Elle123 Posted April 24, 2013 Share Posted April 24, 2013 My ex completely blindsided me about 3 months ago. Other than responding to a text from me asking why he did it in that way after telling me earlier in the night everything between us was fine, he has not contacted me. I still hurt every day and it kills me that he hasn't reached out to me at all. He was crying and holding me when he ended things, also told me how much he loved me and couldn't imagine not having me in his life. My dad was in a similar situation back in the day and his theory is that my ex could still be hurting it not want to hurt me by contacting too soon. I'm just hurt so much by the lack of communication, has he completely forgotten about me? Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted April 24, 2013 Share Posted April 24, 2013 He's doing you a favor by not contacting you. He's trying to let you heal. Now it's up to you. What kind of contact are you expecting? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elle123 Posted April 24, 2013 Author Share Posted April 24, 2013 Any contact would be welcomed, whether it be a phone call, text message, or letter. I am still too hurt to reach out to him first. His friends have reached out to me more than he has because as they put it, "We were all blindsided as much as you were." Link to post Share on other sites
StraylightRun24 Posted April 24, 2013 Share Posted April 24, 2013 As someone who was also blind sided with a BU about 4 months ago I've also struggled with the fear of being completely forgotten by my ex. I however asked her not to contact me because I couldn't back track and just be friends (like she wanted). Two things you should realize though: 1) While it is completely normal to fear being completely forgotten by your ex it is quite irrational. For one thing he was the one who decided that he wanted to end things with you so you have to try your hardest to think to yourself, "Why am I worried about being forgotten by someone who felt they might have been settling for me?" 2) Be thankful that he isn't sending your breadcrumbs like other posters get from their exes. For the most part when the dumper continues contacting the dumpee it's because they are being selfish. By selfish I mean they are reaching out to you because they either feel guilty for hurting you or possibly feeling lonely at that particular moment so they reach out to you because you are familiar I know it sucks because someone who was so important in your life seems to have just vanished but in the long haul it probably is a lot better he's not contacting because that probably would just lead to false hope. On the bright side I highly doubt he's forgotten about you.....if that makes your feel any better (I know it doesn't though:() 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elle123 Posted April 24, 2013 Author Share Posted April 24, 2013 I guess you're right about the false hope through selfish bread crumbs. I just find that so many of my friends exes come back and say they made a mistake and I never got that. Imbstill feeling like he made a mistake because we were really good together. From what I've heard from his friends he's become very cocky. He has issues with maintaining friendships, only staying friends with people for a year or two. Maybe I was just one of those people he found was very easy to toss to the side... Link to post Share on other sites
youngnlove89 Posted April 24, 2013 Share Posted April 24, 2013 My ex completely blindsided me about 3 months ago. Other than responding to a text from me asking why he did it in that way after telling me earlier in the night everything between us was fine, he has not contacted me. I still hurt every day and it kills me that he hasn't reached out to me at all. He was crying and holding me when he ended things, also told me how much he loved me and couldn't imagine not having me in his life. My dad was in a similar situation back in the day and his theory is that my ex could still be hurting it not want to hurt me by contacting too soon. I'm just hurt so much by the lack of communication, has he completely forgotten about me? He is definitely doing you a favor. Instead of being selfish and giving you breadcrumbs, he is respecting you. You should be happy about that. That's what I'd like to think of as a gentleman. I don't know the background story, but you should definitely be thankful that he isn't giving you mixed signals. Take it from me, a girl who for 2 years has somehow survived on breadcrumbs and mixed signals, wasted her time with a man who didn't know what he wanted, and being toyed around by his selfishness and his controlling behavior. He has given you the opportunity to move on and be happy again. That to me is love, even though it didn't work out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
biggysmilez Posted April 24, 2013 Share Posted April 24, 2013 i was totally blindsided three months ago as well. i can tell you that i'm healing much quicker than i thought i would, in terms of being hopeful for the future, accepting the BU, and raising my self-esteem. that being said, i still hope, expect, and wait for him to contact me. it is maddening, actually. and i believe it has something to do with being blindsided. because there were no indications of an imminent break, i know that i just can't shake the belief that it was a mistake. i still hope that he will contact me and tell me that he made a mistake every single day. and i don't even want him back now! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elle123 Posted April 24, 2013 Author Share Posted April 24, 2013 i was totally blindsided three months ago as well. i can tell you that i'm healing much quicker than i thought i would, in terms of being hopeful for the future, accepting the BU, and raising my self-esteem. that being said, i still hope, expect, and wait for him to contact me. it is maddening, actually. and i believe it has something to do with being blindsided. because there were no indications of an imminent break, i know that i just can't shake the belief that it was a mistake. i still hope that he will contact me and tell me that he made a mistake every single day. and i don't even want him back now! That's exactly where I'm at! I don't want him back, I just want him to get in touch with me to say he made a mistake so I can turn him down.I swear, breakups make us resort to being 12 year olds again in regards to maturity.