myname8 Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 I don’t know if this is true but I decided to try it with my ex whom we broke up 5 months ago. Quick summary of our break up: We were together for 8 months until I broke things off during a fight. Many words were being exchanged and I felt overwhelmed. I tried to fix things for a month but he was on the same page as me. He would want to see me late at night (we all know for what) and I was not going to have that. So after a month of pleading and making a fool out of myself I decided to move on. He is always the on keeping in touch until this day. He would text and I would answer here and there. It was typical conversations of “hi, how are you..?” etc. So until a month ago I decided to go cold shoulder on him. I activated my “read receipt” on my iMessage. That means that he can see when I read his messages. The thing I would talk to him for is for $500 that he owes me. For the first 3 weeks he was texting and I would just read the messages but no answer. He would keep sending me questions marks since he wanted me to respond but I didn’t. So last week he finally paid my $500 dollars. He was telling me he deleted the bank information on the online banking for his account and sending me screen shots of the confirmation and I didn’t say a word. He started bragging about me not saying thank you so I just said “thanks for keeping your word. Take care.” He kept sending me more stuff until he finally said “how are you anyway?” I just read the message and didn’t respond. That was 3 days ago and I haven’t heard from him since then. Honestly, I want him back. I miss him dearly but I am not stopping my life for him. I would just like to hear some stories and opinions about this. Does time matter? Should I have done this earlier? What should I expect? How is he going to react? How long have you kept this going until you got results? Etc. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 Either they want you back or they don't. Ignoring them isn't going to change their mind either way. If he wants you, he'll let you know. You should go NC for your own good, not to get him back. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
denxnis Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 Stop with the games and be upfront. "I tried to work things out with you and you wouldn't have it. I don't want to be your friend please leave me alone". My ex ignored me and now I want nothing to do with her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 NC to get someone back is based on scarcity. deprive someone of something and they want it more. But what happens when they get it? They stop wanting it again? No if you want him back, if he's willing meet and talk. this psych sh it doesn't work. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Jono85 Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 Stop with the games and be upfront. "I tried to work things out with you and you wouldn't have it. I don't want to be your friend please leave me alone". My ex ignored me and now I want nothing to do with her. you likely wanted nothing to do with her before she started ignoring you. ignoring him will not suddenly give him his "ah ha, i knew i didn't want anything to do with her for a reason..." moment. she's already started the ignoring, might as well keep it going, he will get the message that she's no longer interested in lame chat. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 you likely wanted nothing to do with her before she started ignoring you. ignoring him will not suddenly give him his "ah ha, i knew i didn't want anything to do with her for a reason..." moment. she's already started the ignoring, might as well keep it going, he will get the message that she's no longer interested in lame chat. If you're addressing the OP - you have the genders the wrong way round..... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 IN most cases true. Link to post Share on other sites
Jono85 Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 If you're addressing the OP - you have the genders the wrong way round..... i was addressing the person i quoted... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Gotcha. Just momentarily confused. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 The answer to your question is YES!...............and NO! My policy is that if I'm making genuine attempts at reconciliation and there is silence. I cut them off COMPLETELY. Completely meaning I erase/delete their number, texts, emails, online connections so that there is NO WAY for me to make contact again. Of course, she still has the means, if desired. So, it,, of course, depends on the person, circumstances.... Link to post Share on other sites
Mizz Layta Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 i think it depends on the sitiation.in a way the issues has to be adressed in order to work them through 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Infnitysign Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 He kept sending me more stuff until he finally said “how are you anyway?” I just read the message and didn’t respond. That was 3 days ago and I haven’t heard from him since then. Honestly, I want him back. I miss him dearly but I am not stopping my life for him. I would just like to hear some stories and opinions about this. Does time matter? Should I have done this earlier? What should I expect? How is he going to react? How long have you kept this going until you got results? Etc. You want him back and you miss him dearly. Using NC as a means to get your ex back is only a temporary fix and the real problem will still be around until you and your partner figures it out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author myname8 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 You want him back and you miss him dearly. Using NC as a means to get your ex back is only a temporary fix and the real problem will still be around until you and your partner figures it out. I do want him back, but I will never know if he wants me back because I feel like he never will tell me since he has the biggest pride i know or maybe he doesn't even want me back. Sometimes I feel like maybe ignoring him is not the right thing to do because I want to be with him, but what else do I have left? Some friends tells me, if he wants to be with you, he will be with you. Other tell me, if I want to be with him to go look for him and tell him how i feel. However, what about if he saids no? Idk why I feel like that will be his answer. I feel like I would be more hurt and starting again after 5 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Infnitysign Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 I do want him back, but I will never know if he wants me back because I feel like he never will tell me since he has the biggest pride i know or maybe he doesn't even want me back. Sometimes I feel like maybe ignoring him is not the right thing to do because I want to be with him, but what else do I have left? Some friends tells me, if he wants to be with you, he will be with you. Other tell me, if I want to be with him to go look for him and tell him how i feel. However, what about if he saids no? Idk why I feel like that will be his answer. I feel like I would be more hurt and starting again after 5 months. 5 months is a lot of work and it's your choice at the end of the day to be rejected or be accepted, but be ready to start over at square one. If you know that he is a prideful person he must have been an emotional wreck when you broke up with him. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 I do want him back, but I will never know if he wants me back because I feel like he never will tell me since he has the biggest pride i know or maybe he doesn't even want me back. Sometimes I feel like maybe ignoring him is not the right thing to do because I want to be with him, but what else do I have left? Some friends tells me, if he wants to be with you, he will be with you. Other tell me, if I want to be with him to go look for him and tell him how i feel. However, what about if he saids no? Idk why I feel like that will be his answer. I feel like I would be more hurt and starting again after 5 months. This is the thing about NC that is somewhat unclear... It seems like a "Mexican Standoff" at this point. Who is going to swallow their pride and come forward with hat in hand...Maybe there would be a chance of some form of reconciliation, but no one wants to blink. Yes, its common knowledge that the dumper HAS to be the one that extends the olive branch, but what if they really want to, but feel as though the dumpee doesn't care so they maintain their silence.. TFOY Link to post Share on other sites
Author myname8 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 5 months is a lot of work and it's your choice at the end of the day to be rejected or be accepted, but be ready to start over at square one. If you know that he is a prideful person he must have been an emotional wreck when you broke up with him. I know that is why i hesitate, because I don't want to start over if I get rejected. I feel like I know the answer but I just keep going back and forth. Comprehensive bias psychologically speaking. He was not an emoticall wrek when i broke it off, he completly ignored me for a month. Only for my bday he said the typical word "dont let anybody change you, I will always love you." I did everything that I could to get him back but nothig came out of it, no closure, so i decided to shift the way i treated him but my feeling are still here. I had another case with an ex whos relationship was similar to this one. He broke up with me and after a few months he realized he made a mistake and did everything he could to win me back. Of course, it was already too late and I've had moved on and was dating so nothing worked out. I guess that if he wants to be with me he will do whatever he can to reach out to me and if not, evetually this hurting will go away. I promised myself that I wouldnt have contact with him unless it involved my money or if he wants to be with me again. Other than that I have no reason to be talking to him because all thos breadcrumbs hurt and when I decided to follow a "hey, how are you?" conversation I feel even worst. Link to post Share on other sites
SoConfusedAndInShock Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 to OP: LOL false... its been strict NC for the last 9 months for me and i dont ever see us tlking again apparently me going into contact pissed him off but i gained my sanity in return... dont be fooled if you're doing it to being the ex back. it never works and i'm glad i listned to everyone who told me that when i joined this site Link to post Share on other sites
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