. That should help tremendously.

thanks, ill be sure to try that.

[Bozena]

well at least you know that you care about her.

My ex boyfriend broke up with me when his mom died and depression took him over. I told him that I can wait until his depression gets better, that its better not to care about me and care about himself and that he doesn't need to worry about me. In the end he broke up with me because he said that he didn't want me to wait because he feels apathy towards everything and that he doesn't know when his depression will end. I told him that I respect his decision but if he feels better and he wants to be again with me he can come and told me.

Fair enough for him, really unfair for me that I put aside everything I felt for 3 months in order not to make him feel guilty.

 

I hope your depression gets better but in my opinion it would be better to seek the advice of a therapist. It is really difficult for the others to understand that this is all from your depression. Sometimes we forget that and we want more.

 

I hope you get better soon and be again with your girlfriend.

[ddspike21]

well at least you know that you care about her.

My ex boyfriend broke up with me when his mom died and depression took him over. I told him that I can wait until his depression gets better, that its better not to care about me and care about himself and that he doesn't need to worry about me. In the end he broke up with me because he said that he didn't want me to wait because he feels apathy towards everything and that he doesn't know when his depression will end. I told him that I respect his decision but if he feels better and he wants to be again with me he can come and told me.

Fair enough for him, really unfair for me that I put aside everything I felt for 3 months in order not to make him feel guilty.

 

I hope your depression gets better but in my opinion it would be better to seek the advice of a therapist. It is really difficult for the others to understand that this is all from your depression. Sometimes we forget that and we want more.

 

I hope you get better soon and be again with your girlfriend.

thank you very much, and i hope so too, im just using this break up to motivate myself to be a better person in many ways especially getting rid of this depression so that if the chance ever does arise for us to get back together it wont push her away again.

[LinkWorshiper]

I suffer from borderline personality disorder. I didn't realize this was a problem for me until after my boyfriend and I broke up. We were drunk and I had a BPD episode far worse than any other I'd had before, which triggered the breakup. Then I ended up in the hospital after the subsequent breakdown and that is how I learned I have this disorder. It made a lot of sense of how certain things would trigger massive bouts of depression in me, something my boyfriend didn't quite understand. Not to mention that he is very obviously a depressed person and needs to find a way to handle that for his future.

 

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I think it's good that you have figured out what is wrong and that you know what you need to do to get it sorted for your own sake, which will hopefully play into how your relationship ends up. I recently told my man NC after months of trying to spend time with him because he just wasn't getting the BPD thing at all and kept stringing me along, not realizing that it was like torture for me to be pushed and pulled like that. Reading your story... I hope that the space helps him identify some of his depression without having to worry about me and I hope that he's not trying to just get rid of me. Like I know he feels pain that he hurt someone he kept saying was so important to him.

 

Anyway, do you think the NC is key for you handling your stuff despite how much you care for your girl? I think I struggle with understanding that he might need to take care of things alone.

[HobGadling]

Really feel for you.

 

Similar thing happened to me.

 

We both had a lot of stress in our lives. We were long distance. Language barrier was a problem as well.

 

Work was stressing me out. My grandfather had died. Then my father went into hospital... I stopped eating properly, gained weight. My confidence was low.

 

Our last date was a disaster.

 

But I tried turning it around. Went on a diet, started exercising. But it was too late. A month after we last saw each other she broke it off. I was too confused to respond to it properly. In hindsight I should have tried to convince her we could work through it (though honestly I couldn't have).

 

Now, I'm probably in the best mental shape in my life. Stopped smoking, gave up caffeine and sugary drinks. Started crossfit, do yoga. Write at least 1,000 words a day. Started doing improvs and got a part in a local play. Started volunteer work. I'd go as far as saying I'm a different man with a different outlook. But she wants nothing to do with me, even though I'm a better man than I was before. A better man with the virtue of knowing what he had and what he lost.

 

Depression is a barstard. It wants to wear you like a glove and mess your life up. But a lot of it is physical as well as mental. With the right diet and a lot of exercise you can fight it.

 

Drink lots of green tea. I also suggest a strict diet of comedy films. Download comedy dvds and devour them. Learn to see the funny side of life. Look up Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which I found to be a big help.

 

Also go and see a doctor in case you might need medication.

 

I'm just like you. Depression helped me lose someone amazing. I wont let it happen again.

 

Good luck.

[Bozena]

well talking as a mentally healthy person (as healthy as someone can be since everyone has a minor mental problem) I can say that it is very difficult for people to cope with depression since they cannot accept that this is not something personal.

Even for me that my bachelor was in psychology, there were times that I forgot about my boyfriend's depression and thinking "selfishly". Also, I am a very strong willed as a person and I am not the kind of woman who wants a boyfriend to be there and protect her. I can perfectly survive on my own and I don't need nobody. Although there were times that I also felt insecure.

Why I am telling all these? To let you know how the other side feels. It is also difficult to find a person that s/he can accept all these and wants to learn more about your condition.

A lot of friends of mine just couldn't understand grief or depression or anything and just jumped to conclusions, assuming that he is normal and just treats me unfair. Then I realized that like my friends a lot of people wouldn't understand what depression means.

 

In the end I hope the best for everyone!