...and cue the breadcrumbs

[McGriff]

Ok, so yesterday was her bday, and I got through it. It was bumpy, but I made it. This morning I wake up to a pic of her sent by text (it was hot) with the caption "totally rocked my 21st bday". That must have been her attempt at a joke or something, as it was actually her 28th bday. She then sent a text that said "Bday was a lot of fun. I did get stood up for dinner but oh well I just ended up eating by myself, and I made reservations! Oh well. Not like he was a bf so its really not a big deal, **** happens". Hahaha! She's just not having any luck with these douchebags and I love it!! I'm not sure why she sent me this though. I really didn't expect to hear from her for awhile, if ever, after the letter I wrote. I guess her ego took a nice little hit and now she's coming to me for validation? I couldn't have asked for a better Sunday morning treat. what do you guys think?

Edited June 2, 2013 by McGriff

[Minneloa]

Lame and predictable leash-pulling.

 

Stay the course and ignore her games.

[Antares]

Yup. She just wants some attention. She got stood up on her bday and even though she tries to brush it off as no big deal, clearly that would bug anyone. She thinks you're still on the leash and wants some puppy-dog attention from her go-to-ex - you.

 

I'm glad you see this for what it is. I know you've had a tough time letting go of her.

 

It sucks that she's teasing you this way. I'm not sure if she consciously realizes how crummy that is. "Hey, I dumped you and look how amazing I look. Taataa. I'm going to show off what you'll never get again. Love me now" She's just thinking about herself and nothing else.

 

If she comes back to you now, it's only because the grass aint greener and she's striking out in the real world.

[mtnbiker3000]

I guess you lose the bet...

[McGriff]

I guess you lose the bet...

 

Oh f*ck. I didn't think about that. :/

[McGriff]

Yup. She just wants some attention. She got stood up on her bday and even though she tries to brush it off as no big deal, clearly that would bug anyone. She thinks you're still on the leash and wants some puppy-dog attention from her go-to-ex - you.

 

I'm glad you see this for what it is. I know you've had a tough time letting go of her.

 

It sucks that she's teasing you this way. I'm not sure if she consciously realizes how crummy that is. "Hey, I dumped you and look how amazing I look. Taataa. I'm going to show off what you'll never get again. Love me now" She's just thinking about herself and nothing else.

 

If she comes back to you now, it's only because the grass aint greener and she's striking out in the real world.

 

Antares,

 

Yeah, the pic thing is sh*tty. Why send that to me except for what you said. She does look awesome in it, but it didn't really affect me, especially considering her crappy dating luck. I'll continue to ignore until she gets the message. I'm shocked because I didn't acknowledge her bday, so obviously she was affected by that. Why send something to someone who ignored your birthday? I'm sensing she's feeling a bit insecure about everything right now.

[BustedUpInside]

Ok, so yesterday was her bday, and I got through it. It was bumpy, but I made it. This morning I wake up to a pic of her sent by text (it was hot) with the caption "totally rocked my 21st bday". That must have been her attempt at a joke or something, as it was actually her 28th bday. She then sent a text that said "Bday was a lot of fun. I did get stood up for dinner but oh well I just ended up eating by myself, and I made reservations! Oh well. Not like he was a bf so its really not a big deal, **** happens". Hahaha! She's just not having any luck with these douchebags and I love it!! I'm not sure why she sent me this though. I really didn't expect to hear from her for awhile, if ever, after the letter I wrote. I guess her ego took a nice little hit and now she's coming to me for validation? I couldn't have asked for a better Sunday morning treat. what do you guys think?

 

Why would she even mention being stood up unless she expected you to say something sympathetic or flattering? I certainly wouldn't want to admit that someone didn't show up for my birthday dinner and I ended up alone.

 

I bet it blew her mind that you didn't send her any birthday wishes. She was probably waiting for a text message so she could blow you off and then send you some chatty little thing today. Her ego must be suffering!

 

Oh well, she deserves it, and you deserve to feel better about yourself for once. You totally did the right thing and this just proves it

[McGriff]

Why would she even mention being stood up unless she expected you to say something sympathetic or flattering? I certainly wouldn't want to admit that someone didn't show up for my birthday dinner and I ended up alone.

 

I bet it blew her mind that you didn't send her any birthday wishes. She was probably waiting for a text message so she could blow you off and then send you some chatty little thing today. Her ego must be suffering!

 

Oh well, she deserves it, and you deserve to feel better about yourself for once. You totally did the right thing and this just proves it

 

 

Bustedup,

 

Yeah, I don't want her to suffer, but I must admit, it made me feel good. Is that wrong? I too was puzzled why she would share that with me of all people, because I know I wouldn't. I think I've just made her comfortable with telling me things I suppose. That's not such a good thing though, because while this particular bit of info is pleasing to me, I'm sure stuff I don't wanna hear is gonna come. I thought I crushed all that with the letter, but she is pretty hard headed. I'm not gonna be mean to her, it's just not in me, but I will continue to ignore. It's nice to know she's thinking of me, BUT I feel like its just games, and I don't like that.

