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Very difficult situation, I'm clueless. [Possible wall of text]


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Old 12th June 2013, 5:05 PM   #1
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Very difficult situation, I'm clueless. [Possible wall of text]

Hi,

I'm new to this forum, and registered because of my current situation which is quite the mess to be quite frank.
If anyone could tell me their perspective or what they think of all this, it would be VERY much appreciated.

Some background information on my now ex-girlfriend:
Has been abused several times through her early and late teens (she's past that now)
Used to be on hard drugs
Was kicked out from home in her teens
Has a brain chemical deficiency
Is depressed and takes meds

So, the story begins...

Approximately 1.5 year ago I met this completely wonderful girl through some friends I tend to game with, I was a dick and she told me off quite a few times until we one night had a serious conversation about music.
The hostility, from my side, faded and we got to know eachother much better.

Eventually it lead to me falling for her, but as I promised myself to never engage in an online relationship I held back... until she confessed her feelings for me a few months later (sometime after new years in early January).

She had a boyfriend, whom she was going to end it with (Another reason I didn't want to pursue any relationship with her before, as I wouldn't like to be the reason someones relationship fell apart), she ended up having sex with him instead and felt incredibly guilty, however, she tried again a week after and succeeded.

I got over it and myself, I couldn't blame her for ending a real relationship over an online one.

Throughout the relationship I had my suspicions that she had cheated at one point, which I brought up a few times and she denied every time, getting mad because I thought such things about her.
I let that go too, I figured I was being a paranoid *******.

Fast forward to now, I've visited her in her home country several times (which is on the other side of the world, fyi) and we were very much in love in person as well as on the web.

So, about 1-2 weeks ago she was at a religious con (she's kind of religious) and called me, saying she had doubts whether we wanted the same in life long-term and that our future may be more complicated than we think.
I acknowledged that and told her that I'd change for her if necessary, if only she swore up and down that this was the only thing on her mind and it wasn't a dealbreaker.
She swore.

A few days after, her mother calls her and talks to her about it, she calls me, crying like possessed and tells me that we should end it.

That left me pretty breathless, out of nowhere(?).

I couldn't believe what she said, everything had literally turned 180 degrees in less than a few days and I just really couldn't believe her.

I remembered that she had logged on Skype on my laptop a long while ago, I'd have to type the first letter of her username to get in, and so I did.

I honestly felt pathetic as **** for doubting her and invading her privacy like a 13 year old jealous girlfriend.
I felt petty, petty as all ****.

But there it was, she was flirting with some other guy, scrolling up in their chat I soon realized that she had been with this guy since the day before her con and they had apparantly hooked up at a party where she got drunk and high (even though she told me she had to go to work).

The chat also revealed that she had apparantly cheated on me in the very start of the relationship with some other guy (turned out I was right about the cheating), however, it was before we had met in person - so I don't blame her as much for that.

I confronted her about it, she admitted the cheating, but denied when I asked if she had a new partner.
I asked a few more times until she finally admitted it, and I asked her why she didn't just say that from the start.
She told me it was because she loved me, but she also "loved" him, and that he was temporary.

I made the proposition that we could engage in an open relationship instead, as long as she would start out with girls, as I don't feel quite comfortable with guys.

She agreed.

I told her that would mean that she had to end it with this guy.
She complained a bit, but then said she did and gave me a few quotes - quotes that turned out to be fake as I went on her Skype again to make sure she wouldn't **** me over again.

I confronted her about it, she got mad (I kind of deserved that) and made a new Skype, which she added me on and we continued to argue.

We gave eachother some room to think for a few days, she told me he was a temporary and that we could possibly resume our relationship next visit as she'd probably feel different then.

A few days after, she calls and tells me that it's literally over, and that there is no second chance for us - maybe in the future.


Her and her family is coming over here in little under a month and staying in my country for 2 weeks straight, she'll be staying with me for those two weeks and I intend to be as romantic and loving as possible without stepping over the line - just so she knows what she's saying goodbye to.


Thoughts?

[EDIT]
Me and this girl have talked for the entire time (1 years) we've been together about our future, how we'd grow old together, how much we love eachother, how many children we'd have - we even considered to get her pregnant, regardless of the distance.

We loved eachother unconditionally, and this came literally out of nowhere.
I'm thinking this is a case of "The grass is greener on the other side" syndrome, as it was so sudden, she's already with a new partner, she said she wants to be young and "stupid" and that she felt "trapped".

I still love her to bits and pieces and I hope she'll be happy without me, even though I really, REALLY want to keep her.

Last edited by SlickWalrus; 12th June 2013 at 5:08 PM..
SlickWalrus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th June 2013, 1:15 AM   #2
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Why you say is the grass is greener syndrome? The girl was never honest at you. And truly what did you expect from a girl that dumped her ex boyfriend in order to be with you? If you want to predict the future, then just look at the past. She did it once, she would definitely, without doubt will do it twice. And now it is more than certain that she will cheat this guy. And you know, she might even cheat him with you. This girl has a tons of insecurities and she wants continuously confirmation.
Go no contact to her for your own sanity. I am sorry, I can understand what she is been through, but we cannot do anything to change the past. But we can change our future. This girl doesn't even deserve your consideration.
Bozena is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th June 2013, 2:07 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bozena View Post
Why you say is the grass is greener syndrome? The girl was never honest at you. And truly what did you expect from a girl that dumped her ex boyfriend in order to be with you? If you want to predict the future, then just look at the past. She did it once, she would definitely, without doubt will do it twice. And now it is more than certain that she will cheat this guy. And you know, she might even cheat him with you. This girl has a tons of insecurities and she wants continuously confirmation.
Go no contact to her for your own sanity. I am sorry, I can understand what she is been through, but we cannot do anything to change the past. But we can change our future. This girl doesn't even deserve your consideration.
Thank you for your response!

I'll take it into consideration, considering it was a long-distance relationship and that it was pretty much "rigged" from the start we're still talking and she is being honest with me for once.

After her visit I'm expecting to go NC for about a years time until I'm done with my education, then I'll try to contact her again.

However, I'll try to keep your perspective and judgment in the back of my head when that time comes.
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