Tdog123 Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 Hey so i stumbled on this website and thought i would make a post and ask for some advice for my situation so me and my ex were together for 4 and a half years we have a 3 year old child together. we split up in february and im finding it difficult to deal with how things are. we have alot of history together and i love her still but right now she is starting to get to know this new guy and it breaks my heart and i dont think there is any chance for us in the near future. I would love to have a NC period with her and see how that would work out but having a child together i have to see and speak to her on a weekly basis and im wondering if there is anyone out there that is or has been in a similar situation and knows how best to deal with it, and is it possible to have no contact with her without our son suffering. I would love to get her back but that seems impossible right now because of this new guy and she is never going to miss me when she has to see me on a regular basis right I can go into further detail on our history if it is needed and thanks in advance for any advice Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 What you have to implement is LC. Ask to see your son on neutral ground, or at least request this new guy not be present while you do. Discourse with your ex should focus solely on your child, and anything associated with his care, well-being and upbringing. Discussions between you and your ex, on you and your ex, are off-limits and no longer applicable. I know it's difficult, but if it looks as if there is no romantic future between you, focus on maintaining a civil level of communication. And as the occasion arises, explain your dilemma, and your reasoning for being so restricted in your conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tdog123 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 Thank you for your swift reply. So I'm wondering, her parents live across the street from her and I get on with them very well, would you suggest we arrange days I have my son and pick him up from her parents and drop him off there to avoid contact with her? I have read the topic on G.I.G.S and I do believe that this is what is happening right now, she is not officially dating this new guy yet but sooner or later they will be, she has already seen another guy before this one and that didn't work out, again she wasn't seeing him officially just "getting to know them" as she puts it. It pains me to think about it and just wish I could cut off all contact with her. What are your thoughts? Again thank you for your advice Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 I think involving her parents is a good idea, and I also think - if you're on good terms with them, explaining what you want to do, and why, is considerate and applicable. But phrase it in a way that you take responsibility for your feelings. Instead of putting it to them, that you need to do this because SHE *Yaddah yaddah yaddah*.. tell them you feel it's better for all concerned, because of how it makes you feel, and that therefore you think for everyone's sake, *yaddah yaddah yaddah*....be gentle, and emphasise that the most important person in this, is your son. He is your life, and you adore him, and you want to be in his life, but while you have some difficult emotions to deal with, it's more gentle and appropriate all round if for the time being, things could be worked this way. Be sure to keep your word, regarding arrangements, very strictly. Adhere to any agreements, and ensure that your behaviour is beyond reproach. If she begins to neglect any agreements, or becomes lackadaisical about things, then you can become a little more forceful. But you make sure everything you do is A1* Best of luck, and enjoy your son. He's a part of you, and deserves stability and affection, unconditionally. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tdog123 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 (edited) Thanks i will do that the next opportunity i get to speak to her parents. it has come to my attention that i believe she is starting to date this new guy now, i did a stupid thing and snooped on her facebook and saw she changed her relationship stats to 'Married' to this guy. i have no idea why she would set it to married but whatever they have only been talking for about 2 weeks as far am im aware that is. Judging by everything i have said so far does this sound like another 'rebound' relationship to you or has she genuinly moved on so fast i cant figure it out, and also will having no contact or minimal contact make any difference at all now since she is so occupied with this new guy? my heart breaks a little more every time i think about it Edit: also im wondering would she even be thinking about me at all and missing me at nights? i wonder but im sure i will never know Edited April 16, 2013 by Tdog123 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Sweetheart - stop torturing yourself with questions about her and her state of emotions.... it's done. What she does now cannot be your concern. it is what it is. You need to let go of this thinking.... Delete FB. Quit checking up on her and block everything. Focus, honey..... Link to post Share on other sites
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