Edited June 2, 2013 by McGriff

[2sunny]

It may have been meant for one of her girlfriends - and sent in error!

[McGriff]

I would be insulted if I were you because this woman has ZERO respect and doesn't care about you.

 

You just sent her long heartfelt message where you told her your feelings, what you want and how what she is doing is hurtful and what do you get in return?

 

You didn't get a single response from her until after her Birthday where she proceeds to tell you that she made plans with another dude.

 

You mean nothing to this woman. Even if you were her Gay Best Friend (which you have been trying to be)... she would have acknowledged or responded to your letter.

 

Is this really what you think you deserve and the best that you can do?

 

 

 

Skid,

 

Hey, I don't know what she thinks of me as...her gay best friend or if she is someone who is just holding on---but I've done what I needed to do. I haven't responded or spoken to her since the letter. Sure she's "trying" to date people, hell so am I. She is definitely not a "by the book" type of person, and neither am I. I can certainly see the disrespect considering the letter that you're talking about, but I'm not gonna get ugly with her. This IS a very weird situation no doubt. It's kept me off balance for a while now. I'm just gonna continue to ignore and see where it goes. I guess it can't go too far, being this one sided. Do I know I deserve better? Of course!

[BC1980]

Wow, she really needs her ego stroked. Just remember, as hard as it is to comprehend, the only reason she is contacting you is to get a reaction and keep you on a leash. It's going to be a huge hit to her ego if you don't respond. It's so hard to realize that people can change. My ex told me he wanted to marry me for the past year, bought me a right, we moved in together. It's hard for me to comprehend that he now feels differently. But. . . . the truth is in my face, as plain as day.

 

I really think it's disrespectful of her, in the extreme, to disregard your letter and then just randomly text you. That is selfish and immature. I had this same thing. Just totally disregarded my email that was serious and talking about our relationship. Then, a few days later, he texts me "good night." WTF? I didn't even respond. I think he was just doing it to see if I would answer.

Edited June 3, 2013 by BC1980

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, she was fishing for compliments and doesn't really give a crap about how it makes you feel. Kudos for not falling for it.

[Eddie Edirol]

Bustedup,

 

Yeah, I don't want her to suffer, but I must admit, it made me feel good. Is that wrong?

 

No, because it is giving you your confidence back when you know its childish games she is playing, and you see right through it. Maybe it makes you feel better that she hasnt found someone before you did. Either way, keep letting go before she actually finds someone she stays with, because she will try to rub it in your face. Block her phone number actually. Blocking her will be VERY liberating when you know you dont need to hear from her, especially when she tries to use other numbers to get in contact with you. The nyou really want want her, because she will just be pathetic.

[IS IT Better late]

McGriff,

 

This chick sounds so similar to the girl I was with. Plus they are only a year apart in age. I get the same shyt, pictures, her telling about stuff she's going to be doing. But it's always all about her!!

 

I went 2 1/2 weeks no contact and then bam like clock work she starts texting me again. Talks about meeting up with me. But she doesn't actually go ahead with it. I get excited and start picturing a great night with her.

 

So here's what I think is going on in their heads. They like us, we're a comfortable source of attention. They don't want to be in a relationship with us but they don't want us to go away. They want us to be in their lives until that one dude they really want comes along.

 

So how do we change this? Ignore them? Send letters to them telling them all of our feelings and how much we're still into them?

 

I've never been through anything like this before in my life and I'm 35. I'm unable to let her go and I miss her like crazy. But she's jerking me around you've been jerked around. I need to change the course of this.

 

What's the game plan?? I know NC right. Is that our only option?

[HuffmanMontana]

Ok, so yesterday was her bday, and I got through it. It was bumpy, but I made it. This morning I wake up to a pic of her sent by text (it was hot) with the caption "totally rocked my 21st bday". That must have been her attempt at a joke or something, as it was actually her 28th bday. She then sent a text that said "Bday was a lot of fun. I did get stood up for dinner but oh well I just ended up eating by myself, and I made reservations! Oh well. Not like he was a bf so its really not a big deal, **** happens". Hahaha! She's just not having any luck with these douchebags and I love it!! I'm not sure why she sent me this though. I really didn't expect to hear from her for awhile, if ever, after the letter I wrote. I guess her ego took a nice little hit and now she's coming to me for validation? I couldn't have asked for a better Sunday morning treat. what do you guys think?