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveB86 Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I was cheated on, blindsided and dumped for another girl. Both of them work across the street from me. All his friends that do work with us are my friends too and they cannot believe what he did. He vanished from my life like I don't exist! Never expected this to happened since we were so good together. He never reached out ever. It's been 3 weeks since the breakup. Sad to say, I don't think he cares. I don't even think he remembers me. No breadcrumbs, no nothing. Dead silence. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elle123 Posted April 25, 2013 Author Share Posted April 25, 2013 I'm sorry you had to go through that, it's awful. It stinks we're all going through this, but I'm glad I'm not alone. One of my friends opened my eyes to why he propabably hasn't reached out. The last thing I texted him after he told me he 'hadn't planned' on breaking up with me that night, he had just been "thinking about things for a while' and wanted to be single I sent back: ' If that was the case you should have talked to me instead of completely blindsiding me. Make a promise to yourself never to do that to another human being in the future.' She said that was pretty much me saying I never wanted to talk to him again...if I were him I would have at least apologized, but she thinks I scared him. A couple of my friends told me they'd be afraid to talk to me again... He's kind of sensitive, wo I knew me sending that would hurt him, but I also thought he might have thought I was ridiculous for saying that. Link to post Share on other sites
barky2 Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I can straight up say with confidence that they most certainly have not forgotten about you. If you were of any significant to their life you will always be remembered. Take it from someone who kept getting the call " baby I want to be with you" to be told a few days later I can't be with you. Your so much better off not hearing anything than yo ride the roller coaster like I did...and most have. Count your blessings....as one lser said in a post I once read " be careful what you ask for". Please please please, let go and focus on you. If its ment to be it'll come back,they will beg for you...that I promise. Do stuff for you, don't count the days you haven't been contacted. The more you want it the less likely it'll happen. ^ THAT I PROMISE! For as long as you've been in nc,granted you still might hurt....everyday is progress. One day ull wake up not thinking about your s/o..and ull be back to the original you. ^ That I promise. I don't make promises unless I can keep them. I've been exactly where you guys are. That's why I've come back to help because this board was there for me when I needed it. Happy endings do happen, either the ex comes back..or your stronger than ever before and you find someone who you love more than your ex. Chins up y'all. Ull be fine. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Happydays04 Posted April 26, 2013 Share Posted April 26, 2013 Hi all, Sorry to hear you are all going through this. I have a similar situation but its a little different as I did not even get told we were finished. Known him for 5 years but got together last year and we were seeing each other for only 3 months. Contact all the time, went to lunch, cinema walks etc. Then after 3 months...... bam, gone just started ignoring me. No reason, explaination or anything. I see him everyday as his friend is my neighbour. I see him in the parking lot and he blanks me. I left him alone for 5 weeks after he ignored me and then i just felt awkward as I was trying to avoid him outside my own apartment. ie trying to get home before he arrived at his friends and staying indoors until i knew he would be gone. I just couldn't take the blanking anymore so i sent a text (trying to be the bigger person) and said that I hoped I had not done something to offend him and that I hoped we could be friends anyway. Now dont get me wrong If a guy does not fancy me thats fine and I will not chase after him but having known him for like 5 years I thought it a bit strange. Anyway he never replied and the ignoring has continued. I no longer wait until I know he is gone. I go about my life as normal. I dont want him back but I am a person who hates having bad feelings with another. It eats at me. I think it's terrible behaviour. Anyone had this happen to them? Link to post Share on other sites
StraylightRun24 Posted April 26, 2013 Share Posted April 26, 2013 I guess you're right about the false hope through selfish bread crumbs. I just find that so many of my friends exes come back and say they made a mistake and I never got that. Imbstill feeling like he made a mistake because we were really good together. From what I've heard from his friends he's become very cocky. He has issues with maintaining friendships, only staying friends with people for a year or two. Maybe I was just one of those people he found was very easy to toss to the side... That is 100% on him and has absolutely nothing to do with you. He is the one who has issues with maintaining even platonic relationships so is it any surprise that he can't handle a romantic relationship? I mean a romantic relationship is much more complex than just a friendship! Elle123 you have to try your hardest to try and not feel like you were "tossed to the side." Trust me when I tell you it does you no good! I'm my harshest critic and I blame myself constantly for things I either did or didn't do with my ex, but at the end of the day it's in the past. I can't change it and I know I did the best I could and sadly for whatever reason it wasn't what she was looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted April 26, 2013 Share Posted April 26, 2013 (edited) Sure they think of us some times. They might even miss us for a brief instant. Unfortunaly it just doesnt mean anything and doent help you recover. Im sure my ex thinks of me after 8 years together..and i think of her indifferently and remember some good times. But doesnt mean i want back with her and vice versa or that ill ever talk to her again. Cav Edited April 26, 2013 by cavalier99 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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