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A friend just passed away


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OrangeSnack

Long story short, Ive been seeing this girl for over 3 weeks and we had so much chemistry together, it was unbelievable! I recently sent her a small gift and the odd thing was that I didn't hear back from her until 4 hours later. She calls me out of the blue sobbing over the telephone. She thanked me for the gift and that I noticed she was crying. I asked politely if she was crying and her reply was yes. She says she was with friends and that she can't talk about it right now but she will let me know soon. So of course me being the curious joe, I suspected many things and came to many conclusions. The next day I decided to text her to see how she's doing and her instant response was that she had a friend pass away and that shes coping with it by herself and that she needs time alone. Her mother has been pushing her to get through it.

 

My initial reaction was a sense of relief because I thought I did something wrong by giving her a gift (trust me i've done things in the past where gift giving too early can be a bad thing).

 

Granted this is a bit different from the posts that I have read in regards to a passing of a parent or a relative. Now I don't know the details of her friend and I don't want to dwell too much into that because I will respect her time and space but assumption was that it must have been a close friend.

 

My question for you guys whom have experienced this traumatic event:

1). What is the best thing to do at the moment? Obviously space and time is the right answer, but how long? Should I even bother texting her in a few weeks if I don't hear from her, just sending a polite note? Granted, we are not exclusive or is she my girlfriend. We just had a wonderful 3 weeks together and that it was possibly the best 3 weeks of my life.

 

2). Have any of you whom you dated or have had girlfriends in the past dealt with something like this and in the end the result was positive? Meaning she was able to come back to her normal self and start reliving that great moment you had together? Or is all hope lost and that I should just move on with my life? In other words, is it worth the wait?

 

3). This last question is more of a psychological question. If you lose someone so close to you, how come you turn away your partners? Wouldn't you want them to be there to support you and to have a shoulder to cry on?

 

I hope these weren't confusing questions. I thank you in advance for your answers :)

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Ordinaryday

Just send her a message saying something like "I'm very sorry to hear that. I am here for you if you need me, give me a call when you are ready". that says it all.

 

And people often push away others at times like these for various reasons - it is impossible to narrow down - she may be wanting some alone time, or to talk with others who knew the friend, or she may just not feel like relationship talk right now... or even worse, she may get annoyed at the 'fake sympathy' people give at times like these, and not want to hear it. It is not your fault, you can't be expected to be all cut up and devastated over the death of a complete stranger (I certainly am not) but we still act that way around people and say things like "I am so sorry, I know exactly how you feel" and while some people appreciate this, other people feel this comes across as fake and patronising (ie, "well, if you have never had a best friend die in a car crash then NO, you can't no 'exactly' how I feel") so just give her space.

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