 

She never had a date. She wants to know why you didn't wish her a happy bday.

[HuffmanMontana]

It may have been meant for one of her girlfriends - and sent in error!

 

McGriff, you'll get this one too if you stay NC. Trust me

 

I'm going to post in here how this is going to go down for you. If you ignore her for a few weeks she will have a BF. I promise you. The girls who are a 10 in the looks department have gone their whole lives being the object of desire. So much in fact that they don't feel right without it and actually have a pretty lousy self image because of it.

 

She will tell you her kid misses you, she will send you texts about the good times. She wants all her exes to still want her because the thought of someone who loved her not caring is a giant blow to her ego.

 

Hell, she will even stoop as low to offering you some late night sex if you stay NC.

 

You cna go NC, LC, or do whatever you want but until you're ok with just being friends you're not going to be able to date other women.

[McGriff]

IIBL and Huffman,

 

Ok so both of you pretty much hit the nail on the head in your posts. I need a gameplan. The thing is for me, like you IIBL, is that I still am in love with the woman. As much as she doesn't deserve it, that's where I'm at, and despite doing everything I can (sleeping with other women, traveling, going out with the boys, spending time with my kids and family) to get over her---nothing seems to work. I've sent her the letter, I've gone NC for as long as 3 weeks only to have her start blowing me up. I just don't know where to go from here. I want her back, but I'm not gonna chase her. No more letters or anything. IIBL, what's your plan? Huffman, what's your suggestion? I mean, seemingly the only thing I can do is remain NC, and wait for her to figure sh*t out, and continue to date and do the things I've been doing. Maybe start posting and sending pics of my own fun times. I really don't know. It's crazy.

[HuffmanMontana]

IIBL and Huffman,

 

Ok so both of you pretty much hit the nail on the head in your posts. I need a gameplan. The thing is for me, like you IIBL, is that I still am in love with the woman. As much as she doesn't deserve it, that's where I'm at, and despite doing everything I can (sleeping with other women, traveling, going out with the boys, spending time with my kids and family) to get over her---nothing seems to work. I've sent her the letter, I've gone NC for as long as 3 weeks only to have her start blowing me up. I just don't know where to go from here. I want her back, but I'm not gonna chase her. No more letters or anything. IIBL, what's your plan? Huffman, what's your suggestion? I mean, seemingly the only thing I can do is remain NC, and wait for her to figure sh*t out, and continue to date and do the things I've been doing. Maybe start posting and sending pics of my own fun times. I really don't know. It's crazy.

 

Everyone and every situation is different. I wasn't able to go NC with my ex. She reached out far too often. I was selective about what I did reply too. I met other girls, hung out with friends, picked up a few new hobbies and hit the gym hard. Finally back in pretty good shape and I have abs for the first time in 14 years. I'm feeling pretty good.

 

What you need to realize is that whatever you do, do it for yourself. Don't do anything for your ex. Don't try to make her jealous, don't try to win her back. If that's in the cards it will happen after you've healed and who knows--maybe you won't want her back or you will have found someone better.

 

Food for thought: If the dumper won't let go (breadcrumbs), who's really the person struggling in life?

[IS IT Better late]

McGriff,

 

I'm in your exact same boat. Her false hope has sent me into a new tailspin today.

 

I want her back, but she's not trying, she just gives me enough to keep trying. All words and no actions.

 

I hate her! But miss her! She made me feel great when we were together. And now I miss that feeling like a drug. That's why I can't move on! I need to replace that feeling.

 

I've started to date too, but nothing really great yet. I need a little luck that another girl will come along soon to refocus my attn on.

 

I've done the NC-LC rollercoaster for over 3-months with her. She's talks about doing things with me again. So that gives me the hope but when push comes to shove she never delivers.

 

How can we turn this around? We're better than this. I need to end this limbo.

 

Any suggestions would help!

[Simon Phoenix]

The best thing to do is nothing. Just live your life without them. I know it sucks and you want them, but indulging their leash-pulling breadcrumbs doesn't do crap. If you are really having issues, you need to block their phone numbers and/or facebooks. It seems harsh, but it's a lot better than being in the limbo they want you at.

 

Whatever you do, do not try to go tit for tat and send breadcrumb pictures of your own like McGriff was thinking of doing. That's a really, really awful idea because you will lose that standoff. The person that cares less holds the power, therefore trying to go toe for toe with exes you love is a recipe for disaster.

 

But yeah, the best solution is to do nothing.

[McGriff]

Everyone and every situation is different. I wasn't able to go NC with my ex. She reached out far too often. I was selective about what I did reply too. I met other girls, hung out with friends, picked up a few new hobbies and hit the gym hard. Finally back in pretty good shape and I have abs for the first time in 14 years. I'm feeling pretty good.

 

What you need to realize is that whatever you do, do it for yourself. Don't do anything for your ex. Don't try to make her jealous, don't try to win her back. If that's in the cards it will happen after you've healed and who knows--maybe you won't want her back or you will have found someone better.

 

Food for thought: If the dumper won't let go (breadcrumbs), who's really the person struggling in life?

 

Huffman,

 

This is great stuff. I appreciate it. I have been working out myself and really getting into shape since last summer, I guess that's why I've been getting attention from the ladies, but like IIBL, I just haven't met one that i really connect with. That's the curse of my last relationship, it was SO good, that now I'm trying to capture that magic again, and we all know how hard that is. I think that's her problem too. Another thing on her side is that she has a kid with behavior problems. I mean, I was able to control him when we were together, but I think she loses a lot of potential guys because of her child. He's a handful. The only time she has away from him is every other weekend, so anybody she dates is putting up with the circus that is her kid, and I know a lot guys in her age range just don't want to deal with that. I didn't have a problem with it, because I've raised two children of my own, and I know what it's like. I think I will go to the LC on selected texts she sends me, and just play it that way. I won't chase her, and I will rarely initiate. This is like trying to tame a wild horse haha. But I think you're right, ultimately, I have to live for me, and if she comes around and wants to get back, then she can do what needs to be done. I will continue my search for her replacement, as difficult as it is.

[HuffmanMontana]

Huffman,

 

This is great stuff. I appreciate it. I have been working out myself and really getting into shape since last summer, I guess that's why I've been getting attention from the ladies, but like IIBL, I just haven't met one that i really connect with. That's the curse of my last relationship, it was SO good, that now I'm trying to capture that magic again, and we all know how hard that is. I think that's her problem too. Another thing on her side is that she has a kid with behavior problems. I mean, I was able to control him when we were together, but I think she loses a lot of potential guys because of her child. He's a handful. The only time she has away from him is every other weekend, so anybody she dates is putting up with the circus that is her kid, and I know a lot guys in her age range just don't want to deal with that. I didn't have a problem with it, because I've raised two children of my own, and I know what it's like. I think I will go to the LC on selected texts she sends me, and just play it that way. I won't chase her, and I will rarely initiate. This is like trying to tame a wild horse haha. But I think you're right, ultimately, I have to live for me, and if she comes around and wants to get back, then she can do what needs to be done. I will continue my search for her replacement, as difficult as it is.

 

If you're going to go LC, my advice is not to initiate EVER. Not until you are healed.

[Simon Phoenix]

Huffman,

 

This is great stuff. I appreciate it. I have been working out myself and really getting into shape since last summer, I guess that's why I've been getting attention from the ladies, but like IIBL, I just haven't met one that i really connect with. That's the curse of my last relationship, it was SO good, that now I'm trying to capture that magic again, and we all know how hard that is. I think that's her problem too. Another thing on her side is that she has a kid with behavior problems. I mean, I was able to control him when we were together, but I think she loses a lot of potential guys because of her child. He's a handful. The only time she has away from him is every other weekend, so anybody she dates is putting up with the circus that is her kid, and I know a lot guys in her age range just don't want to deal with that. I didn't have a problem with it, because I've raised two children of my own, and I know what it's like. I think I will go to the LC on selected texts she sends me, and just play it that way. I won't chase her, and I will rarely initiate. This is like trying to tame a wild horse haha. But I think you're right, ultimately, I have to live for me, and if she comes around and wants to get back, then she can do what needs to be done. I will continue my search for her replacement, as difficult as it is.

 

Initiating for any reason is a bad, bad, bad idea.

[mtnbiker3000]

After reading all of the many, many posts, both from you and others, it seems the only true path for recovery is to deal with the fact that you two are 100%, completely over, done and kaput!! Then, simply don't allow her to breadcrumb you. Block, delete, etc… Full NC. And, it WILL take more than a few weeks. Hell I am almost three months and still no end in sight. But I know it is the only way.

 

Now I know this is difficult when you still have feelings for the ex, because I do to. But even though I, like you, feel I may have a very hard time finding another who will make me feel the same as she did, I know what I have to do. And I know it may take a looooong time.You may have to be single for a while but that's OK. It's part of this process. You don't need a replacement. You need to get past her. You have no choice, right? Because if there was another choice, you would surely be taking that option. There isn't. NC and recover or stay in limbo, where you are now… She will not help you in your recovery!

[Eddie Edirol]

McGriff, silence speaks volumes in your case. Dont respond to anything . let her keep trying, because she will think you dont need her. And you will get stronger because of it, knowing you dont need her. Just stay the course. She will perceive that your life is so great without her, because she will think you NEVER needed her, it will drive her nuts, and you will do much better because of it.